She ended it Monday, September 26.
Since I'm feeling historical, here's the note I wrote about it that night:
I got dumped by ------- tonight. We'd had the roughest week. Actually, I should say I had the roughest week. She gave me the hardest time. I was not up for all the crap I had to put up with and I shared how I felt. She didn't like seeing that she couldn't push me around I guess, so she came to work and broke up with me. She tried keep it short. Actually, she wanted to break up with me in the parking lot. But I got her to come in because I could tell by her tone that it was serious. Well, the first thing she says when we get into the room is "I can't do this." Man, my heart broke once again. Yes, the first break in this series of bullsh1t was in May, then July, and now in September. I guess this is really it. She said she didn't want to talk to me for at least ten days. Then I could talk to her. I acted foolish I guess. I cried and cried. I definitely couldn't handle the rejection well. Maybe that was for the better of both of us as being the strong,
silent type might keep her around.
Right now, I am a bundle of emotions. I miss her. I am worried about her. I am mad at her. I'm in love with her.
But as ----- pointed out, this is probably for the better. He's seen
how long I've been suffering. He also sees the effort I have put into making this work. Yes, he is my friend and maybe he sees this from my side, but he seems to think that ------ just wasn't that committed to making things work.
She saw me working hard to get my -------- license, but she still
thought that I was going nowhere. She saw me getting her the
"little things" she thought were important, but that wasn't enough. I asked her what were the things she would like me to do for her. She told me, and I did them. But that wasn't enough. The only thing I can think of right now is that she just didn't like me enough anymore. Of course, she wouldn't agree with that statement, but I have tried to do things her way, and she still treats me with indifference and even contempt.
She told me that the soonest we could talk would be in ten days. I asked ------what he thought of it. He told me that I shouldn't talk to her in ten days, fifteen days, twenty days.... He thinks that it's just plain over, and since I respect his view, that's what I'm gonna try to do.
Of course, when I was talking to her, she told me that she could never see herself marrying me. And that I should have proposed a year ago. She also added that her time with me has been a waste...that she had nothing to show for the time we spent together, not enough jewelry, no diamond earrings or necklaces. Well, I don't know what to say to that. I worked as
hard as I could this past year saving up for the ring.
Since she was racking up the "you suck" shots against me, saying things about how I didn't even have a car[I RIDE A MOTORCYCLE GUYS] and that we always had to drive hers around , and that I never wanted to spend time with her friends, people I would never hang out with if I didn't have to.
She drove away while I was standing in the rain, like a lame-ass
movie.
Now I feel really tired. I don't want this to happen, but I guess
I'm as ready as I'll ever be to get over this. I look like sh1t by
the way. My goal is to go the ten days without talking to her. And
then try to go as long as possible after that. She will try to talk
to me at some point, and I want to just get through it. It's over and I know it. There is no sense in tearing myself up over this anymore.
I am scared, yes. ---------- is my lover and my friend. I feel like I
should talk to her to feel better about this, but I can't. I have
to do everything I can not to give in here. I owe myself the strength.
Damn, it feels like I wrote that such a long time ago. I have been going through hell since then let me tell you. When I said we'd had problems in May and July, well, here's the story.
In May, as I've already said here, she took a trip to Italy and came back a acting like fifteen year old. So I did a preemptive breakup. Unfortunately, I gave in and we, actually I, "worked on" it.
Then in July, after spending the third night straight at home waiting for her to come home, I left at 10:30. She had come home at @1:00 am the two nights before after spending time with "Stacy" and I'd had enough, so I left and went to a friend's house. She called me at 12:15 that night, a Sunday night, wondering where I was in the first message. Eight minutes later, she calls again, pissed off, and informs me, by message mind you, that that's it and she's moving out!
I think she started calling me like 2 or 3 days later. Acting angry but then being nice and getting me back in. We talked about things pretty intensely after that. It seemed like after all of that crap, we were able to be more comfortable together.
But then two months later, after things seemed really good and like they were even going to get better, she came to my work and ended it. I guess it's final because SHE was the one to end it.
After reading some of these things, I can see that I did share myself with her much more than now. Actually, I wouldn't share anything with her now, so I've made a lot of progress(although I made it look really hard). It's good to see some contrast. And I still haven't talked to her since that day.
, cause she ended up doing the excact same thing to me. But when she told me what she did to him, she showed no remorse about it what so ever, kinda like the same reaction if she had broken a nail!! Some women, I guess, have some kinda brain block in their head causing them not to give a sh!t about bringing a man down to his knees!!!
