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Fiance is getting fat and ugly

Voice

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15% BF is fairly high. I mean at 5’10 and 175 you would be pretty doughy yourself.
It’s possible that OP could be her relative aesthetic and He’s just unhappy with her appearance. You working out and going to a gym doesn’t tell us anything about how you look.

Maybe the approach of changing yourself before changing the world is in order.

Oftentimes couples are the same weight/look in LTR’s. Rarely do I see a fit and out of shape person, if they weren’t already like that from the start.
Yeah I'm not shredded but 15% body fat isn't doughy. It IS the highest it's ever been though and it's something I'm working on. So am I being a hypocrite? I would say her changes have been way more drastic then mine.

Here's a pic of my bod lol just took it. Used to be more shredded when I was younger and around 155-165 lbs.

Screenshot_20201116-164304.jpg
 
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flowtheory

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Yeah I'm not shredded but 15% body fat isn't doughy. It IS the highest it's ever been though and it's something I'm working on. So am I being a hypocrite? I would say her changes have been way more drastic then mine.

Here's a pic of my bod lol just took it. Used to be more shredded when I was younger and around 155-165 lbs.

View attachment 5176
Yea you gotta start packing the muscle and leaning up. That will get her more inspired and feeling the competition anxiety.

Right now you two look like the average couple.
 

Voice

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Yea you gotta start packing the muscle and leaning up. That will get her more inspired and feeling the competition anxiety.

Right now you two look like the average couple.
Hey I might be completely delusional but you actually think my body is the male equivalent of my gfs body? Just curious.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168
She might feel like sh1t about it. So I wouldn't nag her. Let her know your gym habit makes you feel great. Invite her in there with you. It'll improve her quality of life.
 

Voice

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She might feel like sh1t about it. So I wouldn't nag her. Let her know your gym habit makes you feel great. Invite her in there with you. It'll improve her quality of life.
I would say she does enjoy running. It's not my thing but I do it with her. It's honestly more of a diet thing for her. More specifically what she drinks.

I fcking hate starbucks because she gets giant sized drinks that are probably 500 calories or will get an ice coffee with a **** load of creamer in it. As soon as she started drinking that stuff she gained weight. She even got me hooked on it, it's fcking delicious.

A lot of times she'll exercise or run or whatever for a week or two and step on the scale and there isn't much of a change. I tell her it's because if what she eats and drinks but she just gets offended and frustrated.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I would say she does enjoy running. It's not my thing but I do it with her. It's honestly more of a diet thing for her. More specifically what she drinks.

I fcking hate starbucks because she gets giant sized drinks that are probably 500 calories or will get an ice coffee with a **** load of creamer in it. As soon as she started drinking that stuff she gained weight. She even got me hooked on it, it's fcking delicious.

A lot of times she'll exercise or run or whatever for a week or two and step on the scale and there isn't much of a change. I tell her it's because if what she eats and drinks but she just gets offended and frustrated.
If she was a pro athlete and kept doing a self destructive behavior that set back all her hard word, shed correct it. Because she'd get tired if wasting time and energy. She can eat like that one day a week maybe two tops but every day shed get fat even With her exercise habit in place.
 

billtx49

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I tell her it's because if what she eats and drinks but she just gets offended and frustrated.
Probably best to stay out of the diet/weight control business. High potential for relationship damage there…
Her frustration arises from an unworkable plan, so it’s probably a good idea if she sees a diet specialist for professional advice…
If she brings the issue up again, recommend it.
 

Lookatu

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I would say she does enjoy running. It's not my thing but I do it with her. It's honestly more of a diet thing for her.
She can shape that azz by getting her to do squats. Do it with her. If you're in a building, do actual stairs like 7-10 stories worth briskly. Women often get flabby in their triceps and upper back too. Get her to do lighter weights and do tricep curls and shoulder lifts to trim up those areas.
 

flowtheory

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Hey I might be completely delusional but you actually think my body is the male equivalent of my gfs body? Just curious.
No. She’s a bit worse off.

But I look at it like this... most guys have your build, so it doesn’t create anxiety amongst the female population nor does it turn heads. So if she’s paired up with that build she doesn’t have much drive to get in shape, because there are no threats posed nor does it communicate virile energy. But your builds together look like the typical couple I would see at the beach.

When a woman is with a man who is going after his passions and keeps himself in-check, on a subconscious level she’s going to want to keep up so she looks the part of his partner. You know the old cliche of partners begin to look like one another? It’s true. Because they feed off each others energies.
And if she can’t? She will probably communicate super insecure behaviours, and if that’s the case, you’re better off without her because she’s dead weight. But that would naturally split anyone up because the vibes are too different. Hard to be successful when the other is unsuccessful. That’s like a lawyer hanging out with crackheads and still being top tier.

But your whole post is about wanting someone else to get in hot body shape, when you yourself aren’t in hot body shape. Lol
So the solution isn’t give her a talking to.. it’s get YOUR @SS in the gym and chisel YOURSELF. Four times a week. Don’t even worry about her for a month or so while you get things in order. Just worry about yourself.

If she’s not following suit in 6 months.. then come back here and talk new options..
Because right now? You sound entitled to someone appeasing you and your desires based on how things used to be. Living in the past. Both of you are probably complacent and don’t have the gym as a priority given various circumstances.
And stop judging her so much. She can probably sense that, and it’s toxic. You shame her on an energetic level, and that’s going to make literally no one want to improve.
 
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Voice

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No. She’s a bit worse off.

But I look at it like this... most guys have your build, so it doesn’t create anxiety amongst the female population nor does it turn heads. So if she’s paired up with that build she doesn’t have much drive to get in shape, because there are no threats posed nor does it communicate virile energy. But your builds together look like the typical couple I would see at the beach.

