Banging my head....

[RobLB]

Hey Trim check this article out....

http://www.enotalone.com/article/2445.html

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Thanks for the post DJZulu. I appreciate the reminder to enjoy each and every minute of life. I read about a 44-year old woman who died today, and that message hit me pretty hard.

I had another hot sex dream about Sunshine. That always ruins my mornings. I woke up feeling so bad I called in sick, and went to see my doctor(not my therapist).

Today is a big day. I got on Prozac.

My doctor, with whom I have a lot of rapport because we do something most people don't, ride a bike 25 miles to work(well, I did for years before my injury) is a natural DJ.

I was telling him about the breakup and my life since. He was confident that I should get on the meds. In fact, he couldn't believe I've gone this long and gone through the things I have without doing something crazy. He's been through a divorce and he knows how hard it can be.

I am depressed.

So I'm trying it out. I read and read about it before I took the first dose. I haven't been happy, and you can probably infer that from my posts. I'm trying to do the things that make me happy, and that's not enough. I've read all the self-help I could. I've talked to friends and family...nothing. I'm just not happy. This drug will help me get my happiness back.

And it's nonaddictive. Once my life is settled down, and I'm capable of actually making myself happy again, my doc will ween me off of it. I know there can be side effects, and they may affect my life. But I am willing to sacrifice some of my life right now, instead of having absolutely no life while I suffer from this sh1t.

I'll keep posting on this thread to let you all know how it goes and what I learn from all of this.

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Rob,

Good article. She is spot on in describing what we go through. Did you have the feeling that we could have written that exact same thing?

There was the part about letting go in the end that is so important. That's what I want to get to, but I'm not there yet. I still talk to my "imaginary" ex sometimes. There are things I want to tell her, but I can't. So I talk to her this way. I guess when I don't have to do that anymore, that'll be a good sign.

 

[RobLB]

Originally posted by TheTrimReaper
Rob,

Good article. She is spot on in describing what we go through. Did you have the feeling that we could have written that exact same thing?

There was the part about letting go in the end that is so important. That's what I want to get to, but I'm not there yet. I still talk to my "imaginary" ex sometimes. There are things I want to tell her, but I can't. So I talk to her this way. I guess when I don't have to do that anymore, that'll be a good sign.

Damn,...and I thought I was the only one that talked to the walls

It gets better believe me...I know it's hard to understand how, but it does. I have a positive outlook on life now, stronger than before I met my ex, but 3 months ago I thought about jumping off a bridge(not really, but close)!! I think when Christmas is over I will be 100%, that is the only bump in the road that I am not looking forward to is x-mas. We'll see!

Take care...

 

[joekerr31]

trim, there is someting to the women you settle down with. they all seem to be non trust worthy for hte most part. and if they are trust worthy they dont seem to turn your crack.

perhaps you are attracted to girls with underlying issues? it can be a very subtle difference.

like with myself i found i'm attracted to women who somewhat tough. like i can argue and they will argue back.

so why was i attracted to them? because i liked to argue. but now that im at a stage in life where i dont enjoy arguing, im no longer attracted to that. so now im looking at women in a whole new light.

Robl, glad you didn't jump.

people really really really really need to get perspective on what life is all about. too many people think its about having the perfect woman like in the movies. and women think its about having the perfect man. so both people put so much pressure on each other to "cover up" their flaws. well the only way to cover your flaws up is to lie. and so the game begins

i mean, really, in the grand scope of life its just one big long experience. you really have to become outcome independent and just experience the various things. NEVER EVER EVER judge yourself negatively. there is always room to grow, so grow, but never beat yourself up for making mistakes, its part of the growing process.

when you come to see this, its also easier to let go of the wrongs people have done to you. becuase you realize that they are just at a different stage of growing.

i honestly and truly believe that its IMPOSSIBLE to hurt others without hurting yourself.

and trim, perhaps in a wierd way you are getting just deserves in all this. It sounds like you've cheated on a lot of women over the years. #2 sounds like you really hurt her.

perhaps life is now showing you what it feels like in return.

dont take that the wrong way, just trying to find the lesson you're suppose to be learning from all this.

i've found that we typically get what we deserve. and even though we can't see it at the time, more often than not we choose the people who will eventually force us to face our internal issues.

ive faced mine (at least i think i have) and now im flirting with a whole different set of women than i normally would. and you know something, it feels great.

