Been living with this girl for half a year. Need advice. (is she cheating?)

[gorillaglue#4]

So a little background, we moved in together extremely fast, I get it, this probably wasn't the best idea (although It did garner me free rent), we were only seeing each other for about 2 months before we moved in. Its 8 months in, roughly, so far. We live on the property of her parents in a separate house that they allowed us to fix up, so I put in carpet, did the walls, windows etc. It actually looks really nice and is very cozy. We have been living and working here since, I also occasionally work part time for her dad at his business. We fight occasionally, the normal couple stuff about money issue, family stuff, other issues that don't really bring up major flags to me, none of this is too horrible for me really, especially since in past relationships the fighting was much worse.

We have a lot in common, she's a really awesome chick. She comes from a conservative background, and a very stable awesome family. She has only had a couple of other sexual partners other than me (she claims). I find her trustworthy, especially in comparison to my past girlfriends. She might white-lie here and there, but I haven't caught her in any major lies. We say we love eachother, we talk about getting married, having kids, we have made long term plans to move in together (after we move out of here).

The sex life since the beginning was always really good, by mine and her standards. She has easily given me the best orgasms of my entire life. On top of this we have shared secret sexual stuff (both of us have) that we were never able to build up the trust or courage to tell anyone before. This was extremely liberating to us both and has helped mentally in a lot of ways. She as well says the orgasms are the best she's ever had (she wasn't really having proper ones before).

The problem arises here: my brother hung himself in September. Since then we have only had sex 3...maybe 4 times. ive been extremely distraught, and have been self medicating with opiates, which has diminished my sex life. (she encourages me to be medicated though because it greatly eases my mental anguish and helps me function/go to work/etc). We have done other stuff though, oral etc. We still sleep in the same bed every night, and are intimate in that we still say we love each other, have long discussions, snuggles, Netflix etc. There was also this instance where she was working, and I had visited her at her workplace, she wasn't there (to my shock), and she wasn't home either. I called her and apparently she was at her dads office helping him (and apparently just forgot to tell me?). Since then I feel there have been other times where it seems like she has picked up a shift or two that were oddly placed, it just seemed off, I approached her about it and she of course swears up and down that nothing is going on and everything is 100% kosher. Like the other day for instance when she picked up a 2 hour shift (??) because apparently someone else couldn't make it and they only needed her for just those hours, on top of this the store was closed so I couldn't visit her then either, but she told me to call her work to see if she was there. I felt weird about it and never did call, what difference would it make? Either her or her manager (male- names john) would answer and obviously aren't going to just say "ya we're bangin". They could be banging in the back and I would never know.....she very regularly works till close, unless shes picking up a shift she basically only ever closes.

Also, she gives me full access to her phone and all of her social media accounts, facebook, insta, etc. In fact I have her phone in front of me right now. Shes always been 100% forthcoming with this sort of thing, passwords and etc, so I've never had to worry from that angle.
Is this fishy? It feels fishy to me. She doesn't seem like the type to cheat, especially in comparison to all the other girls I've been with.

I don't want to think shes cheating on me, and I don't thknk there's really any way I can actually verify if she is or not. What do you think I should do? at times I feel i'd rather just be single so I could have the peace of mind, even if it means endless loneliness. feel free to ask any questions you'd like I will answer anything. thanks again

 

[derby1]

There was also this instance where she was working, and I had visited her at her workplace, she wasn't there (to my shock), and she wasn't home either. I called her and apparently she was at her dads office helping him (and apparently just forgot to tell me?

Your brother sadly killed himself, this has quite clearly distraught you! you are now self medicating or at least practicing with alcohol or drugs

This in turn is making you paranoid, your "visiting" her at work, shes gone to her dads and should have told you? More controlling paranoia

you may not realise this but this relationship will turn toxic you will become verbally abusive or physically as your insecurity digs its teeth in

I would consider help from a doctor, in the mean time i believe your Partner may be emotionally disengaging from you ie your relationship is a shell to her, this is how women work.

we cant say if shes having an affair however she may not feel comfortable with you

i would be prepared for "THE TALK"

in the mean time dont accuse her

 

[Thorninmyside]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and I understand why that would affect you getting the job done at home. Snuggling without boning is pretty gay though and makes you her teddy bear not her boyfriend.

The circumstances you explained about her easily align with being unfaithful. And people don't mind you checking their phone when they have a sure thing happening by some other means, like a burner phone or phone calls only that get deleted from the log etc.

