Breakup with GF

Young OG

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I normally don't post personal stuff. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just want to vent. I'm 42 (white) and shes 31 (asian). We dated for 3.5 years.

When we met, she was an RN at a hospital driving a brand new car, and was going to school for NP. She eventually moved to hospice earlier this yr and stopped going to school. This hospice job has driven me nuts. She works 7 days a week, her phone is always ringing, and shes always on a computer charting. She gets calls from morning to night and will have to run out to see a patient out nowhere. We could be finishing dinner at a restaurant and she will get a call to go see one. I get barely any time with her because of this job. The job was stressing her out so I got her to agree to go back to school and she got a job at a hospital again.

Thursday night, we got into an argument over the phone. She told me that the dept at the hospital is too hard and she can't handle it. She is going back to hospice and if I don't like it, to find a new girlfriend. I have a really bad temper and lost it. I ended up calling her a "stupid bVtch." Now she broke up with me and refuses to work things out. I have lost my temper before with her and she has warned me. I have never hit her or anything. I just get angry and say things without thinking.

All I ever did was try to guide her in her life since I'm older and been through more. Her car now has 118K miles on it and its smashed up from an accident that was her fault. She is ruining her car with the mileage from that job and she still owes money on it. She also recently got a DUI and will lose her license once convicted.

I'm mad at myself for falling in love again and getting feelings. I have a 15 yr old daughter who opened up to her and likes her. She is being really cold to me and won't talk to me to work things out. I know I shouldn't have lost my temper but I feel like the way she is acting is not right. I'm really hurt from this and so is my daughter. She leaves for another country with her family in a week and they will be gone for a month. She told me that once shes done with someone shes done with someone so thats why she won't work things out and that she gave me too many chances.

I appreciate you guys reading this and I appreciate the support. Its going to be a while before I feel good again.
 

Free_Agent

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I'm going to a pretty damn messy brake up myself man. It's hard. I kind of ****ed it all up kinda like you. I'm 47 and had a messy divorce and custody battle years ago. I swear I have PTSD from that war. I met this girl back in November and we hit it off. It was all so perfect. We're only together six months but damn was it perfect. I never knew what BPD was but I'm suspecting she was on the spectrum.

Give her some space and time. I know many here will say to never admit you ****ed up or apologize. I owned my **** and apologized for what I did and moved on. I broke this girls heart and her kids. Her whole family loved me., Still hurts and I think about what could've been. I also think about what a mess it could've been when she blows it all up after we're married or some ****.

Same here man. I'm 47 and she was 34. My kids got attached to her. I swore I wouldn't introduce my kids to another GF after my last one. This girl ended the relationship in a nuclear fashion and never said another word to me again. One text asking for $500 she lost on a vacation she planned for us. Daughter send me a text saying she never wants to see me again. I was like a father to this kid after the biological father was a POS and disappeared. I spent literally 1000's on her and her to give them a nice experience in life Trips flying them all over . Dinners . Shopping. All kinds of stuff. Anything you ever did before doesn't matter.

Keep busy. Work out. Run. Hang with your friends.

Good lick man
 

TheGambino

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Wow that’s bad shape, I thought I had it rough with a girl I lost recently.

Hit the gym, go to sauna, go party do fun stuff and when you feel down resist the urge to reach out. Try to put your mind on different things and don’t stalk social media or worse.

Basically keep busy so that you don’t think about it.

It will get you obsessed. I promise time will heal. Goodluck to both of you.
 

Rainrain

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I don’t have any advise since there is obviously more to it, but it sounds like her work and the abusive relationship got to her. I mean, it would be hard seeing people die and then come home to a boyfriend with different goals, aspirations, and an attitude. Maybe you wanted her to be something she is not. Just what I can empathize from your post.

The situation sounds tough. Good luck.
 

NorwegianDJ

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You don't want to be with her. Your pain should start to ease once you realize that.
You said it yourself. You can't take her work schedule. It doesn't jive with you.
You can't cherry-pick your reality.

Also, you're 47 and she's 41. It's not like you're 24 and she's 18. You haven't necessarily been through more.
Let her be and sit with your estranged emotions.
 
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I’m going to get anger management. It’s about time that I do this. I was getting suspended in HS cause my temper.
Good. You can show your maturity to her by getting emotional self control.
 

TheGambino

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Well she already came back guys. She is going to find a different hospital job so she can finish school. I’m going to get anger management. It’s about time that I do this. I was getting suspended in HS cause my temper.
Start kickboxing classes works wonders
 

RangerMIke

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Here is some advice learned with over 35 years of experience in dating (and going). If you ever get to the point where you 'believe' you have to help and give advice on how she is living her life... dump her. In my younger years, I would do things like the OP found himself in... bottom-line you cannot change women... they are who they are and nothing you do will fix that.

It has to be HER decision and change demonstrated by her actions otherwise nothing you do or say will work.

Bad news is not only does this not get better with time, but the more you stick around the more emotionally invested you get into the situation.

Women do not do this... they go with their guts... and if they get any indication that things are not going to work out, they are gone. The average man does not do this, believing they can fix problems. But the harder we try, the more committed we are to the situation.... the deeper we dig that hole, the harder it is to get out.

