"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Confused about how I feel

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bud_2005

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I've been dating this girl for 14 months now and I am a little confused. The first few months we were dating there were butterflies and I felt like I loved her more than anything in the world. Well now I don't feel the butterflies really and I'm almost questioning if I love her. I think I love her but I don't feel the same way. Is it normal after you've been dating awhile?
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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What's changed since the first few months of excitement?
 
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bud_2005

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I don't know everything isn't as new and fresh and exciting. Every relationship becomes "not new" after awhile. I still want to be with her though and eventually marry her. Are you saying this isn't normal to feel this way?
 
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Francisco d'Anconia

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bud_2005 said:
I don't know...
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There's your problem. Without paying attention and recognizing what's working in a relationship in order to continue those things, people become complacent and stop doing them. This causes the boredom and the missing "new car smell" type feeling.

I say you should figure this out and see if you guys can sustain it way before you get married. Marriage is the biggest factor contributing to the complacency of a relationship. The couple feels comfortable and start acting like a typical "married couple" instead of lustful daters early in their relationship. If they are complacent in the marriage, heaven forbid that they have children; the marriage typically goes downhill from there.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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