Banging my head....

Pimp-sicle

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Trim:

So I finally figured out how to edit my profile, so I can post in here without getting my post deleted!! LOL

Anyways about the recent contact, as I mentioned in my PM its TOXIC!!! BPD's hoover as Persistent Exaction mentioned and its ALL ABOUT THEM!!! They usually hoover for a variety of reasons:

1) when they're lonely: They're new temporary bf is not cutting the deal, so she'll once again idealize you and come crawling back. The first few hoover attempts are casual....."I lost my glasses" and then they get more intense if you don't respond. If that fails to work, they get secretive and start calling from private #'s or will show up at your doorstep, work, gym, hangout spot etc.

2) they want to shove it in your face: I've read how many bpd's contact their ex a few months after the break-up just to tell them that they have a new man and are doing great. This is usually just another facade (surprise) and they feel as empty as ever.

3) just because: remember their impulsive as hell! If they get an itch to do something, they'll do it and if she feels like calling/emailing etc just for the fuvk of it, count on it happening. Also be more aware of your surroundings, she could be stocking you more than you realize. I know it sounds sooo "Fatal Attraction-ish" but it is, BPD is a scary, twisted world.


I think it is very wise of you to stick around here for a while, BPD relationships are not like normal ones. The break-ups take time to heal from and leave you with so many questions. Was she just using me? Did she even care about me? Was this whole thing a con job? The more you learn about BPD, the more you'll be able to be at peace with your relationship.

How ironic that you called your ex Sunshine. Sunshine girls is a broad general term referring to an attention w-hore.


Check your PM's bro.


PIMP
 

Heretolearn

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AWESOME WORK!!!!!!!!!


WOW - this thread is such a credit to yourself!
Talk about digging yourself out of a whole.

5 yrs from now please read this thread and be proud of how much you accomplished.

You had your heart ripped out but you kept going, got it back and now treasure it more.

I got hoovered on my one :)

I gave away all my power and am still trying to figure myself out.

* however I did get to see that we still cannot communicate so have no future unless that changes
 

STR8UP

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Originally posted by Desdinova
This is why women leave 5hit at their bfs place. They do it so they can get back in contact after a breakup.
That's why I try to do everything in my power to ensure that she has all of her sh!t and I have all of mine. We part ways and there is no reason to hear from her again.

Great in theory, but unfortunately my last one is still holding a few items of mine. Just waiting for the day when I get that email. Fukk her....she isn't going to get another second of my precious time (aside from maybe the second it takes me to hit the "delete" button on my email).
 

Heathscythe

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Ice... I feel sad for you, but the funny thing about concusions is you may not even notice a bump and all the while your skull is forming one that you can't see. instead the bump grows inward and begins putting too much pressure on your brain. This type of injury can lead to selfish acts such as bringing the mood down at your pop's B-day. You don't realize, they only care if you are there in person. They realize she is not there. You don't have to reassure them in hopes for a pity party. Who cares if you slump down in a chair and look glum. You don't have to pretend to be something your not and then seek reassurance when you think that is failing. Your concusion allowed you to blindly take the attention off of your father on his birthday. Birthdays become more and more meaningless as time goes by anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it and move on.
It is very simple. Just don't talk about this girl anymore. She doesn't exist. The only way to coexist with a nonexistent entity is to exist yourself. What did you enjoy doing before you met her? What did you enjoy doing while you were busy taking breaks from each other during the relationship? One day every human or soul must experience being alone. Whether the two of you were married or not, that day would still come, better now than in your eighties, man, right? So ice that concussion. Don't seek approval from anyone ANYWHERE! Don't be an attention hog. The only being you need to get approval from is you.
Besides love, real love, man, only comes anyone's way when they have it pushed so far out of their minds they don't even think it possible. And real love only grows between two parties when both parties are able to face life alone. I hope that helped. Happy new year.
 