When a woman is with a man who is going after his passions and keeps himself in-check, on a subconscious level she’s going to want to keep up so she looks the part of his partner. You know the old cliche of partners begin to look like one another? It’s true. Because they feed off each others energies.
And if she can’t? She will probably communicate super insecure behaviours, and if that’s the case, you’re better off without her because she’s dead weight. But that would naturally split anyone up because the vibes are too different. Hard to be successful when the other is unsuccessful. That’s like a lawyer hanging out with crackheads and still being top tier.

But your whole post is about wanting someone else to get in hot body shape, when you yourself aren’t in hot body shape. Lol
So the solution isn’t give her a talking to.. it’s get YOUR @SS in the gym and chisel YOURSELF. Four times a week. Don’t even worry about her for a month or so while you get things in order. Just worry about yourself.

If she’s not following suit in 6 months.. then come back here and talk new options..
Because right now? You sound entitled to someone appeasing you and your desires based on how things used to be. Living in the past. Both of you are probably complacent and don’t have the gym as a priority given various circumstances.
And stop judging her so much. She can probably sense that, and it’s toxic. You shame her on an energetic level, and that’s going to make literally no one want to improve.
I think it's reasonable to want to be attracted to my GFs body.

I mean I'm all for self improvement of course and that's a good answer for pretty much any issue. But I haven't really changed a whole lot since we started dating looks wise just look a little older and with 15 lbs of more muscle and a little bit of fat. She on the other hand has had a drastic change in her body.

Ok yeah I'm not a male model but I like to think I have an above average body/looks, I guess you don't think so. I'm not a body builder, but have solid muscle tone. I'm on the verge of trying to cut the body fat. I think it's reasonable to also want my gf to have an above average body as well.

But yeah shaming her is not cool and I need to not do that.
 

death_wish. .

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the worse part about this is the way the weight distributes, i think you would be alright if it went to hips and ass and big tits, but it looks like her body type is meant to be thin and sexy , she's is not meant to carry too much.
it would be hard to tell her she is getting fat and ugly , how long would you be willing to give her to get back to half of what she was?
 

flowtheory

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Ok yeah I'm not a male model but I like to think I have an above average body/looks, I guess you don't think so. I'm not a body builder, but have solid muscle tone. I'm on the verge of trying to cut the body fat. I think it's reasonable to also want my gf to have an above average body as well.
But you don’t have above average body. And there isn’t solid muscle tone from that photo - you’re hovering right around average. Which is fine. But I don’t think average anything should expect above average partners. That’s what people ideally want to land because of hypergamy, but probably won’t as you have nothing to negotiate with.
All of this comes from a good place from me, so please don’t take it as negative, it’s just my objective view.

I can’t say what your face is, obviously. But above average in that is fairly symmetrical, good angles of nose and mouth, fairly structured jawline and chin, nice eyes.
Highly attractive would be strong jaw, broad chin, high cheekbones, symmetrical, good angles of nose and lips.
Hair for both would be what compliments those features and face shape (oval, square, diamond, round) yours looks oval from the little I can see which I imagine gives you a softer, more approachable look.
And this is all based on evolutionary psychology of attraction.

Body would be lean 12% BF, visible abs (doesn’t need to be RIPPED, but visible) with good muscle tone and size, shoulders being broad and waist being thin, creating a V. Obviously legs would be built up too, big glutes, Hams, quads, calfs.

Posture would be near perfect without any robotic movements. And little muscle imbalances, especially if the shoulder/chest/upper back area.

I get what you’re saying about wanting her to be slimmer than what she is. And this is why I suggested my two options.

A) talk to her. But expect issues subsequent to that because of your negotiation power and possible resentment and her feeling a deeper shame of her body - which she already probably does to herself. But know that change would happen because of that convo. Who knows if it will be positive or negative though. It could just break the relationship. But you’re not happy anyways..
Though this strategy would be the preferred method once you build your body more. But I would do it as tactfully and caring as I could.
And if the relationship collapsed? Well.. you’re on a good track to go get a slim and fit woman like you already desire right now.

B) start hitting the gym hard and get your diet on point. Don’t be scooping any of her Ben and Jerry’s or going out for McD’s because you’re lazy that day. Because this is just about you and involving the necessary changes for you, which COULD inspire her because you’re upgrading your SMV.
And the whole time? Be physically distant and sexually distant from her. You don’t need to validate something you’re not actually attracted to.
I mean, you’d already rather give her hugs than stick your tongue in her mouth when she does nice things for you.
 
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RickTheToad

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Sacrifice looks for behavior? Good take and i have to ask is good behavior mutually exclusive to being ugly? Or lower on the scale?
Sounds too Asymmetrical on this subject.
Doesn't both exist as well?

I believe a guy needs to have some level of physical attraction to his women to remain healthy. I know a few secs less marriages.
It's a give and take. She's not going to be hot for the rest of her life.
 

RickTheToad

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There's more than two choices though Rick. How about a decent looking girl that takes care of herself and is also faithful?

If you're taking care of yourself and have your life together, those girls become available to you.
No doubt, but since we cannot see more pics of her, no one really knows if she's ugly or not. That pic is pretty bad, but it could be other things too.
 

mrgoodstuff

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No doubt, but since we cannot see more pics of her, no one really knows if she's ugly or not. That pic is pretty bad, but it could be other things too.
The energy in her body isn't as good as the slim pics. Her face has that same energy.
 

peeps

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As others have said, with the hair falling out she might have some psych things going on. I'd ask her to move towards therapy, and if she refuses push the marriage ending.
 
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