Admittedly I’m a bit late to this thread, we chatted a bit about it OP, but here are some thoughts from the old lady:
Figure out what exactly you want long term. You have a high body count and a high net worth. You’ve been there done that. Once you figure out what your end goal is then you figure out what are your “Must Haves” and your “Deal Breakers”. Then you screen on those criteria. Ruthlessly on your particular criteria but be open beyond that.
Look for woman you can enjoy your time with. And someone you find attractive & sexy.
I do the same thing. My criteria boil down to this, as I’ve stated here many times:
1. Do I desire him sexually?
2. Can he lead me (Is he dominant)?
Answer to both questions must be yes or I’m outta there. I also prefer a sense of humor and playfulness, high intelligence, and a level of financial success such that he has his act together, can handle his life like a grown ass man, and is in my league somewhere (six figure income & up - which is what I earn myself).
Everything else is case by case.
My fiancé checks all the required as well as the preferred boxes, but he’s not perfect. He has never been married (doesn’t understand from experience what that level of commitment entails), he’s not a father (doesn’t understand what being a parent entails), and because of those two things he has an inherent selfishness that he doesn’t fully realize he has. He is an introvert although very charming in familiar company, and he comes off as arrogant because people somehow assume a very handsome man couldn’t possibly be awkward so they assume he’s arrogant. He’s also much younger than I would typically think about dating.
These characteristics lead to conflict sometimes and there are things he doesn’t like about me as well. But on balance we are a good match, have lots of fun together, are attracted to one another, travel well together, and so forth. He likes the idea of being married and we know many happy marriages (yes really) in our social circles. I like the idea of someone to “do life” with. So whether we marry or not our long term goals line up and our “Must Haves” versus “Deal Breakers” line up.
My point is that nobody is perfect. And as we all age we all get set in our ways. So genuine compatibility is rare. Women, it seems to me have to some degree or other forgotten how important it is to be the feminine energy in relationships. Masculine men want feminine women, all other things being equal. Masculine men want to spoil their girl and protect her and take care of her. Feminine women want to care for, spoil and treat their man very well.
Too many women expect to be treated like a Queen but resent treating a man as a King. I treat my man like a King. He loves that and is growing into treating me like a Queen but he’s had shady take advantage crazy women so much that he’s adjusting into things and is relearning the trust this dynamic requires.
Make no mistake. Being involved with crazy people casts a long shadow, in men as well as in women. Always look deep in the mirror and own your shjt and how you got here.
Sometimes very successful people are utterly unreasonable in their expectations. You cannot be overly demanding with another autonomous human being. That creates drama and eventually outright revolt.
Over time I have developed greater and greater patience with myself, and with others. There are areas where my current relationship requires tremendous patience. And areas where he has granted me tremendous acceptance.
You must be willing to take on another person’s humanness with all the associated attributes and flaws. Building something meaningful and fulfilling is not easy.
Quit expecting easy.
-Petite, sexy, attractive. No, she doesn't need to be a model, a nerdy girl who is hot and has some flaws is fine as long as she has a nice body and a cute face.
-FEMINE!! Too many women want to be masculine and dominant in relationships. They wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Women have forgotten how to let a man lead. Except when it comes to paying for dates apparently...
-Not sure how to put this one, but she must be somewhat successful. I've learned that dating highly successful multi millionaire women who are CEO's of their own companies, best selling authors, etc. is not what I want. These women are VERY masculine. I see them on the elite dating site year after year whenever I get back on there, they seem to never leave. They are endlessly picky, not realizing their clock is ticking. I just don't want a barista who I have to pay for trips and such, I want her to contribute financially to the relationship. So far all my gf's have, even the moderately OK ones making 60K a year. That's enough for them to contribute. I pay for the roof over our heads since the house is in my name, I just want them to pay utilities and food. My ex of 9 years did that and still managed to save like 60K. She would not have been able to do that where it not for me paying for the roof over our head, as utilities and food were barely $600-$700 a month combined. Less in the summers.
-I expect her to be fiercely loyal. If she checks out other guys in front of me, smiles at them, flirts with them or is overly friendly, that's an issue for me. To date I've only had one gf that was like that, although early on she did check out other guys in front of me and even later on in the relationship I would catch her doing it. But she never cheated. One of these days I'm going to start a thread about my boundaries and "insecurities". I know a lot of women gaslight men and men gaslight women about being "insecure" about them hanging out with the opposite sex, etc. I had one girl who thought it was OK for me or her to take trips to Vegas with members of the opposite sex as long as we stayed in separate rooms. Not ONE of my friends who I asked about that said they would be OK with that, they all said she was bat s crazy and I agree. There's a reason she is attractive and no one has ever proposed to her...
I don't think it's a lot to ask to put our relationship first. If our relationship, if I mean that much to you, why would having random new male friends be so important to a girl? Beta orbiter backup options, or narcissistic attention supply IMO. My most recent gf, her parents have been married 40+ years or so. All of the female daughters (ex's sisters) are divorced at least once, including my ex. They all have the attitude that the woman is a queen and men must pamper women and do whatever she wants, let HER do whatever she wants with anyone, because...vagina.
Another thread I'm thinking of starting; what is everyone's plan for dating when you're 50+? 60+? 70+? I can't even fathom it. My wealth will keep increasing, so I can get younger women. My gf before last was 25. I was 38 when we met I think? I'm 40 now. Honestly dating and relationships wise, I've become disillusioned. I know every relationship I enter will come to an end eventually, so what's the point. I've researched this and a lot of people online (reddit) say, what's the point of life if it will end? What's the point of eating if you get hungry again? The point is to enjoy it. OK, I guess. Even with my money (which by the way, unless you have 5, maybe 10 million, it's not THAT much money, but I'm getting very close to 5 million, a couple more years.). You'd be surprised that money doesn't actually make you happy. I don't have the problems that others do. I can pay off my house, most of my rentals, not worry about cars, etc. The thing I worry about is law suits. Retiring sounds good, I planned on retiring at 40, now I'm thinking 45 at the LATEST.
I think I figured out what I can do to occupy my time when I retire: dating and trading options. My ex turned me onto that, she's a pro trader. I learned a bit from her, and did a lot of research and reading myself. I turned 100K into 500K paper trading in 3 weeks. The market turned to crap though and live trading is a little different psychology wise she told me, even according to studies I've read. First two days I was making good money every day. Then I lost 25K in the next few weeks. Last four days as I refined my strategy and followed the suggestions of discipling my trades and some of her suggestions when we were together, I've been able to make an average of about $700 a day within 2-3 minutes in the mornings. My goal is $200-500 per day until I get better. After that, the books say once you hit the goal for the day, stop trading or if you want to trade, do paper trading lest you lose your money for the day, so true. I've had days where I was down 1.5K, then made that back AND 1.6K profit. But I'm learning to cherry pick trades and be disciplined, this is apparently the hardest thing to do per the books, being patient, making a trading plan and following your plan. So the last four days I've been profitable again, learning to be disciplined and going to paper trading after. So I made my goal today then switched to paper trading and make 3K paper trading in a few minutes. I do agree that paper trading is not the same, not just psychologically, for some reason paper trades are FAR easier to make money in even though they are the same real time data with the same app.