3 years. Still not over her

ShePays

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This is why your focus should never be on your relationship. If it is, you will experience state friction and express a distorted version of yourself eventually.
There's an iconic image in art, of a man and a woman standing together. The woman is focused on the man, and clings to his side with both arms. The man is focused outward, toward the danger...the elements, the task, his odyssey. This is the single most iconic image of man and woman's relationship to each other. The relationship is not something for the man to worry over; that's her odyssey.
 
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stormrider

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There's an iconic image in art, of a man and a woman standing together. The woman is focused on the man, and clings to his side with both arms. The man is focused outward, toward the danger...the elements, the task, his odyssy. This is the single most iconic image of man and woman's relationship to each other. The relationship is not something for the man to worry over; that's her odyssey.
The thing that escapes most guys who try to achieve abundance with women is that abundance with women has nothing to do with women, but himself.

When a man conquers his purpose, task, odyssey, he becomes his own self actualized ecosystem. He reaches the highest state of masculinity and in turn, polarizes every woman he comes in contact with.

The masculine polarity is achieved only through purpose, and not seduction. Seduction is the feminine polarity.

So the secret to Conquering women has nothing to do with women. But that seems to be the prevailing thought on this forum. And it doesn’t work.

It is masculinity that begets abundance with femininity.

99% of female problems on this forum is simply the guy lacking masculine purpose and placing his focus on women.

I know a lot of guys in real life that polarize women without trying. I have a cousin who came out of the military. Everywhere he goes the hottest women leech on to him. He’s only 5’4 but usually has more masculine presence than any guy in the room.

His life has nothing to do with women whatsoever. But every time I see him, he’s surrounded by females trying to latch on to him. But you can tell by his demeanor that his focus is out into the elements, the danger, the abyss.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
Why are you seeking some ephemeral feeling of infatuation? Choose your partner rationally and hold to the standards you set for yourself and the relationship. You sound like you expect some kind of deep fulfillment from women. The pain you feel is the result of implementing this flawed thinking and you're still using.

The only person experiencing this longing pain is you. The 3 pounds of jelly in your skull is a feedback mechanism. You have complete control over this jelly. In fact you are the jelly. You should never doubt your abilities to control and mold this jelly. Like stormrider mentioned your brain is telling you life is not satisfying. Seeking a woman to make life satisfying or bearable is a childish mentality. You're effectively seeking a mom to coddle you because you don't believe you can overcome the challenges life has given you. You gave this mom position to her and you won't find that feeling with another girl until you trust her enough to make her the new mom. But this is unhealthy and toxic. There should be no mom thoughts. A relationship should appear boring and like a chore. I mean it's a huge sacrifice of time and attention. Let the girls worry about the relationship, they love doing that anyway.

I would advise not dating until you feel extremely stable and satisfied alone. This does two things. It forces you to look at your life. You're obviously not satisfied with it so you'll either numb and distract yourself or work your ass off to change it. And it'll give you plenty of time to cultivate a prosperous life that women will naturally be drawn towards.

Own your past and own your future. Accept your past and learn from it. This is called being accountable for your feelings and thoughts.

Then find what you want to do and tear after it.

If I'm ever on the fence about something I ask myself if when on my deathbed I would regret not doing it. The answer is almost always yes. Go do stuff that will engage you completely so that you're utterly lost in your passionate work and the thoughts of her won't even come up because you'll have found something to love that will never leave you. When the thoughts do come up you'll see the situation more objectively.

Push on, self discovery and self mastery are lifelong practices with infinite options. If that bores you then you're simply ignorant to the possibilities.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.
 
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soulforge

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
I know how you feel man... Been in a similar situation myself recently.

She was younger than me.. Amazingly good body and sex wise EVERYTHING was on the table.. She was also very submissive.

But.. A very damaged character.. I am certain she was a Cluster B

All of the above are very addictive to a man!

Luckily for me, I only dated her for 4 months, then dropped her.

Just like you I still think about her.. However I am activley seeking, meeting and banging other woman.

I have also decided to spend the next couple of years completely alone.. Absolutely no relationship.

We have to embrace being alone and simply focus on our purpose.

You will eventually reach a point of realisation that you do not need a woman.

Just keep getting laid.. Don't take another woman seriously for a long time.
 

ShePays

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The thing that escapes most guys who try to achieve abundance with women is that abundance with women has nothing to do with women, but himself.

When a man conquers his purpose, task, odyssey, he becomes his own self actualized ecosystem. He reaches the highest state of masculinity and in turn, polarizes every woman he comes in contact with.

The masculine polarity is achieved only through purpose, and not seduction. Seduction is the feminine polarity.

