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Asked my boss out

Bigpapa

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If it is unwanted then yeah, it can be used as proof.

You seem to lack basic understanding that I am talking about a workplace environment and ONLY a workplace environment.

Your responses of "don't talk to women then" are confusing as there are myriad opportunities to do that OUTSIDE of work where what I am saying doesn't apply.

Context bro, context.
dunno man , I live in Europe . Never heard in my life about a guy being accused of sexual harassment without being weird or using his position of power ( usually a manager or similar ) to gain sexual favors

most guys after university hook up at the workplace or in places connected with the workspace . I really doubt that in America is different

And Europe I think is way more socialist than the US is :)
 

RicBoy

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She knows she has all the power in this interaction and you have at this point negative power.

She is your boss.

You asked her out and she rejected you so not only does she know you want her, she also knows anything further will be an easy sexual harassment claim.

You are driving yourself crazy thinking about this while she hasn't given this another thought at all, nor talked about it to anyone else other than to maybe bring up to her girlfriends so they can laugh at it.
Any chance to turn this around if I give her space or kinda ignore her presence when I see her etc?
 

Jake_Gyllenhaal69

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No you can't. By definition it's employment related. Where do you make up this information from? You don't even live in the US so how are you telling me how Federal Labor Law works?

The number one reason by FAR more than anything you said is she can get paid a LOT of money by suing the company and then continue working there because anything they do after that will be looked at very closely as a retaliatory action by them, which they will go out of their way NOT to do or else they will get sued again and lose again.
I don't think BigPapa works a real job, and his stance and post history clearly reflect it. Growing up, my dad was fired and blackballed from professionally working in 3 counties because he couldn't keep his dvck in his pants in the office. As of today, he cannot work in an administration ever again unless he chooses to leave the state and I remember having to deal with these consequences as a kid and teenager.

At the end of the day, it is politics, so if you are well liked in the work sphere then you can more than likely get away with it. However, if you aren't then that's just a good reason to replace you when your stats take a slight decline one month.
 

Bigpapa

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I don't think BigPapa works a real job, and his stance and post history clearly reflect it. Growing up, my dad was fired and blackballed from professionally working in 3 counties because he couldn't keep his dvck in his pants in the office. As of today, he cannot work in an administration ever again unless he chooses to leave the state and I remember having to deal with these consequences as a kid and teenager.

At the end of the day, it is politics, so if you are well liked in the work sphere then you can more than likely get away with it. However, if you aren't then that's just a good reason to replace you when your stats take a slight decline one month.
Although the law doesn't prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment#:~:text=Although%20the%20law%20doesn't,the%20victim%20being%20fired%20or

maybe your father was masturbating in the office and liked everyone to see him do it . Serial masturbator

Talking with girls in the office is not a crime . If you are weird about being rejected or dumped then it might become a crime , depending on how big of a weirdo you are
 
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Barrister

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so you are saying that having a light discussion on fb or sending a message to go out for a drink is proof for sexual harassment ?

better not talk with women , to be sure that you will not be accused of sexual harassment
These type of situations are generally a "guilty until proven innocent" type of thing for the man. So any type of evidence that even slightly corroborates the woman's side will be enough. Can any woman make such a claim of harassment? Sure. But I think we can agree you are glossing over the fact these situations are way more volatile in the workplace. Hence everyone's sound advice to cut off the pursuit at this point.
 

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MtmVaott

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I work with her and I’ll see her few times a week here and there. Maybe she comes around if I remove my attention for her. She is 43, 3 kids and a grandkid I seriously doubt she has many guys after having said that she is drop dead gorgeous
Yes, maybe, but her message stays the same. At least for now, understand what she told you. Let it sink in. By attempting further PU attempts you would signal her you are not connected with your emotions and operate on ego (unattractive). Also you have to realize that even if she would be attracted by you behaving distant, this attraction would have been caused by manipulation, not because of you as you are.
Keeping the distance is the appropriate thing right now, though. But do it for yourself. Your father's advice is still awesome, you might use if she is interested again.
 

