asking for advice about uninterested wife

skinnyguy

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In 2019, marriage is just a financial contract. Anyone who expects romance, sex, or attention is in for a big surprise.

I don't think OP made a mistake by marrying. He clearly got something out of it at some point. But as with many relationships, this one has run its course. He needs to get out of it for his sake, and his kids' sake.
 

RickTheToad

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been working on that... and yes it was part of the problem and it is my fault as I am the guy, I own that. She responded relatively well to some improvements in that area after accounting for how we got there. I have read twice now about 90% of the red pill info and books (fast reader). The overall advice they tell is same as you tell. The shock and aw of how they tell is something else... regardless of how this relation ends up, I will be better off and in great shape. Something that is amazing to me, is that this formum seems full of guys actually giving advice that is helpful.

I felt I had to and still need to ensure that an emotional connection to another guy is broken or at least interrupted while I fix myself. That makes it harder to back far enough away. That also means I wasn't ready to walk away yet, and that is another problem I am working on. That is a very hard one for me to do, but the Red Pill books have brought it closer to view, I will continue to work on that one.

I have kept a journal for some time now so that I can keep on track of what I have seen.
When in doubt, always good to pause, step back, re-evaluate your situation and get back to basics. It's common place for men to lose frame when they are not consistently watching themselves. A man always needs to continuously improve himself and reach higher and higher in order to maximize his potential in his life.
 

RickTheToad

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That’s like asking him to be more feminine. All of those guys are in the same frame of mind, basing their value on the women they’re with and the dying relationship they’re in. It’s what got him into the position he’s currently in. A world of cucks urging each other on to further cuckdom.

I realize you’re trying to help him, and that’s admirable, but continually introducing the same viewpoint is going to continually have the same result, in this case a wife that isn’t attracted to him anymore. That reddit is going to keep him in a state of placation, self destruction and cowardice on the subject of women and life, keeping the value of his life tied to his wife instead of himself. In that environment, he’d continue to put women on a pedestal. A pedestal they never earned, and a pedestal she doesn’t even want. Worse, if he did divorce his wife, it would happen all over again with the next woman.

He lacks the right frame of mind about himself and the world he lives in. Solving that is the solution.
Respectfully, I disagree. Reading some of those situations can make the OP know he's not alone. While the people who post in that forum are green, the commenters aren't. Many people, dudes and ladies, can learn from other's mistakes and help provide guidance and also help him reflect on where he went wrong in the relationship with his wife. There's always two sides to a story just like there's two sides to a coin. We all have to own up to our mistakes and misgivings. We all have them... Even toads.
 

metalwater

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Great advice from this forum. Keep doing it for others, it is very valuable. This forum and red pill should be required study for every young man.

I am now lifting, running harder (sprinting), dressing better, walking taller, and talking less.... Aggressively trying to deal with some ED.. which is a real downer.

It is going to be an endless journey, for now it feels like half way through a hairpin corner on a goldwing at 100mph, getting ready to shift down and go. If the girl is still on after, its all good. If not its all good.

She has done 80% of a 180 turn in only three weeks...

I have to stay focused and double down as three weeks is nothing.... For sure there is going to be some icky challenges that I do/did not anticipate.

Thank You.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Great advice from this forum. Keep doing it for others, it is very valuable. This forum and red pill should be required study for every young man.

I am now lifting, running harder (sprinting), dressing better, walking taller, and talking less.... Aggressively trying to deal with some ED.. which is a real downer.

It is going to be an endless journey, for now it feels like half way through a hairpin corner on a goldwing at 100mph, getting ready to shift down and go. If the girl is still on after, its all good. If not its all good.

She has done 80% of a 180 turn in only three weeks...

I have to stay focused and double down as three weeks is nothing.... For sure there is going to be some icky challenges that I do/did not anticipate.

Thank You.
Alot of these bishes was powerballing ( putting her man down ) to feel better.
 

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highSpeed

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Alot of these bishes was powerballing ( putting her man down ) to feel better.
It never stops, ever. Once you're in a marriage, you've entered the spider's web and you're dinner. Spiders aren't the only ones who eat their mates.
 

highSpeed

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Great advice from this forum. Keep doing it for others, it is very valuable. This forum and red pill should be required study for every young man.

I am now lifting, running harder (sprinting), dressing better, walking taller, and talking less.... Aggressively trying to deal with some ED.. which is a real downer.

It is going to be an endless journey, for now it feels like half way through a hairpin corner on a goldwing at 100mph, getting ready to shift down and go. If the girl is still on after, its all good. If not its all good.

She has done 80% of a 180 turn in only three weeks...

I have to stay focused and double down as three weeks is nothing.... For sure there is going to be some icky challenges that I do/did not anticipate.

