Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Boring Sex with your GF / How to make it work?

Learning Curve

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 7, 2023
Messages
347
Reaction score
281
Age
31
Location
Cyprus
I have been in this situation with a few of my ex girlfriends where the SEX has been boring and nothing major was happening in bed unless of-course me as a man took a lead and asked what I wanted in the bedroom.

Asking for what you want some times works and some times it does not.

If a woman has rules and she just does specific things in the bedroom this is where a Man starts to realize that he will never have a full fire ignition in the bedroom and he starts to either cheat or move on to the next adventure due to unsatisfied sex. I know many cases this has happened.

What is your process with a woman that you have either a relationship or a sex playmate to ask her for what you want in bed?

Please share your thoughts.
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3,093
Reaction score
3,363
Location
uk
After about 2 years it will start going stale for everyone unless theres a very very strong sexual chemistry and willingness too experiment which again is not common

women are notorious for letting themselves go both physically and sexually once in a relationship in my longest LTR of 4 years it was an uphill battle to get her to be sexy unless I was constantly initiating nothing would happen

All of my mates who are in LTR'S and marriages are all saying the same thing

Steamy hot sex is a distant memory

The only time I think it works long term Is when you've established a very very strong sexual Frame from the start where Absolutley anything goes
 

The Duke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 4, 2008
Messages
5,224
Reaction score
7,565
Age
47
@Learning Curve - Please don't take it personally, but I've never had any sort of problem like this. I've had multiple medium and long term relationships so there has been plenty of opportunity for problems like this to creep up, yet its never happened.

So what are you doing or not doing? What part do you play that might be causing this?

I guarantee you here are the reasons I don't have these problems:

-I certainly never ask a woman for what I want in the bedroom, I simply tell her or direct her. Women like men to lead and when you do they submit easier and are happier to do so.
-I set the tone of what type of sex transpires(p0rn star, rough, loving, passionate, etc).
-I have my way with women. I position them how I want, and they love it.
-I push boundaries.
-I do every position in the Kama Sutra.
-Sex toys are fun.
-New locations: parking garages on the top level, hotel room windows, adult video store, in the woods, in public, parking lot.
-I set the expectation.
-I'm very adventurous, pretty much nothing is off limits.
-Her pleasure is as important as mine. I always make sure she is satisfied.
-I always have candles going in the bedroom.
-I let her know how her sexy body turns me on.
-If you think penetration and no ****oral stimulation makes you great, you need to expand your skill set.
-Sex always lasts longer than 30min. I can go 3hrs.
-Sometimes I'll beat that pu$$y up so bad that she'll be sore the next day and loving it.
-I call them my personal wh0re/kum slut whatever when I'm pulling her hair.

I've always looked at sex as I'm the one that runs the show. All I need is a willing participant to follow my lead. If I do a good job it falls into place and we are both very satisfied.
 

sangheilios

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,583
Reaction score
2,629
Age
34
@Learning Curve - Please don't take it personally, but I've never had any sort of problem like this. I've had multiple medium and long term relationships so there has been plenty of opportunity for problems like this to creep up, yet its never happened.

So what are you doing or not doing? What part do you play that might be causing this?

I guarantee you here are the reasons I don't have these problems:

-I certainly never ask a woman for what I want in the bedroom, I simply tell her or direct her. Women like men to lead and when you do they submit easier and are happier to do so.
-I set the tone of what type of sex transpires(p0rn star, rough, loving, passionate, etc).
-I have my way with women. I position them how I want, and they love it.
-I push boundaries.
-I do every position in the Kama Sutra.
-Sex toys are fun.
-New locations: parking garages on the top level, hotel room windows, adult video store, in the woods, in public, parking lot.
-I set the expectation.
-I'm very adventurous, pretty much nothing is off limits.
-Her pleasure is as important as mine. I always make sure she is satisfied.
-I always have candles going in the bedroom.
-I let her know how her sexy body turns me on.
-If you think penetration and no ****oral stimulation makes you great, you need to expand your skill set.
-Sex always lasts longer than 30min. I can go 3hrs.
-Sometimes I'll beat that pu$$y up so bad that she'll be sore the next day and loving it.
-I call them my personal wh0re/kum slut whatever when I'm pulling her hair.

