You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
It's funny because I had an old oneitis from a couple years ago. She was chubby, maybe a 6 face-wise, but our personalities jibed really well and she was always touching me when she could.Poonani Maker said:Yes, not only that but her sister too who's 4-5 years younger (and fatter)...this Christmas she says, "oh, just the person I was looking for..." when I ran into her at some real estate/financial place. I was like, yeah whatever, you can tell yo sister that too haha (divoreced to a fireman)...both of these b!tches are still single at 34 and 30 years old. The sister I ran into lives in a very old small 4-plex YET works in all these high-end (maybe SHELL-game type scam-type) financial places. It doesn't make sense that she'd be working in all these (you'd expect) high dollar offices, but it's probably the church she goes to and the people she knows, but they have both discarded/overlooked good men who'd sincerely WANTED them in the past/dreamed about them and pursued them because they "were too good." Both used coke that I know of...I never did in my lifetime. Both tomboyish, shot guns etc etc.
I still love her sister, but I'm like now, uh, hah, you just want me for my money NOW. too bad, b!tches
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
This is a good post and what I hope to aspire to be. I'm becoming increasingly more like this. The first time I walked away from a girl of my own accord was scary because I didn't know I actually had that power. Caused much second guessing due to my lack of self-confidence.HalfPUAHalfAFC said:Yes.
I'm pretty quick to next a chick these days, as compared to my past.
I'll put in my bid (i.e., flirt, ask out, try to bed, and so on... not always in that order) and if she bites, I'll pursue more.
If is a little coy (i.e., predictable sh!ttest to see if you are "sincere" about your interest), I might pursue just a bit more depending on how hot she is and what my own interest level is.
All that said, if she simply doesn't play along, I assume either (1) she has no interest or (2) she has terrible girl-game. I have no patience with either.
So, I next time. If I see the out again, I MIGHT be cordial, but I do not go out of my way to talk to them, AT ALL. If it's unavoidable, I'll engage briefly, but simply no orbiting whatsoever. She missed her opportunity.
And, I find, if you treat them like you simply DO NOT GIVE A DAM about them and their opinion of you anymore, they suddenly try to get your attention, try to elicit from you some validation, etc. I don't give it to them unless they really, really, work for it. Seldom happens.
Now, let me answer your question more directly...
What happens to me, my perceptions, during this process? (1) I've judged her and her either her bad attitude and/or her lousy girl game. She comes out the loser here. (2) Any puzzy goggles I might have been wearing earlier increasingly disappear. Girls I was all into subsequently sometime seem pathetic, or ordinary, or pitiable. Me to self: "I can't believe I really wanted to hit that, get her out... she now seems so transparent and shallow." And this not so much retrospective rationalization but rather once you've shut down your interest and pursuit you can perspective and perception those things were fogging up in the first place.
Last year, there were three girls I not only wanted to bang but also hoped to date, spin, and maybe in turn into a GF. I failed... or rather, I failed as did each of them. Too much BS, coyness, nonsense, bad girl game, etc. I walked away from each.
Today, each of them are very friendly with me when I see them. That is, I didn't blow my "value" as a good guy to know and have pleasant interactions with.
But, seeing them how I see them know, there's not a chance in the world I'd date ANY of them. Bang them? Yup....once. Date? NO WAY
Funny how things work/look once you've internalized the willingness to walk away. "Oneitis" basically becomes a thing of your past (or, at least, increasingly and increasingly so).
Good luck!