You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
It's funny because I had an old oneitis from a couple years ago. She was chubby, maybe a 6 face-wise, but our personalities jibed really well and she was always touching me when she could.Poonani Maker said:Yes, not only that but her sister too who's 4-5 years younger (and fatter)...this Christmas she says, "oh, just the person I was looking for..." when I ran into her at some real estate/financial place. I was like, yeah whatever, you can tell yo sister that too haha (divoreced to a fireman)...both of these b!tches are still single at 34 and 30 years old. The sister I ran into lives in a very old small 4-plex YET works in all these high-end (maybe SHELL-game type scam-type) financial places. It doesn't make sense that she'd be working in all these (you'd expect) high dollar offices, but it's probably the church she goes to and the people she knows, but they have both discarded/overlooked good men who'd sincerely WANTED them in the past/dreamed about them and pursued them because they "were too good." Both used coke that I know of...I never did in my lifetime. Both tomboyish, shot guns etc etc.
I still love her sister, but I'm like now, uh, hah, you just want me for my money NOW. too bad, b!tches
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
This is a good post and what I hope to aspire to be. I'm becoming increasingly more like this. The first time I walked away from a girl of my own accord was scary because I didn't know I actually had that power. Caused much second guessing due to my lack of self-confidence.HalfPUAHalfAFC said:Yes.
I'm pretty quick to next a chick these days, as compared to my past.
I'll put in my bid (i.e., flirt, ask out, try to bed, and so on... not always in that order) and if she bites, I'll pursue more.
If is a little coy (i.e., predictable sh!ttest to see if you are "sincere" about your interest), I might pursue just a bit more depending on how hot she is and what my own interest level is.
All that said, if she simply doesn't play along, I assume either (1) she has no interest or (2) she has terrible girl-game. I have no patience with either.
So, I next time. If I see the out again, I MIGHT be cordial, but I do not go out of my way to talk to them, AT ALL. If it's unavoidable, I'll engage briefly, but simply no orbiting whatsoever. She missed her opportunity.
And, I find, if you treat them like you simply DO NOT GIVE A DAM about them and their opinion of you anymore, they suddenly try to get your attention, try to elicit from you some validation, etc. I don't give it to them unless they really, really, work for it. Seldom happens.
Now, let me answer your question more directly...
What happens to me, my perceptions, during this process? (1) I've judged her and her either her bad attitude and/or her lousy girl game. She comes out the loser here. (2) Any puzzy goggles I might have been wearing earlier increasingly disappear. Girls I was all into subsequently sometime seem pathetic, or ordinary, or pitiable. Me to self: "I can't believe I really wanted to hit that, get her out... she now seems so transparent and shallow." And this not so much retrospective rationalization but rather once you've shut down your interest and pursuit you can perspective and perception those things were fogging up in the first place.
Last year, there were three girls I not only wanted to bang but also hoped to date, spin, and maybe in turn into a GF. I failed... or rather, I failed as did each of them. Too much BS, coyness, nonsense, bad girl game, etc. I walked away from each.
Today, each of them are very friendly with me when I see them. That is, I didn't blow my "value" as a good guy to know and have pleasant interactions with.
But, seeing them how I see them know, there's not a chance in the world I'd date ANY of them. Bang them? Yup....once. Date? NO WAY
Funny how things work/look once you've internalized the willingness to walk away. "Oneitis" basically becomes a thing of your past (or, at least, increasingly and increasingly so).
Good luck!