I also think you need to shift your outlook on all this a bit. you say you're left with nothing. you're left with a valuable experience, and if you learn from it, which will take time, you'll gain much more than if you ever would have had it never occurred.

it honestly feel so bad for these guys who are way or another stuck in relationships that aren't fully satisfying.

i want to shake the hell out of them and say "there are women out there who will treat a man right you know".
but because they can't stand not having a woman now and then they make the wrong picks.

J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I got into work today to have my boss b1tch at me for not coming in yesterday. I left a voicemail and she said I didn't. What a great job!<sarcasm>

Today was one of those rough days. I kept thinking about Sunshine and how close we were. Maybe I'm drawn to girls with problems because I've got them myself?! I don't really know Joe.

I think I'm a pretty normal person. I'm not too needy. In fact, I think girls would complain that I'm not needy enough, which I think is better, but who knows with women.

I'm already getting diarrhea from the Prozac. My doctor said to stay on it and the symptoms should eventually go away. Regardless, I still panicked once tonight. I've been staying over at my parent's place since Thanksgiving. It was really bad, so I thought I should be around people.

I would really enjoy some affection right now. Knowing that I shouldn't be around any girls right now, that I want a great woman and a family, and that I'm so far from that right now, while time is passing, is something that I don't want to face. It's like time is slipping, and I'm stuck. I want to get better. I know what I want in my life, but I'm not ready. It's just frustrating.

Nothing tastes good. I started realizing this today. Since the relationship ended, nothing tastes good to me anymore. I can eat the best foods, but I don't enjoy them. I can do my favorite stuff, and I don't enjoy it. Dammit.

Tomorrow is another therapist visit. She is pretty new age, with her NLP and stuff. I'm wondering how she is going to react to the Prozac prescription. Well, she doesn't know about what happened on Thanksgiving, but I'm sure she won't be too surprised.

I'm starting to realize that life is too short, and you have to have goals. I should have set goals in my past relationship. For example, get married after one year, or end it.... Move in together in six months or end it.... Life starts happening, and I get caught up in it sometimes, and not having my goals written down messes me up. I think it messed up my relationship.

But who knows. I've thought of everything I could about why things ended. It's all here on this thread. What more can I say?

 

[joekerr31]

Originally posted by TheTrimReaper

I would really enjoy some affection right now. Knowing that I shouldn't be around any girls right now, that I want a great woman and a family, and that I'm so far from that right now, while time is passing, is something that I don't want to face.

I'm starting to realize that life is too short, and you have to have goals. I should have set goals in my past relationship.

see, now you're starting to dig deeper and find the true causes behind your misfortune.

never ever make a decision based on fear. its one of the HUGE HUGE HUGE mistakes people make throughout their lives. Part of your decision making process (and your depression) is this FEAR that 'time is passing by'. you gotta deal with this FEAR that you have before you can tackle your other problems.

with regards to goals. yes, they are important, but in a different way than it hink you're thinking. see, setting goals are impotant because they keep YOUR focus on YOU.

Having goals is a great way to keep some woman from messing up your life. If she starts to screw up you accomlpishing your goals, then you know shes low quality. a woman should support you in acheiving your goals, not act like quicksand from you reaching them.

setting goals will help you figure out what you want from life. it then becomes a lot easier to determine whether a woman fits into what you want in life.

you're making progress Trim, keep it up, more insights will bubble to the surface as time goes on.