So the secret to Conquering women has nothing to do with women. But that seems to be the prevailing thought on this forum. And it doesn’t work.

It is masculinity that begets abundance with femininity.

99% of female problems on this forum is simply the guy lacking masculine purpose and placing his focus on women.

I know a lot of guys in real life that polarize women without trying. I have a cousin who came out of the military. Everywhere he goes the hottest women leech on to him. He’s only 5’4 but usually has more masculine presence than any guy in the room.

His life has nothing to do with women whatsoever. But every time I see him, he’s surrounded by females trying to latch on to him. But you can tell by his demeanor that his focus is out into the elements, the danger, the abyss.
Nobody likes to hear this, but women have never been, and still aren't, "THE PROBLEM."

The thing that really gets me is when guys complain that "women are too masculine, today." Really? Where is this happening? I've been lots of places, seen lots of things, and met lots people, but I've never met a masculine woman. I've seen way too many effeminate/feminine men, though, and not even talking about the gay ones.

The polarity is all screwed up with men. Used to be, a good man(not a "nice guy") was valued highly, competed for, and paid to marry. I'm sure that's still true, but if you believe everything you read on the internet, these guys are chasing these girls, and bidding on them, like they're at a Christie's auction. Completely upside down, inside out, and backwards. If you're chasing women, you better remember that whatever you needed to do to catch her, you'll need to do that more to keep her. So, unless you can figure out how to get paid for chasing pu55y, you better flip that script quick.

If anything has driven down the market value of men, it's the quality of the men on the market. You can't blame the buyer, when the product sucks. Show me a masculine man, and I'll show you a man without woman troubles. Show me a masculine woman, and I'll die laughing.

My original plan was to marry an 18 year old girl when I was 65. Instead, i married the 19 year old daughter of the man i respected most(next to my own father), when i was 34, because he asked me to. He was my mentor, like a second father, and i would've done anything for him. So, yeah, i know, "things are different, today, you hear every lover say"...blah, blah, blah. What's different is the technology, the girls are even sluttier, and the guys....a lot of them are just chicks with d!cks. Maybe, it's the plastics. Maybe it's the broken homes. Maybe it's internet porn and social media. Maybe it's all of it. Doesn't matter.

No-one can control the time and conditions of his own birth, but.....you can control just about everything else. Men are responsible for the condition of the world, not women. Women didn't build civilization; Men did. Feminists may say, "if it weren't for women, men would still live in caves," but I point out that the Taj Mahal may have been built FOR a woman, but it wasn't built BY one. No. Men make civilization. Women make homes and babies. Men build houses and men. Men also make the women around them. That "ball busting b!tch" is gonna be someone else's pu55ycat.

Men aren't intended to focus on and center themselves around women, and to draw their worth from them. Women know as much about men as fish do about water. A man is better to make himself useful to and valued by other men, instead of trying to please women. You can't figure out what women want? They want men, and all they know about men is that they recognize them when they see them. If your woman is unhappy, it's because you're trying to please her. Pleasing a MAN is HER job, so stop acting like a woman, and forget about what she wants.

I can tell guys with girl troubles the same thing a million times, and they'll never believe it: you don't need to learn to seduce a woman, before you learn to shake a man's hand. You don't need to learn to text a woman, before you learn the NATO phonetic alphabet. You don't need to learn to lead a woman to the bedroom, before you learn to lead men. You're looking in the wrong place for your worth; it isn't in her pu55y. She can't make you a man. She can only make you happy to be one. If you aren't already one, she'll make your life Hell.
 
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John9999

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Just logged on and read the responses.
thanks everyone. I’m still no contact at 3 years. But yeah. I think about her. One poster I think hit it on the head. It’s the great moments that I miss and I need to work to create those moments with a new woman
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Nah, he was in wove... It's a beta mindset.
I clicked on this thread and it took me right to your post.

It is a beta mindset, but I find it's a difficult one to overcome.

If I spend enough time around a woman, I start to develop feelings for her. That is, I care about her well-being.

I think this is part of being a man. It's engrained in our core.

I broke up with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she hates me now, but if she called me tomorrow needing help with something, I'd do it. Not because I want anything in return, but because I'll always care about her. Because of the closeness we shared.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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I broke up with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she hates me now, but if she called me tomorrow needing help with something, I'd do it. Not because I want anything in return, but because I'll always care about her. Because of the closeness we shared.
And I realize that she wouldn't do the same for me, but I don't care. That's what makes me a man and her a woman.
 

AttackFormation

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And I realize that she wouldn't do the same for me, but I don't care. That's what makes me a man and her a woman.
I think that would make it harder for her to respect you.
 
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TyTe`EyEz

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AttackFormation

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I never cared much about what she thought. Probably why she stuck with me for so long.
Haha, right. Why did it end?

