"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Don't Fvck The Monkeys

taiyuu_otoko

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...ed-three-years-sexually-harassing-monkey.html

An Egyptian court has sentenced a 25-year-old woman to three years in prison for 'sexually harassing' a monkey in the country's north, state daily Al-Ahram reported Friday.

A court in Mansoura city charged Basma Ahmed with 'inciting debauchery' and 'committing an obscene act in public', a judicial source told the newspaper.

She was arrested in October after a 90-second video of the incident went viral, particularly among young people and students, Al-Ahram said.




Basma Ahmed was charged with 'inciting debauchery' and 'committing an obscene act in public
The video shows Ahmed laughing while touching the genitals of a monkey at a pet shop in the Nile Delta city and making sexual innuendos as people around her chuckle.

At court she 'confessed... to the incident but said she did not mean to commit an indecent act and that she had been tickling the monkey'.

The video sparked a fierce backlash online in the conservative Muslim country.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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logicallefty

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Monkey 'Dee' Monkey Do
 

Fzatf

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Part of me feels like a fine would be sufficient. 3 years isn't horrible but I don't know if that much time is required. Surely 6 months would be enough to prevent her from doing it again. However I wonder if a male doing the same thing to a female monkey would've gotten a harsher penalty. It's weird, but she's clearly lying now that she was caught. Ah well, don't spank someone else's monkey and you'll be fine.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Atom Smasher

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"Officials said that Ahmed is not a first-time offender and has previously been charged in two other 'public moral' cases."
 

Fzatf

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"Officials said that Ahmed is not a first-time offender and has previously been charged in two other 'public moral' cases."
A repeat offender. The Bill Cosby of the monkeys.
 

glass half full

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Let the Monkeys fvck each other...Never forget my trip to the Cincy Zoo when I was like 12 or 13...one monkey sniffing another one down, then getting in back and mounting it, funny as heyll.

There was plenty of other monkeys there...
 
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