dixonnormus said:

what does "frame" mean?

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http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/frame/
http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/frame-control/

I always observe everyone and everything around me. People say I look scary because of the eye-contact. But I just be looking and observing everything they do. From the way they light their cigarette to the way they walk.

I can't sit in a parked car in the front seat with the window open because I always feel like someone could just sneak behind me and slit my throat. That's just the way I am. I always have to have everything in my sight.

DonGorgon said:

lol great thread... a massive sociology case study on human BS

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()

"He can sexually harass me anytime!"

DISCLAIMER: Although I will be talking about current political figures, I do not wish to engage in political commentary in this thread (and I believe it doesn't fly too well here in the forums, anyway...) Thank you. Come again.


Yesterday during lunch I was sitting next to a lady and her daughter. They were talking about her schooling when the dad arrives and joins them for lunch. They started talking politics (IDK why but hey!) and the conversation steered towards the current sexual harassment allegations that Cain is currently going through.

The man reasoned that they have not been proven true and if they indeed happened, it was more than 10 years ago. But the woman said that it reflected upon his character. What was curious about this particular conversation (and which caught my attention) was that when the man questioned her if it had been one of the other hopefuls, would the situation be different? The lady immediately said: "Rick Perry, he could sexually harass me anytime!" Now, IDK if she was joking or not but based on her intonation and body language, I'd say there was at least a little bit [if not complete] truth in her statement.

Lessons to be learned:

• Never allow your woman to disrespect you by "kidding around" or flirting with the idea of committing adultery with another man. In my eyes, it's a mortal sin, punishable by death... of the relationship.
• If you're gonna sexually harass someone, make sure you're not ugly!

Setting boundaries...

One of the main problems I see (both online and IRL) is that when men enter relationships with women, they do so from a disadvantaged point, where they lose control of the frame and the woman holds most (if not all) of the power in the relationship.

Sure, society will blah-blah-blah you into thinking that a relationship should be 50/50 but in reality, one of the two parties will control the relationship. It is that person who benefits the most, who sets the tone and pace and who will come out on top, in case things go south. Like I mentioned earlier, you should be your own top priority and therefore you should be in control of any relationship you enter.

Now, I'm not saying to be a control freak who shouts "Jump!" and expect an answer of "How high?" That's retarded. What I am saying though is that you should steer the relationship in the heading you want it to go. Think of it as a boat. Ideally, a girl will want to take a ride with you in your boat (as opposed to inviting her for a boat ride yourself).

But in any case, if you find yourself with a girl on your boat, then you better make damn sure you're at the helm, steering that puppy in the direction that you want. If you don't, she will gladly take the controls and steer herself. But you run the risk of her getting tired of playing Captain and deciding to get off your boat...

Anyway, back to the title, at the beginning of any relationship (hopefully right before entering it), IT IS EXTREMELY CRUCIAL that you set up boundaries and rules of what you expect and what you will find acceptable and unacceptable in the relationship that you [are about to] enter with a woman.

"Vatoloco, what are we?" [usually after fucking]
"Hmm, IDK... 'Humans'?"
"Haha, very funny! No, seriously, what are we?"
"Well, IDK! What you do want us to be?"
"Well... are you seeing anybody else?"
"Define 'seeing' "
"You silly, you know what I'm talking about!"
"No I don't. You tell me..."
"Well, I really like you and I don't want you seeing other girls..."
"Are you asking me to be your exclusive boyfriend?"
"Well... yeah."
"Okay, ..."

[Here is where you set your boundaries for the relationship.]

This is where you air your dealbreakers out and set your boundaries and, if she agrees, she gets rewarded with exclusivity. This is also where she might set up conditions and whether you'll agree to them as well.

By setting this up, you enter the relationship with control of the frame, as well as control of the relationship. You bargained for terms that were in your best interest. You set yourself up as Captain at the helm of your relationship's boat.

You can't really change the terms later on. If she was a barmaid at your favorite watering hole and she's used to getting lots of attention and you didn't express your dislike of her flirting with tons of men before you entered a relationship with her, then you fucked up.

This is some dynamite sh!t vatoloco, keep it coming.

Von_S said:

This is some dynamite sh!t vatoloco, keep it coming.

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Thanks, my friend. You obviously know good stuff when you see it!

I got so much stuff in my head that I need to put down on paper but I'm either away from the computer when the inspiration hits, or I get sidetracked with all the shit I have to do on a daily basis.

Hopefully I'll be able to post more of my thoughts and observations soon...

Err... don't mind me. I'm just doing some housekeeping for my Padawans.

Mixed signals from an online plate? Read this: Part 1 & Part 2

vatoloco said:

Thanks, my friend. You obviously know good stuff when you see it!

I got so much stuff in my head that I need to put down on paper but I'm either away from the computer when the inspiration hits, or I get sidetracked with all the shit I have to do on a daily basis.

Hopefully I'll be able to post more of my thoughts and observations soon...

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Buy a voice recorder from eBay and keep it in your car. Or on your person, and just record your thoughts.

Vice said:

Buy a voice recorder from eBay and keep it in your car. Or on your person, and just record your thoughts.

