Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Fiance is getting fat and ugly

Voice

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
477
Reaction score
35
We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
IMG_20201115_032522_737.jpg

Now:
IMG_20201115_032338_657.jpg
IMG_20201115_032932_847.jpg
 

derby1

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 10, 2017
Messages
1,428
Reaction score
1,062
Age
38
take her to places where there is hot women, and get some side V aswell.

shes ripped up the terms and conditions of your relationship, you didnt sign up for that.

she also knows your human resources department isnt capable of employing another secretary. hence her attitude.

never confirm you can get other women, she will know you can get other women
 

Mauser96

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 28, 2012
Messages
5,257
Reaction score
2,639
Dude, this is not going to get better. Once those vows are said, she is going to accelerate this behavior.

Think of it this way - the competition anxiety is relaxed, the hook is mostly set and this is where she is headed.

Once you spend big $$ on a wedding, and are hooked...............it will get far worse.

Once you have kids, the hook is set right to the bone and you are ****ed. Meanwhile, you get more and more unhappy every day

You only have one life to live my friend

Maybe she has some stress/psychological **** going on......but I think if this is really bothering you, you need to sit down and discuss it with her. You need to tell her how it is affecting you, and that by her dismissing your concerns regarding her health and your attraction to her, it makes you question the engagement.

It will be tough to do....................but 10 years from now it will be tougher yet and hella expensive
 

Stoic

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 2, 2018
Messages
245
Reaction score
207
Age
37
Yes this will never work.

The kindest thing you can do for her is to leave her.

She has no inclination to get in shape and it will only get worse. You'll resent her for being overweight. She'll resent you for not loving her as she is. Ask me how I know.
 

EyeOnThePrize

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 9, 2019
Messages
708
Reaction score
990
Age
30
If you really are working out and staying in shape then you're doing the right thing by attempting to inspire her with your actions. The next step would be to sit her down and ask what stress she's dealing with that make her want to eat crap, what insecurities. Listen and see if there's some way you can help.

See if you can negotiate working out together or something else active and enjoyable you can do together. It's important to make this fun and pump her up about it. Also make it very clear that this is important to you and that you feel she needs to do this for the relationship to remain healthy.

If she pushes back on this or otherwise doesn't care you can make one final attempt to get her in line by calmly saying that her depressive attitude is a deal breaker. Initially she may flip out in a panic but if she continues to push back that would only mean she's in too deep for your help.

If things still don't change set a deadline in your mind, then start mentally disengaging/preparing to rip the band-aid off. It might devastate her and she may even be banking on a massive guilt trip when you do this, so be prepared.

You can only show her the door, she has to walk through it.

Why are you willing to give this woman half your shiit again?
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

RickTheToad

Moderator
Joined
Apr 21, 2018
Messages
4,180
Reaction score
2,809
Location
Bridgeport, CT
We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168
Why is she wearing the tag on her bikini?
 

Mauser96

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 28, 2012
Messages
5,257
Reaction score
2,639

jimwho

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
34
Reaction score
55
Age
61
I zoomed in and it says "happy the way I am", the death knell for attraction. JK
Bbwwwahaha

To the OP do yourself right. Do NOT sign any papers.. My wife after 10 years went from insane-hot to High-Desert-Hag.
Don't learn the hard way sleeping in separate bedrooms. Sorry bro but you must move on. Sad..
 

Black Widow Void

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
983
Reaction score
1,369
From observation, single women look best because they are still attempting to qualify themselves. I've noticed that women in relationships do not typically lose weight until they are single again or divorced (or married and looking for an affair) .

In fairness though, women do typically gain about 3-4 lbs per year. If you multiply this by your relationship years, this is 21 to 28 additional pounds.
 

flowtheory

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 18, 2018
Messages
1,681
Reaction score
1,339
Age
32
Location
So Cal
This is probably the funniest post on SS, with the pics to boot. The choice of after photos is great.. a sunburnt @ss in a messy room. But that is a fairly big transition. In the after photo she looks about 38.

This actually sucks OP. I imagine it is quite difficult as 7 years is a long time to be with someone in hopes of building a life together with that individual down the line.
It is a shallow and surface level concern, perceivably, but it’s certainly a vital part of relationship. Physical and sexual attraction is massive. But I would imagine it’s something deeper of how she sees herself or what’s going on in her life.

