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article: I Never Want to Have Sex With My Boyfriend

returnofpigman

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I think you guys have no real idea of what you are facing. Our culture has ruined the women. The beauty of the world. The true other nature of our species. Femininity. Be really damn careful what the hell you are voting for out there.
I quit voting and will leave the country ASAP.. I’ll come back for the revolution.
 

lost_blackbird

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You are once again are saying you have a hard time because your wife likes to have sex and you prefer not to? I saw in the other thread that you feel relief when she is on her period because getting out of sex with her is easier.

How long have you been married? Ages? Have your sexual dynamics always been that way or has something changed?

Do you think you are more of an asexual man/individual? Or possibly low testosterone? Just not attracted to your wife anymore either physically or because of relationship dynamics?

Would you desire more sex if you were not with your wife? Curious thoughts...
I'm no longer with her. But lack of sex and intimacy due mainly to avoidance on my part played a huge role in the
failure of our marriage, it wasn't the only reason though. We split after a total of 18 years together, 7 of those married
(We're still legally married but divorce impending) I was with her from her age 18 until 36 mine 28 and 46. I'm 48 in a
few weeks and the split was in October 19 which was the last time we lived together and are now separated living on
opposite sides of the city

Went into therapy after the split, it spun me right out as my sense of order had been shattered and that had a huge
impact on my mental health and health in general where I learned after some significant time spent chatting
to a counsellor that it that I have Aspergers syndrome, I'm pretty high functioning so not crippled by autism
like some poor souls are but I do really struggle with any interpersonal communication. I use learned dialogue and
one liners to try and appear witty and sharp, this requires exhausting mental rehearsals of possible interactions.
It's no wonder I find the whole prospect of sex so daunting/terrifying. In short I really don't know how to act around
people, from eye contact to escalation to the process of arousing a woman, it's all too much to absorb and far easier
on my brain to just avoid people/intimacy/sex so that I don't put another poor woman through this.

I have managed thus far with a huge series of learned behaviours to fill the chasm of absent natural social graces.
I long to be normal but know this can never be true, I live my whole life wearing a mask to try and fit in, it's not
easy living like this. I often shut down and am prone to social withdrawal having a very small number of friends
and a small social circle. I don't enjoy going out so my wife attended things for years by herself while I stayed at
home. It all got too much for her, she is a very busy, attractive, positive, successful and vibrant woman. She tried
to work around my issues but it wore her down in the end. She has a new b/f who she's fvcing on the regular now.
I'm nearly two years since my last sexual contact which was with her and in maybe June of 2019? I have met many
women since the split, I'm in decent shape for my age and get a lot of signals of interest, but I never escalate, avoid
touching as my natural assumption is that everybody hates being touched as much as I do and I definitely never try
anything BOLD with any of these women.

That's my issue, there's loads of girls at the place I'm working currently and they all know my name and wave and blow
kisses and stuff when they see me in the warehouse (Amazon) , I have a collection of phone numbers after a short time working
there, I've literally just returned from dropping a 19 year old girl off home after work after our nightshift. I have no demonstrable
problem with platonic interactions for the most part, but anything more than that and I really don't know what is expected
of me which makes me anxious and awkward. So I never, ever make any attempt to escalate. There's a 26 year old at work who is completely up my street looks and personality wise, she is single and I am attracted to her, but I'd never demonstrate that to
her as I have no idea of how I can do so without coming across a sleaze. My default is to just side step the whole attraction thing
and keep it platonic so that I don't feel under pressure or stress.

I'm here on SS on a journey of learning and self discovery as this situation isn't really a typical and the kicker is that
I long for company but am too bewildered by social interactions to satisfy that longing preferring to isolate to insulate
myself from judgement I guess? I'm just trying to understand the mating game better, here seemed a good place to start.
 

