"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Advice on medication

Machine10033

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Since I graduated high school in 99 I have suffered from occasional panic attacks. Started at my high school graduation.. it was moved inside due to severe storms. I was jammed in the middle of the isle. It was insanely hot... my mind went haywire felt like I was having a heart attack, felt like I was going to throw up... went thru the cycle like 4 times until I felt exhausted.

Since then the only time I have these attacks is when I am stuck somewhere. I get them on planes, I get them if I’m in the middle isle of church or events.

I have to attend an awards ceremony for work. I am being honored for something I did and also getting promoted. This event is in an auditorium with a few hundred people in attendance. I will be on stage with other people and “stuck”. I am already obsessing over this event and thinking how horrific it would be to have this attack while sitting on stage. I also have to give a speech. I am planning on going to see a doctor and hoping there is something that can help. I would literally only need it for this event. I can’t be drowsy or out of it.... does anyone have any suggestions ?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Bible_Belt

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Since I graduated high school in 99 I have suffered from occasional panic attacks. Started at my high school graduation.. it was moved inside due to severe storms. I was jammed in the middle of the isle. It was insanely hot... my mind went haywire felt like I was having a heart attack, felt like I was going to throw up... went thru the cycle like 4 times until I felt exhausted.

Since then the only time I have these attacks is when I am stuck somewhere. I get them on planes, I get them if I’m in the middle isle of church or events.

I have to attend an awards ceremony for work. I am being honored for something I did and also getting promoted. This event is in an auditorium with a few hundred people in attendance. I will be on stage with other people and “stuck”. I am already obsessing over this event and thinking how horrific it would be to have this attack while sitting on stage. I also have to give a speech. I am planning on going to see a doctor and hoping there is something that can help. I would literally only need it for this event. I can’t be drowsy or out of it.... does anyone have any suggestions ?
Your doctor will probably suggest Xanax. It would work, but it is easy to become addicted.
 

Machine10033

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Your doctor will probably suggest Xanax. It would work, but it is easy to become addicted.
Whatever it is.. I literally would only take it for this event. I was reading about beta blockers as well... seems like they eliminate the physical symptoms while keeping you functioning normally.
 

characternote

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Propranolol/beta blockers help some people. As you say, it's mainly to eliminate the physical symptoms as opposed to the mental side, although actually not having certain physical symptoms actually has a knock on effect of minimising the mental effect in the moment.

And then, yes, there's benzos (xanax etc). Not good to take all the time, but certainly not gonna be a problem to take from time to time.

Pregablin like xanax is another option for something on a more 'as needed' basis as opposed to a medication one would take evryday for anxiety such as SSRI's

I'd go with a xanax
 

Plinco

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Deal with the cause of the problem instead of the symptoms. The panic attack is a symptom of another problem.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Machine10033

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Deal with the cause of the problem instead of the symptoms. The panic attack is a symptom of another problem.
I get that... and will.. but I doubt I will resolve the cause in 3 months and think having a crippling panic attack in front of several hundred people and looking like a train wreck would probably ultimately make it worse
 

Bible_Belt

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I get that... and will.. but I doubt I will resolve the cause in 3 months and think having a crippling panic attack in front of several hundred people and looking like a train wreck would probably ultimately make it worse
Whatever you choose, do a trial run before your big day, just to see how it affects you.
 

Young OG

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Xanax would be best if you’re taking it only as needed. But, if you are having issues like this often then you might want to think about going on Lexapro. Lexapro takes at least a month to kick in and you will need to take it everyday. See your doctor and figure out what is right for you.
 

Bible_Belt

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Xanax would be best if you’re taking it only as needed. But, if you are having issues like this often then you might want to think about going on Lexapro. Lexapro takes at least a month to kick in and you will need to take it everyday. See your doctor and figure out what is right for you.
Just an anecdote, but Lexapro made my ex wife gain almost 100 pounds.
 

characternote

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Just an anecdote, but Lexapro made my ex wife gain almost 100 pounds.
how does that happen out of interest?
Ive also heard of people losing weight on ssri's, although like your ex, it seems more commonly it's weight gain.

Is it something to do with an effect on metabolism? or is it due to the drug changing your habits? (For example ,some people say being happy for the first time in a long time gave them their appetite back. Did you ex eat a lot more?)
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Young OG

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Just an anecdote, but Lexapro made my ex wife gain almost 100 pounds.
I’m on it for anxiety. I’ve gained a little weight but it’s not an issue since I was always a hard gainer at the gym. Most people tell me I look healthier now. I’m guessing your ex didn’t work out or exercise at all
 

Cerwin Vega

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Anxiolytics such as benzos (Xanax) may be a good temporary solution for these situations.

A beta-blocker may be useful for alleviating physical signs of a panic attack, but it's more like they take the edge off rather than make you feel calm. Also, @Mike32ct they're not good as first-line therapy for hypertension. ACE inhibitors or thiazides are much better depending on your race.

Be careful with benzos.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Machine10033

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For anyone that’s taken benzos what do they feel like? I am trying to avoid getting drowsy and potentially drooling on myself while on stage lol
 

BackInTheGame78

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I'd start focusing on meditation and deep breathing/calming methods. With a little practice you should be able to control it via those methods.
 
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