Heretolearn

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Originally posted by Heathscythe
Ice... I feel sad for you, but the funny thing about concusions is you may not even notice a bump and all the while your skull is forming one that you can't see. instead the bump grows inward and begins putting too much pressure on your brain. This type of injury can lead to selfish acts such as bringing the mood down at your pop's B-day. You don't realize, they only care if you are there in person. They realize she is not there. You don't have to reassure them in hopes for a pity party. Who cares if you slump down in a chair and look glum. You don't have to pretend to be something your not and then seek reassurance when you think that is failing. Your concusion allowed you to blindly take the attention off of your father on his birthday. Birthdays become more and more meaningless as time goes by anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it and move on.
It is very simple. Just don't talk about this girl anymore. She doesn't exist. The only way to coexist with a nonexistent entity is to exist yourself. What did you enjoy doing before you met her? What did you enjoy doing while you were busy taking breaks from each other during the relationship? One day every human or soul must experience being alone. Whether the two of you were married or not, that day would still come, better now than in your eighties, man, right? So ice that concussion. Don't seek approval from anyone ANYWHERE! Don't be an attention hog. The only being you need to get approval from is you.
Besides love, real love, man, only comes anyone's way when they have it pushed so far out of their minds they don't even think it possible. And real love only grows between two parties when both parties are able to face life alone. I hope that helped. Happy new year.

ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL!

BRAVO!
 

Don Juanabbe

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This thread is epic. Trim - good work man.

My woman and yours - so many similarities - except mine made it easy on me - she started arguments and would punch me in the face.

She started fights with her friends too. Knock em out hair pulling stuff.

She never used to be that way. She started hanging around a bunch of jealous feminist friends. She changed once she hung out with them alot.

In hindsight, she was too stupid to realise how much her new friends were influencing her and what their agenda was - namely, to break us up.

None of her friends had a guy that remotely compare to me. I'm not saying that because I'm stuck up, it's just fact.

She used to be sugar and spice and all that. But really, she was a bytch. She turned into someone ugly whom I didn't want to know anymore. Like I said, she made it easy on me, and I was the one who actually initiated the breakup, which is where we differ.

Am I lonely now? Hell yes. But mine, like I said, got increasingly voilent. She would trash me in front of friends, trash my sister, who was apparently her 'best friend' in front of people. She even went so far as to trash my father, who is deceased. She called my dead father a piece of shyt, even though she never knew him, and said I was a piece of shyt, just like my old man.

Did I mention the witch made it easy on me?

The decision to dump her was now a no-brainer. I had no love left for the bytch, hence, not as much pain as you.

To make it worse, I work in the same company as her. Luckily I don't see her that much.

But I can tell you this - her life is flushing down the toilet - she came into work with black eyes, chunks of skin gouged out, bruises - she got into it with her much heavier sister and got her arse kicked.

Think about how embarrassing that is for her. Now all the girls gossip about her - they can't stand her new attitude. She's close to getting fired now. She had a new boyfriend and after 3 months, started pestering him and arguing with him like mad about getting married and having kids. AFTER THREE MONTHS?

My advice - thank your stars you are free. Your woman sounds alot like mine - and you can bet your life she, like my ex - is not doing very well - hence the contact.

No, my friend, you won this battle. You're scarred, but you'll heal. You still have your house - imagine if she tried to take half of everything?

No, man, you won this battle bigtime, you are the victor, you are the stronger. Good going, I'm rooting for you.

Soon, your pain will be ancient history. I've moved on from the pain. Went through a bitterness faze, but even that is wearing off.

Best of luck to you.

BTW, I'm 34 as well. Coincidence?

Soon you'll find women falling all over you, at our age, something magical happens, I can't quite explain it.
 

TheTrimReaper

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Guys,

Thanks again for all of the encouragement and help you've given me these past few months in this thread and elsewhere. Things change. I can see that and I hope you can too.

