asking for advice about uninterested wife

metalwater

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You need to cultivate long term admirable qualities.

Qualities that's manly in nature and not supplicating.
makes sense. what do you suggest as the top three, and the top one ? Something that should be achievable given proper motivation.
 
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Spaz

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makes sense. what do you suggest as the top three, and the top one ? Something that should be achievable given proper motivation.
1st a mindshift, one that's not tuned into women, a good source would be reading up pooks work, I've read 3 or 4 threads created by him, it's solid and it's in the DJ Bible.

Go read that. Understand it. Absorb and practice on it until its fully within ur psyche.

Do it one by one and not all at once to fully benefit.
 

Tdawg

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Insecurity vs STFU

Instead of a new thread, just put this here for context...

Guys, what is some tactical advice on how to manage insecurity in the short term? I mean how to be a believable fake, while waiting for it to be real. It seems insecurity leads to all the beta skills... of which I have plenty and don't need more.

Following the steps of Dread, and it has been noticed by wife... to be SURE she has reacted and made changes, but we don't have respect yet. I try to balance or be patient as I currently feel my SMV needs to be higher to enforce it...

How do I be the emotional ice ? Or whatever... Or I mean how do I fake it until I can.

Long term plan is lifting, dressing, and faking until things are a habit.

Lifting is hard, but easy to figure out... STFU is really hard and I keep failing at it... but it is easy to figure out. To get to emotional ice, I don't know what to do.. Can you give me some clues pls? I need to keep my mood steady...

It seems to me as I read more here, many of you have been though this crap before.
I'll be honest, the older I've gotten in life, the less use I see for women. I'm 45 now and as much as I hate to say this, I see women's main value as providing sex.

You can't depend on them. They're usually all over the place, some worse than others. All they want to do is spend money most of the time. They mostly only see things from their perspective, I mean most of them don't even try to see it from the guy's point of view. Most of my energy and resources? It gets spent on stupid sh*t that relates to her and the kids. Do I get credit for any of it? F*ck no. The only thing that she can do for me that is remotely satisfying is sex. I can't talk to her, I can't lean on her at all, I can't even usually depend on her to do any of the things that I need, so I generally don't even ask her for anything, as I know I'll usually end up disappointed that she didn't do it.
I'm your age and married and my wife and life is the polar opposite of what you wrote. My wife will bend over backwards to make me happy and if she see's i'm in a bad mood, I can tell she's walking on eggshells. She doesn't spend a dime on herself and does everything around the house and if I try and help out, she tells me to go relax cause I had a hard day at work.
 
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highSpeed

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I'm your age and married and my wife and life is the polar opposite of what you wrote. My wife will bend over backwards to make me happy and if she see's i'm in a bad mood, I can tell she's walking on eggshells. She doesn't spend a dime on herself and does everything around the house and if I try and help out, she tells me to go relax cause I had a hard day at work.
Happy for you man, happy for you. Not what I ended up getting but hey, when you do dumb things, expect dumb results.
 

metalwater

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I'm your age and married and my wife and life is the polar opposite of what you wrote. My wife will bend over backwards to make me happy and if she see's i'm in a bad mood, I can tell she's walking on eggshells. She doesn't spend a dime on herself and does everything around the house and if I try and help out, she tells me to go relax cause I had a hard day at work.
How did you do that? Was it on purpose, or did you do nothing and it just came natural? Its clear to me that some guys are born blessed or are schooled young about such things. Others like me, only now after a lifetime of crap.
 

mrgoodstuff

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I'm your age and married and my wife and life is the polar opposite of what you wrote. My wife will bend over backwards to make me happy and if she see's i'm in a bad mood, I can tell she's walking on eggshells. She doesn't spend a dime on herself and does everything around the house and if I try and help out, she tells me to go relax cause I had a hard day at work.
Now that. Is a wife.
 

Black Widow Void

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Metalwater, Although I'm not married, we both seem to be in the 'mature men' age group.

When I've had failing relationships, I've learned to reevaluate and apply introspection. I'll explain.

