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3 years. Still not over her

John9999

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Yeah, I need a few more swift kicks to the head. Preferably not at the hands of my bat-sh*t-crazy ex.
The crazies never get better because they think their crap is regular and okay. I see my one of my ex crazies on Facebook. 8 years later abs she’s still the same.
 

Atom Smasher

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As soon as I see a post from a man who has been stuck in an ex's vortex for years, I know it's a case of bat-sh!t crazy BPD.

These women are like a black hole that pull a man's very life force out of him.

OP, you should read the BPD thread. You'll recognize both her and yourself in there, and you will be equipped to escape the soul-crushing vortex that you've been stuck in for several year. It's your only way out, dude. The answers lie within these pages.
 

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evan12

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
Most of the time we are stuck with the good memories than with the person, I am sure you remembering the good memories and moments you had with her and miss that moments.
What you are really missing is not that person , but that moments, so you need to start creating that moments but with another woman, I would suggest go with a woman who is willing to put effords in the relationship as with her you will more likely able to live good moments, I wouldnt advise you to look for women above you because they will not give you that feeling. Hope that helps
 

DelayedGratification

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Nah, he was in wove... It's a beta mindset.
Yes.

I'm finding that there are two facets to beta-killing. One is forward-looking. As in how do I think, feel, and act around others as I move forward, correcting the mistakes of my previous self. Depending on how deep the faulty wiring goes, that can be a tall order by itself.

The other is more rear-facing, and is about how you come to grips with the tangible artifacts of your past life. Those artifacts are usually people. And even though you see them with fresh eyes, they can be still deeply entrenched in your previous patterns. They know how to get under your skin and make your life difficult (my ex-wife). Or on the flip side, know how to be a temptation that is difficult to resist (my ex-mistress).

The difficulty of the latter is something I'm coming to appreciate as life continues to bring the unexpected.
 

Trump

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
Do you have children?
 

Spaz

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Stupid or silly decisions happen when a dude is in wove. That's what's wrong with being in wove.
When in love with a woman, would you eat shiet when she asks you?

Chances are you won't.

But some might do, just to prove their love, that's when men become stupid because not only did he reduced himself to eating shiet but he also reduced himself in her eyes.

No woman worth her salt will ever admire such a spineless man.

Love is not the problem.

The problem is the man himself has no spine to stand up for himself.
 

switch7

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You need to recognize that it isn't her. It's you. You need to become master of your own mind. Study self- hypnosis. Not even half joking. Completely serious. You have to do whatever YOU have to do to become undisputed master of your own mind, author of your own thoughts. If a chick is gone from your life, she should be gone from your head. You shouldn't even be able to readily recall her name. If you bumped into her on the street, you shouldn't even instantly recognize her. If a friend brings her up in conversation, your first response should be "who?" Practice this skill until it becomes automatic.

Interesting response, and I'm all for it..

Can you give me some practices for mastering your own mind? Perhaps ones that you have found the most useful.
 

RickTheToad

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When in love with a woman, would you eat shiet when she asks you?

Chances are you won't.

But some might do, just to prove their love, that's when men become stupid because not only did he reduced himself to eating shiet but he also reduced himself in her eyes.

No woman worth her salt will ever admire such a spineless man.

Love is not the problem.

The problem is the man himself has no spine to stand up for himself.
I was agreeing with you.
 

DelayedGratification

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I'll give you the simplest one, one that can be implemented immediately. Self-talk: you have to change the way you talk to yourself. Instead of "I miss her. I need her. How can I get her back? Why did she leave me?" you should be saying "I'm so glad she's finally gone. I wasted too much time with her. She was completely wrong for me. I'm thankful that she was strong enough to do what I should have done myself."
This.

I was doing that from the very beginning when my mistress bolted. What took time was moving from saying the latter but still feeling the former, to truly internalizing the latter.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
Why are you seeking some ephemeral feeling of infatuation? Choose your partner rationally and hold to the standards you set for yourself and the relationship. You sound like you expect some kind of deep fulfillment from women. The pain you feel is the result of implementing this flawed thinking and you're still using.