I would definitely stop self medicating and get your endorphins the old fashioned way by working out and banging your missus. See a counselor if you need to deal with the stuff related to your brother. Start taking cialis, vitamin D, zinc, magnesium etc to get your organ geared to go. Resume your responsibilities in the sack and then see if the strange behaviour continues. You have to approach your own thing from both mental and physical angles.

 

[gorillaglue#4]

Your brother sadly killed himself, this has quite clearly distraught you! you are now self medicating or at least practicing with alcohol or drugs

This in turn is making you paranoid, your "visiting" her at work, shes gone to her dads and should have told you? More controlling paranoia

you may not realise this but this relationship will turn toxic you will become verbally abusive or physically as your insecurity digs its teeth in

I would consider help from a doctor, in the mean time i believe your Partner may be emotionally disengaging from you ie your relationship is a shell to her, this is how women work.

we cant say if shes having an affair however she may not feel comfortable with you

i would be prepared for "THE TALK"

in the mean time dont accuse her

derby, since you suspect that she feels uncomfortable, what am I to do? as a person who lives with her and works with her dad on occasion?
Yeah I know that the drugs are making my mental state all the worse off. Visiting her at work shouldn't normally be a bad thing, she usually loves it when I visit, and she offered it recently because I was worried about, it makes me feel ****ty though. All of it just makes me feel so off/drained. I don't like thinking about things like this, I don't feel like its unreasonable for me to expect her to tell me the truth about where she's working. Is this controlling behavior?

Either way you are right, she is emotionally and physically disengaging from me, I am unsure what to do, and don't really know what you mean by "the talk"(lol).

Other than that, yeah, accusing her of anything isn't right, she doesn't deserve that. She is a good person.

(ps: about being a teddy bear, yeah I'm pretty sappy: I enjoy snuggling and etc, we even are celebrating Christmas)

 

[Von]

derby, since you suspect that she feels uncomfortable, what am I to do? as a person who lives with her and works with her dad on occasion?
Yeah I know that the drugs are making my mental state all the worse off. Visiting her at work shouldn't normally be a bad thing, she usually loves it when I visit, and she offered it recently because I was worried about, it makes me feel ****ty though. All of it just makes me feel so off/drained. I don't like thinking about things like this, I don't feel like its unreasonable for me to expect her to tell me the truth about where she's working. Is this controlling behavior?

Either way you are right, she is emotionally and physically disengaging from me, I am unsure what to do, and don't really know what you mean by "the talk"(lol).

Other than that, yeah, accusing her of anything isn't right, she doesn't deserve that. She is a good person.

(ps: about being a teddy bear, yeah I'm pretty sappy: I enjoy snuggling and etc, we even are celebrating Christmas)

I went throught what you are going through. It hard.... and it destroys you in a way you can't never suspect.

The very air around becomes toxic for people around you.... it's poison... the fact you taking med isn't helping... it might suppress the short-term... but trust me... it won't last and eventually you will start needing more and more to keep. Also, these meds are actually playing with your brain in a way that is life threatening.

Your girl might have the ''usual action'' of cheating... but she could actually just be running away from you.... she might be with a counsellor, going to funny movies etc... Yes, the fact you never ''know'' might give you controlling urge... but these urges come from fear... and when you act on fear... you start pushing people into doing the stuff you fear the most.

It's time for you to drop the meds... take fruits, vitamins (like Thorninmyside wrote), take a male counsellor (psychologist) and start talking to your girlfriend.

It seems to you don't have issues with her, all the issues started after your brother event. She's trying to deal with the pain she feel coming from you, she is trying to heal... cause you might be hurting her on the side with your ''energy''... (that's what I did to my ex)... she could be counsulting for what's going on etc... she might be trying to find a way to put you back in her life like it used to be (we know you will never be the same... but doesnt mean you can't have the LTR like it used to be... no matter how hard it is)... She's overloading with what's going on. Time to do something to get back in control of yourself...

It took me 3 years to get over it in a emotional functionnal way, it still hurts but I can get the best out of it now, and do my life... what helped: I wrote a letter to him (to my brother) a love letter with a goodbye note, I attached it to a brick, when to the lake and threw it in the water to be forever gone... this helped me to turn the page... than I became always active..doing something, building personnal goals, joining in the events of others, like go work more for your father in law (take over the business one day), TALK TO HER and SHARE HOW YOU FEEL IN THE MOMENT. Have her take you to a counsellor

It's not your relationship you have to save, its yourself.... only by saving yourself, you will have her again

 

[GT40]

So sorry that your Brother took his life.
Hey get some professional help. It will help you and the relationship tremendously.

