"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

During NC , mother dies..what next ?

Y

Yorkex

Senior Don Juan
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My ex of 4 years mother just passed , she massaged me and her brothers also messaged me , what now ?

Keep NC or break but with distance ?
I'm actually so confused right now because I know the whole family and we got along fine but she ****ed up and I can't be with her anymore for that.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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expos

expos

Master Don Juan
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Yorkex said:
My ex of 4 years mother just passed , she massaged me and her brothers also messaged me , what now ?

Keep NC or break but with distance ?
I'm actually so confused right now because I know the whole family and we got along fine but she ****ed up and I can't be with her anymore for that.
Click to expand...
Depends on how abusive she was. Did she cheat on you? Beat you? Emotionally abuse you?

If not...

Wait about a week. Then write "I'm terribly sorry for your loss. These things are very tough. I hope you are OK. Please, be well."

DO NOT WRITE ANYTHING AFTER THAT. Back to No CONTACT. Block her number and delete any incoming messages and texts that come from her. Any correspondence shows that you care too much about HER and not her family.

She is trying to pull you in guise of her mothers death which is self-serving and wrong.
 
GS750

GS750

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I'd send a sympathy card in the mail. That's about it. Back to NC.
 
devilkingx2

devilkingx2

Master Don Juan
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jesus christ some of you people are cold hearted.

offer your condolences OP, somebody died, this isn't really about either of you, you can always go back to never speaking to her again after that.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Desdinova

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
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Yorkex said:
My ex of 4 years mother just passed , she massaged me and her brothers also messaged me , what now ?

Keep NC or break but with distance ?
Click to expand...
Depends on how long the NC has been going on. If it's been like 2 weeks or less, send her your condolences but nothing more.

If it's been longer, do not respond. Remember that these people are no longer part of your life and there's reasons for it.. If you fondly remember her mother, light a candle and have your own moment of silence for the woman. Remember her because YOU want to, not because your ex is guilting you into it.
 
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