The only person experiencing this longing pain is you. The 3 pounds of jelly in your skull is a feedback mechanism. You have complete control over this jelly. In fact you are the jelly. You should never doubt your abilities to control and mold this jelly. Like stormrider mentioned your brain is telling you life is not satisfying. Seeking a woman to make life satisfying or bearable is a childish mentality. You're effectively seeking a mom to coddle you because you don't believe you can overcome the challenges life has given you. You gave this mom position to her and you won't find that feeling with another girl until you trust her enough to make her the new mom. But this is unhealthy and toxic. There should be no mom thoughts. A relationship should appear boring and like a chore. I mean it's a huge sacrifice of time and attention. Let the girls worry about the relationship, they love doing that anyway.

I would advise not dating until you feel extremely stable and satisfied alone. This does two things. It forces you to look at your life. You're obviously not satisfied with it so you'll either numb and distract yourself or work your ass off to change it. And it'll give you plenty of time to cultivate a prosperous life that women will naturally be drawn towards.

Own your past and own your future. Accept your past and learn from it. This is called being accountable for your feelings and thoughts.

Then find what you want to do and tear after it.

If I'm ever on the fence about something I ask myself if when on my deathbed I would regret not doing it. The answer is almost always yes. Go do stuff that will engage you completely so that you're utterly lost in your passionate work and the thoughts of her won't even come up because you'll have found something to love that will never leave you. When the thoughts do come up you'll see the situation more objectively.

Push on, self discovery and self mastery are lifelong practices with infinite options. If that bores you then you're simply ignorant to the possibilities.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.
 
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soulforge

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I’m 53 for the record.

it’s been three years since my ex fiancé and I split up. Absolutely zero contact, no meetings or anything for three years. For god sake‘s it ended very very badly, the worst ending to a horrible toxic relationship that I’ve ever experienced. But I just can’t get this one off my mind.

focusing on myself, have ramped up my exercise routine and getting great results. I’m going on a date tomorrow night and trying to have a good attitude about it, just can’t seem to move on and be excited about other women. even banged with two different women last month and although it was good, it just wasn’t like being in love.

arghh. It’s been harder to get over her than my ex-wife who I spent 24 years with, 17 of which we were married. no break up with any girlfriend has ever torn me up like this one, I’ve gotten over those fast, but wasn’t in love with any of them.

Anyone else got that one woman you just can’t get over.
I know how you feel man... Been in a similar situation myself recently.

She was younger than me.. Amazingly good body and sex wise EVERYTHING was on the table.. She was also very submissive.

But.. A very damaged character.. I am certain she was a Cluster B

All of the above are very addictive to a man!

Luckily for me, I only dated her for 4 months, then dropped her.

Just like you I still think about her.. However I am activley seeking, meeting and banging other woman.

I have also decided to spend the next couple of years completely alone.. Absolutely no relationship.

We have to embrace being alone and simply focus on our purpose.

You will eventually reach a point of realisation that you do not need a woman.

Just keep getting laid.. Don't take another woman seriously for a long time.
 

John9999

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Just logged on and read the responses.
thanks everyone. I’m still no contact at 3 years. But yeah. I think about her. One poster I think hit it on the head. It’s the great moments that I miss and I need to work to create those moments with a new woman
 
U

user43770

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Nah, he was in wove... It's a beta mindset.
I clicked on this thread and it took me right to your post.

It is a beta mindset, but I find it's a difficult one to overcome.

If I spend enough time around a woman, I start to develop feelings for her. That is, I care about her well-being.

I think this is part of being a man. It's engrained in our core.

I broke up with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she hates me now, but if she called me tomorrow needing help with something, I'd do it. Not because I want anything in return, but because I'll always care about her. Because of the closeness we shared.
 
U

user43770

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I broke up with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she hates me now, but if she called me tomorrow needing help with something, I'd do it. Not because I want anything in return, but because I'll always care about her. Because of the closeness we shared.
And I realize that she wouldn't do the same for me, but I don't care. That's what makes me a man and her a woman.
 
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