You have a full life to live and should be happy everyday.

 

[marmel75]

The less sex you have the less connected she will be to you. Until eventually she isn't.

 

[Macaframalama]

So a little background, we moved in together extremely fast, I get it, this probably wasn't the best idea (although It did garner me free rent), we were only seeing each other for about 2 months before we moved in. Its 8 months in, roughly, so far. We live on the property of her parents in a separate house that they allowed us to fix up, so I put in carpet, did the walls, windows etc. It actually looks really nice and is very cozy. We have been living and working here since, I also occasionally work part time for her dad at his business. We fight occasionally, the normal couple stuff about money issue, family stuff, other issues that don't really bring up major flags to me, none of this is too horrible for me really, especially since in past relationships the fighting was much worse.

We have a lot in common, she's a really awesome chick. She comes from a conservative background, and a very stable awesome family. She has only had a couple of other sexual partners other than me (she claims). I find her trustworthy, especially in comparison to my past girlfriends. She might white-lie here and there, but I haven't caught her in any major lies. We say we love eachother, we talk about getting married, having kids, we have made long term plans to move in together (after we move out of here).

The sex life since the beginning was always really good, by mine and her standards. She has easily given me the best orgasms of my entire life. On top of this we have shared secret sexual stuff (both of us have) that we were never able to build up the trust or courage to tell anyone before. This was extremely liberating to us both and has helped mentally in a lot of ways. She as well says the orgasms are the best she's ever had (she wasn't really having proper ones before).

The problem arises here: my brother hung himself in September. Since then we have only had sex 3...maybe 4 times. ive been extremely distraught, and have been self medicating with opiates, which has diminished my sex life. (she encourages me to be medicated though because it greatly eases my mental anguish and helps me function/go to work/etc). We have done other stuff though, oral etc. We still sleep in the same bed every night, and are intimate in that we still say we love each other, have long discussions, snuggles, Netflix etc. There was also this instance where she was working, and I had visited her at her workplace, she wasn't there (to my shock), and she wasn't home either. I called her and apparently she was at her dads office helping him (and apparently just forgot to tell me?). Since then I feel there have been other times where it seems like she has picked up a shift or two that were oddly placed, it just seemed off, I approached her about it and she of course swears up and down that nothing is going on and everything is 100% kosher. Like the other day for instance when she picked up a 2 hour shift (??) because apparently someone else couldn't make it and they only needed her for just those hours, on top of this the store was closed so I couldn't visit her then either, but she told me to call her work to see if she was there. I felt weird about it and never did call, what difference would it make? Either her or her manager (male- names john) would answer and obviously aren't going to just say "ya we're bangin". They could be banging in the back and I would never know.....she very regularly works till close, unless shes picking up a shift she basically only ever closes.

Also, she gives me full access to her phone and all of her social media accounts, facebook, insta, etc. In fact I have her phone in front of me right now. Shes always been 100% forthcoming with this sort of thing, passwords and etc, so I've never had to worry from that angle.
Is this fishy? It feels fishy to me. She doesn't seem like the type to cheat, especially in comparison to all the other girls I've been with.

I don't want to think shes cheating on me, and I don't thknk there's really any way I can actually verify if she is or not. What do you think I should do? at times I feel i'd rather just be single so I could have the peace of mind, even if it means endless loneliness. feel free to ask any questions you'd like I will answer anything. thanks again

Get off the opiates man. I live in a state, where opioid abuse is one of the highest in the nation. They are some of the most paranoid ppl I've ever met.

Snuggling without boning is pretty gay though and makes you her teddy bear not her boyfriend.

This is the dumbest chit I've ever heard. OP lost his brother just 3 months ago.

The circumstances you explained about her easily align with being unfaithful. And people don't mind you checking their phone when they have a sure thing happening by some other means, like a burner phone or phone calls only that get deleted from the log etc.

Or working. You sound as paranoid as OP, but do you have an excuse?

 

[gorillaglue#4]

So a little background, we moved in together extremely fast, I get it, this probably wasn't the best idea (although It did garner me free rent), we were only seeing each other for about 2 months before we moved in. Its 8 months in, roughly, so far. We live on the property of her parents in a separate house that they allowed us to fix up, so I put in carpet, did the walls, windows etc. It actually looks really nice and is very cozy. We have been living and working here since, I also occasionally work part time for her dad at his business. We fight occasionally, the normal couple stuff about money issue, family stuff, other issues that don't really bring up major flags to me, none of this is too horrible for me really, especially since in past relationships the fighting was much worse.