J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Whoa,

A blast from the past! I was walking by this dance school near my mom's house with her on Wednesday when I look in the window, and I see #3's older sister. (#3 is referred to earlier in thread)
Anyway, she invites me over to dinner tonight and I go. Well, she is married with two kids. I was roommates with #3, her, and her husband. Pretty funny. So I went over tonight and reminisced. #3 is living overseas now with three kids, which I knew.

But the odd thing is they are remodeling the downstairs area of their parent's house and they are going to live there. They are somewhat earthy. I volunteered to help with some of the work, so that'll help me keep busy. It also feels good to expand the social circle, or at least revive past relationships.

I have a job interview on Monday. It's great f*cking news! I'm ready to change. I am concerned I won't have access to as many females anymore, but the access I have now is to foreign women. And the last thing I want is some foreign woman giving me a hard time. The way I see it, if I'm going to get a hard time, I'd rather be getting it from an American woman, or nobody at all, than a foreign woman.

Tonight, I found out from #3's sister that a girl I liked from 9th grade- on is pregnant. My history with her is odd. In 9th grade, she was about 6 ft. tall, while I was about 5' 4". She was hot and had big t1ts and a nice butt, totally intimidating. I don't think I even had hair in my pits! Then when I was 19, I had caught up. And I hooked up a little with her at a party. Then, about five years ago, I run into her and #3's sister at a club. We are flirting, but my friends leave and pull me away from her, almost a catfight. I always liked her. I'm p1ssed to hear she is going to have the baby of a guy who left her.

At times like this I see how weird this world is. Here is somebody I've known for twenty years. A beautiful and fun woman, who I would have been completely happy to have in my life, getting f*cked over as bad as it gets. I don't mean to sound chivalrous or anything like that because I'm not. I just have to laugh at how mixed up things are sometimes.

I had a busy day. A friend at work, one of the guys I talked about earlier who got dumped by a green card bride, introduced me to a budding Russian psychologist. Let me tell you, this woman is an energyball. When I saw her the first time, I swear there was light all around her.

Well, we went to a cafe after work to chat. She's married. She was there to help cheer me up. So we are talking and I'm spellbound. She's holding my hands, talking, and her energy is just going right into me. I needed to talk to a positive person like her. She's pretty, but her personality is amazing. I'm just blown away. I thought I had done a lot to grow, but after meeting her, I realize there is so much more.

She wasn't too supportive of my being on meds though. It was a big issue for her. I didn't know what else to say but that my therapist, my doctor, my family, a lot of people here, and I believed I needed them.

So we are going to see each other again next week. I don't know if it's therapy or what. I've never met anyone like this and it's awesome. And for once, I'm not even interested in getting into a woman's pants.

I had a date planned tonight, but I cancelled. She's a girl from work I'm not too interested in. I was tired from the long day of work, the Energy Ball, and catching up on old times with #3's family. I suggested a reschedule, and she seemed cool. I felt bad doing it, but I shouldn't. I was tired right!!!

So I'm feeling pretty good now. It's comforting to see old faces. I think the meds are starting to build up enough to where I'm getting some benefits. I had a panic attack at work this afternoon, but it wasn't as distressing as they've been before.

Long day, more to come later.....

 

[RobLB]

Good new, good news,...glad your starting to see some daylight!!!

Keep it up!!

 

[djzulu]

Originally posted by TheTrimReaper


So we are going to see each other again next week. I don't know if it's therapy or what. I've never met anyone like this and it's awesome. And for once, I'm not even interested in getting into a woman's pants.

I am glad that things are getting better and that you are finding people to socialize with. Imho the best way to figure out our problems is through social interaction. When you start interacting with other individuals - especially other women - on a friendly basis, you start seeing who you are and gaining insight into your personality. People are like a mirror - they reflect back what we project - and that can help us fine-tune our personalities.

