Many women on dating apps claim they’re exclusively interested in men over 6ft tall. When did our expectations get so lofty?
www.dazeddigital.com
As any straight woman will tell you, it’s not unusual to see some version of “6’1”, if it matters” in men’s dating app bios. The phrase has become something of a cliché, with offenders often ridiculed on social media for being so prickly about their height. But in fairness, these kinds of bios – while gratingly passive-aggressive in tone – are responding to an undoubtedly real phenomenon where growing numbers of women are seeking men of above average height.
One viral graph, attributed to Bumble, suggests that of all the women who use height filters on the app, 60 per cent are seeking a man over 6’0”, with only 15 per cent open to dating men shorter than 5’8”. While some have cast doubt on whether this graph was ever actually published by Bumble, a former Bumble product manager confirmed to the Wall Street Journal in 2022 that the majority of women on the platform do “tend to set a floor of 6 feet for men”. Anecdotally, some men have reported accruing more matches on dating apps after lying about their height and broaching the 6’0” threshold. “It’s common to see girls on Hinge choose the ‘biggest fear’ prompt and put ‘men under 6’0” as their answer,” says 22-year-old Connor, who is 5’9”. He adds that he believes some girls “definitely wouldn’t” be interested in him on account of his height alone. “It’s a little disheartening, but I’m mature enough to know that everyone has their own idea of what’s ‘attractive’.”
21-year-old Tom, who also stands at 5’9”, has had a similar experience. He says that the issue of height comes up “all the time” on dating apps like Hinge. “Profiles say things like ‘you should leave a comment if: you’re over 6ft’,” he says. “I know people have their preferences, but it’s almost every other profile.” He adds that he’s had dates express disappointment about his height to his face before.
This all chimes with 28-year-old Kyle, who is 5’8½” (“I’m quite specific, because if I said I was 5’8” I’d be downplaying it, but saying I’m 5’9” feels like I’m doing the classic thing of rounding it up”). He’s often suspected that many women on dating apps have set their filters to only show them profiles from taller men. “It’s kind of bizarre that you can choose to filter out profiles based on physical things,” he says.
Short men have long been regarded as less ‘desirable’ than tall men, according to multiple studies which found that women generally prefer a sizable height difference between themselves and their male partners. It’s worth acknowledging too that it’s unsurprising that women largely prefer taller partners, given that we’ve been socialised to associate being ‘small’ with femininity and desirability, while the patriarchy has insisted that the man’s role in a relationship (and society) is to be the ‘protector’ and physically larger. But neither Tom, Connor nor Kyle are even short. They’re perfectly average: according to NHS data, the average height of a UK man is 5’9”.
There’s often a gap between people’s self-reported preferences and their actual desires. Or, in other words, there’s a difference between what people say they want on dating apps and what really attracts them in real life. “Dating apps encourage trait-based decisions: users rely on profile details and photos, making choices based on abstract concepts. By contrast, offline attraction is holistic and dynamic, involving nonverbal cues, synchrony, and how someone makes you feel,” Dr Jackson explains.
“In real life, we’re drawn to things like how someone moves, how they listen or make us laugh, their energy, presence, and charisma,” he continues. “These are what we call ‘affective cues’ – these cues play a big role in forming real-world attraction, but they’re almost entirely absent online, where we judge people from a few photos. In person, we also tend to become more forgiving and open once we’ve formed a sense of someone’s warmth, humour, or kindness.” He adds that research shows physical appearance matters less and less over time in ongoing relationships, once deeper emotional bonds have begun to form.
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Thoughts?
‘Swipe left if you’re under 6ft’: Why are we so obsessed with height?
Many women on dating apps claim they’re exclusively interested in men over 6ft tall. When did our expectations get so lofty?
As any straight woman will tell you, it’s not unusual to see some version of “6’1”, if it matters” in men’s dating app bios. The phrase has become something of a cliché, with offenders often ridiculed on social media for being so prickly about their height. But in fairness, these kinds of bios – while gratingly passive-aggressive in tone – are responding to an undoubtedly real phenomenon where growing numbers of women are seeking men of above average height.
One viral graph, attributed to Bumble, suggests that of all the women who use height filters on the app, 60 per cent are seeking a man over 6’0”, with only 15 per cent open to dating men shorter than 5’8”. While some have cast doubt on whether this graph was ever actually published by Bumble, a former Bumble product manager confirmed to the Wall Street Journal in 2022 that the majority of women on the platform do “tend to set a floor of 6 feet for men”. Anecdotally, some men have reported accruing more matches on dating apps after lying about their height and broaching the 6’0” threshold. “It’s common to see girls on Hinge choose the ‘biggest fear’ prompt and put ‘men under 6’0” as their answer,” says 22-year-old Connor, who is 5’9”. He adds that he believes some girls “definitely wouldn’t” be interested in him on account of his height alone. “It’s a little disheartening, but I’m mature enough to know that everyone has their own idea of what’s ‘attractive’.”
21-year-old Tom, who also stands at 5’9”, has had a similar experience. He says that the issue of height comes up “all the time” on dating apps like Hinge. “Profiles say things like ‘you should leave a comment if: you’re over 6ft’,” he says. “I know people have their preferences, but it’s almost every other profile.” He adds that he’s had dates express disappointment about his height to his face before.
This all chimes with 28-year-old Kyle, who is 5’8½” (“I’m quite specific, because if I said I was 5’8” I’d be downplaying it, but saying I’m 5’9” feels like I’m doing the classic thing of rounding it up”). He’s often suspected that many women on dating apps have set their filters to only show them profiles from taller men. “It’s kind of bizarre that you can choose to filter out profiles based on physical things,” he says.
Short men have long been regarded as less ‘desirable’ than tall men, according to multiple studies which found that women generally prefer a sizable height difference between themselves and their male partners. It’s worth acknowledging too that it’s unsurprising that women largely prefer taller partners, given that we’ve been socialised to associate being ‘small’ with femininity and desirability, while the patriarchy has insisted that the man’s role in a relationship (and society) is to be the ‘protector’ and physically larger. But neither Tom, Connor nor Kyle are even short. They’re perfectly average: according to NHS data, the average height of a UK man is 5’9”.
There’s often a gap between people’s self-reported preferences and their actual desires. Or, in other words, there’s a difference between what people say they want on dating apps and what really attracts them in real life. “Dating apps encourage trait-based decisions: users rely on profile details and photos, making choices based on abstract concepts. By contrast, offline attraction is holistic and dynamic, involving nonverbal cues, synchrony, and how someone makes you feel,” Dr Jackson explains.
“In real life, we’re drawn to things like how someone moves, how they listen or make us laugh, their energy, presence, and charisma,” he continues. “These are what we call ‘affective cues’ – these cues play a big role in forming real-world attraction, but they’re almost entirely absent online, where we judge people from a few photos. In person, we also tend to become more forgiving and open once we’ve formed a sense of someone’s warmth, humour, or kindness.” He adds that research shows physical appearance matters less and less over time in ongoing relationships, once deeper emotional bonds have begun to form.
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Thoughts?
