Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Being nice has gotten me so much further with women

evansblue

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jul 18, 2011
Messages
206
Reaction score
51
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
 

fastlife

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 3, 2015
Messages
1,095
Reaction score
2,035
It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,424
Reaction score
9,847
Location
DFW, TX
It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.
That ego "having to fight for it" is a sign... When things flow correctly there is no fighting to get it. It's coming to you.

Maybe that sign means to pull back or she just isn't into you enough.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 29, 2020
Messages
572
Reaction score
361
Age
35
It comes down to the fact that once you have high value for a girl and are already generating a lot of attraction, comfort and attainability become increasingly important. The more value you’re displaying through your vibe, subcomms, and outcome independence, the more trying to build additional value will start to work against you.

However, once your ego becomes invested in a certain set of behaviors that get you better results than you had before, it will fight like hell to maintain those behaviors instead of risking that validation. Plus, a lot of guys here have been too burned from being nice from a place of weakness to risk being nice from a place of abundance.

That said, I’d encourage guys who are just starting out to lean more into their jerk side—it’ll generate more sexual polarity, compensate for their lack of internal value, and help them develop their edge.
Great post
 

Kotaix

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
868
Reaction score
950
Age
42
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
It's one thing to be nice, it's another to allow that attitude to become pathological and to always let people walk all over you because you have no ability to engage in conflict or stand up for yourself. Most guys on these forums are following PUA formulas like negging.

There are also women out there who think that being treated like sh!t is normal. I've literally been a d!ck to women to try and get them to leave me alone, only to have them latch on to me.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Georgepithyou

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2020
Messages
629
Reaction score
690
Age
24
Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,424
Reaction score
9,847
Location
DFW, TX
Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks
Different things work with different girls, one size doesnt fit all.

Some girls like it if ur nice, and i mean genuinely nice not rhe fake kind some people do.
And some like arrogant jerks
That fake nice has a stench to it. Their aura gives it away.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,424
Reaction score
9,847
Location
DFW, TX
Exactly, women can smell most "nice" guys a mile away. These guys are "nice" only because they expect sex out of it.

And they complain online when they don't get it.
I was talking about fake nice on women. Its more common there. There are alot of nice men who don't understand women. They want to love them and treat them well. They just don't know that she's attracted or not and they use nice men. It's better to share that kindness with women who are attracted to you.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,424
Reaction score
9,847
Location
DFW, TX
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
It works with you because it's within your natural character. Your also bedding women who are already attracted. Your not trying to force unattracted babes to like you.
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 29, 2020
Messages
572
Reaction score
361
Age
35
Exactly, women can smell most "nice" guys a mile away. These guys are "nice" only because they expect sex out of it.

And they complain online when they don't get it.
It is because they attach their fake kindness to only actions or words, not both or even adjust for the situation... If you act kind but verbally escalate, you will go far... If you act in an escalating way while talking kind, it seems super disengenous... It shows you the value of words and actions, sometimes I will go days without talking, instead just using my actions.

I bet i could pull a number without speaking once, it could happen, but I know for sure words alone will carry me in a way action will not, its just what type of words im using... With this being said, words are a proximity problem... Sometimes you need to be quiet, discrete, this is where the action over words come into play in a big way.

Guys who feign kindness (Words alone) are not aware of these nuances, its just the same tired strategy all over.

Like just walk up and hand her your phone sometime, if she seems confused, reach for her hand and hold it... No confusion.

Also body language reads but that takes time to develop
 
Last edited:

EyeBRollin

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2015
Messages
4,612
Reaction score
2,189
Age
31
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
The proper term is kind. Kind and nice are not synonyms.

“Nice” guys are weak. They do deeds with an expectation of validation. Their motives are not sincere.

A kind man is strong. His benevolence comes from inner power to do well by others. There is no expectation attached.

OP, you are not a nice guy. You are a kind gentleman with manners.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,178
Reaction score
1,828
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
There is nothing wrong with being nice. There is something wrong with being a nice guy.

When you do these things because you want to do them and it comes from a good place in you without having any expectations then there is nothing wrong with that.

When you do things because you think it will get you somewhere with a woman, find yourself agreeing with whatever she says or afraid to have an opinion that differs from her because you think you will offend her or are doing things expecting something from her in return then that is a problem and is what a nice guy is.
 

Serenity

Moderator
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
3,356
Reaction score
2,544
Age
29
Location
Eye of the storm
The term "nice guy" doesn't refer to a guy who acts nicely. It refers to a guy who believes he's nice, but he definitely isn't and he is in strong denial about it. His actions are not interpreted as nice by anyone other than himself and fellow "nice guys".

The other type of nice guy is the one without a spine, he will be nice even if the other person far from deserves it. He lacks boundaries, will let people walk all over him and continue being hurt because of it. When these guys have had enough they turn into the "nice guy" mentioned above, being an absolute ******* to everyone while proclaiming to be the nicest man ever to exist.

There's nothing wrong with being genuinely nice, as long as you know when not to be nice (have boundaries) and you don't fool yourself.
 

Medina

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 23, 2019
Messages
767
Reaction score
1,275
I'm only nice when they earn it and even then, the only nice things I do is pay for meals or activities that benefit us both

One thing I don't do is buy gifts anymore. It's largely a waste of time and you end up breaking up and all the objects become meaningless anyway

I would rather pay for a weekend away or a day-out that gives us both enjoyment and memories
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

ThisIsSparta

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2020
Messages
99
Reaction score
130
Age
42
Location
Austria
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
Do you differ in "trying to get lucky on first date" and "holding the frame in a LTR or setting it after X dates" ?

I guess most of the guys here will act in a manner befitting the level of the relationship with a woman.

There is a huge difference with what you can get away on a first date compared to dating over a few months or an LTR.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
6,773
Reaction score
3,295
Age
44
Location
Colorado Panhandle
You're a gentleman, and you're probably comfortable being one, which is fine.

The "nice guy" pejorative refers to coming from a place of weakness or desperation, and trying to negotiate attraction because he's failed to generate it through his perceived value, behavior, and frame.

E.g.: "I like you." Coming from a "nice guy", this will sound like pleading. Coming from a high value man who's well-mannered, it will sound direct and ****sure (he doesn't care if she likes him back; he's just stating his truth). Same goes for door-holding and that sort of thing - I do it because it's who I am, end of story.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,336
Reaction score
3,401
I notice a lot of guys on these forums do this push/pull thing with girls, act arrogant, act like a jerk, but for some reason that never seems to work for me. I get laid much more when I'm a nice guy, hold doors, have manners and stuff like that.

I have browsed this forum forever and enjoy it, but it's interesting to me that 90% of the advice is the exact opposite of what I do and I still get laid quite a bit. Can anybody shed some light on why that is? It's almost like guys are afraid that being nice is viewed as weak.
You must have been overdoing the jerk part. Something must have been off with your calibration.
Ive never read here to be an over bearing aszhole.
Ive read be willing to not care and walk away with indifference. Maybe you have misunderstood the message.

Flipping out and punching walls is never a good show of masculinity. But also nice guys finish last. The pushover kind don't get real far out here.
 

Mike32ct

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Messages
6,322
Reaction score
2,306
Location
Eastern Time Zone where it's always really late
Yes by all means be kind.

Yes some “nice guys” have issues with being “fake” to try to win women over.

But most of the time, when she complains about a guy being “too nice” or a “nice guy,” she’s being disingenuous. She doesn’t find him physically attractive, but she will sound “less shallow” if she appears to be disqualifying him based on personality traits rather than looks.
 
Top