I'll think back to a time when it was a level playing field. I'll then recall those first few times when I sort of tittled my head (recalling her behavior being a bit peculiar, but not thinking much of it at the time).
Then... I reflect and think about anything I could have said, done etc... which 'communicated' that this behavior was acceptable. Nine times out of ten, it's because I ended up enabling this behavior. I didn't sub=communicate (not verbally) that she had crossed the line. I'm not saying that you need to act "alpha" or macho or anything. We all have our own style and you know what's been best for you to achieve the most positive outcome.

And then when it gets to a breaking point, we (or at least, I) have made the mistake of asking "what's wrong?" The reason this isn't a good idea is because it 'communicates' that we are too invested and dependent on their response (which we hope will be positive).

Some of the best advice I've read (though I have difficulty in putting it into practice) is to be aloof and look un-phased. When you are invested, it's difficult (this I know from experience). Also, as others have stated, look your best. In any relationship, tables can turn, but they can also turn back around for you. If you (at least) 'appear' to be unaffected and self-assured, you stand a better chance.

Good Luck!
 

Focal core

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You only needs 3 things in any relationship to make it works.. Admiration, trust, and respect is one of them.. Damn ur guys are getting old.
 
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metalwater

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Well, it can't hurt to ask. How to find a purpose ? The purpose before was to have a life/family/disney style. Clearly that is/was a wrong idea and goal. Not a facebook purpose, a real one.. I could brag about all the achievments in support of that previous goal, but alas I am here. How did others do/solve the purpose thing ?
 

Mauser96

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Well, it can't hurt to ask. How to find a purpose ? The purpose before was to have a life/family/disney style. Clearly that is/was a wrong idea and goal. Not a facebook purpose, a real one.. I could brag about all the achievments in support of that previous goal, but alas I am here. How did others do/solve the purpose thing ?
You have to find out what is important to you, devise a detailed plan on how to get there, and then work towards that.

some examples may be :

Retirement at 55
Purchase of a new vehicle

etc..
 

Dante1a

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I am definitely not an expert in this situation. However, I've had many "bored wives" approach me about sex (which I don't do) and I can tell you what they seem to categorically be longing for: passion, excitement, arousal - they want to feel desired.

Also, women tend to mirror back to us what we are presenting to them. So, you must ask yourself if you actually sexually and romantically "want" your wife. If so, how are you or aren't you expressing that?

It's up to you in whatever direction you choose. But if you choose to stay and work on it, I'd suggest working out, become more "masculine energy focused" around her. Take her out of town for the weekend or at least for the night. Talk to her, tell her that you've noticed that you have both been growing apart. Tell her something about how you take responsibility for her not having felt sexy enough and desired around you and then tell her that this all has to change. Tell her how much you desire her, preferably in public, like a restaurant (slow down your voice and keep total eye contact as you do this). Tell her what you are going to do to her. And then take her back to wherever you are staying and do it.

Then, basically starting banging your wife passionately and wantonly as much as possible.

Seriously, this would save so many marriages.

Best of luck with whatever you choose!
 

metalwater

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You have to find out what is important to you, devise a detailed plan on how to get there, and then work towards that.

some examples may be :

Retirement at 55
Purchase of a new vehicle

etc..
thanks. hmm.. I can retire anytime since a few years ago. new car whenever want to. I have really strong beta skills extra houses... etc..
For now I am really working hard on physical self. I always wanted(but did not do it) to be a much more physically impressive guy, so now is the time. It feels decent working on it but not something I would think of as a purpose... but maybe...

Maybe I'll start another business... but that is just a tool...

I don't think solving world hunger is in scope for me... but someplace between that and doing nothing...
 

Gmoney9486

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Here is something that you can do to sleep with this guy’s wife and have the best sex ever. If she’s attractive enough to slam of course.
I can show you how to do this. Solipsism and female chemicals are almost too easy to take advantage of in the right situations.
I'm really curious about how you would do this. DM me if you dont want to post it publicly.
 
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highSpeed

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In 2019, marriage is just a financial contract. Anyone who expects romance, sex, or attention is in for a big surprise.

I don't think OP made a mistake by marrying. He clearly got something out of it at some point. But as with many relationships, this one has run its course. He needs to get out of it for his sake, and his kids' sake.
Yes, he got something out of it, he got a financial and emotional drain for the next however many years. Look, those kids are highly unlikely to respect him or love him, he's got a 24/7 mindjob going on with his kids. You think he's actually gotten something positive out of that?

