10 years too late?

[Putthemoneyinthebag]

Hey guys newly red pilled 36yo here.. straight to be point.. been in a LTR for like 10 years now (she’s 38 solid 8), 2 kids (didn’t vet my choices as I was blue pilled most of my life).. anyway it’s glaringly obvious at this point that genuine desire has left the LTR and been replaced with negotiated desire. I’m talking like once a week at most which I’m not ok with.

Knowing all I now know from this forum/rollos books/fresh & fit podcasts etc.. is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

 

[SW15]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

One of the most influential books in my life has been The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a book I wish every man could read, and I…

medium.com

Is your LTR a failure now or failing? That's somewhat subjective.

Rollo does also say that genuine desire cannot be negotiated.

It doesn't seem probably that genuine desired can be revived at this time.

 

[kavi]

Hey guys newly red pilled 36yo here.. straight to be point.. been in a LTR for like 10 years now (she’s 38 solid 8), 2 kids (didn’t vet my choices as I was blue pilled most of my life).. anyway it’s glaringly obvious at this point that genuine desire has left the LTR and been replaced with negotiated desire. I’m talking like once a week at most which I’m not ok with.

Knowing all I now know from this forum/rollos books/fresh & fit podcasts etc.. is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

It's never too late but it can be too tough for some guys in some situations. Dont think it is too late for you. Never become complacent about desire and always keep an eye on it.

 

[Plinco]

Hey guys newly red pilled 36yo here.. straight to be point.. been in a LTR for like 10 years now (she’s 38 solid 8), 2 kids (didn’t vet my choices as I was blue pilled most of my life).. anyway it’s glaringly obvious at this point that genuine desire has left the LTR and been replaced with negotiated desire. I’m talking like once a week at most which I’m not ok with.

Knowing all I now know from this forum/rollos books/fresh & fit podcasts etc.. is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

Are these kids yours?

You need to take control of the situation and have her bend herself to. That means that she has to look up to you and the relationship is not transactional.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Hey guys newly red pilled 36yo here.. straight to be point.. been in a LTR for like 10 years now (she’s 38 solid 8), 2 kids (didn’t vet my choices as I was blue pilled most of my life).. anyway it’s glaringly obvious at this point that genuine desire has left the LTR and been replaced with negotiated desire. I’m talking like once a week at most which I’m not ok with.

Knowing all I now know from this forum/rollos books/fresh & fit podcasts etc.. is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

Time to move on dude. For the sake of happiness of yourself. There is no point of living in a LTR and feeling miserable.
If you do not feel well then your kids will feel it too.. making them miserable. It's all connected together.

 

[pipeman84]

is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

Assuming the genuine desire was there to begin with, I'd say no, but it depends on 2 things:
1. you fundamentally sorting your sh!t out (going from a beta to an alpha man) as opposed to just a surface level thing. Paying attention to your diet/going to the gym and to how you dress is very good, but it has to come with a profound change as well ... an insecure, butthurt guy will still repel the woman, even though he now has a trimmer waist.
2. the quality of the woman you're with. I'd assess this by looking back at her history with men (the higher the mileage, the lower the quality) and how she acted when you two first got together (was there genuine desire present then?). If your conclusion is: this is a good woman, too bad I was such a beta schmuck, then stay together ... she should positively react as your change from beta to alpha unfolds.

 

[Bingo-Player]

It sounds like she is in command of the relationship

It is possible to train a woman back into line , but wether you can train a 38 y/o woman who's been used to having her own way for 10 years i don't know

Not my area of expertise unfortunatley !

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Do you still turn her on?
Are you in good shape?
Do you work at turning her on?
Randomly walk by and grab her ass?

Sneak up behind her while she is in the kitchen and kiss her neck while you press your c0ck hard against her ass and pull her towards you?

Whisper naughty things in her ear randomly?

Tell her how sexy she looks and how you can't wait to shove your c0ck down her throat later?

Jump in the shower secretly with her unannounced?

If you let the spiciness of the relationship go that's on both of you and you can start by doing your part to add that spiciness back in and see if she reciprocates.

If you are doing these things and she still isn't then you may have a deeper problem.

I was told something by my then girlfriend of about a year once where I was over at her place and we started making out but she was tired that day and wasn't super into it so I just left it alone...the next time I saw her she told me "You know I might not always be in the mood to do things with you but there isn't anything stopping you from doing things to change my mood..."

She then fvcked me like a wild animal that day...

Never forgot that...if a woman isn't "in the mood", then work on changing her mood.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Time to move on dude. For the sake of happiness of yourself. There is no point of living in a LTR and feeling miserable.
If you do not feel well then your kids will feel it too.. making them miserable. It's all connected together.

Kind of terrible advice without knowing the full details. Obviously from someone without kids who doesn't know how they can impact things.

Ridiculous how the answer to literally every realationship issue is "move on" by the board. Usually by people who have never been married and never had kids.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Kind of terrible advice without knowing the full details

Its hard to give any good advice without knowing the full details. But if the desire and passion is gone and you basically live in "twosomeness" e.g. alone even through you are in a LTR, then it might be for the best to move on. Not only for yourself but for the kids to listen to two adults fighting and all the negativty that follows, it might be worth splitting a part and save the kids from that. But as you mentioned, it does not mean that i am correct. It just how I think without know any details.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Hey guys newly red pilled 36yo here.. straight to be point.. been in a LTR for like 10 years now (she’s 38 solid 8), 2 kids (didn’t vet my choices as I was blue pilled most of my life).. anyway it’s glaringly obvious at this point that genuine desire has left the LTR and been replaced with negotiated desire. I’m talking like once a week at most which I’m not ok with.

