"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Beware the Springtime BPD re-emergence

Atom Smasher

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Just got my "Happy Springtime" e-mail from my last BPD of 2 years ago, complete with about 12 pictures attached.

I deleted those, and last night I got the expected accompanying text message with another pic attached.

"I understand if you don't get back to me..." LOL, I'm glad she understands.

Be wary. They can pop up like tulips in Springtime when a young' man's fancy is vulnerable after a long Winter. Delete and move on.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Neon Owl

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Happy springtime? lol
How often does she contact you since the breakup? And how long have you been NC?
 

ArcBound

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Threads like these about old exes always remind me why a lot of men seek virgins. If a woman gets a taste of that alpha guy, some part of it is forever on her mind. Of course maybe some women do legitimately get over their exe's but the more guys she dates and sleeps with the more chances she will be pyscho when she reaches you. akin to roissy's chart about number of partners vs divorce rate. In the sexual marketplace we are not only competing for her in the present but also with her exes.
 

j0504s

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Springtime is here bpds have abandonment fears. Ty for this smasher this is a good reminder for everyone b.c the main reason a lot of us came to ss was to heal and move on. Don't regress!!! +1
 

Atom Smasher

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Neon Owl said:
Happy springtime? lol
How often does she contact you since the breakup? And how long have you been NC?
After the breakup she blew up my phone for a good six months, then dwindled off very slowly over the next 6. So I've been NC for those two years with her being NC for a little less than a year.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Who Dares Win

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ArcBound said:
Threads like these about old exes always remind me why a lot of men seek virgins. If a woman gets a taste of that alpha guy, some part of it is forever on her mind. Of course maybe some women do legitimately get over their exe's but the more guys she dates and sleeps with the more chances she will be pyscho when she reaches you. akin to roissy's chart about number of partners vs divorce rate. In the sexual marketplace we are not only competing for her in the present but also with her exes.
Agree with that, if a woman gets enough attention from a real alpha and then he drops her, she is emotionally fvcked forever, she experienced the thrill of having an alpha so can tell the difference, plus he fvcked up her ego which is like glue for women when it comes of relationships.

The result for the poor guy who get such girls is what we see in any shopping mall, a pissed off middle aged woman walking frustrated by her husband walking 10 feet beyond her with her shopping bags.

And even more sad is that nobody told to that poor man that the more he tries to win her over, the more she will resent him.

@Atom, tell us the truth old man, aint you satisfied and flattered by being chased even if she is not a girl you want now?
 

Atom Smasher

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No, because I view it as mental illness, and it's a bit scary in a way because you never know what they're going to do.
 

Atom Smasher

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Most definitely. Once I was driving with my BPD and I VERY mildly spoke to her about some inappropriate behavior (any other girl would have readily accepted it and agreed with my reasonable comment), and I saw her turn into a raging 13 year old right before my eyes. I could tell that she was considering hitting me, and was right on the verge. She stepped out of the moving car LOL and walked down the street to her house.

You never know what's brewing in that mind, what demons she's attempting to rein in. A hallmark of BPD is lack of self-control, always manifesting in frequent slightly-disturbing behaviors until the massive disturbing behaviors show up.

They are truly sick, severely damaged people, and in fact almost universally unrepairable, and that's why guys like 5string and myself sound the warning occasionally.

The power they conjure up over men is astounding. On the day I got my "Happy Springtime" message, I felt internally disturbed for the rest of the day. I wasn't thinking about it all day, mind you... The contact simply stirred up the mud and it had to settle, which it did by the next day.

Anyway, Happy Springtime everybody!! :flowers:
 

5string

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Atom Smasher said:
Most definitely. Once I was driving with my BPD and I VERY mildly spoke to her about some inappropriate behavior (any other girl would have readily accepted it and agreed with my reasonable comment), and I saw her turn into a raging 13 year old right before my eyes. I could tell that she was considering hitting me, and was right on the verge. She stepped out of the moving car LOL and walked down the street to her house.

You never know what's brewing in that mind, what demons she's attempting to rein in. A hallmark of BPD is lack of self-control, always manifesting in frequent slightly-disturbing behaviors until the massive disturbing behaviors show up.

They are truly sick, severely damaged people, and in fact almost universally unrepairable, and that's why guys like 5string and myself sound the warning occasionally.

The power they conjure up over men is astounding. On the day I got my "Happy Springtime" message, I felt internally disturbed for the rest of the day. I wasn't thinking about it all day, mind you... The contact simply stirred up the mud and it had to settle, which it did by the next day.

Anyway, Happy Springtime everybody!! :flowers:
You watch your six Atom.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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