LiveYourDream

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From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
I'm here on SS on a journey of learning and self discovery as this situation isn't really a typical and the kicker is that
I long for company but am too bewildered by social interactions to satisfy that longing preferring to isolate to insulate
myself from judgement I guess? I'm just trying to understand the mating game better, here seemed a good place to start.
I appreciate all you shared. I respect your openness in doing so, your self reflection, as well as your desire to continue growing, as you move forward. A belated welcome to SS. Many men have have transformed themselves and their lives through the application of some of things taught here and in the archives, and through the support of members and community here. I wish you the best in every way as you journey forward.
 

metalwater

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I'm here on SS on a journey of learning and self discovery as this situation isn't really a typical and the kicker is that
I long for company but am too bewildered by social interactions to satisfy that longing preferring to isolate to insulate
myself from judgement I guess? I'm just trying to understand the mating game better, here seemed a good place to start.
the spectrum is what it is. it is not better or worse, but something. everyone is in it, but most just a little. some of us more, and others a lot. The increased ability for focus and concentration together with strong IQ creates ppl that can do things others can or will not.

the intense desire for honesty is almost crippling. or not almost, it actually is.

an ASPI is hard-wired for oneitis. If there is a woman that honestly wants an honest, considerate, man she would pick such a man. Not what most women want.

take pride in being who you are. can't change who we are, but we can learn more scripts to play depending on what is occurring. this site SS provides tones of decent scripts to play depending on what has occurred. many of them will work exactly as advertised. no need to know why.

our best chance is in excellence. by seeking excellence in something, we create enough light that others will be drawn to us regardless of our ability to manage it. I am humbled to say that no women will be drawn to an aspi, but they will be drawn to the energy created when doing excellence and others are pulled by that. they will get caught into the current. not a loss cause, just different than what men that do no experience this have. their advice usually will be to just man up. the ones that understand will have different advice.
 

Ricky

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This will not work. This a situation that is well documented. Once her desire fades down down to a level of zero desire or even unexpressed resentment or even resentment...it’s over.

Billions of dollars have been pumped into this. Pharmaceutical companies are doing everything they can to make a pill to rekindle a woman’s desire for her husband or boyfriend. Zero results. It’s because it’s not a chemical problem. Like she said in the article, she can masturbate just fine. There is nothing wrong with her. Spinning plates will do nothing for this. It’s over.

However, there is a fantastic cure and it’s very well known in the scientific community. A new lover. It works every single time for her. No exceptions. This is why some go to swinging and other separate lover solutions.

No DJ bull$hit will work. Look it up. Been scientifically studied to death. Thousands of research papers. If this happens to you then you know it’s over. Women are smart enough to keep giving sex to you sporadically to keep you in place. It’s the only thing she really can do. No matter how much she loves you. Loving you is not the same thing as being in-love (girl speak). Being in-love with you means sexual desire for you. It’s over for him unless he’s ok with functionally dead sex.
So my wife and i were having lots of quarantine intimacy.. then poof. It sucks. I am pretty sure i can get it back but there are some complicating factors. The question is should i even try so hard when there are probably plenty of other options out there and its likely we will be having a summer of love given the pandemic slowing down.
 

Ricky

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well the longer it goes. The worse it will get. Make the call. Either initiate intimacy or write it off. You will figure it out.
She is having a midlife crisis and its gotten more complicated unfortunately.
 

christie

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All I can tell you is what I have universally have observed.

Let’s say a woman’s desire runs down. She gets bored. She has a very ugly internal condition.
She does not have the capacity to initiate inspiration within herself. This is a major difference between men and women. Don’t you EVER let another tell you that women and self-initiate inspiration. It’s the lie of ages.

This is why women need men. It’s a biological thing. They are built to nurture and care. This is the complete inverse of a man.

I will tell you a secret. It’s very important. The reason women pursue men, no matter how much money she makes. No matter how strong she thinks she is.

The secret:
women need to derive inspiration from the chemical ****tail that a new desire brings. These chemicals actually allow her to start dreaming again. Inspiration. Without it, she is quite the dismal creature for vast majority of women. Under those chemicals, she is on cloud nine and believes she can accomplish or do anything. It’s a lie.

She is subject to her chemicals in the world of men. To pull off the “powerful”, amazing creature better known as the “bytch”, she has to interact with men and get those chemicals. She is an addict to her own biology and thus, in this state, a lower class being. Any woman can get laid. That’s not special or interesting. It’s really about those chemicals and states of being they steal from men.
Yes, those chemicals are stronger than food or water as sustenance.

