"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

Being called a "Gentleman" - offensive or not?

Do you find "Gentleman" an offensive term?

  • Yes

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • No

    Votes: 12 75.0%

  • Total voters
    16

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,413
Reaction score
297
Location
UK
Do any of you guys here find the term "gentleman" offensive. i.e. do you feel that it undermines you or your masculinity?

If you care to elaborate, please do. This relates to a discussion I had in one of my classes recently and thought I'd put it to the vote here.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

Read more...

TyTe`EyEs

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 25, 2004
Messages
1,049
Reaction score
2
Age
41
Location
Tallahassee
I don't see how that could be taken offensively. I take pride in being a gentleman.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
Jariel said:
Do any of you guys here find the term "gentleman" offensive. i.e. do you feel that it undermines you or your masculinity?

If you care to elaborate, please do. This relates to a discussion I had in one of my classes recently and thought I'd put it to the vote here.
How was it presented as to undermine a man's masculinity?
 

Oxide

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2003
Messages
3,229
Reaction score
27
Nope. For me, gentleman = good guy = me. So I could give a sh1t what it means to someone else who is stupid enough to present an obscure connotation to the already established term. But then again, this is my reality.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

Read more...

Oxide

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2003
Messages
3,229
Reaction score
27
Just to add, I don't see "gentleman" as a complete package. As in, I don't think you can describe the person by this term alone. It is like calling a person an a$$hole, or a nice guy - it is too one dimentional. For example, I might be a gentleman when I am playing pool with a girl, but when we get in bed I am agressive and dominant, now how does that fit with the definition?

What exactly was the discussion in your class about?
 

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,413
Reaction score
297
Location
UK
Basically the discussion was about sexist language. Various women were saying that they found the term "lady" offensive because it's patronising. They were arguing that the male equivalent of "gentleman" holds more positive connotations.

Personally I don't mind being called a gentleman, but playing devils advocate I could see how it might hold connotations of being a sensitive and a weaker man so was just interested to see if anyone had that point of view.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
"Lady" is patronizing? :confused: What would they want to be called?
 

BluEyes

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2006
Messages
606
Reaction score
9
wh0re, B-girl, harlot, hooker, hustler, lady of the evening, prostitute, scarlet woman, streetwalker, working girl, call girl, alley cat, pink pants, hostess, tart, white slave, slut.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
BluEyes said:
wh0re, B-girl, harlot, hooker, hustler, lady of the evening, prostitute, scarlet woman, streetwalker, working girl, call girl, alley cat, pink pants, hostess, tart, white slave, slut.
These women, er ladies, er chicks, ummm.... NON-MEN (more than likely ANTI-Men) would probably still feel that they were being patronized being called by one of those names... :rolleyes:
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

DJDamage

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 6, 2004
Messages
5,657
Reaction score
104
Location
Canada
I am troubled by that term sometimes. I noticed if a woman ever calls me a gentleman its because I did something really nice to her like open the door, or pull a chair for her. Which is a fine compliment.

However I also noticed that if a girl does not have a high interest in me to begin with, the term gentleman is equivelent to being called a 'nice guy' which means she literarly castrated your balls by calling you one and you won't end up fvcking her.

I notice that if she calls me an a$$hole because I used C&F and poked fun at her, the chances are really good something is going to happen.

In essence its the context in which she calls you a gentleman as opposed to the word itself that matters.
 

Jariel

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 17, 2004
Messages
4,413
Reaction score
297
Location
UK
Francisco d'Anconia said:
"Lady" is patronizing? :confused: What would they want to be called?
Stupid eh? These extreme feminists can put a negative slant on anything we men say or do though.

DJDamage said:
However I also noticed that if a girl does not have a high interest in me to begin with, the term gentleman is equivelent to being called a 'nice guy' which means she literarly castrated your balls by calling you one and you won't end up fvcking her.
I see your point and this was my middle of the road argument, that we could find "gentleman" insulting too if used in a certain context or interpreted a certain way.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 10, 2003
Messages
15,481
Reaction score
65
Location
Galt's Gulch
Jariel said:
Stupid eh? These extreme feminists can put a negative slant on anything we men say or do though.....
Yet they still expect men to pay for dinner... Pffffftttttttt...... :rolleyes:

Well, I guess I ain't no gentleman! :p
 

ryannath

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 10, 2006
Messages
715
Reaction score
3
I wouldn't say being called a gentleman is always good or always bad. Sometimes it can mean you are a really good guy that's not a prick and sometimes it can mean that you are the typical "nice guy AFC." Also, being called an a$$hole is not always good, and also, not always bad. Most of the time when I get called a$$hole, I think it's very funny I know the woman is attracted to me. But, sometimes they really mean it. You can tell when which is which.
 
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
2,434
Reaction score
11
I think it's one of those 'nice guy', 'let's just be friends', 'I think our interactions have been fraternial' BS and would construe it to be normally an offensive term that reflects the fact you dont appear masculine enough to the woman to take a sexual interest.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 25, 2002
Messages
2,191
Reaction score
175
Ahh, linguistic semantics. "Lady" is patronizing if used to directly refer to someone rather than being descriptive. For example: "Well, lady, what did you expect?" is patronizing and is starkly contrasted by "You're quite a lady."

I for one strive to be a gentleman and a scholar.
 

Shiftkey

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 28, 2001
Messages
3,643
Reaction score
8
Location
Orange County, Ca
If you take offense to being called a gentleman, get a tissue and grow up (likewise for "ladies"). I'd never imagine this being a question.
 

MuayThai

Banned
Joined
Aug 14, 2005
Messages
311
Reaction score
7
Real men are gentlemen. lol It almost goes without saying.

Most people don't have courtesy and kindness because they're lacking something inside.
 

Yotsuya-san

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 11, 2004
Messages
393
Reaction score
1
Location
Maison Ikokku
DJDamage said:
I am troubled by that term sometimes. I noticed if a woman ever calls me a gentleman its because I did something really nice to her like open the door, or pull a chair for her. Which is a fine compliment.

However I also noticed that if a girl does not have a high interest in me to begin with, the term gentleman is equivelent to being called a 'nice guy' which means she literarly castrated your balls by calling you one and you won't end up fvcking her.

I notice that if she calls me an a$$hole because I used C&F and poked fun at her, the chances are really good something is going to happen.

In essence its the context in which she calls you a gentleman as opposed to the word itself that matters.
The chicks who like the c&F guys better will give lots of lip service to the gentlemen, even though they're fvking the c&F guy. This will all change when they turn 35 or so and are still single, especially if they are single mothers.
 
Top