Today, I found out I need back surgery to help heal the injury I've talked about on here. I had to get an MRI last week and the doc called me today. I'm actually happy to find out they know what's wrong. Not scared or anything. Just want to get better so I can get back to exercising. That certainly hasn't helped with my depression.

I'm feeling good these days however. My moods don't swing. I don't get sad anymore. Got a little upset about that email last week, but felt better by the evening.

Things with the New Year's girl are doing great! Had a date over the weekend. We had a blast. She's a total doll. And she likes me! You have to like a woman that likes you.... And you know the interest is high when all you do is tease her and bust on her and she just wants to hit you or hug you. I'm feeling good about things between us at this point.
 

RobLB

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Hey Trim,

I know where your coming from man,..it does feel good!! I myself have met someone as you have that is a wonderfull person indeed! She has gone through alot of sh!t like we have with abusive and loser boyfriends and has a boy the same age as my little girl and they both go to the same school. I'm trying to take my time with her and not develop the oneitis with her but it's getting harder and harder not to. She has had such bad luck with guys that it's hard for her to trust the male poplulation! We get along great and she seems like she likes me, so we will see!

Anyhow glad your doing better and good luck to ya!
 

TheTrimReaper

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Thanks Rob,

Great to hear you are doing well now man. We deserve good women. We have done a lot to help and develop ourselves. I think that there are still good people out there that are good enough for us. It makes it all worth it.

All of the girls I've met these last few months. Some didn't give me the time of day. Some dated me a couple times. Some gave me wrong numbers. Some talked to me once. Some I couldn't stand. Well, that's the game. I'm not gonna hate it because it is what it is.

Things have been going well with New Year's Girl. I spent a lot of time in the last few months reading DYD and that's all I use with her. She initiated the last date. I gave her a hard time by telling her I wasn't sure I was going to give her another date. We're going out tomorrow night, and she asked me to stay over since Monday is a holiday.

I think it's pretty obvious that Sunshine is regretting her choice to end things. The tone and the "You deserve to be happy" line of her email have kind of stuck in my mind. Funny, because I now I pity her. I understand that throughout the relationship, I remained true to myself. The pain I have overcome was only her bringing me down with her stuff. It wasn't my stuff. I've done what I wanted to do these past years, but also committed myself enough to have what I thought was a great relationship.

I wouldn't have been able to do that before my sosuave days. This was my first real relationship since becoming a DJ. Well, I'm glad I've come so far....
 

Pimp-sicle

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Awesome post Trim!!

Something you said really stuck out in my mind. The line about overcoming pain from "her stuff" was very powerful in my mind. I had to overcome a lot of pain as well when I got away from my exgf who most likely has BPD too and never looked at it that way. I just remember feeling hurt and wanting the feeling to end. I also have extreme pity for my exgf too. All their games and "I'm better than you" fits are a smokescreen to fill their empty lives with momentary breaths of life. Its a shame that people live their lifes like that. Its great to see that your doing soo well and I've finally jumped back into the dating world too and I'm having sooooo much fun again!! Good times!! :D


Keep moving forward.



PIMP
 

TheTrimReaper

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Hey Guys,

I figured I should update what has been going on with me.

I stayed the night at New Year girl's place Sunday night. We made love pretty much all night. We had a great time.

She called me and emailed me the next couple days. I called her and set up the date last night. She asked what we were gonna do. I suggested pool. She said "How about sex instead?" Then, I nonchalantly said "Well, most people court before sex" in order to tease her. She finally said, well, we will play it by ear. Then not a minute later she tells me she wishes I were with her at that moment. Too bad I live outside the city and it was late!

Yes!!!!!!

I do think things are going well. Moving quickly indeed. I had known her from a long time ago, so I think that's the reason. We are comfortable together, and get along really well. I'm into it. It feels great.

Today, I backed off the teasing and SMSd that I was thinking about her and looking forward to tomorrow night. Oooh, I'm romantic now! What will I choose to be next? Hmmmmm......