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Actually, I've started using the "Voice Recorder" app on my phone to make quick notes to myself: "Talk about X, Y and don't forget Z."

Today has been quite a slow day at work so I'm gonna type a couple of observations and experiences from today. Alright, here we go:

"Do you have 50 cents?"

Note: I debated whether to post this experience in my log but I figured it will emphasize a very important point so I decided to go ahead and post it, regardless of whether people think I'm a pompous ass... oh, wait. They already do. Never mind. Business as usual, then!

---

Today I stepped out to lunch to one of the local, near-by fast food joints. Actually pretty good burgers... if a little expensive for fast food. But anyway, I am eating my meal (of course, always observing people) when this young, transient man comes in. He timidly asked this man who was eating in front of me if had 50 cents he could spare so that he could buy something to eat. The man said he had no cash so the young man quietly accepted the denial.

Like I've said before, I go through Life doing no evil but I also don't go out of my way to be nice to people. I figured: "I'll wait to see if he asks..." I would never deny food to someone who is hungry but I would also never give out cash (I almost never carry any, anyway).

So the man looks at me and I can see that he feels intimidated asking someone in a tie and coat for money. But he musters up the courage to forget about the prior rejection and ask me "Do you have 50 cents?" I tell him "I have no cash" and I can tell that this additional rejection affects him as well but I ask him "Are you hungry?" He timidly replies "Yes..." "Well, if you're hungry, I can buy you something." So we go up to the register, the young man orders a combo and I pay with my card. He thanks me, I welcome him and we go our separate ways.

Lessons to be learned:

• You want something? Ask for it. Sure, you might get rejected but if you have the courage to [smartly] keep asking in spite of the possibility of rejection, then you're bound to eventually achieve your goal.

Now, don't get me wrong. This doesn't mean "OMG! Vato says to keep asking the same girl out until she accepts!" No, I don't mean that. I mean, the man didn't keep asking the same person for money, did he? That'd be pretty stupid of him.

I mean that you shouldn't be faced by rejection (but rather embrace it) and that if someone rejects you, someone else might accept your proposition.

Vatoloco - there's another lesson from your previous example (not related directly to your experience, but same subject) being "don't be so quick to judge someone perhaps less fortunate than yourself".

Deciding whether a homeless or transient deserves money or not is not a decision one should be making. They may be hungry, they may be a crack addict, you'll actually never know. But if they are summoning the absolute courage it takes to approach complete strangers for money, and the 99% knockbacks that entails, they have SOME reason for doing what they are doing. And that reason, outside of your moral radar, should be respected as it is driving their need.

I wonder if women, seeing men appraoch them (in all states of various being, lets face it) decide the same thing in their heads: "I can't judge him too quickly - look at the courage this is taking".

Your response Vatoloco was 100% perfect, IMO.

Viagra4Soul said:

I wonder if women, seeing men appraoch them (in all states of various being, lets face it) decide the same thing in their heads: "I can't judge him too quickly - look at the courage this is taking".

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Some of them I am sure do, but I would have to say that I think the vast majority of them don't. We have a huge entitlement problem in this world. Especially women. Unfortunately.

Oh well, play the game and keep asking!

"It just shows that you're confident!"

One of the many projects we have going on around here is the migration of data to updated servers and due to some recent organizational re-structuring, several new entities have now fallen under my jurisdiction.

Anyway, I am helping this department migrate their data and everything is fine and dandy but for some reason, something's that should be happening is not. I ask the person who I've been dealing with for a building and room number and I head out there to troubleshoot it in person. It's a nice brisk morning so I figure I'll take this opportunity to take one of my walks across campus, anyway.

I get to their office and the lady who I've been dealing with is a slim, cute 7. Although I currently have a GF, I always flirt with attractive girls to keep my skills and wit sharp (and for potential backup!) I notice that she also liked what she saw (got a huge smile on her face and her eyes lit up). "Are you [insert girl's name here]?" "Yes, you must be vatoloco!" "Yes, yes I am." I proceed to shake her hand and I do my normal, firm handshake and I feel some of the bones in her little hand crack. Shit, I didn't even squeeze that hard! "Ooww!" she yells in a playful tone. "Err, sorry about that. That's just how I shake hands! " "Haha, don't worry about it! It just shows that you're confident!" giving me a huge smile.

I observe her and her office and realize she is not good as backup: had a ring on the left hand and pictures of a baby as her computer wallpaper. (As an interesting note: although she's more than likely married, there were no pictures of any guy. Just FYI ) I decide to tone down the flirty banter and actually do the work that I was there for.

Lesson to be learned:

• If you have a limp handshake, fix that shit now! Develop a strong, manly handshake. Even if you don't have confidence, fake it 'till you make it!

Don't go bone-crushing crazy on me, though!

You've been having some great observations lately. I'm diggin it, thanks.

vatoloco said:

although she's more than likely married, there were no pictures of any guy.

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Baby pics and no baby daddy pics? Hrmm... Somethings up, and if I were a man of low morals I would start moving in on that. However I don't fvck with OPP or single moms. Vatoloco I suspect you are a man of character as well.