Bigpapa

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These type of situations are generally a "guilty until proven innocent" type of thing for the man. So any type of evidence that even slightly corroborates the woman's side will be enough. Can any woman make such a claim of harassment? Sure. But I think we can agree you are glossing over the fact these situations are way more volatile in the workplace. Hence everyone's sound advice to cut off the pursuit at this point.
ye , if you try and get rejected . Cut it off and not be weird about it

but it does not mean that you do not have to try in the first place

if you are not a weirdo I really doubt that a courthouse will accept her case based on a text message “ wanna go for a drink sometime ? “ as the law does not forbids sending a text message like this

guys , seriously … WTF ?!
 

Billtx49

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Any chance to turn this around if I give her space or kinda ignore her presence when I see her etc?
She told you she’s taken. It should be the end of your thoughts about her when you haven’t been on a date. Go out and find another woman to think about.…
 

RicBoy

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She told you she’s taken. It should be the end of your thoughts about her when you haven’t been on a date. Go out and find another woman to think about.…
I think she is single, she just made it up probably to get rid of me because she is my boss and probably is feeling uncomfortable with the situation.
 

Bigpapa

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I think she is single, she just made it up probably to get rid of me because she is my boss and probably is feeling uncomfortable with the situation.
dude , you blew it . Leave it like this , don’t be a weirdo

from this point on anything besides accepting that she does not want you and that you should shoot your shots with other girls , is a creepy behavior and can get you in serious problems
 

BackInTheGame78

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Although the law doesn't prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment#:~:text=Although%20the%20law%20doesn't,the%20victim%20being%20fired%20or

maybe your father was masturbating in the office and liked everyone to see him do it . Serial masturbator

Talking with girls in the office is not a crime . If you are weird about being rejected or dumped then it might become a crime , depending on how big of a weirdo you are
Depends what you are talking to them about. If you are making sexual remarks even if it isn't about them it is still sexual harassment.

We have to take training on this once a year at every job I have ever worked at and watch videos and take tests about it. Pretty sure I could speak to this a little better than you reading something off a website.
 

RicBoy

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dude , you blew it . Leave it like this , don’t be a weirdo

from this point on anything besides accepting that she does not want you and that you should shoot your shots with other girls , is a creepy behavior and can get you in serious problems
I got that. Just annoying she added me on Facebook and removed me 6 days later just because I sent one text asking her out?wtf
 

Bigpapa

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Depends what you are talking to them about. If you are making sexual remarks even if it isn't about them it is still sexual harassment.

We have to take training on this once a year at every job I have ever worked at and watch videos and take tests about it. Pretty sure I could speak to this a little better than you reading something off a website.
yo , is way different making sexual remarks than it is to talk with a girl and shooting your shot ( as long as the discussion looks positive )

it is about being calibrated

who would go and make sexual remarks to a coworker that yoj have no business with ? It is like talking with a stranger

only a weirdo

you are a grown ass man , just come on dude . Way big difference between what I am saying and what you are saying
 

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Bigpapa

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I got that. Just annoying she added me on Facebook and removed me 6 days later just because I sent one text asking her out?wtf
dude , reread my previous posts . It is clear why you ended up in this situation

if you do not get it , then it means that you have a problem as you do not understand social interactions
 

BackInTheGame78

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yo , is way different making sexual remarks than it is to talk with a girl and shooting your shot ( as long as the discussion looks positive )

it is about being calibrated

who would go and make sexual remarks to a coworker that yoj have no business with ? It is like talking with a stranger

only a weirdo

you are a grown ass man , just come on dude . Way big difference between what I am saying and what you are saying
Let's say at work you are talking to one of your bros or a group of guys and you start talking to them about how you hooked up with some hot chick the other day and what you did with her.

This type of "water cooler" talk happens all the time at the office. If you are unaware it does then it simply shows you've never worked in an office before and probably have no business talking about this stuff because you don't have any idea what goes on there.

Now...even though you were not talking to a woman or about anyone at the office, if a woman overheard that and wants to take it to HR that's still considered sexual harassment. Even if another GUY overheard that and wanted to report it, it's considered sexual harassment.

And as far as who would make sexual remarks etc at the office? It also happens ALL the time. Mostly because it likely hasn't gotten reported and guys get comfortable doing it and think it's OK. Until it does get reported and they find out very quickly that it isn't. Or they think it's a joke and it's funny. However older women bosses also make these type of remarks to younger "hot" guys that work for them too, which are almost NEVER reported but still qualify as sexual harassment if the issue was pressed, and has been in the past with the women getting fired.