We have a lot in common, she's a really awesome chick. She comes from a conservative background, and a very stable awesome family. She has only had a couple of other sexual partners other than me (she claims). I find her trustworthy, especially in comparison to my past girlfriends. She might white-lie here and there, but I haven't caught her in any major lies. We say we love eachother, we talk about getting married, having kids, we have made long term plans to move in together (after we move out of here).

The sex life since the beginning was always really good, by mine and her standards. She has easily given me the best orgasms of my entire life. On top of this we have shared secret sexual stuff (both of us have) that we were never able to build up the trust or courage to tell anyone before. This was extremely liberating to us both and has helped mentally in a lot of ways. She as well says the orgasms are the best she's ever had (she wasn't really having proper ones before).

The problem arises here: my brother hung himself in September. Since then we have only had sex 3...maybe 4 times. ive been extremely distraught, and have been self medicating with opiates, which has diminished my sex life. (she encourages me to be medicated though because it greatly eases my mental anguish and helps me function/go to work/etc). We have done other stuff though, oral etc. We still sleep in the same bed every night, and are intimate in that we still say we love each other, have long discussions, snuggles, Netflix etc. There was also this instance where she was working, and I had visited her at her workplace, she wasn't there (to my shock), and she wasn't home either. I called her and apparently she was at her dads office helping him (and apparently just forgot to tell me?). Since then I feel there have been other times where it seems like she has picked up a shift or two that were oddly placed, it just seemed off, I approached her about it and she of course swears up and down that nothing is going on and everything is 100% kosher. Like the other day for instance when she picked up a 2 hour shift (??) because apparently someone else couldn't make it and they only needed her for just those hours, on top of this the store was closed so I couldn't visit her then either, but she told me to call her work to see if she was there. I felt weird about it and never did call, what difference would it make? Either her or her manager (male- names john) would answer and obviously aren't going to just say "ya we're bangin". They could be banging in the back and I would never know.....she very regularly works till close, unless shes picking up a shift she basically only ever closes.

Also, she gives me full access to her phone and all of her social media accounts, facebook, insta, etc. In fact I have her phone in front of me right now. Shes always been 100% forthcoming with this sort of thing, passwords and etc, so I've never had to worry from that angle.
Is this fishy? It feels fishy to me. She doesn't seem like the type to cheat, especially in comparison to all the other girls I've been with.

I don't want to think shes cheating on me, and I don't thknk there's really any way I can actually verify if she is or not. What do you think I should do? at times I feel i'd rather just be single so I could have the peace of mind, even if it means endless loneliness. feel free to ask any questions you'd like I will answer anything. thanks again

Just to clarify: when I say "Ive been extremely distraught." I mean about my brothers suicide, not about the lack of sex (lol). Its this depressive phase that has caused the lack of sex, not the other way around. I just haven't felt in the mood + the opiates.

It's funny how we subconsciously understand they do not have our back in the down times.

We were just talking about this on another thread, how the first sign of cheating is when we can see a good reason for them to want to do it.

That's the thing though, Is I feel like she has definitely had by back, and has spent a lot of time with me just one on one, through those sleepless nights, at church, at the memorial, etc. She's been extremely available emotionally. At times when I reflect on it I realize that It's more than likely all just in my head, and I'm manifesting the negativity which is driving her away. The main reason why I think she has a "good reason" to cheat is because my brain tends to default to that dumbass, age old, old age, handed down by the old and dry assumption that all women require **** in them at least once in every 48 hour period or they stop operating, which is of course a misogynistic myth, propagated by wannabes. I still regularly give her orgasms (any time she asks) with my mouth or hands whenever she asks, which keeps her happy I assume. Would you consider cheating on someone you "love"? for any reason at all? The reason I come to these forums is to seek a more hardened world view/more red pilled world view, a much more self serving and male-independent-minded perspective.

The less sex you have the less connected she will be to you. Until eventually she isn't.

Do non-intercourse orgasms count in your book?

 

[Macaframalama]

The reason I come to these forums is to seek a more hardened world view/more red pilled world view, a much more self serving and male-independent-minded perspective.

Seek balance and fluidity.

 

[Thorninmyside]

This is the dumbest chit I've ever heard. OP lost his brother just 3 months ago.

We've all lost people and I'm sorry. The world doesn't wait for us to be ready for it again. The fact that this is on his mind means he's at least ready to resume areas of his life.