Any effort to change her behavior will be perceived by her as manipulative and she will resent this. If she goes along with your 'plan' EVERYTHING that goes wrong in her life she will blame on the man. Let her be and do who she is, and if who she is doesn't work for you... well walk away. She and her friends will think you are an @sshole for dumping her, or an manipulative control freak and be blamed for everything that goes wrong. The first choice is better because it doesn't waste emotional energy, time and money. You will feel like cr@p no matter what path you take.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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I’m going to get anger management.
Consider thinking about learning/practicing some communication skills.

This job / that job is never so black and white.

If you try to micro-manage her career it will always end badly.

For example, she could keep the hospice job, which she likes, but figure out a way to work less hours.
 

BackInTheGame78

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It's not your job to guide her life. This is where most men go wrong. Women eventually grow resentful of men who try to do this and then blame them when their life doesn't turn out perfect. Basically you set yourself up to be in her cross hairs.

It wasn't working out, not sure why you'd want her back if you barely see her and she is going back to hospice.

She is telling you she chooses her work over you. Accept it and move on.

Hard pill to swallow after that amount of time, but why keep banging your head into the wall?

IMO, her not spending time with you was intentional, because she didn't want to.
 

Young OG

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It's not your job to guide her life. This is where most men go wrong. Women eventually grow resentful of men who try to do this and then blame them when their life doesn't turn out perfect. Basically you set yourself up to be in her cross hairs.

It wasn't working out, not sure why you'd want her back if you barely see her and she is going back to hospice.

She is telling you she chooses her work over you. Accept it and move on.

Hard pill to swallow after that amount of time, but why keep banging your head into the wall?

IMO, her not spending time with you was intentional, because she didn't want to.
Its my job to make sure she doesn’t fVck up her life. I’m her man. She was upset the other day. She really doesn’t want to stay in hospice. It was a fallback cause of the other job not working. You’re wrong about her not wanting to spend time with me. She begs me to ride with her on the weekends when she goes to the patients. I was just a jerk and only went sometimes.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Its my job to make sure she doesn’t fVck up her life. I’m her man. She was upset the other day. She really doesn’t want to stay in hospice. It was a fallback cause of the other job not working. You’re wrong about her not wanting to spend time with me. She begs me to ride with her on the weekends when she goes to the patients. I was just a jerk and only went sometimes.
Nah...it's your job to give her your opinion WHEN SHE ASKS FOR IT and let her be an adult and make up her own mind.

You are her boyfriend not her Father. Stop taking on burdens that aren't yours to take on, nor should you want them.
 
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Giovanni SouthSide

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She is going back to hospice and if I don't like it, to find a new girlfriend
That is one thing she can’t take back.
I’m gone.

She literally told you she puts her career desires above you. If that is not telling you to fvck off if you are not on board then I don’t know what is, man.

Dump her since yesterday. Avoid grudges like Ranger stated above.

She doesn't understand the patriarch is there to be served upon and she never will.
That is why I only LTR women with a flexible work schedule and very soft career ambition.

Surprised no one has mentioned deference.

Absolutely best thing in a woman. She defers to you in everything. Not to the level you are micromanaging her life, but she wants to make sure she is making you happy no matter what. One of the most liberal couples I know, the woman always defers to the man. They are both supremely happy.

Granted sometimes I wish I could take away my red pill knowledge and not go through this constant rage everyday, this constant lack of hope in women.
Blue pilled guys do seem happier but less fulfilled.
 
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BaronOfHair

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This hospice job has driven me nuts
It's likely no cake walk for those who actually perform this sort of work either, hombre


"I'm mad at myself for falling in love again and getting feelings"

That's your "masculine energy" putting you on alert: You committed a transgression that recently been discussed in a couple of separate threads, one of them being https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/looksmaxxing-goes-mainstream.282162/page-2#post-3118441 Read the fourth post on this page, watch the video link in it. Everything said there is just as applicable to the business of dating and mating
 

Glassguy

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Its my job to make sure she doesn’t fVck up her life. I’m her man. She was upset the other day. She really doesn’t want to stay in hospice. It was a fallback cause of the other job not working. You’re wrong about her not wanting to spend time with me. She begs me to ride with her on the weekends when she goes to the patients. I was just a jerk and only went sometimes.
Nah it's not. Stop being a white knight and learn some patience. It goes a long way in dealing with women.
Hope this helps.
 

plumber

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If she wants to spend more time with you, she will change her schedual to do it. If she wants your help she will ask for it.
Apparently you liked/like her the way she is.

Keep being who you are and who you are when she met you.

I know this sounds much to basic, but it is what it is.

You like her a lot, and want more time from her. She will be the one to give that, it should not be taken.

If you spend to much time with her, things will change.... as you found out.
 

BillyPilgrim

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Assuming you're still in Arizona OP be aware Asian women are extra-insecure here compared to California due to the lack of Asians here (there's like 2% that's not white, latina, or black). Would usually get heavy drama vibes from them.
 

Macadellic

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Her car now has 118K miles on it and it’s smashed up from an accident that was her fault. She is ruining her car with the mileage from that job and she still owes money on it. She also recently got a DUI and will lose her license once convicted.
31year old grown woman that doesn’t have herself together financially with a beat up car getting DUIs

OP,
You are right, she is a stup/d b/tch.
Good on you for speaking the truth that clearly she couldn’t handle.

Stay King
Protect Your Kingdom
from stup/d b/tches
 
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