The biggest problem with the modern family is women, period. Think about it. They break up families. They warp kid's minds and turn them against the fathers. They edit the father's presence out of the home and relegate him to a battery, a resource for her to provision to the kids as she sees fit. How would the kids ever have a positive image for the father in most family scenarios? Even where the father can hold it together enough to stay in the home?

And where does the state fit into all of this? They enforce the female hypergamy mindset on the father and the family. Gee, I wonder why we, as a society, turn out all of these low class individuals, men and women. I wonder why these 20+ year olds that everyone talks about on here have literally no idea how to interact with men in a healthy way, could it have anything to do with these last couple generations of "mothers?"
 

Tdawg

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How did you do that? Was it on purpose, or did you do nothing and it just came natural? Its clear to me that some guys are born blessed or are schooled young about such things. Others like me, only now after a lifetime of crap.
When I was 18, I got this girl pregnant and had a daughter; she was 15 at the time. I didn't know jack all about women at that time. Me and that girl lived together for roughly 7 years and in those 7 years, we fought emotionally and physically most of the time. I remember her flirting hard with my own brother, my friends, her professors...you name it she was on it. Like I said, at that time, I didn't know jack all about women. I didn't realize what "validation" was and that it was a fundamental need in humans.

Anyhow, this girl was bad news BUT to this day, I owe her for all my happiness life has gave me. Why? because while she was off doing her bull****, she was gradually teaching me what I needed to know about life, especially women. I vowed to never be put in that position again and told myself that I was better than that and deserved much better. Packing my **** and driving off 3000 miles away was the best and worst day of my life; I remember it vividly like it was yesterday (that was almost 20 years ago)

I had three years between breaking up with that awful ***** and meeting my current wife. I dated a lot and had a few relationships but refused to settle down because the girls I was meeting had this validation thing going (to varying degrees but it was there). Don't ever fall for a girl that needs a lot of validation outside the marriage. Don't fall for a high maintenance girl. Don't fall for a girl that needs to put on her makeup to go to get gas. These things scream validation.

So all I can say is that if and when you are done with this relationship, then you learn from your mistakes and I can promise you if you do that, your next relationship will be a lot more fulfilling because now you know what you need and now you know how to pick em right.
 

highSpeed

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When I was 18, I got this girl pregnant and had a daughter; she was 15 at the time. I didn't know jack all about women at that time. Me and that girl lived together for roughly 7 years and in those 7 years, we fought emotionally and physically most of the time. I remember her flirting hard with my own brother, my friends, her professors...you name it she was on it. Like I said, at that time, I didn't know jack all about women. I didn't realize what "validation" was and that it was a fundamental need in humans.

Anyhow, this girl was bad news BUT to this day, I owe her for all my happiness life has gave me. Why? because while she was off doing her bull****, she was gradually teaching me what I needed to know about life, especially women. I vowed to never be put in that position again and told myself that I was better than that and deserved much better. Packing my **** and driving off 3000 miles away was the best and worst day of my life; I remember it vividly like it was yesterday (that was almost 20 years ago)

I had three years between breaking up with that awful ***** and meeting my current wife. I dated a lot and had a few relationships but refused to settle down because the girls I was meeting had this validation thing going (to varying degrees but it was there). Don't ever fall for a girl that needs a lot of validation outside the marriage. Don't fall for a high maintenance girl. Don't fall for a girl that needs to put on her makeup to go to get gas. These things scream validation.

So all I can say is that if and when you are done with this relationship, then you learn from your mistakes and I can promise you if you do that, your next relationship will be a lot more fulfilling because now you know what you need and now you know how to pick em right.
kudos, I think that's where most married guys make their mistake, they rush back into another relationship. You learned your lesson the first time and believe me, that's worth it's weight in gold. You being able to see a terrible quality woman, even through the haze of good sex, you can't put a price on that.
 

Dash Riprock

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I'm your age and married and my wife and life is the polar opposite of what you wrote. My wife will bend over backwards to make me happy and if she see's i'm in a bad mood, I can tell she's walking on eggshells. She doesn't spend a dime on herself and does everything around the house and if I try and help out, she tells me to go relax cause I had a hard day at work.
Curious why you're on a site designed predominantly for single men, then.
 
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