I’d love to hear your thoughts.

[Butterfly!]

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this idea: “Be the flame, not the moth.”


What do you think it means to be the flame rather than the moth? More importantly, what does it actually take to become that flame in our own lives?


What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

 

[BaronOfHair]

What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

Not being a male equivalent of

for starters

 

[DonJefe19]

It's a lot easier to have qualities and attributes that women that you're attracted are desiring. They normally just come to you versus you having to seek them out and hope you pitch convincing them you're worthy.

 

[zekko]

Easier said than done, unfortunately.
And a bit against nature as well.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly, welcome. Personal magnetism arises from you having something others want to be near. In your example the reason the flame has two intrinsic qualities that radiate outward: warmth and light. In addition a flame on a candle (for example) borrows the mesmerizing qualities of fire (danger and type of motion/movement) in a controlled way.

All those things are fascinating to creatures, but are not dangerously out of control like a wildfire, but even a candle holds the danger of that potential.

So it has an allure. The allure comes from the fascination and intrigue the flame creates because of its mysterious intrinsic qualities.

So.....what intrinsic qualities do you have that are intrinsically alluring? That arise out of your essence/energy?

In an individual person these type qualities arise from being unapologetically unique and authentic. Some historical examples you can research:

Coco Chanel
Oscar Wilde
Ruduloph Valentino
Andy Warhol
Freddie Mercury
Sophia Loren

But there are many others outside the arts. These are people who had allure arising out of who they are; out of the energy they radiate.

So what is it you are radiating energetically? What is special about you?

This is NOT something you can fake. But it is something you can develop over time if you can get outside of your self centered persective and offer something to those around you.....

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Its the same thing Heavy D said in a different way:

"Dont clock anybody, let them all clock you.
Don't be down with anybody, let them all be down with you."

 

[MatureDJ]

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this idea: “Be the flame, not the moth.”

What do you think it means to be the flame rather than the moth? More importantly, what does it actually take to become that flame in our own lives?

Lepidopteran Cope.

What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

Be genetically desirable, be wealthy, be famous.

 

[zekko]

Be genetically desirable, be wealthy, be famous.

That should cover it.
Oh, and don't be needy.

 

[Travel memoir21]

At the end of the day, you can be externally rich but dying inside. Your biggest priority you can give to yourself is your inner peace and peace of mind. Learn to be happy without needing anything and learn to make yourself feel great without needing anyone’s approval especially a woman. To be able to smile and laugh and feel great in your room in peace especially after a night of rejection is like giving the middle finger to society which is telling and dictating when and how you’re supposed to feel good. We live in a hardcore feminize society, sometimes I wish we can turn back the clock were men acted like men dressed in Fedora hats and blazers and women in dresses and everyone knew their gender roles instead of the androgynous state that we live in today. As a Man, especially if you’re a bachelor, be motivated and have goals but live with inner peace and let it shine in your world.”

 

[Bingo-Player]

Generally the person who needs the other less is always the main magnetic pole in any interpersonal dynamic

Usually in male / female attraction dynamics the male wants the female more because he wants to have sex with her or is trying to secure a date with her

So by default women have a much stronger " flame effect " to men especially in the opening stages of a romantic interaction

This usually only changes when the male demonstrates extreme physical preference to her or socio economic / financial preference

But as we all know these are very rare circumstances

Of all the women I've had encounters with probably 10% have come to me with little effort on my part

 

[Prepostereax]

Have something going on that's your driving passion helps
Something way higher up your priority list than mere pussie

They normally just come to you versus you having to seek them out

You still have to open in nearly all cases (those that open you are generally red flags)
They just make it super easy

Point is, if you are the flame, magnetic, or whatever, it won't matter, like it's not your priority

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Advice from the old lady:

Firstly, welcome. Personal magnetism arises from you having something others want to be near. In your example the reason the flame has two intrinsic qualities that radiate outward: warmth and light. In addition a flame on a candle (for example) borrows the mesmerizing qualities of fire (danger and type of motion/movement) in a controlled way.

All those things are fascinating to creatures, but are not dangerously out of control like a wildfire, but even a candle holds the danger of that potential.

So it has an allure. The allure comes from the fascination and intrigue the flame creates because of its mysterious intrinsic qualities.

So.....what intrinsic qualities do you have that are intrinsically alluring? That arise out of your essence/energy?

In an individual person these type qualities arise from being unapologetically unique and authentic. Some historical examples you can research:

Coco Chanel
Oscar Wilde
Ruduloph Valentino
Andy Warhol
Freddie Mercury
Sophia Loren

But there are many others outside the arts. These are people who had allure arising out of who they are; out of the energy they radiate.

So what is it you are radiating energetically? What is special about you?

This is NOT something you can fake. But it is something you can develop over time if you can get outside of your self centered persective and offer something to those around you.....

