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Another Sexless LTR - How to stay?

SirBigBell

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Despite only working a day or two a week I do well enough to cover my own shizz, our tech/healthcare/half the utilities but I don't pay rent to her which would have been the biggest bill (housing market here is ludicrous) So she pays her own mortgage and I live under her roof. For about 2 years after we moved in together I was paying the standard rate I would pay anywhere else I would be renting, only changing once study went full time.
Let me just get straight to the root pf your problem here.You are living under her roof.
Yes you carry your own weight by covering your own expenses and contributing to household bills, but the space or territory is hers and under her control. Thats the foundation of her lack of sexual submission.

Whichever way you want to dice this, you are the weaker party in this relationship. Women by nature struggle to submit to a weak man. Females of all species are sexually attracted to dominant males, thats the rule of nature. In humans the dominance has to be in frame and finances.

At a mechanical physiological level, females are wired to find a man who can provide strong genes for healthy offspring, security from environmental threats and resources to sustain the family unit. Subconsciously your girl realises that you’re falling short on some if those markers at the moment, hence the lack of sexual submission.

Her sexual attraction and overall submission will spike the moment you regain financial dominance. When i was 15 my dad told me “never settle down with a woman who earns more than you, its a recipe for headaches.” The old dog was right.
 

sosumba

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Dude, reading your post makes me think you are about to snap and do something bad. Calm down a little man.
 

logicallefty

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It sounds like you have weighed a lot of factors a lot of folks have given you a lot of outstanding advice here. If you are stuck staying with her for 5 x months then I would suggest pulling away. Get busier, and be around her less. Work more, hang with the guys more, take up a new hobby, something to pull away and giver he less of your time and attention. If you are really feeling brave, pack your stuff and then text her and tell her you are leaving for a week because you have some thinking to do. Then block her and go ghost. Since you live together do make sure you are clear in your text that you are coming back so she can't tell the cops you abandoned your residence. But do this and give her some time to think about what's going on with you. Then when you return, sit her down and tell her you need to know what the F is going on with the sex or the next time you leave may be for good.

Edit: From the coworker who introduced me to SS, quoting him "Every aspect of all your dealings with women has one common requirement; YOU MUST TAKE CONTROL. Period. "
 

MrPwr

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Let me just get straight to the root pf your problem here.You are living under her roof.
Yes you carry your own weight by covering your own expenses and contributing to household bills, but the space or territory is hers and under her control. Thats the foundation of her lack of sexual submission.

Whichever way you want to dice this, you are the weaker party in this relationship. Women by nature struggle to submit to a weak man. Females of all species are sexually attracted to dominant males, thats the rule of nature. In humans the dominance has to be in frame and finances.

At a mechanical physiological level, females are wired to find a man who can provide strong genes for healthy offspring, security from environmental threats and resources to sustain the family unit. Subconsciously your girl realises that you’re falling short on some if those markers at the moment, hence the lack of sexual submission.

Her sexual attraction and overall submission will spike the moment you regain financial dominance. When i was 15 my dad told me “never settle down with a woman who earns more than you, its a recipe for headaches.” The old dog was right.
Wise words from the ol fella!
I will regain independence in 5 months, move out, but I wont gain financial dominance over her until I finish my degree. At that point I would instantly be dominant but at best this is two years away.

Stop chasing her for sex........ become sexually independent, dont give a fvck about anything she wants/needs, show her you have (female) options ..... and she might become more active.

But, it is more then likely that she falls back to her no sex policy as soon as she has the kid and a ring on the finger, thinking she has the law on her side and you cant do **** about her not fvcking you.

The risk to get trapped is not worth it, just leave in 5 months and find an active woman.
I have started to do this. Honestly after the realisation that she would be so easily turned off to me (though I understand it is her biology) I don't feel attracted to her anyway.
The rose-tinted glasses have been lifted.
I don't want to fk her any more than I would fk a mate.
I have looked at apartments in the area I am looking at moving to, run the numbers, set a to do list, some financial targets and an approximate date to bounce.
 

