Can you give guys give this gentleman some relationship advice?

[Travel memoir21]

He's an anonymous gentleman at a Military Veteran Support Group I'm in. I'm sure you guys are more qualified to help than I am:



'Hello everyone.. I’m struggling right now..
My wife of 10 years asked for a separation.. my heart is absolutely shattered. I don’t have an appetite, I thought about overdosing last night, and I had to take this week off from work because I mentally cannot handle this right now.
I’ve failed as a man and a husband and I take 100% accountability for why this happened. I was so blind, complacent, and comfortable. A lot of things happened throughout the years that caused her a lot of pain. I am hurting so hard because I now fully understand the pain that I’ve caused, and I feel so much guilt. I’ve been so neglectful.. I just need to vent.. she said that she still loves and cares about me, but the door is cracked. She said she needs to find herself..'

 

[BaronOfHair]

I was so blind, complacent, and comfortable. A lot of things happened throughout the years that caused her a lot of pain. I am hurting so hard because I now fully understand the pain that I’ve caused, and I feel so much guilt. I’ve been so neglectful.. I just need to vent.. she said that she still loves and cares about me, but the door is cracked. She said she needs to find herself..'

This is all extremely vague... What exactly happened?

 

[Bible_Belt]

This is all extremely vague... What exactly happened?

It sounds like he has a drug addiction that drove his wife away.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It sounds like he has a drug addiction that drove his wife away.

If so, he's got more serious difficulties to navigate than the ol'ball'n'chain running off to an ashram somewhere

 

[Travel memoir21]

My Answer:

' Brother, this might be the best thing that ever happens to you. When you look back at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with being by yourself and at peace with your solitude. Being single has a lot of pros, you can go to places wherever you want and you can come and go wherever you please. Do you have kids with her? If you do, yes, it may sting a little bit. But she said she loves you and it can get better in the long run with time and if you get your sh1t together. Now's the best time for some self improvement, things like going to the Gym, getting some exercise, getting your brisk walks on and doing a lot of soul searching by reading a lot of books will do. Good luck man, you can do this.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

My Answer:

' Brother, this might be the best thing that ever happens to you. When you look back at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with being by yourself and at peace with your solitude. Being single has a lot of pros, you can go to places wherever you want and you can come and go wherever you please. Do you have kids with her? If you do, yes, it may sting a little bit. But she said she loves you and it can get better in the long run with time and if you get your sh1t together. Now's the best time for some self improvement, things like going to the Gym, getting some exercise, getting your brisk walks on and doing a lot of soul searching by reading a lot of books will do. Good luck man, you can do this.

Better than nothing I suppose. I will also say that there are vagaries. How exactly was he neglectful? Was he really? Or is she being a drama queen?

And how did he "hurt her" over the years?

 

[The Duke]

I was in a similar position many years ago so this is familiar to me. The best thing that helped me get thru it was having someone that was grounded, reasonable, and a good listener that I could talk to every day. It takes time to process it all. I had a good friend that helped me realize it wasn't all my fault, but it took a few months to convince me of that.

Keep him involved in doing fun activities so he doesn't isolate and get even more depressed.

Telling him its the best thing that could happen isn't what he needs to hear right now. Its too early for that. He has a mountain of grief to process first.

 

[Travel memoir21]

I was in a similar position many years ago so this is familiar to me. The best thing that helped me get thru it was having someone that was grounded, reasonable, and a good listener that I could talk to every day. It takes time to process it all. I had a good friend that helped me realize it wasn't all my fault, but it took a few months to convince me of that.

Keep him involved in doing fun activities so he doesn't isolate and get even more depressed.

Telling him its the best thing that could happen isn't what he needs to hear right now. Its too early for that. He has a mountain of grief to process first.

Interesting, you were married. Got any kids?

 

[The Duke]

Interesting, you were married. Got any kids?

No kids

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like he ignored her, was emotionally unavailable and might be into drugs and alcohol.

Wonder if he is suffering from PTSD or something similar and was too proud oranlt to seek treatment and that's causing issues.

Not much to say...chasing after her won't do any good. He needs to fix his own issues first and foremost before thinking about anyone else at this point.