Thank You.
I'd get ready for the backlash. She may be caught off guard by your new habits, she's probably still taking it all in. Women who start down the path you're describing don't turn away easily, at all usually. Sometimes you can eventually end up with a little bit of a pull back but for most women, marriage and kids are the signal that they can do whatever the f*ck they want to and you're done.
 

highSpeed

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All women dont do this, but many do!
Unfortunately, most do. I made the mortal mistake of being the nice guy. I thought deferring and pedistalizing were good things. I was blue pill all the way baby. Now that I've realized my mistake, it's too late. The only thing I can do is push back, get some on the side and hope I can ride this out until the kids are grown up.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Unfortunately, most do. I made the mortal mistake of being the nice guy. I thought deferring and pedistalizing were good things. I was blue pill all the way baby. Now that I've realized my mistake, it's too late. The only thing I can do is push back, get some on the side and hope I can ride this out until the kids are grown up.
Most?!
 

highSpeed

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Sounds like you're entering a possible dead bedroom situation. I feel for you dude. Need to get back to basics and work on yourself. Not necessarily for your marriage or her, but for you and your own well being. I know this sounds counteractive, but spend less time with her or around her than more. Time can help heal wounds and restart desire IF you become the dude she wants in her life. Also, check out dead bedrooms over on reddit.

It goes both ways. One person can't do the work of two. She has to contribute as well. If he's working out, killing it at work, being the consummate family man, she has to contribute too. What do women contribute in a marriage? Be a great companion, take care of husband, take care of kids, be present for s#x, no starfish crap.

What does it matter if he's rocking a greek god body and she's still turning him down 9 out of 10? I think a lot of women simply see marriage and kids as a vehicle to laze out for awhile and when they get tired of playing mom, then they want to walk out and have it out with the bad boy. They can do that then because they've got the resources nailed down, now it's play time.
 

highSpeed

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Half of all first marriages end in divorce, like 70%+ and higher each subsequent time your get married, 80% of divorces are initiated by women and men are waiting longer and longer to get married, probably because most are afraid to get a$$ raped in divorce court.
 

RickTheToad

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It goes both ways. One person can't do the work of two. She has to contribute as well. If he's working out, killing it at work, being the consummate family man, she has to contribute too. What do women contribute in a marriage? Be a great companion, take care of husband, take care of kids, be present for s#x, no starfish crap.

What does it matter if he's rocking a greek god body and she's still turning him down 9 out of 10? I think a lot of women simply see marriage and kids as a vehicle to laze out for awhile and when they get tired of playing mom, then they want to walk out and have it out with the bad boy. They can do that then because they've got the resources nailed down, now it's play time.
True. However, it seems that your issue was that you didn't train your b!tch correctly from the start. I am sure she started testing you during your dating phase, but you just let it pass. Those tests built on to each other and now you have zero respect from her. That is the reason you may be in the current predicament. Not saying it's fair, but life isn't fair. You need to keep your lady in line from the get-go. When she realized she can get away with murder, and you don't say boo, then it's just going to grow into more and more disrespect.
 

highSpeed

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True. However, it seems that your issue was that you didn't train your b!tch correctly from the start. I am sure she started testing you during your dating phase, but you just let it pass. Those tests built on to each other and now you have zero respect from her. That is the reason you may be in the current predicament. Not saying it's fair, but life isn't fair. You need to keep your lady in line from the get-go. When she realized she can get away with murder, and you don't say boo, then it's just going to grow into more and more disrespect.
I learned this too late in life. I always thought being the nice guy was valued, I had covert contracts too, for a smart guy, I did a lot of dumb sh*t. I can only wish that I pleased myself before pleasing someone else before I made some of the dumb mistakes I've made with women. You are 100% correct, I let too much sh*t slide. I look back at that guy now and I literally could have beaten the sh*t out of him now. Rose colored glasses are a killer.

It would have saved me a lot of grief, stress and general lack of fun and enjoyment. Being married has stolen my joy. I can only come up with one way to get some of it back and that's getting some on the side. That's literally all I got. I push back but it's fairly meaningless at this point, as I have no leg to stand on. I categorically refuse to be a part time dad, it's all or nothing for me. The gold bars and gambling stuff is literally a golden idea, it might allow me to gain some leverage back.
 

speed dawg

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I learned this too late in life. I always thought being the nice guy was valued, I had covert contracts too, for a smart guy, I did a lot of dumb sh*t. I can only wish that I pleased myself before pleasing someone else before I made some of the dumb mistakes I've made with women. You are 100% correct, I let too much sh*t slide. I look back at that guy now and I literally could have beaten the sh*t out of him now. Rose colored glasses are a killer.
I was lucky. I had no money or real status, so girls would continually dump me until I learned that the Nice Guy/AFC (bringing back old school SoSuave acronyms) routine didn't work. If a guy has money and status, many times that buys you many second chances in life, but they never really learn. So many women will stick with them because of money or family or whatever, on into a marriage, and it ends up much more destructive. I never had to deal with that and learned the Red Pill mentality before I got married.

