"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

Advice needed - old flame to FB possible?

SecondHalf

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
651
Reaction score
24
Location
North America
Met a woman of high social status about 3 months ago.
We had a very hot ... fling, then backed off as it was quite ... well ... ridiculous (and yep, I AFC'd a little - DJism was just a concept).
She wanted to keep in touch as friends but I NC'ed her for a couple months and saw someone else (also a crash and burn).

Now she's contacted me and I thought ... why not and asked her out to dinner (tonight).
I don't want anything long term from this woman as we both know our lives won't mesh, but the humping was good and I'd like to see if I can at least get that going again (just not the obsessive text messages ...). Great plate for the new china cabinet I'm trying to fill (I admit, three tops).

I've read a lot on this site, but I'm a little unsure of how I should proceed.
I will say that in the time we were dating, I was attentive, entertaining and made her yodel at night. I'm sure she at least misses that part.

Any high level advice?

note: in the worse case, she's a good person to have in your social circle in any capacity so I don't want to piss her off.

TY,

SH
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

SecondHalf

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
651
Reaction score
24
Location
North America
Thanks sam,

Just to make it clear, I responded to her txt while vacationing down south telling her that I was not available on fathers day and why.

Then I let her hang for 9 days and txt'd her back two days ago.

We agreed to catch up and meet for dinner (won't be me paying).

Me being AFCish had something to do with the breakup a while ago, but mostly it was lifestyle. She wants a man who can travel one week out of every month with her. I told her straight up, nope, I can't do that (have my own goals).

I wasn't hurt by this fling.

What would be the purpose to stand her up?
I'm not sure I follow your direction.

SH
 

Scaramouche

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 27, 2008
Messages
4,440
Reaction score
1,560
Age
82
Location
Australia
Dear Second Half,
As long as she is Geographically,thematically or work-wise not too close for comfort.....Then FB it is....Keeping them on the line is the difficult part.
 

SecondHalf

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
651
Reaction score
24
Location
North America
Success!

That worked well.
Played it honest (well, mostly :)

Told her that my son has two girlfriends (well, he likes two girls), and if he was older I would teach him all of my evil ways.

Talked about what I know about behaviorist theories and that life long love is a lifestyle encouraged by the church and sensationalized by Hollywood.
Who would have thought my AFC studies searching for hope would serve me in such a fashion.

She invited me out of state to see a sports event that she has expensive tickets for next month.

I'll sleep well tonight!
 
Top