This is a great post but stay the phuck away from Andy Warhol's hairstyle. Be the smooth and interesting version of David Bowie who sang "Let's Dance" and not the version who was a flaming bisexual alien in ugly polyester suits.

Set the flame on low and let it simmer. Don't blind people with gaudiness.

Be James Bond. Don't be Mystery (the pua guy).

 

[BeExcellent]

This is a great post but stay the phuck away from Andy Warhol's hairstyle. Be the smooth and interesting version of David Bowie who sang "Let's Dance" and not the version who was a flaming bisexual alien in ugly polyester suits.

Set the flame on low and let it simmer. Don't blind people with gaudiness.

Be James Bond. Don't be Mystery (the pua guy).

Agreed. It must be something unique to that individual.

Example: Last night my husband and I were out in LVNV. We went to a cool lounge and there was a DJ on actual turntables spinning vinyl. He was set up on a stretch of countertop adjacent to the bar/bartenders and very accessible to the crowd. He was playing old school freestyle (which I used to spin along with early house & techno back in the day). We said hello and my husband mentioned that I still have the Technics 1200s and a crate or two of vinyl. So we ended up chilling essentially with the DJ between mixes most of the night....but off to the side because women were approaching this guy left & right.

Like moths to flame, lol. The DJ guy was chill and engaging. He was clearly into the music & engrossed in the mix (he was, afterall, the entertainment)....but he had a unique quirky style: (trim artsy guy with dark wavy hair a cool t-shirt and a preppy blazer with the sleeves pushed up exposing sleeves of ink, small spectacles with tinted lenses, and lots of rings & bracelets and black nail polish) and of course he's grooving to the beat while he's spinning. He's doing his job and looking funky/eclectic.

And women would come up, want his attention, make a request or ask if he had a certain record and basically from there make conversation. He got at least 2 contacts that we saw last night....my husband & I were interacting with him sporadically and chilling nearby & it was like, Wow. I bet this guy gets laid a lot out of this environment. I know @BackInTheGame78 can confirm from his DJ days...and how hilarious if this guy actually was BITG, lol. We both thought the guy was really cool (and he seemed to enjoy having us to banter with on the mixes and the tracks and the nostalgia of the clubs in the 80s/90s as he was our age.)

And he was not especially handsome, not particularly tall (maybe 6, not sure)....but he had a unique style/look/vibe that had that allure I was talking about above. And probably not making hella money, but his energy was just doing what he was doing, and that was enough. He was authentic. Women could feel that.

The only other thing I'd suggest as food for thought to OP or the reader, is mind what you focus on. You tend (law of attraction) to create what you focus on. If a man focuses heavily on "lack" of women, then believe it or not, you'll actually magnify being repulsive to women, creating even greater lack....

But if you focus on how much you love & adore women, you'll emanate a warmth & appealing energy that is attractive, but not in a needy way.

If you are focused on something else in your life (a passion, a business, a talent, etc.) ahead of women, then women are not primary and you create an environment where a woman can join your adventure, so go create your adventure.

Some of this is kinda abstract, but basically create a self sufficient self, be outcome independent, be internally validated, Simple, but not always easy to get there in life.

 

[Plinco]

What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

People are once again becoming more drawn to me and I'm having more options in the areas of business, friendships and sex.

Be your own unique, best functional self. Another way to put it, is to act selfishly, but do so with the long term consequences in mind. Pushing yourself hard at the gym for example, or get good at cold approaches, or build the self-esteem to hold onto a solid frame of mind.

The quality of your thinking affects your surroundings, learn how to think rationally and you'll become more potent in affecting your environment to be the way you want it to be.

So learn how to think rationally, build a self-esteem, and act on what you deem valuable. <-- This is also how you build up your communication style: 1.) diction, 2.) unique self-expression

 

[Noahwilson]

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this idea: “Be the flame, not the moth.”


What do you think it means to be the flame rather than the moth? More importantly, what does it actually take to become that flame in our own lives?


What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

For me, being the flame is about becoming someone who has a better personality, keeps improving, and lets your actions speak for you. I won’t lie, there’s a little part of me that wants my enemies or even relatives to look at what I’m doing and feel a little jealous. Not out of spite, but because I want to become the kind of person who makes people think, “Okay, he’s really doing something with his life.”

At the same time, I want to keep a free approach to life and always be willing to learn something new. I think that combination - improving yourself without becoming closed-minded is what makes someone naturally magnetic.

 

[Gamisch]

I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts on this idea: “Be the flame, not the moth.”


What do you think it means to be the flame rather than the moth? More importantly, what does it actually take to become that flame in our own lives?


What qualities, habits, or mindset do you think make someone naturally magnetic and worth being drawn toward?

I'm very boldly gonna claim you must've been reading my posts as this is my philosophy to the core and I stand on it firmly.

