After first dates they don't initiate contact

user252009

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I've been on a number of first dates these last few weeks and all apart from one (which raised red flags) have not actively initiated contact/messages. They always reply fast and we have a good back and forth, but nothing initiating on their own. I don't act particularly different from my usual self, which is a bit reserved but with joking humor thrown here and there, as I'm a serious type. Is this the case for most of you guys' first dates as well, after the first date, you have to initiate contact 90-100% of the time?
 

SW15

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@EyeBRollin has a good tactic that he has used post-first date. His tactic has been a 2010s-2020s modification to a Doc Love tactic from the 1990s. His tactic has been to go silent for 5-7 days after a first date to see what she does. There is real merit to using this tactic.

Is this the case for most of you guys' first dates as well, after the first date, you have to initiate contact 90-100% of the time?
That's pretty normal for men in the normie tier, even upper tier normies. That means she has moderate interest to even slightly above average interest but she's not ecstatic about you. You can get moderate interest women on a 2nd date and you can get sex from them. It will take more work. You can also get slightly above average interest women to convert and can get them into sex and extended relationships too. These will also be labor intensive women.

This tells me that you're not giving off 'top tier male' vibes.
 

Gamisch

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Once i get the first date i almost always get a second date. But before i actually go on a date I wanna be sure she has a somewhat high IL. I don't wanna waste time and money trying to convince a woman with lukewarm interest. But once she actually agrees to meet up, you should be in winning position.

In this era of dating things move fast. Thats why its important to create some form of sexual tension on the first date, thus giving her something to look forward to. The easiest way is ofcourse the kiss , but heavy flirting might also do the trick. At some point during the date you gotta be like:" oke i am having a good conversation with her BUT its all too friendly and innocent, let me spice it up". You cannot shy away from this! If you didn't try to make a move somehow while you were one on one with her..than that's on YOU.

You say you have good conversations with these women. I am curious how you define a "good back and forth". Lots of things matter. For example the duration of your dates, the location, the conversation. Escalation ,or lack of.

I dont believe in being texting buddies with women you don't feck, or plan to f. You gotta be aware that being in person with her triumphs everything else. So you must make that moment count. You could always say you want a second date,but they'll probably wonder what's gonna be different from the first date.
 

BillyPilgrim

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You say you have good conversations with these women. I am curious how you define a "good back and forth". Lots of things matter. For example the duration of your dates, the location, the conversation. Escalation ,or lack of.
Same. If the "good back and forth" is somewhat bland or cliched, and she's instantly responding after making you initiate, it's a bad sign of lukewarm interest or seeing other guys. I'd find a way to compliance or interest test them before setting up another date. Also, if you have a "serious" disposition and are seeing women your own age (assuming 37 is correct), beware of husband hunters who want you to "prove yourself" to them.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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@EyeBRollin has a good tactic that he has used post-first date. His tactic has been a 2010s-2020s modification to a Doc Love tactic from the 1990s. His tactic has been to go silent for 5-7 days after a first date to see what she does. There is real merit to using this tactic.



That's pretty normal for men in the normie tier, even upper tier normies. That means she has moderate interest to even slightly above average interest but she's not ecstatic about you. You can get moderate interest women on a 2nd date and you can get sex from them. It will take more work. You can also get slightly above average interest women to convert and can get them into sex and extended relationships too. These will also be labor intensive women.

This tells me that you're not giving off 'top tier male' vibes.
If a girl is interested in you, you won't have to wait 95% of the time...they will text you first usually within 24 hours.

Waiting 5-7 days won't matter because not hearing from her means she likely isn't interested.
 

BillyPilgrim

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To answer your question OP, I screen harder than most before the 1st date so it's not an issue for me. If the date goes reasonably well, she's very likely going to have continued interest. The behavior you described (non-initiating, instant responding) is something I would catch early on.
 

SW15

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To answer your question OP, I screen harder than most before the 1st date so it's not an issue for me. If the date goes reasonably well, she's very likely going to have continued interest. The behavior you described (non-initiating, instant responding) is something I would catch early on.
Do you mainly going on first date based on in-person approaching or the swipe apps? It is more difficult to assess for bad behaviors and eject from behind an electronic screen.

If a girl is interested in you, you won't have to wait 95% of the time...they will text you first usually within 24 hours.
It could be a good tactic to not offer 2nd dates to any woman who doesn't text within 24 hours of a first date.

Waiting 5-7 days won't matter because not hearing from her means she likely isn't interested.
Below is the @EyeBRollin explanation from "OLD text and phone" game that accompanies every post he makes. This doesn't solely apply to dates arranged via swipe app, though more and more dates are arranged via swipe app or even Instagram DM. This can be used for first dates arranged via an in-person stranger approach.

