"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Ego
- Thread starter October
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Having an image of yourself is bad already, since you have to know yourself and not just have an image.
When you see a hot woman your instincts immediately say: "Go and approach her stud!"
But then the ego steps in the way: "But what if you fail. It would hurt your image of yourself. You might seem as a loser!"
And the fact is, if you don't try you are already loser who gets nothing.
To become a DJ, it's good to see who you really are first. Dropping that image of yourself (aka ego) you'll get to the bottom where the only way is up. You have to accept who you are at start. 99% guys here are complete wussies at start. Accepting that, they'll easy the process to become something better.
Plus, you know people who have huge ego. The kind who clearly think they are the best and are not. Isn't people like that annoying? I think they are.
Why?
-Because they have an image that they are better than others. And they still only have that image, nothing more.
You've also seen those rare people who don't brag about themselves and are clearly cooler/better/smarter/more successful than other but people absolutely love them.
-Those people don't cheat on themselves having an image of them being great, they have just worked to be what they are and are down to earth about that since they haven't let ego control them.
Jariel mentioned guys with huge egos that never learn or improve because they can't accept that they have to; well, the reverse is also true. There are many guys with equally huge but negative egos that never learn or improve because they've got themselves pegged as worthless pieces of sh!t that should've been left to the wolves when they were born - this negative ego-image is also known as the "loser mentality".
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
il_duce
Master Don Juan
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
There's a difference between arrogant and confident.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
The ego is just the model for a role that you play, a character created by your mind that you forget is just an abstraction. One man's ego could be self-hating and inferiority complex-ed just as easily as another man's ego could be self-important and arrogant.
I agree with this. The ego is often defined as a sense of self-esteem, but I believe the original definition of the ego is the identity of oneself. It can indeed be negative.
The problem when the ego takes over is that it that it is full of limiting beliefs and restrictions. People get stuck believing they are a certain way and can't change. However, a person with little sense of ego is more open to changes.
Another problem with ego is that it can create a sense of isolation whereas putting your ego aside can really help you adapt and to create an affinity with other people.