So I don't know if you are being silly or just arguing for sake of arguing but not only do you not live in the US nor have any experience with this here, you also are showing you don't and never have worked in an office environment because you are acting like this stuff never happens when it actually DOES happen every day pretty much somewhere.
 
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MtmVaott

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I got that. Just annoying she added me on Facebook and removed me 6 days later just because I sent one text asking her out?wtf
Are you feeling angry at her? If yes, try to work it out here or with yourself. I think the answers are already in the thread why she added and then deleted you. She will feel your emotional state towards her, it's OK. But don't act on it. Remain respectful.
 

Bigpapa

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Let's say at work you are talking to one of your bros or a group of guys and you start talking to them about how you hooked up with some hot chick the other day and what you did with her.

This type of "water cooler" talk happens all the time at the office. If you are unaware it does then it simply shows you've never worked in an office before and probably have no business talking about this stuff because you don't have any idea what goes on there.

Now...even though you were not talking to a woman or about anyone at the office, if a woman overheard that and wants to take it to HR that's still considered sexual harassment. Even if another GUY overheard that and wanted to report it, it's considered sexual harassment.

And as far as who would make sexual remarks etc at the office? It also happens ALL the time. Mostly because it likely hasn't gotten reported and guys get comfortable doing it and think it's OK. Until it does get reported and they find out very quickly that it isn't. Or they think it's a joke and it's funny. However older women bosses also make these type of remarks to younger "hot" guys that work for them too, which are almost NEVER reported but still qualify as sexual harassment if the issue was pressed, and has been in the past with the women getting fired.

So I don't know if you are being silly or just arguing for sake of arguing but not only do you not live in the US nor have any experience with this here, you also are showing you don't and never have worked in an office environment because you are acting like this stuff never happens when it actually DOES happen every day pretty much somewhere.
So let’s say that you talk about how you gagged the girl from last night with your d1ck in a place that has little to no privacy ( and basically you are an idiot and not socially calibrated because you know that anyone can hear you )

and also let’s say that someone that does not like you just happened to pass by and overheard the discussion and goes to hr to report you

you tell me that you will be fired for this ? Or that yoh will go to jail or that person who does not like you and reported you will open a case in court against so everyone will be aware that you are a sexual harasser ?

in over 99% of the cases the maximum that will happen will be that Someone from HR to tell you verbally that you should not say this stuff in a place where you have no privacy and anyone can hear you . Basically will tell you that you are not calibrated and a peasant

bro …out of respect for most for most of the posts from you being of quality , I will stop continuing this discussion
 

BackInTheGame78

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So let’s say that you talk about how you gagged the girl from last night with your d1ck in a place that has little to no privacy ( and basically you are an idiot and not socially calibrated because you know that anyone can hear you )

and also let’s say that someone that does not like you just happened to pass by and overheard the discussion and goes to hr to report you

you tell me that you will be fired for this ? Or that yoh will go to jail or that person who does not like you and reported you will open a case in court against so everyone will be aware that you are a sexual harasser ?

in over 99% of the cases the maximum that will happen will be that Someone from HR to tell you verbally that you should not say this stuff in a place where you have no privacy and anyone can hear you . Basically will tell you that you are not calibrated and a peasant

bro …out of respect for most for most of the posts from you being of quality , I will stop continuing this discussion
No, this isn't a criminal thing...like you aren't going to jail for it as it would be protected under free speech...however YES, you could be fired for it and the company sued for monetary damages civilly.

In fact, in almost all of these situations, the company's HR/legal department doesn't care who is right or wrong, they care about who could cost them the most money if they got sued.

So this is why even if they are unsure or things are murky, they will fire someone over it because they don't want to get sued and have to defend themselves in court since they have no idea what the jury is going to do and it's far cheaper for them to prevent this and hire someone else. It also gives them precedent if someone ELSE were to sue them where they can then say "Well, look at our track record from before, we took action against the employee when it was brought to our attention". This type of stuff has BIG legal implications usually because it shows intent by the company with how they acted previously and they would be much more likely to get the benefit of the doubt in the future if things are 50/50 than they would if they just let it go.

Well, I guess as someone who knows at least 3 people fired for sexual harassment at various jobs, I would have to disagree with you. Pretty sure most people from the US know about someone else who was as well.

Again, the HR department could actually believe you, but if they feel that keeping you will open them up to possible legal action which will cost them money, you could still get fired to "keep the peace" so to speak.
 
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