"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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"A drink sounds better than coffee..."

HankHill

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I asked her out for coffee, she says she has some availability this weekend but a drink sounds better than coffee.

I've only had one other woman do this before and I accommodated...but despite what I thought was a good date she ghosted me. So this time my gut says to stick with what I proposed- "Let's do drinks next time! How does 6:30p sound at xyz?".

On the other hand a drink isn't that much more than a latte so it's not really a $ issue. Thoughts?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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jaymbrs

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I've always asked about getting a drink. But that's because I like to drink. So if she turns it down because she doesn't like drinking, then her and I aren't compatible and I can move on.
 

HankHill

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I always propose coffee for the first date because it's casual, low pressure, low investment etc. I just find it cheesy to counter with drinks when someone invites you for a coffee. I'll stick to my guns, not a big deal if she backs out.
 

zekko

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Maybe she doesn't like coffee that much? I would think most guys would be happy to go out for drinks instead because of the "liquid panty dropper" effect - lowered inhibitions and whatnot.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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HankHill

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In my 15+ dates in the last 2 months never done middle of the day...and except for one woman none had an issue with coffee. Remember that coffee doesn't mean just coffee, they have other drinks too- cold, decaf etc.

There are a lot of women in OLD who only want to go out with you on one date - and they want you to buy them alcohol. All you'll go home with is may be a goodnight peck. That's why I switched to coffee for the first dates, those who are interested in you rather than themselves will be just fine with coffee or any other venue.
 

HankHill

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No logical reason to choose coffee over drink as a man...

Coffee - jittery, anxious
Drink - warm, loosens inhibitions and anxiety
2nd date+ drinks is no problem. First dates should be low investment.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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marmel75

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I asked her out for coffee, she says she has some availability this weekend but a drink sounds better than coffee.

I've only had one other woman do this before and I accommodated...but despite what I thought was a good date she ghosted me. So this time my gut says to stick with what I proposed- "Let's do drinks next time! How does 6:30p sound at xyz?".

On the other hand a drink isn't that much more than a latte so it's not really a $ issue. Thoughts?
Why the fvck are you asking them for coffee?? Drinks bro. Drinks.
 

marmel75

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In my 15+ dates in the last 2 months never done middle of the day...and except for one woman none had an issue with coffee. Remember that coffee doesn't mean just coffee, they have other drinks too- cold, decaf etc.

There are a lot of women in OLD who only want to go out with you on one date - and they want you to buy them alcohol. All you'll go home with is may be a goodnight peck. That's why I switched to coffee for the first dates, those who are interested in you rather than themselves will be just fine with coffee or any other venue.
If you are only getting a goodnight peck it doesn't have to do with the alcohol it has to do with your behaviour and vibe in date.
 

HankHill

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So she never responded after I told her let's do drinks next time. Five hrs later I texted, "I just got home and it's hotter than hell out there. That drink doesn't sound too bad after all". Not 5mins later she responds 'today?' coincidence? I think not. This is how a lot of women are in OLD around here i.e. they use you for attention, validation, alcohol, dinners etc.
Just to prove it I'm going to go tonight. I'd be surprised if this goes beyond second date. After a while you just develop a sense when you run into people like that.

Oh and have another first date on Mon, she had no problems with coffee.
 
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Who Dares Win

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I respectfully disagree with the drink guys here, in my opinion a low investment untill proven worth policy is the best one.

Not gonna waste my time and money with a girl who doesnt look solidly interested, also I train MMA and lift weights, drinking is demanding on my physical shape therefore its a gift for special girls only.

A girl getting free alchool and attention out of me without any sure reward? not gonna happen.

Personally what I like the most are casual dates where you text a girl in that moment and you meet with no previous agreement or better yet to know a girl who shows high interest at the bar that same night...dates planned in advance with girls I still dont know well enough are not my favourite.

If a girl rejects my offer cause its not exactly what she wanted, I know her interest was lukewarm so I probably saved time and money.
 

EyeBRollin

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I asked her out for coffee, she says she has some availability this weekend but a drink sounds better than coffee.

I've only had one other woman do this before and I accommodated...but despite what I thought was a good date she ghosted me. So this time my gut says to stick with what I proposed- "Let's do drinks next time! How does 6:30p sound at xyz?".

On the other hand a drink isn't that much more than a latte so it's not really a $ issue. Thoughts?
You are making a huge mistake for nothing.

She just told you she wants a drink instead of coffee. Why are you questioning this? She's telling you exactly what she wants.

"Sure, we can do drinks. <date> <time> work for you?"

That's all you have to say. Don't make this complicated. GET THE DATE!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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