Aside from the physical aspect of her being overly gluttonous and not staying in shape, have you just had enough of her?
Does she have weak or poor character?
Low standards of life?
If she turned back to her former physical self tomorrow, would you be totally content?
Or is this just the thing you’re choosing to use as the thing to end it? Often times when people leave relationships they will latch on to one idea or wrong-doing and make it the hill they die on, but it’s not the thing. It’s about 10 things. that have already happened but they need something for the finality.

You only have one life to live my friend

Maybe she has some stress/psychological **** going on......but I think if this is really bothering you, you need to sit down and discuss it with her. You need to tell her how it is affecting you, and that by her dismissing your concerns regarding her health and your attraction to her, it makes you question the engagement.

It will be tough to do....................but 10 years from now it will be tougher yet and hella expensive
I think this is the only true option if it’s just about her physicality.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,614
Reaction score
3,649
We've been together for 7 years and she's really slowly fallen off with her looks the past few years. She went from a nice thin figure to out of shape and it really crept up on me. She has a double chin and big stomach. She also doesn't really care to do anything about it. She might lose a few pounds for a big event and then go right back to where she was before. She'll often eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and I'll look at her and just shake my head. She's been congratulated on being pregnant, but she isn't, that's her food baby. She's also losing her hair. Wtf. She gets really badly bloated when eating dairy and carbs but she says she doesn't care she likes eating those foods and won't stop even though it looks god awful.

I stay in shape, go to the gym. I fantasize about how she used to look and other younger, hotter girls and coworkers. We have sex way less often.

I would like her to get back to at least close to what she was before. Otherwise honestly I can't see a marriage working.

Any advice?

Before:
View attachment 5166

Now:
View attachment 5167
View attachment 5168
Dude thats a big slide IMO. This could get even worse. Sexless marriage
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

Voice

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
477
Reaction score
35
This is probably the funniest post on SS, with the pics to boot. The choice of after photos is great.. a sunburnt @ss in a messy room. But that is a fairly big transition. In the after photo she looks about 38.

This actually sucks OP. I imagine it is quite difficult as 7 years is a long time to be with someone in hopes of building a life together with that individual down the line.
It is a shallow and surface level concern, perceivably, but it’s certainly a vital part of relationship. Physical and sexual attraction is massive. But I would imagine it’s something deeper of how she sees herself or what’s going on in her life.

Aside from the physical aspect of her being overly gluttonous and not staying in shape, have you just had enough of her?
Does she have weak or poor character?
Low standards of life?
If she turned back to her former physical self tomorrow, would you be totally content?
Or is this just the thing you’re choosing to use as the thing to end it? Often times when people leave relationships they will latch on to one idea or wrong-doing and make it the hill they die on, but it’s not the thing. It’s about 10 things. that have already happened but they need something for the finality.


I think this is the only true option if it’s just about her physicality.
I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.
 

flowtheory

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 18, 2018
Messages
1,681
Reaction score
1,339
Age
32
Location
So Cal
Genetics. Always look at the parents.
Not always

I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.
Well it does look like that. And those two pictures are very different, it was honestly shocking when I looked at the after photo.

You need to have a conversation with her about everything you said above. That she no longer sexually entices you like she used to because of her garbage attitude towards healthy eating and living. And if you don’t want to have the conversation you either a) accept it, or b) end it. Because it will get worse.
 

EyeOnThePrize

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 9, 2019
Messages
708
Reaction score
990
Age
30
I just don't understand why her body looks like that lol. At the time we started dating she was the hottest girl I've been with. But her mom is fat, so is her sister who actually used to be hot as well. A lot of her friends are fat too.

She really is a great person and my best friend. Unfortunately she doesn't excite me sexually anywhere close to where she used to. Those pictures are probably the most unflattering of her, awful angles and I'm and @sshole for taking them but I'm just frustrated and not sure what to do. Most of our friends are married, some have kids.

We were out the other night in a college town and I couldn't stop looking at the other young girls as she was talking to me about God knows what.

I think a lot of it also comes from being with the same person for so long. Things get boring.
These cases are great to read on SS because they're kind of success stories. Not in the sense that you'll be together forever, but that you as the man were the one to keep your body tight and mind right. You didn't become obsessed with her or neglect yourself. Meanwhile she was the one to let go, get lazy, and feed her insecurities with Ben and jerry's.

It's a good problem to have and an easy one to fix with your current mindset. Go fuuck those fit girls.
 

Desdinova

Moderator
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,603
Reaction score
4,313
My question would be how does she treat you? If she treats you like a goddam king, then I'd be quite reluctant to leave. If she doesn't treat you like a king, then your appreciation for her is just going to slide even further downhill.

She's also losing her hair. Wtf.
That can be a sign of diabetes
 
Top