I used to see therapists and they rarely helped - but today, my best therapist is a personal female friend that I have known for 10 years. Not only it's free - but she really wants to help - she cares about me and I care about her. This 'High-Energy' chick might turn out to be a very good friend that you can talk to - a girl that you don't consider a candidate for a relationship (even though that might change )

Keep meeting new people, and try to achieve a relaxed state of mind - a state of mind where all you care about is socializing; meeting women for relationships should be the least of your concern. If you manage to achieve that state of 'nirvana', the 'one' will reveal herself eventually, since subconsciously your mind is on the lookout for her.

 

[joekerr31]

no offense to the last post, but i strongly disagree.

i mean, friends are great. but you have to tackle your issues on your own sometimes. you can't always be relying on some female friend to help keep you in "nirvana"

and i agree on the socializing is good, but it can also be bad if you have issues ticking away in your mind. when you're upset or have unresolved issues, socializing can sometimes make them even worse.

i think when people hit the stage that trim hit, theres some serious issues with self esteem. and they have to find a way to rearrange their thoughts.

i mean, if you scrap your knee its fine, have your girl friend put a bandaid on it.

but if you're heart stops beating, you need professional help and a zap with the paddles.

i continue to say though that ultimately one must be responsible for their own well being. yes, you can get support form others, but you will only ever become as strong as they are.

i say consult the works of the masters and learn how to master your life so that YOU are the support to others and the strongest more reliable support that you could ever want for yourself - YOU.

J

 

[djzulu]

Originally posted by joekerr31
no offense to the last post, but i strongly disagree.

i mean, friends are great. but you have to tackle your issues on your own sometimes. you can't always be relying on some female friend to help keep you in "nirvana"

J

Joker,

I don't think we are in disagreement - I just think that we are presenting two solutions that are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

I don't think that you should always be relying on a female friend to help keep you in check - but if you are going to seek professional help, there is nothing wrong with a friend that can help you. In my case, when I am in the most troubling situations in my life, I get much more from talking to people that genuinely care about me. But this doesn't mean that it works for everybody.

i think when people hit the stage that trim hit, theres some serious issues with self esteem. and they have to find a way to rearrange their thoughts.

I agree, but I truly believe that social interaction does help your self esteem - I didn't say that it's the only way. We are social creatures and whether we like it or not, we get our feedback from society. By 'rearranging our thoughts' we can try to 'program' our feedback mechanism, but we still need social interaction to guide and develop our personality.

i continue to say though that ultimately one must be responsible for their own well being. yes, you can get support form others, but you will only ever become as strong as they are.

i say consult the works of the masters and learn how to master your life so that YOU are the support to others and the strongest more reliable support that you could ever want for yourself - YOU.

But in order to develop yourself and to achieve that level, you have to go through various stages, and imho interacting with people helps you build confidence. How would you ever be 'support to others' without social interaction? When I referred to social interaction, I did not allude to such interactions where you are constantly seeking support - on the contrary, the state of 'nirvana' that I referred to is a mental state where you are comfortable with who you are when you socialize. Again, there is no disagreement - it's obvious that 'rearranging your thoughts' is part of the process.

Hope this clears things up.

Zulu

 

[TheTrimReaper]

Well, Friday and Saturday were good. Yesterday, I was back down again. I suffered all day, and exchanged a few text messages with the Energy Ball.

Then the Energy Ball called me last night.

She called at like 11:30, and pretty much talked me to sleep. Her voice kept getting lower and lower until I was passed out. She is amazing. She texted me today before my job interview to see how I slept, see how I was feeling, and to wish me luck. Damn, there are some great people out there. Actually, she just messaged me to see if it's alright to call after 11 tonight.

I'm concerned about what you are saying Joe. Remember how you told me love is addictive? What if this is what's happening? She's giving me affection, and I'm injecting it like a guy who's been on the wagon for 9 weeks.

But then again, I don't want to temper what is going on. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of going against the grain and just want to go with the flow for a while.

I don't know what is good for me.