MrPwr

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It sounds like you have weighed a lot of factors a lot of folks have given you a lot of outstanding advice here. If you are stuck staying with her for 5 x months then I would suggest pulling away. Get busier, and be around her less. Work more, hang with the guys more, take up a new hobby, something to pull away and giver he less of your time and attention. If you are really feeling brave, pack your stuff and then text her and tell her you are leaving for a week because you have some thinking to do. Then block her and go ghost. Since you live together do make sure you are clear in your text that you are coming back so she can't tell the cops you abandoned your residence. But do this and give her some time to think about what's going on with you. Then when you return, sit her down and tell her you need to know what the F is going on with the sex or the next time you leave may be for good.

Edit: From the coworker who introduced me to SS, quoting him "Every aspect of all your dealings with women has one common requirement; YOU MUST TAKE CONTROL. Period. "
Some awesome advice.

Thank you to all the bro's out there helping each other out My coworker also put me onto RT's Rational Male, and thus I was introduced to SS.

And I would also like to thank everyone for their help, I really appreciate it. I hope to pay it forward one day.
 

MrPwr

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rick can come off hard sometimes but this is solid info , do a deep reflection and review yourself , being analytical at this time is critical in your self development
Yeah I know in the past I have had no filter, and I can be abrasive/cold.
I choose to analyse first, and not react (typical of my personality type) when It looks like the normal thing to do is get heated and emotional (I assume, based on my observations of others).

I often have "unpopular" opinions, trying to root everything in what I know to be true #facts and changing with new information.
Apparently this is a fking super power these days :lol:

I have a tendency to monopolize conversations that move into, or close to, areas where I am highly knowledgeable.
These areas are rarely common knowledge, for example I'm deeply into engineering/rocket-science/rocket motors/orbital mechanics/physics/space ****. If a conversation has even a tangential connection to these, that is where I take the conversation. A lot of people might enjoy the conversation initially, but sometimes they get uncomfortable. I never used to notice this but more recently I have picked up on it.

On a number of occasions I have literally put her to sleep by talking about my interests. :confused:
 

King Lion

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Get the ring back and sell it - Then go and get your own place!
 

FuzzX

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Definitely will not be getting married. To any hoe xD
I have seen far too many marriages fail to believe they can work. the few that do, are perpetual engagement. Will marry on deathbed.

She has, in the past initiated, completely to my surprise. lingerie, cold beer ready, the works. I have no idea what caused her to do it but I know she has it in her.

As for being advanced upon by other men, she ain't wearing her ring right now, and I don't think she has for a few weeks. So that is entirely possible (though also possible with it on, her attitude not wearing it says more)
I don't know what your situation is MrPwr but I'll offer a slightly different angle. When I wasn't married, ejection seemed to be the right move to everything. My wife doesn't wear her ring and I don't wear one either, it has no political significance it's just we are too lazy to wear those thing, I think she may have even lost it [it cost me $100 and I didn't buy one till 5 years ago (SEARS fire sale)]. She's a dunce. I've never had any problems getting sex, however, I think my sex drive is pretty low due to a pretty big genetic problem I have. I didn't pay anything for our wedding, we went to pizza hut with my mom.

That said, my wife still holds my hand and grabs onto me. I walk her to work everyday, she'd prefer it if I could walk her home too [she works not far, and unfortunately we have a bunch of homeless trash around]. She currently works much more than I do, we are in the same boat you and I. She works a burger flipping job and her hours are long and quite difficult. I'm studying full time trying to get this stupid piece of paper finished. I've been seriously sick a number of times through our 10 year marriage where she had to take over the bills. She took a pretty huge hiatus from work also when I was sick and working, I wanted to have her around all the time. I spend pretty well, most of my day with my wife when she's not working. So I don't think living off of a woman is necessarily a bad thing, my old man has been doing it since I was born haha. We have enough money saved where neither of us have to work again if we don't want to, but she chooses to anyway. [She is a minimalist because she came from a POOR background]

When I have an issue with my wife, I will tell her straight and we discuss it until it's not an issue anymore. We share the same political leanings and we always have something to talk about. I'm wondering if you and your wife are on the same political spectrum. You'd be surprised how much this will factor into your sex life.