I've always looked at sex as I'm the one that runs the show. All I need is a willing participant to follow my lead. If I do a good job it falls into place and we are both very satisfied.
When you say you "push boundaries" what do you imply by that exactly?
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,242
Reaction score
1,323
When you say you "push boundaries" what do you imply by that exactly?
All of her "no's" aren't really "no".
No girl woke up wanting anal on the first try. You have to get her aroused to the point she'll let you do anything.
Learn more about DeeDeeS Em.
Read Sex God Method.
Watch some Natural Lifestyles on YT.
Married Man Sex Life Primer is worth the read, too.

If you're negotiating to get past her "no's", you're doing it wrong.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 4, 2023
Messages
3,705
Reaction score
3,110
What is your process with a woman that you have either a relationship or a sex playmate to ask her for what you want in bed?
I don't ask. My relationships have a power dynamic where I don't put in requests. I tell her what I'm going to do, if she doesn't like it she can leave.
 

sangheilios

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,583
Reaction score
2,629
Age
34
All of her "no's" aren't really "no".
No girl woke up wanting anal on the first try. You have to get her aroused to the point she'll let you do anything.
Learn more about DeeDeeS Em.
Read Sex God Method.
Watch some Natural Lifestyles on YT.
Married Man Sex Life Primer is worth the read, too.

If you're negotiating to get past her "no's", you're doing it wrong.
Ok, I thought he was getting at trying to encourage a woman to be into some weird kink type stuff that most would legitimately be uncomfortable with, but you are also going along the more mild side of this. There was some poster on here a while ago going on about how he was dating some girl that was open and willing to do anal play on HIM lol with little encouragement during the early stages of their relationship like it was a good thing lol.

I'm personally not into stuff like that, but I've always been of the belief that if you are not enjoying a sexual experience with a woman you either aren't really that into her and/or she isn't that into you. I believe that when a lot of women in particular complain about having bad sexual experiences with men it's more often than not because they aren't attracted to the guy and not so much anything to do with him specifically on a sexual level. Some guy that is 6'+ that is handsome with abs and with a large penis is going to be much more arousing to a woman than say some dude that is 50 pounds overweight and with a small(ish) penis lol. The former she would give a passionate bj to with little coercion, whereas with the latter she may only do it with pressure. A woman will basically feel like it's a chore to have sex with a man she isn't into, thus why the "sex is bad" lol.

This is the reason why I'm against the idea of escorts, as it's just robotic sex with women that are only doing it for money that have no real interest in you. Basically, a step up from masturbation in my opinion but with a live body, not the same as with a woman that is actually into you.

There's a guy I know that a few years back was dating a girl and he was complaining about the sex with her and that he had a difficult time climaxing. I remember asking him if he wasn't all that attracted to her and he gave some indirect answer that perhaps suggested this was the case.

As I'm getting older, I'm firmly of the belief that they are either into your or they aren't and there isn't really much you can do to change that, this goes for both men and women. Too many people are essentially wasting their time on those who aren't into them. This goes for "bad sex" or flaking on dates, or 1st dates no 2nd dates, etc. Very simple rule to follow in my opinion.
 

Pierce Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,619
Reaction score
5,578
Location
PRC
My hack for this, especially in the 40-50's range: DATE GYM BUNNIES.

They love their bodies and feel sexy because they're in good shape and understand attraction and the value of physicality. My current thang is Gen X and her body easily trumps that of 95% of 20 somethings and 99% of 30-somethings...and sex with her and those who have come before her is easily the best sex ever. A man also needs to understand the concept of reactive desire and your responsibility in maintaining the sexual vibe.

If you're out and about and your hands aren't on her body and hers on your's you're wrong.

If you want great sex select women with a strong submissive streak as well, you can draw the kumslut out of her if you are skilled.

My current thang is amazing, she texts me nonstop about sex, how shes sore, how such and such was so amazing last time, she goes home after a 4 hour session and texts and tell she shes swollen and horny - that has turned into her coming back in the wee hours many times for another round, it's easy if you have strong chemistry.

I think many people do not actually know what it's like to have that level of attraction for one another.