I was thinking about how far I've come in the last few months and I can't believe it. Bottom line: I was pretty close to hanging myself a few months ago. Now look at where I'm at. I'm doing very well now.

Did I have 'oneitis'? Was I an AFC? Was I a DJ? No, I don't think so. I was a man living his life. I committed myself to something. Then I had a hardship, and I faced the pain. That's just how it is.

You have to take risks in life. The downside might eat you alive. Who knows.... It almost did in my case (but it didn't) The upside to taking risks is that you are definitely LIVING. Which should we prefer?

Pretty Crazy Stuff! Well, I hope this thread goes to show guys on here that you can get over things. You can face pain in life and surmount it. No matter how major it is. You will need help. If you do need help, then don't be a puzzy and avoid getting it. It takes guts to admit you can't overcome a problem on your own.

Live life. Face your demons and you will be a better man for it.
 

Heretolearn

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GREAT WORK!

Way to go!

THank you for sharing it - this has been such a saga!
 

TheTrimReaper

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Hey Guys, thanks for all the support and comments.

Yeah Thugo. She looks great. I'm totally attracted. But honestly, as I get older and wiser, I'm starting to see through looks more. May not sound right to a lot of guys on this board, but I'm sure most mature DJs know what I'm talking about.

And I have to say that we are having the best sex of my life. I've been with a lot of women as have most of you guys if you are doing things right. And this says volumes about how good it is.

Things just keep getting better....

I wrote about the test I was trying to pass earlier and how I passed the first part of it. Well, today, after months of suffering, lack of motivation, lack of concentration, and downright procrastination, I passed the final test to start my new job. I'll be able to begin once my license comes in the mail.

Things are going great with the new woman as of today. Last week, we hit a bad patch. All my fault I must insist. I told a lie that first night, and fessed up by my own choice.

I talked to my therapist about it and she felt fessing up to it was something I needed to do. Not just for myself but for the relationship.

Man, did I learn a lesson from this one. I hope I can share this with you and have you all hear what I'm saying.

So I lie to her.... the first night we were together in fact( I wrote about that wild night in a previous post). Something about the ex because I just didn't want to go there. I fess up to her this weekend. She gets upset. Cries. Wants to kick me out that night. She's upset for a while. I start to doubt my actions. Don't eat for like two days.....Pissed off at my therapist..... Pretty much not functioning.....

But then you know what? She forgives me a few days later on the phone. Even apologizes to me because she said I was opening up to her and she was being mean.

And you won't believe what happens next. I see her this week, and we are closer than ever. It's almost as if pushing her away brought her even closer to me. If you've read your DYD, you know what I'm talking about. I ironically created more attraction by pushing her away. I know it doesn't make sense. But it's what happened. Seems like the laws of nature are at work here fellas.

Anyway, I've got a new woman and a new job, a much better job, that will be starting soon. Could it get any better at this point?
 

TheTrimReaper

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Oh yeah, one more thing.....

I quit taking my medication last week. I'm tired of the crap. Wasn't c*mming the same anymore. Got hard but wasn't finishing. And even though I was on it when I had those problems I talked about, I still got depressed. So I figure why bother.
 

reset

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Great older thread for anyone working to get over a chick, no matter the situation.

Bumped becasue of Joekker's excellent advice. I'm starting to see this stuff in a whole new light now.
 

newme

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****n chicks man look waht they do to us.

it seems like we all have been screwed over and the range of screwing over is wide but always has the same result hey, fellas like us being badly hurt and damaged by someone we cared allot about.

the fact that were here i think shows how much we care and the fact that they are doing whatever they are doing and being destructive to people shows how much they care.

all i can think is there will be a girl out there for us that will love us for who we are and we will know this and it will feel completely different to how we felt with these hussies.

they aint worth us to be honest hey, and the next girl will be

thanks hussies for making us better men
 
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