Age-gap rejection or am I overthinking it?

[redcouch]

This girl came into my business this past weekend. We really hit it off and the chemistry was great, and when I talked to the customer after her, she quietly wrote down her phone number and left.

I texted her later that night, and she was very excited and said to let her know if I ever wanted to hang out. I said we should grab a drink when I have some free time later next week, and she said she was very down.

At that point she asked how old I was. I told her I am turning 28 in a couple weeks, and she replied "Damn I’m only 23 Might have to skip drinks, you seem really sweet though!"

Not quite sure how to read into this. Does this seem like a polite, apologetic rejection? Or is it her way of putting out a feeler to see how I view this age disparity? I mean it's 5 years, we're both in our 20s. I'm too busy with my company and don't really care to get invested in a woman right now, so it's not a huge deal to me if this doesn't go anywhere. But she seemed pretty cool.

Typically, I've dated either women my age or older, really just by circumstance or due to the age range setting I've put on dating apps when I've used them in the past. The couple times in the past year when I've went out with a 22 or 23 year old, I've found it to be a bit boring and the women to be too immature for me. I really liked the vibe of this chick though, and although the gap does give me some pause, I'd still like to see what's up.

How do you view this, and what would you say?

Thank you.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

She seemed into you until she got her answer. The only way to know is keep being playful. Depends on what you're after.

Personally, I'd say something along the lines of "Oh really? Like an old fogie can't have fun or a couple drinks?" Or you could go off of the sweet thing too. You could also say "Ah. I can do sweet. When you get to know me though, I'm also funny, smart, and oh so many other things."

Being playful here and treating it like it's an OBJECTION vs a rejection. Unless she say's 'Not interested' or starts to ghost you, there's always a chance at something. But don't respond to her if she seems too "cold" or it never progresses beyond her making quips like the above.

I also know next to nothing about how you hit it off. What ya'll were wearing, how flirty you actually were when you got the number, and you also waited an entire week to set something up? I get scheduling something out ahead, but if she's reasonably hot (heck even a 6/10 you'd be surprised what solicitation they get), she's going to get asked out OFTEN. And if she thinks they'll be better prospects, do the math.

She said "might have to" and that you seem sweet. Does almost sound like a rejection or that she's keeping you as a 'backup plan.' Depending on how she responds to anything else you decide to say, you might make up your mind. You could always just say "eff it, there's a million others just like her I could get an answer other than 'might have to skip.'"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"Guess you better stick to them young boys you are able to handle" with a smirk.

 

[zekko]

At that point she asked how old I was. I told her I am turning 28 in a couple weeks, and she replied "Damn I’m only 23 Might have to skip drinks, you seem really sweet though!"

Well, that seem REALLY stupid to me. Why would a 23 year old turn down a 28 year old because of age. Women on average like men four years older than them, you're only one year over that. 28 definitely should not be too old for a 23 year old. Maybe she just wants to instill some doubt into you after brazenly giving you her number - not wanting to appear overeager?

 

[redcouch]

Well, that seem REALLY stupid to me. Why would a 23 year old turn down a 28 year old because of age. Women on average like men four years older than them, you're only one year over that. 28 definitely should not be too old for a 23 year old. Maybe she just wants to instill some doubt into you after brazenly giving you her number - not wanting to appear overeager?

Yeah... it does seem pretty dumb now that I think about it. Especially considering this all came from a natural, flirty, fun irl interaction in which we both showed interest. Like barring some insane or illegal age gap, I can't see how it really matters at all lol. To each their own though.

 

[The Duke]

She's being flakey. I wouldn't get too excited about this one. But if I had a shot I would bang her brains outs.

 

[Slowhandluke]

She's being flakey. I wouldn't get too excited about this one. But if I had a shot I would bang her brains outs.

girl is playing games... if the OP was younger, she would have used another excuse... like she likes older men, etc...

play it cool. Its not you loosing out if it doesn't happen, its her... look for other women. girls who play games are not wife material..

 

[pipeman84]

She probably has mental problems ... first she hits on you and gives you her phone number as if you were some kind of celebrity then she rejects you on the most BS excuse she could think of.

Any visible signs she's mental, like tats, nose rings?

 

[ThisIsSparta]

"Damn I’m only 23 Might have to skip drinks, you seem really sweet though!"


It could be a ****test. Affirm and exaggerate her stupidity, like:


" You are right, i could literally be your father."

And leave it at that. Show that you dont care. Either she comes around or not. Dont chase her.

 

[plumber]

its actually funny. something i would expect on a comedy show. there is really no direction you can go with that. you can ignore or respond with something silly. "oh.. darn, actually I was 23 before". regardless, her response is not the response of someone that was high interest. do not go on defense...

 

[Hamurabimbi]

4-5 years is NOT an age gap.

 

[zekko]

She probably has mental problems ... first she hits on you and gives you her phone number as if you were some kind of celebrity then she rejects you on the most BS excuse she could think of.

Yeah, it's weird. Was she ovulating on the first meeting? Then abruptly stopped?

 

[Velasco]

that’s crazy but if u were really good looking they wouldn’t care. even if they’re brain says this is really fvcked up that im about to bang someone way older than me (4 years is crazy tho).

 

[Doctor Europeo]

"Damn I’m only 23 Might have to skip drinks, you seem really sweet though!"

How do you view this, and what would you say?

"No problem. Let me know if you change your mind"

 

[quodlibet]

Have you ever heard of a neg? It was popularized by PUAs. That's what she probably did. Just busting your chops.

The truth is, the average age difference between married couples is 4 years. So 5 years is meaningless.

Besides, when did we start taking women so literally around here?

 

[redcouch]

Thanks for the feedback here. Replied with a playful remark about me being old, and said all good if it's a no go. A bit of a bummer and a mind-bender lol, but it's all good.

 

[BPH]

"No problem. Let me know if you change your mind"

@redcouch this is the right answer.

As ridiculous as it is, the age gap is definitely a big deal for some women. I'm 32 and used to go to a college bar where I would clean up pretty well UNLESS they asked how old I was. No matter how well the conversation was going prior to that, I would watch "warm leads" go completely cold, more often than not.

Sometimes they would think it's hot that I look as good as I do, because most of the time they'd guess I was somewhere between 23 and 25. But the overwhelming majority disliked it and thought it was creepy. I no longer go to that bar because it's not worth the hassle anymore.

So, dealing with your girl, @Doctor Europeo, I think has the perfect response. You leave the door open if she decides to stop being ridiculous, but you also don't care whether or not she does.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Unfortunately, I think she rejected you. Whether the age difference was the real reason or just an excuse, the result is the same: she backed away after learning your age. Saying, “you seem really sweet,” is a polite way to soften the rejection, but I wouldn’t read much more into it than that. She has probably been in the dating game long enough to have rejected plenty of guys, so she likely knows how to do it tactfully.

You’ve already received plenty of good advice on how to handle it. If you happen to see her again, just act normal like nothing happened. Don’t bring it up or try to change her mind. If she changes it, it has to be on her own.

A fox only catches about 1 out of every 20 rabbits it chases.