So I had an interview today, and I'll find out if I got the job tomorrow. I was myself, and didn't get too nervous. It'd be a dream job. I'm excited. If I don't get it, well, I can't go down any further so f*ck it.

It looks like Immaculate and I are going to meet up for some beers tomorrow. Never met anyone from the board, so we will try to make sosuave proud.

I don't know what to do about #3's family. I went over there on Saturday and helped do some renovating, but when I offered to come again, #3's dad said, "You are invited to the New Year's Party". OK, cool. It sucks because I'm totally in love with their five-year-old daughter. She is the daughter I wanted Sunshine to have with me. And I really liked spending time with my old friends. Well, I'll call my buddy's cell and try to get around the dad.

I also met a girl who might like Thoreau as much as I do. I'll keep you posted.

 

[decades]

its not about "just friends" for the energy ball imo...its there for the taking. friends don't call at that hour and they don't call so often. She is showing major interest in you my friend. This might be your lucky week.

regards

 

[joekerr31]

this energy ball woman isn't give you the "i want to screw your brains out" signals.

shes giving you the "im an amazing person who cares about people who are hurting"

i'm sorry, but a chic who would call you and talk you to sleep and text you to see how you were feeling is one hell of a good chic.

thats a chic who is high on the "nurturing" scale. thats probably the most important factor you want to look for in finding a good chic.

so i dont know if this chic is single or what's the case. but i wouldn't try to get in her pants right away.

if she just wants to be friends, don't let that slip away. cool people like that don't come along every day.

she'll let you know if she wants more than friendship.

things are looking up trim. life is taking care of you. sent an angel to look after you right before your big interview.

see man, life will be there for you when you are ready.

thanks GOD you followed my advice and cut contact with the ex.

Otherwise you'd have missed hte opportunity with this "energy ball" and would probably be up late on the phone having some f*cked up convo with your ex and getting so messed up in the head that you totally screw up your interview.

pay attention guys, life always gets better when you cut the crazy b*tches out of your life.

J

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I'm starting to wish Persistant were right. It would be great if that were the case, but I don't think so.

Well, the Energy Ball is married. And to make matters worse, I found out she is going back to her country in a few weeks. She's been here for a couple years, and I just happen to meet her before she leaves. You always here me drone on about how much I like blond/blue women, which she is of course. It makes it just that much harder for me to keep my composure.

We talked again last night, and you are absolutely right about her Joe. She is a truly great person...beautiful in every way. If anything, this let's me know that there are amazing people out there who I can find attractive as well. If they are single and attracted to me is another story.

I also got another great message from her today, and our mutual friend dropped off a book at my work from her today. Damn, this affection is feeling good. And she is so good at giving it.

No word yet about the interview. I have to go up tonight to talk to them again, but I'm not sure what's going to happen. No beers and chicks with Immaculate.

Tomorrow is another appointment with the therapist. I want to talk to her about getting a psychiatrist. The Prozac is helping, but it isn't doing much for my anxiety, which creeps in now and again. I would also like to find out more about support groups. I guess she would be the one to talk to about that. I know I'm far from over it with Sunshine.

I have a date with Thoreau(what I will call her from now on) planned for Sunday. We have a lot in common, except she has a great job. I don't know a lot about her aside from several facts about her life and that she has good taste(I know that from her taste in books and her choice to talk with me). She's not blond/blue, but I'm taking your advice and exploring.

I guess I'm gonna tell Energy Ball about my date with Thoreau. But I have to admit I'm a little hesitant. Does that make sense? Probably doesn't....

The Japanese model saw me in my suit getting ready to go to my interview yesterday. After acting distant toward me for two weeks at work(I didn't call again after the date), she popped into my room today to say 'hello'. Suits are great. I don't really want to call her again, but maybe I will.

 

[RobLB]

Glad to hear good news from you Trim. Feel pretty good doesn't it??

Keep us informed....

