article: Are Men Really Having A 'Friendship Crisis'? It’s lonely being a dude, but it doesn't have to be.

[MatureDJ]

Are Men Really Having A 'Friendship Crisis'?

It’s lonely being a dude, but it doesn't have to be.

www.huffpost.com

 

[FairShake]

Yes, not having friends is a big reason for the lonely end for so many White dudes (drugs, alcoholism, then suicide). I don't think it's because male friendship is seen as "gay" though, at least not after 16 or so. We're not that dumb.

But it is true that we rely too much on our wives/girlfriends for our milieu. Guys need to join more and then be available after they join. I'm a volunteer firefighter and the social component is at least as important to me as the actual work.

 

[FairShake]

Oh, and guys really should have more platonic female friends. While you can't do many of the same things with them as you can guys they're usually better to talk about things. It goes against common sense but that's life advice on me.

 

[touma.akagi]

I find male company less and less enjoyable these days. There's something about being around guys all the time that I just hate.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Have you ever been talking to women just you and them or just one (here) and a dude walks up behind you or appears outta the blue and you have to change your behavior or "looseness" with the females there because you'd Never talk that way in front of/to a dude? I've done it a few times where I'll tapper my interaction with the females soon after or almost immediately a guy walks into the picture. I've been on the reverse side too where I walk in and the guy seems a little embarrassed and starts changing how he talks/acts now that I'm there. So he's more gooey when I'm not there but changes on a dime when I walk in. It's like he doesn't want you to observe how he runs his game or how he's let down his defenses talking because he's been talking to only women for the past 30 minutes or hour.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I find male company less and less enjoyable these days. There's something about being around guys all the time that I just hate.

Guys are getting more competitive with each other in the last ten or so years due to you know what.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yes, not having friends is a big reason for the lonely end for so many White dudes (drugs, alcoholism, then suicide). I don't think it's because male friendship is seen as "gay" though, at least not after 16 or so. We're not that dumb.

While male friendship may not be considered "gay" as a concept, I think that straight men in general are increasingly weary of making new acquaintances with other men because of widespread homosexuality. This may be less of an issue in smaller towns/rural communities; I'm talking about big cities.

I live in a city with a large gay population. Anytime a random dude starts conversation, the first question that comes to mind is "is he gay"?Oftentimes the answer is yes. For the same reason, you may be reluctant to befriend new men because you know they are thinking the same thing.

 

[Alvafe]

serious this one I don't get. why care about teh number of friend you do have? understand people will come and go, only thing who is certain is you, you are the one who should stay strong don't matter what happen, and lets get serious here, most "friends" will abandon you when you need then the most so why even bother?

what I see more frequently is guys stop they male friends because they spend all they time with woman, I told this before and will repeat when I try to get a meeting with some friends, I ask then who will go and who the woman won't let then, because I know the only reason they don't go is because they GF wife

 

[Robert28]

I don’t want female platonic friendship. There’s no benefit in it for me. I’ve been burned twice by it and I only had to stick my hand on the stove twice to realize it was hot. Never ever again. In all honesty I found myself more depressed and self conscious and down on myself while having platonic female friends than I did when I didn’t have them. Being around a female that doesn’t want you or see you as sexually attractive will take a tole on your self esteem and mental state. They have a way of reminding you subtly that you aren’t good enough for them in their eyes.
I’m not telling anyone what to do or who to be friends with but for me and my experience, having female friends is a bad thing. Unless it’s a friends wife or girlfriend and I just have to be around them, I see no benefit of being friends with a woman. Any woman. You set yourself up to get used and taken advantage of and you risk hurting your self esteem and you become bitter about women because you’re constantly hanging around one that doesn’t want you.

 

[Snake-eyes]

I don’t want female platonic friendship. There’s no benefit in it for me. I’ve been burned twice by it and I only had to stick my hand on the stove twice to realize it was hot. Never ever again. In all honesty I found myself more depressed and self conscious and down on myself while having platonic female friends than I did when I didn’t have them. Being around a female that doesn’t want you or see you as sexually attractive will take a tole on your self esteem and mental state. They have a way of reminding you subtly that you aren’t good enough for them in their eyes.
I’m not telling anyone what to do or who to be friends with but for me and my experience, having female friends is a bad thing. Unless it’s a friends wife or girlfriend and I just have to be around them, I see no benefit of being friends with a woman. Any woman. You set yourself up to get used and taken advantage of and you risk hurting your self esteem and you become bitter about women because you’re constantly hanging around one that doesn’t want you.

Yeah I see no benefit what so ever, specially how we are wired sexuallytowards them

 

[Robert28]

Yeah I see no benefit what so ever, specially how we are wired sexuallytowards them

I’ve come to learn that the types of women that force these friendships on a guy (in other words they don’t just say ljbf, they see you as someone that can do something beneficial for them) tend to have narcissistic traits. Or at least the ones I’ve been around and observe this pattern of behavior in.