Step 2: After the First Date
Provided I liked her, I wait 5-9 days to call for the second date. That's 5-9 days of radio science. The goal is to see if she breaks the silence and starts chasing early. Some women will text you that night to say they made it home - this doesn't count. Begin the count on the next day. We're looking for a "hey how are you" or "good morning" text from her in the 5-9 days. If she does that, I'll respond and use that incoming opportunity to set up date #2, rather than wait the 5-9 days.

If she doesn't reach out at all, there's three explanations:
-She wasn't feeling you on the first date and won't even agree to a 2nd date or call you back (~50% or so likelihood)
-She is structured and will give you some attitude for waiting so long. She may have liked you but is a control freak that expects you to call, thus her interest has dissipated (~30% likelihood)
-She will be excited to hear from you and accept the second date (~20% likelihood)
 

BillyPilgrim

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Do you mainly going on first date based on in-person approaching or the swipe apps? It is more difficult to assess for bad behaviors and eject from behind an electronic screen.
Swipe apps, but I use general template for messaging and texting where I can compare a prospect's reactions to how successful plates have responded in the past.
 

Robert28

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You gotta be careful these days. I was on a second date with a girl and we went back to her house. We cuddled on the couch and watched a movie but didn’t do anything else and thank God we didn’t! She admitted the next day she had herpes and I was like “thank God you didn’t push for sex or make a move for sex, you’d be in a world of ****”. Nowadays I take it sloooow. Doesn’t always work cause a lot of girls will drop off after a second date cause they think me not initiating sex is a bad thing but the truth is I refuse to catch anything from these slutty women. I vet them hard.
 

SW15

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Swipe apps, but I use general template for messaging and texting where I can compare a prospect's reactions to how successful plates have responded in the past.
You can do that sort of thing at scale big time electronically which no one can do when solely doing in-person approaching.
 

We_ArE_VeNOM

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I've been on a number of first dates these last few weeks and all apart from one (which raised red flags) have not actively initiated contact/messages. They always reply fast and we have a good back and forth, but nothing initiating on their own. I don't act particularly different from my usual self, which is a bit reserved but with joking humor thrown here and there, as I'm a serious type. Is this the case for most of you guys' first dates as well, after the first date, you have to initiate contact 90-100% of the time?
This is one of the reasons why you DON'T take a woman out on a date before you have physical contact with her first.

If you followed that one rule and used it as a "dating principle", then you wouldn't need to ask pansy ass questions like the one you are asking now.
 

Young OG

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I've been on a number of first dates these last few weeks and all apart from one (which raised red flags) have not actively initiated contact/messages. They always reply fast and we have a good back and forth, but nothing initiating on their own. I don't act particularly different from my usual self, which is a bit reserved but with joking humor thrown here and there, as I'm a serious type. Is this the case for most of you guys' first dates as well, after the first date, you have to initiate contact 90-100% of the time?
From my experience, most women don’t reach out after the first date. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested. I’ve had tons of lays on the second date and I had to reach out to them after the first date.
 
M

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Same. If the "good back and forth" is somewhat bland or cliched, and she's instantly responding after making you initiate, it's a bad sign of lukewarm interest or seeing other guys. I'd find a way to compliance or interest test them before setting up another date. Also, if you have a "serious" disposition and are seeing women your own age (assuming 37 is correct), beware of husband hunters who want you to "prove yourself" to them.
With options, no man is going to want to be on a date with women their own age.
 

jaymbrs

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From my experience, most women don’t reach out after the first date. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t interested. I’ve had tons of lays on the second date and I had to reach out to them after the first date.
Exact opposite. A woman knows that it’s on her to text the guy after a date to let him know she’s interested in a second date. If she doesn’t, she’s either playing games or she’s not (very) interested. A woman who doesn’t reach out will be nexted by me and I’ll be on to the next one.
 
M

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Exact opposite. A woman knows that it’s on her to text the guy after a date to let him know she’s interested in a second date. If she doesn’t, she’s either playing games or she’s not (very) interested. A woman who doesn’t reach out will be nexted by me and I’ll be on to the next one.
No. Men initiate, you’re taking this SoSuave thing a bit too far
 

Stanley

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just play it by ear on a case by case basis. They reach out, you reach out, who cares! Both genders play games
 

bat soup

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I've been on a number of first dates these last few weeks and all apart from one (which raised red flags) have not actively initiated contact/messages. They always reply fast and we have a good back and forth, but nothing initiating on their own. I don't act particularly different from my usual self, which is a bit reserved but with joking humor thrown here and there, as I'm a serious type. Is this the case for most of you guys' first dates as well, after the first date, you have to initiate contact 90-100% of the time?
Probably after getting their free meal from you they just moved on to the next chump.
 
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