How many real life adventures have you been on with your wife? I'm betting the answer is 0. If you don't have kids, it's time to plan one. I'm always chasing something and pulling her along with me. You need to make her feel like you are the only thing holding back the wolves in the world because frequently on an adventure, that is absolutely the case. Likely, she's too comfortable in her surroundings. Where we live, the threat of homeless ****heads or 'the leftist mob' is ever present, not to mention she attracts weird nerdy guys that creep her out[she's asian]. But when we were in China, I was close to death a couple of times, sick frequently, she was forever picking me up off the ground, arranging things at the hospital, making sure I wasn't, you know, dead. In China hospitals are not good places and she'd stay at my bed side the whole night/day... sleeping on chairs and what have you. She helped me work through my brother's death, she's been there when I got fired (multiple times). She's been there when I've been in a couple of fights. We've crossed the world together. No one knows me better than her. She was with me when I was broke and is still with me now that we're retiring. A lot of the stuff in my life has been an uphill battle but she's been with me the whole way.


I'm wondering, has your wife also experienced this? How easy is your life? How much work does your wife have to do to maintain it? How many times have you had to rely on your wife to not die? The adventures I'm talking about are the ones where you are doing things that 99% of people don't do. Have you guys been to the pyramids already? Have you gone scuba diving? Have you played Werewolf? :)
How much time outside of 'regular life' do you spend together? What goals are you trying to achieve together? If you can't have kids [like I can't] is there enough love there to keep her around? What I'm trying to say is that our life has been filled with massive ups and downs to make regular life look like a vacation. We've gone back to school together, studied together, etc etc. I also study online and she sits nearby watching her shows. Do you play any video games together? Do you do any activities together? How much time do you really spend together outside of the bedroom? How often do you guys hug or kiss each other when you're not horny? How often does she laugh at your jokes? My wife is in a state of constant giggles, making her laugh is fun and easy. How often do you say "I love you" when you actually mean to say "thank you"?

My wife had a fairly traumatic upbringing from start to finish, has yours gone through hell and back in her childhood? Sometimes a little jolt of reality is necessary. The western decadence is contributing to marriages failing. If you think, during the depression, women weren't running off on their men, grandma and grandpa during WW2, weren't having discussions about sex, they were popping out armies of children. Those pairings were on adventures in hellscapes, they only had each other to survive. It was grandma and grandpa against the world. [My grandfather was in Normandy]

This problem goes beyond doing some 'game'. Marriages fail because there was no glue holding the couples together anymore. The glue is the important part, make sure you have some.

You might think I'm nuts and I don't really care TBH but I saw some UFOs in my twenties up close in Mexico. My next adventure is to go back to where I was and see if they're still there. Already got everything lined up, just need a pilot and a plane now. How willing is your wife to do some crazy stuff with you?
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Yeah I know in the past I have had no filter, and I can be abrasive/cold.
I choose to analyse first, and not react (typical of my personality type) when It looks like the normal thing to do is get heated and emotional (I assume, based on my observations of others).

I often have "unpopular" opinions, trying to root everything in what I know to be true #facts and changing with new information.
Apparently this is a fking super power these days :lol:
Can't talk about it to less analytical people ( most people ). That includes men and women.

I have a tendency to monopolize conversations that move into, or close to, areas where I am highly knowledgeable.
These areas are rarely common knowledge, for example I'm deeply into engineering/rocket-science/rocket motors/orbital mechanics/physics/space ****. If a conversation has even a tangential connection to these, that is where I take the conversation. A lot of people might enjoy the conversation initially, but sometimes they get uncomfortable. I never used to notice this but more recently I have picked up on it.
Need to find someone else of similar interests to talk about those type of things which stimulate you.

On a number of occasions I have literally put her to sleep by talking about my interests. :confused:
Mini adventures together.
 

Epimanes

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This relationship is over.... i did the nice guy thing for 25ish yrs (16 to 41) im nearly 43 now.... i did it for my kids who are now 16 and 23 tho. The last 10yrs sucked.... sex was 1x a month if i was lucky.... i wanted things to work .. i wanted to fix everything... but .. there is no fixing... you can jump through all the hoops you want but the proof is in the pudding... my wife left me for some simp with a better financial status than me. I even have a recording of her telling me during an argument that i dont make enough money for her to even pretend to love me anymore.... wasnt long after that we split. Then kids seen through her BS and within a year after splitting moved in with me and then she took off to be with mr money bags on the other side of canada.