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I didn't get the job. They liked me, but of the seven candidates for the two spots, I was the one who didn't have any administrative experience on my resume. Well, I do have admin experience, but my friend, who is a recruiter, told me my sales resume, which I had taken the admin work off of for brevity's sake, would be more appropriate. Now I want to ring his neck.

No biggie. I'll just do the job I've been studying for recently. It isn't as steady and secure, but it will pay much more.

OK, I am falling for the Energy Ball.

I went to therapy last night. I mentioned her to my therapist, and she pretty much freaked. And that freaked me out.

Then, when the Energy Ball called last night (she calls me every night), I was clearly different than usual. She is sensitive and totally noticed it. When she brought up that I sounded different, I tried to avoid it. But when she brought it up again, I had to do some serious backpedaling. Eventually, I was able to convince her that I was "relaxed" and that's why I sounded different.

Today, I had lunch, which we had been planning since the weekend, with her. I thought I would be able to take my therapist's advice and be frank with her. But I wasn't able to do it.

My therapist told me to tell her that I really appreciated our friendship and everything, but that she is leaving soon and I will be here without her. So I need some space.

But this was only the second time I've ever seen this woman. So I felt odd laying down the serious talk. Instead, I was just kind of quiet, and I tried to get her to talk. But there were some awkward moments. The friend that introduced us has a "blind date" for me to go on. I'm about as interested in a "blind date" as you all are, but I asked the Energy Ball what she thought if I had a blind date. I figured if I talked about how I was going to go on a date, she would see I'm not thinking about her as a mate(which I am kind of).

Well, she first answered me by saying "Something...Something... And Trim, you are very handsome. And I feel like I have known you for so long. I felt it the first time I saw you....." WTF does that mean?!! Then, she eventually got to asking me if I thought it was ok for me to go out with girls. She didn't really say "go for it" or "no, you shouldn't." Her speech was way too vague. I don't know if it's because she is Russian, or if she's speaking ********, but I'm confused. There were no IOIs, signs that she really thought I should go on the date, or signs of upset. I feel like I've got nothing to go on. What is up with this woman?

What's best for me is to keep my distance. But it's especially hard for me when she sends me a message like this one yesterday: "Sorry I didn't text you earlier this morning. I've been on the run all day, but I've been thinking about you. So I was very glad to get your message...."

She also brought up:
-how she'd had two emotional affairs and thought they were beautiful
-how she remembered faces, especially eyes, then she just stared right into mine (I couldn't take it and looked away after a few seconds)

Do I need to defend how I'm feeling here? It certainly seems like she has given me some signals. But is it me? Am I being needy? Am I getting attached too easily, and seeking out these IOIs?

To that I ask this: Do you think Sunshine is thinking about me? How long has it been since someone has cared about me like this? Sunshine probably wasn't like that for who knows how many years.

I don't need any more drama in my life. And this is adding more to it. The Energy Ball is a great woman, but I'm not going to make any moves. I realize I have only known her for six days, but it's been almost constant communication. And she is leaving in two weeks, which just might end up seeming like an eternity.

I'm going to go out with some people from work tomorrow. We are heading downtown. That will be a good time. This'll be the first time I've gone out with other people with me since the breakup. I'll get the chance to sarge and actually have friends I really have to go back to when I do a false time constraint.

So my weekend is booked up now. Club tomorrow. Party at Energy Ball's Saturday(might be weird). First date with Thoreau on Sunday. Not too bad.

 

[Nighthawk]

I love a comeback.

Perhaps the russian chick, attracted to your therapists advice (which I don't agree with) of unavailabilty and her drama-loving idea of a tearful parting make her want you. As the saying goes (now I just invented it, 'if she's f-cking hot, why the f-ck not?'

 

[decades]

no woman who calls that often (and late at night) and is that much in touch with you is doing it out of altruism. There is something going on but now it is sounding like energy ball has drama problems and thats the last thing you need. Hey why not just be direct with her, see if she wants to get physical her last two weeks and if not no biggie. just don't get caught up. get your emotions out of it..

good luck