"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Boundaries - The final word :crackup:

sylvester the cat

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Today i learnt a lesson in boundaries.

i am seeing this 'BPD'. I fell in love with her pretty quick. but thanks to this site i am able to keep from gushing forth my pathetic but overwhelming feelings.

anyhow, i wanted us to be more than sex. i want us to be exclusive, marry, have kids, the full works - but i knew i couldnt say this. to do this would be tantatmount to being a pvssy. and knowing how 'well' doing this has turned out in the past i knew to keep my big trap shut.

so whaddayanknow. following my manipulative games, she is asking 'the question'. 'what are we?'

so i didnt have to set boundaries verbally as she came setting them herself. what boundaries i set i set previously through actions - not rewarding flakey behaviour, not chasing etc. we are in tune so i didnt feel the need to set them. she knows the score. and when comes the time she doesn't - then i know we aren't in tune no more so what needs of boundaries then? it's over.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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TheMonkeyKing

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You gonna get in a serious thing with a genuine BPD....?

Good luck sons. Just don't get yaself arrested and/or killed.
 

TheMonkeyKing

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I look forward to counselling you in 6-12months time.

You're welcome in advance, Sylvester.
 

sylvester the cat

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TheMonkeyKing said:
I look forward to counselling you in 6-12months time.

You're welcome in advance, Sylvester.
already been there, done that. learnt i was a bpd myself hence why i attracted them.

thanks to this site i am better equipped to deal with them.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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TheMonkeyKing

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Fair enough. They are easy pickings for the astute practitioner, granted.

I repeat, don't get yaself arrested/killed.
 

scsniper

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You can give me a borderline over a histrionic any day of the week.
at least they actually have some grasp of reality.
even if it is limited.

once you get a handle of the duel weapons of N/C and ABANDONMENT,applied in the right doses.
You can relieve the glory days over and over.
Their object constancy is right up their with the goldfish.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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sylvester the cat said:
she is asking 'the question'. 'what are we?'

so i didnt have to set boundaries verbally as she came setting them herself. what boundaries i set i set previously through actions - not rewarding flakey behaviour, not chasing etc. we are in tune so i didnt feel the need to set them. she knows the score. and when comes the time she doesn't - then i know we aren't in tune no more so what needs of boundaries then? it's over.
I think this is what we call an epiphany. :up:
 
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