I don't know what I will replace my supply with when I stop working with men. So I'm conditioning myself now.
 

christie

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"Gains" usually gains resentment...
good point, good reminder.

I'm learning keeping my mouth shut on the process is best. Relatives benefit from your improvements, but they don't really want to know the amount of work that is the iceberg below water.
Just by improving myself, I help others. That's how I meant that when I wrote 'hopefully I can help my relatives by these gains'
 

SW15

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This will not work. This a situation that is well documented. Once her desire fades down down to a level of zero desire or even unexpressed resentment or even resentment...it’s over.

Billions of dollars have been pumped into this. Pharmaceutical companies are doing everything they can to make a pill to rekindle a woman’s desire for her husband or boyfriend. Zero results. It’s because it’s not a chemical problem. Like she said in the article, she can masturbate just fine. There is nothing wrong with her. Spinning plates will do nothing for this. It’s over.

However, there is a fantastic cure and it’s very well known in the scientific community. A new lover. It works every single time for her. No exceptions. This is why some go to swinging and other separate lover solutions.

No DJ bull$hit will work. Look it up. Been scientifically studied to death. Thousands of research papers. If this happens to you then you know it’s over. Women are smart enough to keep giving sex to you sporadically to keep you in place. It’s the only thing she really can do. No matter how much she loves you. Loving you is not the same thing as being in-love (girl speak). Being in-love with you means sexual desire for you. It’s over for him unless he’s ok with functionally dead sex.
I agree. That relationship was dead when she wrote that in 2015. There are a lot of reasons why it could have been dead.

Odds are that this was just a mediocre woman with an AFC boyfriend. In those cases, time is the key variable. They had probably had a multiyear relationship and the passion was gone.

Extended relationships often kill desire. There are ways to prolong the passionate parts of relationships. Staying in good physical shape is one of the things that will help the cause of extending the good phase of a relationships. Having good sexual technique and giving her orgasms helps. Not living together keeps things interesting. Not having kids will usually help. By doing these things, a guy can push back the boredom phase.

A beta/AFC/typical guy will not often have a long period of time where he's an exciting guy. The good looking guy who isn't moving in with her, having kids with her, and slamming her vag good will keep her interested longer, but even that may have an expiration date.

The beta bucks dynamic can affect a woman in her 30s too. Women who are childless when they hit their 30s and want to have a family might settle for a more boring and more stable guy who wants to commit to her when she can't get an elite looking guy to play house with her. She's resentful that she had to play house with a more ordinary guy. That isn't good for desire.
 

Ricky

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Been there. I can read between those lines. I totally get all that entails. I cannot evaluate it for you. I do not envy your mental state right now. This will take ten years off your life from stress alone. Decide if it’s worth it.
tell her right up front that the road she’s on is ugly and you won’t participate. There is no redemption for her and she needs to know this. There is only the dumpster at the end of that road. That’s where all the slvts go when they are older.
She isn't leaving but she is treating me like **** right now. I can make it work but i dont need her. She needs me. We have a child together which is why i'm giving it a chance. She got bored, wasn't working and got too close emotionally to a beta orbiter. She knows he isn't a good option but likes the ego stroke of him talking to her.

Not to mention they are from the same culture. I can't kick her out without legally separating which i'm not prepared to do. She is in the process of getting a job. She needs to get busy again and i need to consider my other options until she falls into line again.
 

Ricky

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Yes.. I've kind of learned how to handle it for now. This guy will be out of the picture soon enough. He is a total simp.. trying to buy her affection. I have to control my anger because its what pushes her towards his attention.
 

mrgoodstuff

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good point, good reminder.

I'm learning keeping my mouth shut on the process is best. Relatives benefit from your improvements, but they don't really want to know the amount of work that is the iceberg below water.
Just by improving myself, I help others. That's how I meant that when I wrote 'hopefully I can help my relatives by these gains'
You can't nor should you always help people. Help yourself.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Yes my dear, I am. I do wonder if I overcorrected too much, too selfish(lingering catholic guilt that I could be doing more for community/family)
Thanks for your consistent personality/persona on here.
You have to understand people.
 
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