Take it from me..... dont waste any more time being unhappy man... you only live once.

Epi
 

FuzzX

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This relationship is over.... i did the nice guy thing for 25ish yrs (16 to 41) im nearly 43 now.... i did it for my kids who are now 16 and 23 tho. The last 10yrs sucked.... sex was 1x a month if i was lucky.... i wanted things to work .. i wanted to fix everything... but .. there is no fixing... you can jump through all the hoops you want but the proof is in the pudding... my wife left me for some simp with a better financial status than me. I even have a recording of her telling me during an argument that i dont make enough money for her to even pretend to love me anymore.... wasnt long after that we split. Then kids seen through her BS and within a year after splitting moved in with me and then she took off to be with mr money bags on the other side of canada.

Take it from me..... dont waste any more time being unhappy man... you only live once.

Epi
I wonder if I know you IRL? If not, just letting you know, this is the story of every guy I know that married a Canadian broad. All of my childhood friends, my carpenter, my electrician, my dentist, pretty much every guy I know here.
 

RickTheToad

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This relationship is over.... i did the nice guy thing for 25ish yrs (16 to 41) im nearly 43 now.... i did it for my kids who are now 16 and 23 tho. The last 10yrs sucked.... sex was 1x a month if i was lucky.... i wanted things to work .. i wanted to fix everything... but .. there is no fixing... you can jump through all the hoops you want but the proof is in the pudding... my wife left me for some simp with a better financial status than me. I even have a recording of her telling me during an argument that i dont make enough money for her to even pretend to love me anymore.... wasnt long after that we split. Then kids seen through her BS and within a year after splitting moved in with me and then she took off to be with mr money bags on the other side of canada.

Take it from me..... dont waste any more time being unhappy man... you only live once.

Epi
Yes, there is fixing, but it's hard. YOU WALK (if married or have kids). You make her chase you again. Next time you are in a situation with a female, any heated or testing situation, just go silent and wait to she reaches out. That's how one turns the tables. No fighting, no arguing, just silence. No theater, just silence. It's hard when you are married, even harder when married with children.
 

MrPwr

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Yes, there is fixing, but it's hard. YOU WALK (if married or have kids). You make her chase you again. Next time you are in a situation with a female, any heated or testing situation, just go silent and wait to she reaches out. That's how one turns the tables. No fighting, no arguing, just silence. No theater, just silence. It's hard when you are married, even harder when married with children.
^^ This is the Truth**
We had a disagreement (as far as arguments I have had with anyone it was pitiful, but as far as arguments I have had with her it was one of the bigger ones, and centered on a debate at my fkn birthday party that I had with a friend of hers).
I refused to concede my position, I think she wanted me to apologise for making what she called "a scene" and I just went quiet, and kept on with my study. She accused me of sulking (which she does as soon as I stop engaging with her) and I just said "I have sh1t to do"
She left for several hours, came back and told me she loves me a few times and wanted to continue talking to me but I expressed that I still had sh1t to do and didn't reciprocate her verbal expressions of love for me.
 

MrPwr

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This relationship is over.... i did the nice guy thing for 25ish yrs (16 to 41) im nearly 43 now.... i did it for my kids who are now 16 and 23 tho. The last 10yrs sucked.... sex was 1x a month if i was lucky.... i wanted things to work .. i wanted to fix everything... but .. there is no fixing... you can jump through all the hoops you want but the proof is in the pudding... my wife left me for some simp with a better financial status than me. I even have a recording of her telling me during an argument that i dont make enough money for her to even pretend to love me anymore.... wasnt long after that we split. Then kids seen through her BS and within a year after splitting moved in with me and then she took off to be with mr money bags on the other side of canada.

Take it from me..... dont waste any more time being unhappy man... you only live once.

