"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Facebook and Ex

Rufio

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For those of you that know what facebook is... recently my ex requested to be my friend. I've done my best to move on, i.e. dating other girls and talking to other people. Meanwhile she's adding my buddies on facebook and pulling sh!t like this. I feel like accepting the "online friendship" via facebook will go against how hard I've worked to cut her off completely. On the other hand, does it come off as though I'm still bitter if I reject the friend request? I kind of feel like I shouldn't give a fvck and just add her, but I really just want to cut her the fvck off.

Which route do you think is the best?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Docs

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Uhh...I hate facebook, and Hi5, and all of that crap, so frankly, I wouldn't care.

Really...if you really really reallllly like her, then add her, but if not..then well, comeon here.
 

BDude004

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Yo! Here's what you should do. Add her, and from then on out just ignore her. This way, you won't seem bitter. If you just keep doing what you were doing to drop contact with her, like stop calling (don't look at her profile) it won't be hard. She probably just wants to keep tabs on what you're up to, who you're seeing, all that blah...

If she ever messages you anything, ignore it, and if you ever run into her in person and she calls you on it, say you have better things to do than cyber-jock an ex.
 

Tongs

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Just deny the friend request.

They don't see if you deny it or have just been ignoring it[/size]
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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I'd usually say deny the request but in this case I say go along and add her. However, you are under no obligation to treat her as anything more than an acquaintance. Show her that you're big enough not to show any grudges however, your 'relationship' is definitely on different terms; yours.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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DJDamage

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
I'd usually say deny the request but in this case I say go along and add her. However, you are under no obligation to treat her as anything more than an acquaintance. Show her that you're big enough not to show any grudges however, your 'relationship' is definitely on different terms; yours.
It didn't work for me.

I added an old oneitis request thinking I was over her. What I didn't anticipate was that every time I logged on Facebook, there is a new News Feed on the main page detailing her new single status and lots of pictures showing her with other dudes standing there and smiling. Now I got dumped by this oneitis and seeing those pictures is like opening a shut coffin and letting all the ghosts out. I had to delete her today because it was starting to get to me. What is in the past should stay in the past.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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DJDamage said:
It didn't work for me.

I added an old oneitis request thinking I was over her. What I didn't anticipate was that every time I logged on Facebook, there is a new News Feed on the main page detailing her new single status and lots of pictures showing her with other dudes standing there and smiling. Now I got dumped by this oneitis and seeing those pictures is like opening a shut coffin and letting all the ghosts out. I had to delete her today because it was starting to get to me. What is in the past should stay in the past.
My ex from a couple of years ago still has me on her Chistmas list, I could care less. It's just junk mail to me. But then again it can't compete with a site that's sole purpose is social promotion. It would be difficult if you haven't completely severed the emotional ties.
 

Cesare Cardinali

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I use facebook in a manner similar to how politicians do. I'm there, I"m promoting myself and my life style and I'm appearing hard to get and a challenge. On that note, if exes add me (which they have) then I'll either accept if I don't care about them anymore or just ignore the request indefinately. Hell, I've got tons of things that I've been ignoring on facebook, pokes, invitations to groups, friend requests, invitations to add all kinds of add ons, etc. Whoever said that you need to reply when someone sends you messages? You're in charge of that, and not the other way around.

On the other hand, if you don't want to play this game, then respond to her and say "hey babe, thanks for the friend request. I don't think I should add you though because although me and you are cool these days and are simply friends, I don't think the women I am seeing would appreciate seeing us publically being friends on the site. But shoot me an email from time to time to let me know how you're doing"
 

DJDamage

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Cesare Cardinali said:
On the other hand, if you don't want to play this game, then respond to her and say "hey babe, thanks for the friend request. I don't think I should add you though because although me and you are cool these days and are simply friends, I don't think the women I am seeing would appreciate seeing us publically being friends on the site. But shoot me an email from time to time to let me know how you're doing"

That would be a good response... in person that is.

Personally I learned that its best not to send personal text or email's because I don't know who else can view them and if they can potentially be used against me in the future.
 
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