 

[Mike32ct]

While male friendship may not be considered "gay" as a concept, I think that straight men in general are increasingly weary of making new acquaintances with other men because of widespread homosexuality. This may be less of an issue in smaller towns/rural communities; I'm talking about big cities.

I live in a city with a large gay population. Anytime a random dude starts conversation, the first question that comes to mind is "is he gay"?Oftentimes the answer is yes. For the same reason, you may be reluctant to befriend new men because you know they are thinking the same thing.

I was at bar/lounge last weekend. I don’t have a problem chatting a bit with guys, although I obviously don’t seek it out. But this guy was being overly friendly, had his body turned completely to face me, and kept asking me, “Are you SURE you have to get up early tomorrow? How early? What time? Do you live far from here?”

In old school PUA terms, he was trying for a “full close” LOL. I got creeped out and left.

 

[2Rocky]

Male friendships are based around activity...DOING something.

When guys have an emotional connection with another guy it is while doing an activity together. Call it plausible deniability, but that's how it is. That is why dads take sons fishing. So they can talk...

So as an adult, you join a softball team, you help your neighbor with a construction project, you go hunting with the guys. That is how you connect with other guys.

Nobody ever developed a close male friendship playing call of duty in mom's basement....

 

[AttackFormation]

Male friendships are based around activity...DOING something.

When guys have an emotional connection with another guy it is while doing an activity together. Call it plausible deniability, but that's how it is. That is why dads take sons fishing. So they can talk...

So as an adult, you join a softball team, you help your neighbor with a construction project, you go hunting with the guys. That is how you connect with other guys.

Nobody ever developed a close male friendship playing call of duty in mom's basement....

Agree with everything except the very last sentence. You can make friends over gaming, I just wouldn't recommend it being the only thing you do.

 

[Who Dares Win]

I would say even better than activity togheter that the important thing is to share a common goal.

 

[BeTheChange]

Agree with everything except the very last sentence. You can make friends over gaming, I just wouldn't recommend it being the only thing you do.

100% this. I recently started gaming again, a hobby I'd set aside for 10 years because of an addiction I had to it in my late teens and at college. Pre red pill, going to the gym, sorting finances and winning in life I was games as an easy way to seek out external achievements but as a rational, disciplined adult with other things going on in my world now, gaming is an awesome release. It's all about balance.

The vast majority of my time on the console is spent on multiplayer, often with cousins and friends on the other side of the country, who I hadn't spoken to properly in a long while. Yet we can all hang on Fortnite or FIFA catch up, ask about each others lives, laugh, make jokes, etc. Social gaming is probably one of the funnest activities around.

 

[MatureDJ]

Guys are getting more competitive with each other in the last ten or so years due to you know what.

True Forced Loneliness prophet "Roller" Steve Hoca has discussed this in a video - that men are so hard up & competitive for poontang that they treat other men like competition that must be squashed.

 

[ubercat]

U see it here. All the alpha idiots who relentlessly push their viewpoints instead of keeping their minds open.

 

[ubercat]

People r more walled off. I think it's antisocial media splintering us into more and more tribes. It reminds me of that movie Extinction..we will be reduced to our components..then those components will be reduced.

Also noticed friends are higher maint these days. Like u have to be cheerleader for their curated lives.

 

[logicallefty]

The wider open my eyes keep getting, the fewer people I choose to keep associating with. That includes male friends, family, women I will date, etc.

I am not saying this to brag, I am saying it to state fact and lay the groundwork for my reply here. As time has gone on, I have found that I have been more successful and much happier in life than most of my male friends. Many of them started being passive agressive jerks as time has went on. For example, I became a police officer and lost a couple friends who wanted to be cops and never did cuz while I was working my azz off to meet my goal, they were fvcking off and partying. So rather than be happy for me, the got bitter over it. Lost several friends cuz their wives don't like me because they know I can see right through the BS cloud that they keep my buddy living in everyday and that scares them. And the buddies don't have the spine to stand up to them. Lost another friend cuz, after he got married, I fvcked his ex GF a few times who he still had a thing for. He got married, which told me he was moving on, so she was fair game. Guess not, cuz he don't speak to me anymore.

I think another thing too is many guys don't hang as much anymore cuz life is so busy. We are tired, especially when we get into our 40s and beyond. I dont care what we do for a living, anyone who works is getting more demands put on them than ever before. I know I come home from working two jobs during the week (sometimes three) and on Friday night I have had it, I am spent. Going out with friends is my lowest priority of things to do on the weekend. Maybe thats just be and I don't speak for everyone. Likely not.