IamJosan said:

You've been having some great observations lately. I'm diggin it, thanks.

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Thanks, my friend. You obviously know your stuff!

Von_S said:

Baby pics and no baby daddy pics? Hrmm... Somethings up,

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And that's why I made a mental note. The baby in the picture looked fairly young and I don't really know if it is indeed hers but still, good observations to make.

and if I were a man of low morals I would start moving in on that. However I don't fvck with OPP or single moms. Vatoloco I suspect you are a man of character as well.

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Yeah, not my thing either. The only time I will fuck them (AND if they're unattached and I'm unattached) is if they're hot.

Women are like motorcycles...

vatoloco said:

I'm looking to add a third motorcycle to my stable so I scour Craigslist every morning to see what turns up. Most of it is overpriced trash but from time to time you find gems out there (LOL, I just realized that this is exactly like women -- maybe one of these days I'll make a motorcycles/women post! ).

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Well, I finally got around to it. Rollo's post today reminded me!

Now, before y'all go "You got into bikes just to attract women!", no, not really. I've been fascinated by them ever since I was a young kid. As a child back in the Motherland, however, we didn't have the financial means to have luxuries, especially not a motorbike for a kid. But now as a man who has made a proper life here in the States, I've been blessed with the ability to possess one or two due to some nice expendable income.

I didn't get into motorbikes because of women. I got into them because I've always liked them. Now, do they have the added benefit of making me MORE attractive to women? OH FUCK YEAH!! I ain't complainin'! I've fucked several girls just because of my badboy looks and badass bikes! Sure, my devilish good-looks, great personality and quick-witted humor certainly help too!

But anyway, I digress. The reason I say that women are like motorcycles is because they are both objects of desire; intimidating to handle (to untrained riders); some beautiful, some ugly; some good, some bad; but ultimately, if you learn to handle one, you learn to handle them all!


Objects of Desire
---
Who hasn't gone to a stealership just to ogle at their object of desire? There she is. Ain't she gorgeous? Beautiful lines. Smooth to the touch. Dressed in attractive attire.

- "I want her. I need her. I must have her!"
- "Patience, grasshopper. Do you know how to handle her?"
- "Well, no... but I want her!
- "I know you do, grasshopper. But first, you must properly learn how to handle her."
- "Well, my cousin said he was gonna teach me..."

*gets slapped in the back of the head*​

- "Hey!"
- "Learn proper techniques from the right people, my son. Otherwise, you'll end up getting hurt..."



Intimidating Beasts
---
The first time you're on a bike, it's a fucking scary experience. Like with women, at first we are intimated. But once you have the proper training (and I can't stress the Basic RiderCourse from the Motorcycle Safety Foundation enough!), they're not as scary as in the beginning. As a matter of fact, it becomes second nature handling them. The more miles you put on, the better you become with them. You no longer are scared of them or are bad with them. You are now in control and are comfortable around them...

It is wise for newbies to start off with something used and inexpensive that they might fuck up with. If you make mistakes, learn from them. Experience teaches harshly, but it teaches best. As you experience and learn, you can move up to better bikes. That way, you don't fuck them up!


All makes and models
---
Like women, bikes come in all shapes and sizes. From small, nimble beginner bikes, to full-sized, powerful crotch rockets all the way to fully-dressed touring machines.

So you want a bike. The key here is to pick something that is good for you. Not something that you like... but is totally wrong for you. If you're a 6'4", 300-lb guy you don't pick a tiny Ninja 250! Could you ride it? Sure. Very difficultly, though. It is not a bike that suits you well. Same thing, if you're a 5'5", 140-lb (soaking wet!) guy, you can't really handle an 800-lb Goldwing. You can try and perhaps achieve it. But it's gonna be extremely difficult to safely maneuver it.

Now also, very important. If you want a bike for yourself, make sure you try sitting on several to see what you like and fits you. If possible, once you learn how to ride, try to ride several to see what suits you, i.e. spin several plates until you find something that: 1) you like and 2) fits you well.



Good bikes, Bad bikes...
---
Like I mentioned earlier, most of what you see on the used market (read: near The Wall) is likely to have an issue or two with them. Perhaps they've been mistreated by their former owner and/or not given the proper maintenance/handling. In any case, you might get stuck trying to deal with a problem that you didn't cause, causing you to waste time, money and effort on them. Instead of happily riding them, you're spending countless nights trying to figure out what's wrong, frustrating you to hell and back!

Now, that's not to say that you can't find something good "used." Sure, from time to time you'll find gems out there. But, IMO, it is better to get something that has not been through too many rough patches or too many owners. The lower the mileage, the better.



Universal Skills
---
Ultimately, once you've been trained and know what you're doing, you can ride all types of bikes. You know how to properly steer them in the right direction, how to slow them down properly, as well as techniques for keeping you out of trouble and happy with your ride.

Of course, once you have your bike, maintenance is key. You can have the most beautiful ride but if you don't maintain it properly, it will eventually break down and will cause you [financial] pain trying to hold onto it. And sometimes, if the neglect or handling is bad enough, bikes become unfixable and must be scrapped, meaning that tons of time, money and effort just went down the toilet.