Knowing all I now know from this forum/rollos books/fresh & fit podcasts etc.. is it too late to have genuine desire return to the LTR if I sort my **** out?

How often you have sex is only one marker. If you hit the gym every day and start looking good, eating healthy, taking on solo masculine hobbies, taking her on surprise dates/trips, and maintaining a masculine frame, there's a high chance you'll turn her on enough to fuuck more often.

Don't do these things for the sex, do them because they deepen you as a man. Work to inspire her and your kids with your actions, then you'll naturally feel you've outgrown her if she can't keep up, and the decision to move on will be an obvious one.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Bro, she´s older than you and has two kids. You should monkey branch ASAP.

Edit: Are the kids yours? I thought she was a single mom.

 

[LTG71]

This is an unfortunate reality of being together for so long. The familiarity kills the desire over time. Add in some kids and your partner getting closer to menopause and you have a recipe for resentment. Like Rollo says too, “you can’t negotiate desire.” For men it sucks because our libido does not turn off as easily as women’s. Women seem fine without a regular cadence of intimacy. But bro, once a week is not bad. After menopause, imagine once a month or worse.

 

[Murk]

You can probably fix it, I would do all I could before ejecting from the wife and kids. Give us some more details, hit gym and spin more plates isn't ideal advice for a 10 year married father of two. @BackInTheGame78 advice is good, are you trying to spice things up and turn her on?

 

[Gamisch]

Kind of terrible advice without knowing the full details. Obviously from someone without kids who doesn't know how they can impact things.

Ridiculous how the answer to literally every realationship issue is "move on" by the board. Usually by people who have never been married and never had kids.

I geuss that by the time a man feels the need to make a thread there's more going on than he can describe in one post.

Moving on maybe doesn't necessarily means breaking up. But rather moving on from your current persona ,and find a way to reinvent yourself.

Even if a breakup happens, a man would still at some point has to do some form of self improvement. Especially when there are kids involved you can be 99% sure the man is willing to give it another try sooner or later.

Desire must be reignited anyway. It's hard to change the dynamics between two people, but you can at least make a woman think twive about leaving you when she sees you are desired by other women now as well.

Op seems unhappy. The current relationship and situation won't be sustainable for the long run, so yeah, move on mentally, reinvent yourself and add new dimensions to the relationship.

 

[Stanley]

Regardless of the circumstance it is never too late to make change

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I geuss that by the time a man feels the need to make a thread there's more going on than he can describe in one post.

Moving on maybe doesn't necessarily means breaking up. But rather moving on from your current persona ,and find a way to reinvent yourself.

Even if a breakup happens, a man would still at some point has to do some form of self improvement. Especially when there are kids involved you can be 99% sure the man is willing to give it another try sooner or later.

Desire must be reignited anyway. It's hard to change the dynamics between two people, but you can at least make a woman think twive about leaving you when she sees you are desired by other women now as well.

Op seems unhappy. The current relationship and situation won't be sustainable for the long run, so yeah, move on mentally, reinvent yourself and add new dimensions to the relationship.

OP isn't a passenger in all of this. The situation he is in required two people. If he thinks he is innocent in all of this and it's her solely her fault that they are in this position, then there isn't much hope for him to change or to see the issues clearly.

 

[Putthemoneyinthebag]

A little more information based on responses, they’ve all been useful in one way or another so far.. yes they’re my kids and yes there was genuine desire before the kids.. and I was definitely part of the problem getting to this point.. former AFC here with “Nice Guy” (raised by a single mom) syndrome and it’s only since becoming red pill aware (about a month ago) have I realised the fallacies I was lead to believe as I child.. I am now embracing my masculine traits and putting aside all this feminised bullsh!t I “thought” women wanted in a MAN. Just wish I knew all this earlier.

 

[RazorRambo24]

See, i never been in a relationship that long --but I have read that dudes in your situation recovered by focusing on new hobbies, making new friends, and just having a new attitude overall. The goal is not to change her or her personality, but to change/improve you and thus her desire you more as a byproduct.

One of the quickest ways you can do this is find a mentor/rolemodel your age, can be a celebrity, actor, musician, some guy on social media, w.e.. and just mimic them.. If they got tattoos, start getting a few tattoos, get a cool new haircut, maybe take up a new hobby, start riding motorcycles or going out to the club and just enjoying some drinks, maybe start smoking cigars or get into fashion and start dressing nice, etc. The change in attitude/personality shouldnt change who you are but have an impression on your wife. and you hsould never let her know what your motivation is to do it.. just be coy af about it.. Also start listening to new music.. whatever it may be, its gotta be someting to enliven the badass within you.

 

[Putthemoneyinthebag]

Why I know it was genuine desire earlier is because it was like 10 times a day (no sh!t).. she wanted it more than me to the point I had to say I’m chaffing on my c0ck and need a break today.. I don’t expect to go back to that but I’m an every other day kind of guy.. definitely got complacent and stopped working on myself because I was overly confident I had her interest.

A lot of what I’m seeing is helpful and is the path I’m currently taking, if it doesn’t help with her I’ll be in a better frame for the next one I guess.