Or working. You sound as paranoid as OP, but do you have an excuse?

Yep. It's called experience, c*ckmunch. Maybe you should get some one day.

 

[gorillaglue#4]

Seek balance and fluidity.

Exactly.

We've all lost people and I'm sorry. The world doesn't wait for us to be ready for it again. The fact that this is on his mind means he's at least ready to resume areas of his life.



Yep. It's called experience, c*ckmunch. Maybe you should get some one day.

The world indeed doesn't wait for you to be ready.
And yes, It's time to move on, I'm glad that I at least have someone I can call my partner by my side. I need to give her a good d*ckin so I can dispel these fantoms that are haunting my head at the moment.

There really is no way to tell if someone is cheating, intuition is your best bet, and that is easily fallible. I do trust this girl, but I don't trust the human body, the human being seeks sex. Am I a flawed person for thinking this? That's why I seek the more red-pilled view, because that isn't my default nature imo.

 

[Macaframalama]

Yep. It's called experience, c*ckmunch. Maybe you should get some one day.

CTFU! Yea,so much so, that you feel the need to be all up in your b!tches phone. Tell yourself whatever you feel you need Sherlock.

 

[gorillaglue#4]

CTFU! Yea,so much so, that you feel the need to be all up in your b!tches phone. Tell yourself whatever you feel you need Sherlock.

just for reference my girl lets me use her phone, I don't have a phone atm and she has nothing to hide. she has told me to look at her fb messages before so lol ya I did...clean as a whistle. she doesn't have tinder or any dating apps either.....

 

[Macaframalama]

You def have been shamed to shyte and lack experience

Because I'm not in my girls phone? Lol

 

[Macaframalama]

just for reference my girl lets me use her phone, I don't have a phone atm and she has nothing to hide. she has told me to look at her fb messages before so lol ya I did...clean as a whistle. she doesn't have tinder or any dating apps either.....

I wouldn't look even if she offered. Why? Just to confirm an insecurity?

 

[marmel75]

Just to clarify: when I say "Ive been extremely distraught." I mean about my brothers suicide, not about the lack of sex (lol). Its this depressive phase that has caused the lack of sex, not the other way around. I just haven't felt in the mood + the opiates.

That's the thing though, Is I feel like she has definitely had by back, and has spent a lot of time with me just one on one, through those sleepless nights, at church, at the memorial, etc. She's been extremely available emotionally. At times when I reflect on it I realize that It's more than likely all just in my head, and I'm manifesting the negativity which is driving her away. The main reason why I think she has a "good reason" to cheat is because my brain tends to default to that dumbass, age old, old age, handed down by the old and dry assumption that all women require **** in them at least once in every 48 hour period or they stop operating, which is of course a misogynistic myth, propagated by wannabes. I still regularly give her orgasms (any time she asks) with my mouth or hands whenever she asks, which keeps her happy I assume. Would you consider cheating on someone you "love"? for any reason at all? The reason I come to these forums is to seek a more hardened world view/more red pilled world view, a much more self serving and male-independent-minded perspective.


Do non-intercourse orgasms count in your book?

No

 

[gorillaglue#4]

I wouldn't look even if she offered. Why? Just to confirm an insecurity?

Just for ****s and gigs I guess, she offered. It's nice to see how she interacts with others and just the fact that she is 100% open about it, and that I returned the favor and have allowed her full access to all my accounts and info too. is this stupid? most would probably think so. I myself also have nothing to hide so it doesn't bother me either.

my brothers suicide has really left me messed up in the head. its a really twisted feeling. its ****ed up that it stretches into all areas of your life, including your love life. its a bummer for real.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I've never been through a girl's phone. I don't have to in order to note obvious changes in routine, Fagadramalama.

 

[Macaframalama]

Just for ****s and gigs I guess, she offered. It's nice to see how she interacts with others and just the fact that she is 100% open about it, and that I returned the favor and have allowed her full access to all my accounts and info too. is this stupid? most would probably think so. I myself also have nothing to hide so it doesn't bother me either.

my brothers suicide has really left me messed up in the head. its a really twisted feeling. its ****ed up that it stretches into all areas of your life, including your love life. its a bummer for real.

I think with the checking up on her, stopping by at work, calls at work, etc it can mount up and start making you look paranoid and controlling. You shouldn't have to build trust by monitoring each other. That's not trust. I'm not saying walk in blind Faith, but ask yourself, what do you know for a fact.?.? What do her actions tell you?