I had nothing, so if a girl wasn't really into me, they didn't stay. I prefer it that way. I don't want anybody to know what I have. Like me for me, or hit the road (that goes for guys and girls). Now, don't take that literally, obviously you have to be giving in some way, and not a totally selfish prick, but you get my drift. No use riding around in a Range Rover when a used truck will suffice.
 
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highSpeed

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I was lucky. I had no money or real status, so girls would continually dump me until I learned that the Nice Guy/AFC (bringing back old school SoSuave acronyms) routine didn't work. If a guy has money and status, many times that buys you many second chances in life, but they never really learn. So many women will stick with them because of money or family or whatever, on into a marriage, and it ends up much more destructive. I never had to deal with that and learned the Red Pill mentality before I got married.

I had nothing, so if a girl wasn't really into me, they didn't stay. I prefer it that way. I don't want anybody to know what I have. Like me for me, or hit the road (that goes for guys and girls). Now, don't take that literally, obviously you have to be giving in some way, and not a totally selfish prick, but you get my drift. No use riding around in a Range Rover when a used truck will suffice.
I'll be honest, the older I've gotten in life, the less use I see for women. I'm 45 now and as much as I hate to say this, I see women's main value as providing sex.

You can't depend on them. They're usually all over the place, some worse than others. All they want to do is spend money most of the time. They mostly only see things from their perspective, I mean most of them don't even try to see it from the guy's point of view. Most of my energy and resources? It gets spent on stupid sh*t that relates to her and the kids. Do I get credit for any of it? F*ck no. The only thing that she can do for me that is remotely satisfying is sex. I can't talk to her, I can't lean on her at all, I can't even usually depend on her to do any of the things that I need, so I generally don't even ask her for anything, as I know I'll usually end up disappointed that she didn't do it.
 

RickTheToad

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I learned this too late in life. I always thought being the nice guy was valued, I had covert contracts too, for a smart guy, I did a lot of dumb sh*t. I can only wish that I pleased myself before pleasing someone else before I made some of the dumb mistakes I've made with women. You are 100% correct, I let too much sh*t slide. I look back at that guy now and I literally could have beaten the sh*t out of him now. Rose colored glasses are a killer.

It would have saved me a lot of grief, stress and general lack of fun and enjoyment. Being married has stolen my joy. I can only come up with one way to get some of it back and that's getting some on the side. That's literally all I got. I push back but it's fairly meaningless at this point, as I have no leg to stand on. I categorically refuse to be a part time dad, it's all or nothing for me. The gold bars and gambling stuff is literally a golden idea, it might allow me to gain some leverage back.
No reason to beat yourself up over it. Just move forward, keep your head up and do the best you can. Don't allow past in-digressions define you as the person you are today. Make inroads on being the best you can be for you and your children. That's the best you can do and hope for.
 

metalwater

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Insecurity vs STFU

Instead of a new thread, just put this here for context...

Guys, what is some tactical advice on how to manage insecurity in the short term? I mean how to be a believable fake, while waiting for it to be real. It seems insecurity leads to all the beta skills... of which I have plenty and don't need more.

Following the steps of Dread, and it has been noticed by wife... to be SURE she has reacted and made changes, but we don't have respect yet. I try to balance or be patient as I currently feel my SMV needs to be higher to enforce it...

How do I be the emotional ice ? Or whatever... Or I mean how do I fake it until I can.

Long term plan is lifting, dressing, and faking until things are a habit.

Lifting is hard, but easy to figure out... STFU is really hard and I keep failing at it... but it is easy to figure out. To get to emotional ice, I don't know what to do.. Can you give me some clues pls? I need to keep my mood steady...

It seems to me as I read more here, many of you have been though this crap before.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Insecurity vs STFU

Instead of a new thread, just put this here for context...

Guys, what is some tactical advice on how to manage insecurity in the short term? I mean how to be a believable fake, while waiting for it to be real. It seems insecurity leads to all the beta skills... of which I have plenty and don't need more.

Following the steps of Dread, and it has been noticed by wife... to be SURE she has reacted and made changes, but we don't have respect yet. I try to balance or be patient as I currently feel my SMV needs to be higher to enforce it...

How do I be the emotional ice ? Or whatever... Or I mean how do I fake it until I can.

Long term plan is lifting, dressing, and faking until things are a habit.

Lifting is hard, but easy to figure out... STFU is really hard and I keep failing at it... but it is easy to figure out. To get to emotional ice, I don't know what to do.. Can you give me some clues pls? I need to keep my mood steady...

It seems to me as I read more here, many of you have been though this crap before.
All of those are still reactive and waiting on her to correct the issue. Get a mistress and stop worry about her.
 
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