I was gonna say if you want to care about her, but you still would like her to respect you, then you could synthesize that. You could say that conducting yourself in a way that makes her respect you is how you care for her, since that's what she wants.

That's just my idea for myself.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Haha, right. Why did it end?

I was gonna say if you want to care about her, but you still would like her to respect you, then you could synthesize that. You could say that conducting yourself in a way that makes her respect you is how you care for her, since that's what she wants.

That's just my idea for myself.
I didn't trust her, that's why it ended.

If she needs my help, I'll be there. I don't care if she respects me for it.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Haha, right. Why did it end?

I was gonna say if you want to care about her, but you still would like her to respect you, then you could synthesize that. You could say that conducting yourself in a way that makes her respect you is how you care for her, since that's what she wants.

That's just my idea for myself.
I've watched better men than me have their women lose respect for them for no apparent reason. Guys that were good fathers and providers.

Fvck what women think, man.
 

AttackFormation

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I didn't trust her, that's why it ended.

If she needs my help, I'll be there. I don't care if she respects me for it.
Oh yeah.. now I remember you told me that.

I've watched better men than me have their women lose respect for them for no apparent reason. Guys that were good fathers and providers.

Fvck what women think, man.
Were those women in their prime when they settled with those men, or were the men a contrast to the lifestyle and men the women had earlier?
 
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TyTe`EyEz

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Oh yeah.. now I remember you told me that.



Were those women in their prime when they settled with those men, or were the men a contrast to the lifestyle and men the women had earlier?
The latter. But we mostly settle down later in age now. Don't think it doesn't have an effect. I believe all those people we're fvcking have an effect on us, men and women. It makes us worse for a relationship.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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@AttackFormation in the manosphere, we like to talk about how promiscuity takes a toll on women. Which it does. But they've never mentioned how it also changes men.

Apparently, we're just born to be cads! I disagree.

I think that being so promiscuous has ruined me for a successful long-term relationship.

I've seen what women are capable of now. How could I ever wife one?

Spend enough time around a snake, it will eventually bite you. Call me a liar!
 

AttackFormation

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@AttackFormation in the manosphere, we like to talk about how promiscuity takes a toll on women. Which it does. But they've never mentioned how it also changes men.

Apparently, we're just born to be cads! I disagree.
There's a myth in the manosphere that men are promiscuous and polygamous and women are chaste and monogamous. Because this obviously clashes against the reality, especially to anyone who has actually studied biology, the way the narrative handles it is to say that monogamous men are beta/fools/cucks and that promiscuous women are corrupted/damaged. But the narrative is a stupid idea, and a lie. First, it is not true enough even on a general level. Second, "men" and "women" vary too much on an individual basis to define any single sexual strategy for each gender. Some men are more or less inclined to monogamy, and the same for women. This is something that can be observed in other species too. There are both biological and practical reasons why mating strategies differ.

Don't let these uneducated fools and cluster Bs tell you who you are supposed to be. Some of us feel a need to be promiscuous more to keep up in the race than because that's what we are really looking for, especially if you take the validation itself out of the picture.

I think that being so promiscuous has ruined me for a successful long-term relationship.

I've seen what women are capable of now. How could I ever wife one?

Spend enough time around a snake, it will eventually bite you. Call me a liar!
Promiscuous, unstable people are likely to form a disproportionate amount of everyone's experience, because they are the ones who are going around from person to person imitating what those people are longing for, and it gets worse if the prey is codependent. This is especially true if those promiscuous people are particularly attractive, and so the preferred choice above the others available to the prey.

Me, I don't have an answer to your question of how you could ever wife a woman because I am pondering the same thing. I think the answer is probably two more questions:

1 - Can you tell if a woman really desires and cares about you or is just pretending to?
2 - Are you able to accept change?

If you say yes to both, I assume you would at least be well equipped.
 
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corrector

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You need to work on yourself and in time, it will get easier.
He is 53 years old and you are giving him this advice?


RichThe Toad said:
Also, you need more experience with the ladies so you do not care as much moving forward.
That's a solid catch-22.

RichtheToad said:
I am at that place as well.
You don't sound like a nearcel so not likely.

Richthetoad said:
I do not like to hurt them, but I really no longer bond to them like I've done in the past.
...which means you are not nearcel like the other OP.

RichtheToad said:
I equate that to my mind building up a tolerance for ladies and their bullsh!t. Back to basics dude, back to basics and grow from there.
You don't sound at all like the other OP. You can build up a tolerance because you have enough attraction out there to begin with. If it's too "once in a blue moon" then you are going to bond because you think you are getting a break from inceldom and the out of league lady is doing you a favour.
 
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