Epi
Dude I am sorry to hear this, but glad you got the kids though, and glad they can see through her ****. I hope you took her for half, or did she have nothing to begin with?
I don't think this girl would run off with mr moneybags, but the fact that I am not "man enough" for her as I am is enough for me to leave.
If there isn't attraction then there isn't desire for intimacy.
If there isn't intimacy then it isn't a "romantic/sexual relationship" and is just a friends relationship.
 

MrPwr

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Can't talk about it to less analytical people ( most people ). That includes men and women.



Need to find someone else of similar interests to talk about those type of things which stimulate you.



Mini adventures together.
I don't understand the mini-adventures part, but I joined my university's Rocket club. So I'll be building rockets in my spare time :D
If i'm honest sex is great but rockets... fffffffffffffuuuuuhhhhhhh :love::love::love::love::love::love:
 

MrPwr

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I don't know what your situation is MrPwr but I'll offer a slightly different angle. When I wasn't married, ejection seemed to be the right move to everything. My wife doesn't wear her ring and I don't wear one either, it has no political significance it's just we are too lazy to wear those thing, I think she may have even lost it [it cost me $100 and I didn't buy one till 5 years ago (SEARS fire sale)]. She's a dunce. I've never had any problems getting sex, however, I think my sex drive is pretty low due to a pretty big genetic problem I have. I didn't pay anything for our wedding, we went to pizza hut with my mom.
Maybe she was just being lazy, she is wearing it today, but last night I went out after school, no explanation of where I was going or who with just said "going out, dont wait up"
but also kudos for saving $$ on that stuff, it's always so expensive and if your girl is pragmatic and fine with it then winner!
I had a mate who had engagement an party and were charged 10s of thousands less than the quote for a wedding (though quotes were for different locations) and then they surprised everyone (the premisis manager included) when the celebrant arrived and married them on the spot. Great tactic for knowing who your friends are, and saving money, but I heard the manager was spewing!

That said, my wife still holds my hand and grabs onto me. I walk her to work everyday, she'd prefer it if I could walk her home too [she works not far, and unfortunately we have a bunch of homeless trash around]. She currently works much more than I do, we are in the same boat you and I. She works a burger flipping job and her hours are long and quite difficult. I'm studying full time trying to get this stupid piece of paper finished. I've been seriously sick a number of times through our 10 year marriage where she had to take over the bills. She took a pretty huge hiatus from work also when I was sick and working, I wanted to have her around all the time. I spend pretty well, most of my day with my wife when she's not working. So I don't think living off of a woman is necessarily a bad thing, my old man has been doing it since I was born haha. We have enough money saved where neither of us have to work again if we don't want to, but she chooses to anyway. [She is a minimalist because she came from a POOR background]
Dude choosing to work is a good thing, for men especially but also just humans in general. It doesn't even necessarily have to be hard work, just challenge. We are beasts of burden. I hope your health picks up, and good luck with your paper! go get it my man! :)


When I have an issue with my wife, I will tell her straight and we discuss it until it's not an issue anymore. We share the same political leanings and we always have something to talk about. I'm wondering if you and your wife are on the same political spectrum. You'd be surprised how much this will factor into your sex life.
Thats a pretty good insight, dude. I have had a wavering political compass over the years, though I don't like politics it is a necessary skill to have/understand as an engineer (engineering firms are immensely political, but also directly with government, PR etc) and I have have been actively trying to be more involved with that stuff, or just more aware, mostly how it pertains to engineering related things (energy projects in australia are massively political right now). She is not political at all** and I know political talk bothers her though we do share something else that I think she will have a hard time finding elsewhere....
She is "vegan" and I am "plant based" (pretty simple, no meat, no dairy). I bodybuild so yes I get enough protein :lol:
I think that is very important, one of those things like politics that if you don't have aligning values then it causes issues.