When you go out have sex in bathrooms, or semi-publically.

If youre at a bar go out to the car and have her blow you and ride you in the back seat.

If you're out for a hike in the wilderness pull her off the trail and bend her over for a quickie.

Have sex on the beach.

Care about her pleasure, ensure her orgasms.

You have to desire her, and if you cannot get it up to do these things you're not attracted enough even in your 50's.

So many of you are conflicted about this and do not understand the Madonna/Wh0re complex. You rip on women for their sexuality and want a girl thats pure as driven snow, but you then complain when shes not sexual enough. If you're skilled and wise you can turn an otherwise sheltered woman into your slut. There are things that can assure you have a good sex life, but there are no real shortcuts, you need to put the work in. Again it's easy if you have burning chemistry.

p.s. read @The Duke 's post its platinum.
 

pipeman84

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 21, 2022
Messages
1,260
Reaction score
1,685
Age
39
Location
Europe
Some guy that is 6'+ that is handsome with abs and with a large penis is going to be much more arousing to a woman than say some dude that is 50 pounds overweight and with a small(ish) penis lol. The former she would give a passionate bj to with little coercion, whereas with the latter she may only do it with pressure. A woman will basically feel like it's a chore to have sex with a man she isn't into, thus why the "sex is bad" lol.

This is the reason why I'm against the idea of escorts, as it's just robotic sex with women that are only doing it for money that have no real interest in you.
So let's say we have a handsome 35yrs old guy who is 6' tall and has abs. Why wouldn't a 25yrs old escort enjoy sex with him but a 35yrs old woman he gets from OLD would have real interest in him?

That's the part I don't get ... escorts are still females, why paint them as robots who only do it for money and who see a fit dude and a fat, hairy dude as interchangeable, while at the same time believe that some past the wall, damaged goods woman from OLD has real interest in you.
 

sangheilios

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 25, 2018
Messages
2,583
Reaction score
2,629
Age
34
So let's say we have a handsome 35yrs old guy who is 6' tall and has abs. Why wouldn't a 25yrs old escort enjoy sex with him but a 35yrs old woman he gets from OLD would have real interest in him?

That's the part I don't get ... escorts are still females, why paint them as robots who only do it for money and who see a fit dude and a fat, hairy dude as interchangeable, while at the same time believe that some past the wall, damaged goods woman from OLD has real interest in you.
Because those escorts have had so much sex with so many different men that they are desensitized or even full blown numb to arousal. I've seen some interviews of porn stars who have discussed having this issue with men, to no surprise. Women also don't go through arousal stages like men do, so the result is a woman who very likely will not have proper arousal. I'm sure this isn't a universal problem, but I'd wager that many if not most female escorts have this issue. Women also do not typically just get instantly aroused and want to have sex with men right there on the spot, regardless of how attractive he is.
 

Pierce Manhammer

Moderator
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
4,619
Reaction score
5,578
Location
PRC
Magical thinking for the most part.

Of course a prostitute would be less grossed out by a good looking younger fitter guy.

But to think street walkers are enjoying sex is a stretch.

Obviously if you use hookers you will tell yourself they enjoyed you. Jeez
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3,093
Reaction score
3,363
Location
uk
I don't ask. My relationships have a power dynamic where I don't put in requests. I tell her what I'm going to do, if she doesn't like it she can leave.
Modern women are not easy too put into this type of polarity

And not only must you put her there you must also actively keep her there

It's no shock many men suffer from dead bedroom
 

Money & Muscle

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 22, 2023
Messages
1,242
Reaction score
1,323
As I'm getting older, I'm firmly of the belief that they are either into your or they aren't and there isn't really much you can do to change that
With the exception of actually making yourself more fvckable, you're right.

Dress better, improve hygiene and grooming, lift, get cut up, eat better, generate pre-selection by gaming girls constantly, practice that stuff on her.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 4, 2023
Messages
3,705
Reaction score
3,110
Modern women are not easy too put into this type of polarity
That's not my experience. Many younger women are sick and tired of having to compete with men and crave to be taken by the hand and give up their responsibility.

And not only must you put her there you must also actively keep her there
That's less difficult than you seem to think it is.
 
Top