"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Continue the Sentence using 3 words....

Wiesman44

Master Don Juan
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Okay guys, I put the sentences together. You guys are fu#king awesome. This is freaking hilarious. here it is in full so far:

I am a midget in search of sex with a giant derekeffect puppet made of
dildos which had sh1t on them so I sucked 'em 'til I had man milk
and one day I became a c*m drinking ***** that works for the condom factory so I can fist fuk your ass really easily without any lube But I Prefer... Playing my Xbox
then sodomizing your afc little punk brain with my notoriously humungous extravagant Dinosaur Bone Collection that i use to make fun (of) people with smaller
Knowledge in supercalifragilisticexpialidocious also known as Mastery of cybersex.

I've also mastered wearing womens underwear and a strap-on On my forehead So i can make money as a squid impersonator but I want a tongue job because masculine transvestites are hott and My d!ck loves Mr Uniques mouth almost as much as Vegasguy56's sweaty forehead Knowing that I munch on ass while tongue fvcking the Olsen twins but only because they have herpes transmitted from AC/DC and are addicted To The Shezz who has syphilis because he had sucked someones d1ck yes, MrS's D1ck and his nipples are very hairy even hairier than sasquatch. Then I messed around with a gay midget and my balls are like the only people that understand me and i want to suck on a crusty, puss-infected kanker sore that tastes like Penkitten's sweet and wet large rectangular jubblies that gio boasts while talking to his grandmother about erectile dysfunction and the time he won 1.000.000$ and died of aids - band-aids - that were drenched in semen
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Taviii

Master Don Juan
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Yeah the ideea is great. Also the "say something about the person above you" threads are also hilarious so I'm going to start one right now :D
 

comic_relief

Master Don Juan
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the trunk. I'd sell
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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comic_relief

Master Don Juan
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with your big
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

flippinfreak

Master Don Juan
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and tiny shrimp
 

comic_relief

Master Don Juan
Joined
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bump.

. Comic_relief was there

comic_relief
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

comic_relief

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Location
Baltimore, MD
Y Chromosome that gave

comic_relief
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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