How many real life adventures have you been on with your wife? I'm betting the answer is 0. If you don't have kids, it's time to plan one. I'm always chasing something and pulling her along with me. You need to make her feel like you are the only thing holding back the wolves in the world because frequently on an adventure, that is absolutely the case. Likely, she's too comfortable in her surroundings. Where we live, the threat of homeless ****heads or 'the leftist mob' is ever present, not to mention she attracts weird nerdy guys that creep her out[she's asian]. But when we were in China, I was close to death a couple of times, sick frequently, she was forever picking me up off the ground, arranging things at the hospital, making sure I wasn't, you know, dead. In China hospitals are not good places and she'd stay at my bed side the whole night/day... sleeping on chairs and what have you. She helped me work through my brother's death, she's been there when I got fired (multiple times). She's been there when I've been in a couple of fights. We've crossed the world together. No one knows me better than her. She was with me when I was broke and is still with me now that we're retiring. A lot of the stuff in my life has been an uphill battle but she's been with me the whole way.

I'm wondering, has your wife also experienced this? How easy is your life? How much work does your wife have to do to maintain it? How many times have you had to rely on your wife to not die? The adventures I'm talking about are the ones where you are doing things that 99% of people don't do. Have you guys been to the pyramids already? Have you gone scuba diving? Have you played Werewolf? :)
How much time outside of 'regular life' do you spend together? What goals are you trying to achieve together? If you can't have kids [like I can't] is there enough love there to keep her around? What I'm trying to say is that our life has been filled with massive ups and downs to make regular life look like a vacation. We've gone back to school together, studied together, etc etc. I also study online and she sits nearby watching her shows. Do you play any video games together? Do you do any activities together? How much time do you really spend together outside of the bedroom? How often do you guys hug or kiss each other when you're not horny? How often does she laugh at your jokes? My wife is in a state of constant giggles, making her laugh is fun and easy. How often do you say "I love you" when you actually mean to say "thank you"?
Holy cow dude that's intense! glad you made it through, those sound like galvanising experiences for you two. We don't have such experiences
As for the last part, those are what our relationship experiences mostly consist of. We spend zero time together in the bedroom (hence the sexless part) So the time we spend together consists of meals, watching shows (she watches an insane amount of TV, so I just join in sometimes) playing video games together (the ones she likes) the only intimacy we have is random hugs and kisses at home and hand holding initiated by her and always in public....)
Oh man, we have done a lot*** of travel. All over canada, all over europe, new zealand, parts of australia, covid hit and has restricted us a bit but we don't even need to wear masks here, there is no covid at all where I am so "holidays" and adventures are encouraged to the point where there is a state funded "holiday stimulus" for those who wish to take a trip outside of typical break periods. (not sure where you are but aussies are spoiled with the amount of paid leave we are required to have by law)

My wife had a fairly traumatic upbringing from start to finish, has yours gone through hell and back in her childhood? Sometimes a little jolt of reality is necessary. The western decadence is contributing to marriages failing. If you think, during the depression, women weren't running off on their men, grandma and grandpa during WW2, weren't having discussions about sex, they were popping out armies of children. Those pairings were on adventures in hellscapes, they only had each other to survive. It was grandma and grandpa against the world. [My grandfather was in Normandy]
Hats off to your Grandfather, respect. My Grandfather was an Anzac, was a stoic dude. I didn't know him well and was still in my teens when he died. The world was different back then. Men had a well defined role in the world, and so did women, and they just accepted it and made it work. It wasn't perfect for sure. My girl has had it "sweet" almost too good from my perspective. I didn't have a "tough" life by many people's standards but I grew up dirt poor (by western standards) and had the turmoil of a broken family. She by comparison wasn't "wealthy" but had stable supporting parents all the way up. While she was working her arse off to buy a house, I was trying not to be homeless.

You might think I'm nuts and I don't really care TBH but I saw some UFOs in my twenties up close in Mexico. My next adventure is to go back to where I was and see if they're still there. Already got everything lined up, just need a pilot and a plane now. How willing is your wife to do some crazy stuff with you?
At a glance I am not sure if she would do anything "crazy" with me. When I was trying to propose - before I red pilled - I was trying to get her to go hiking with me (to reinvent some previous great experiences we had together on holiday) and It was really difficult to get her to commit to anything. I doubt she would go UFO hunting with me that's for sure :lol:

Wow thanks for this epic input! :)
 

TheKid

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Vansih for a few days without word and then just reapear and dont apologise. Say you had to talk your friend off a ledge or something. Just ignore her attepts at a fight and dont engage. Stay in your frame from this point.
 
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