Underrated part about being the flame rather than the moth is you will still need TONS of experience with women. Know hiw ti move around them. Meanwhile, you gotta be on a mission while being aware that EVERY woman will be a distraction. So the question is how much distraction can and do you allow?

Our biology will always wants p00sy. Thats an internal and eternal struggle. So its all about governance.

You still gotta work on your physique. BUT, the way I do it I ( cope ) can utilise its mainly to perform at my job. Secondary it might make me more attractive . And thats how I approach every aspect. Money, spirituality ect. Primarily for myself, and the byproduct is that it might attract other things such as women.

It's 2027. You cant sell old wine in new bags anymore. If you force women in your life the worst that can happen is that you actually get them while you're for from ready.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Yes.
however. Sometimes one is the moth. Another time, one is the flame.
it's better to be the flame.
Best way to be the flame is to be GL.

 

[Mertz09]

At the end of the day, you can be externally rich but dying inside. Your biggest priority you can give to yourself is your inner peace and peace of mind. Learn to be happy without needing anything and learn to make yourself feel great without needing anyone’s approval especially a woman. To be able to smile and laugh and feel great in your room in peace especially after a night of rejection is like giving the middle finger to society which is telling and dictating when and how you’re supposed to feel good. We live in a hardcore feminize society, sometimes I wish we can turn back the clock were men acted like men dressed in Fedora hats and blazers and women in dresses and everyone knew their gender roles instead of the androgynous state that we live in today. As a Man, especially if you’re a bachelor, be motivated and have goals but live with inner peace and let it shine in your world.”

This:
“Learn to be happy without needing anything and learn to make yourself feel great without needing anyone’s approval especially a woman.”

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Agreed. It must be something unique to that individual.

Example: Last night my husband and I were out in LVNV. We went to a cool lounge and there was a DJ on actual turntables spinning vinyl. He was set up on a stretch of countertop adjacent to the bar/bartenders and very accessible to the crowd. He was playing old school freestyle (which I used to spin along with early house & techno back in the day). We said hello and my husband mentioned that I still have the Technics 1200s and a crate or two of vinyl. So we ended up chilling essentially with the DJ between mixes most of the night....but off to the side because women were approaching this guy left & right.

Like moths to flame, lol. The DJ guy was chill and engaging. He was clearly into the music & engrossed in the mix (he was, afterall, the entertainment)....but he had a unique quirky style: (trim artsy guy with dark wavy hair a cool t-shirt and a preppy blazer with the sleeves pushed up exposing sleeves of ink, small spectacles with tinted lenses, and lots of rings & bracelets and black nail polish) and of course he's grooving to the beat while he's spinning. He's doing his job and looking funky/eclectic.

And women would come up, want his attention, make a request or ask if he had a certain record and basically from there make conversation. He got at least 2 contacts that we saw last night....my husband & I were interacting with him sporadically and chilling nearby & it was like, Wow. I bet this guy gets laid a lot out of this environment. I know @BackInTheGame78 can confirm from his DJ days...and how hilarious if this guy actually was BITG, lol. We both thought the guy was really cool (and he seemed to enjoy having us to banter with on the mixes and the tracks and the nostalgia of the clubs in the 80s/90s as he was our age.)

And he was not especially handsome, not particularly tall (maybe 6, not sure)....but he had a unique style/look/vibe that had that allure I was talking about above. And probably not making hella money, but his energy was just doing what he was doing, and that was enough. He was authentic. Women could feel that.

The only other thing I'd suggest as food for thought to OP or the reader, is mind what you focus on. You tend (law of attraction) to create what you focus on. If a man focuses heavily on "lack" of women, then believe it or not, you'll actually magnify being repulsive to women, creating even greater lack....

But if you focus on how much you love & adore women, you'll emanate a warmth & appealing energy that is attractive, but not in a needy way.

If you are focused on something else in your life (a passion, a business, a talent, etc.) ahead of women, then women are not primary and you create an environment where a woman can join your adventure, so go create your adventure.

Some of this is kinda abstract, but basically create a self sufficient self, be outcome independent, be internally validated, Simple, but not always easy to get there in life.

Damn I really miss my 1200s and my Ortofon Nightclubs now after reading about that

Still got my Denon MK-2000F CD mixer and my Rane Mojo MM8-Z mixing board tho although I haven't really used either in forever.

Haha, I never DJ'd in Las Vegas so it couldn't have been me, and he seems like he was probably taller than me, but yeah, that's completely it in terms of putting out that type of energy that draws people to you and makes them want to be a part of what you are doing.

But I think more than that, people can feel it in the music you play, how you put your sets together, and how you feed off the energy of the crowd to kind of let it guide you where they want to be taken that night. It took me a little while to figure out that what I wanted to do was really irrelevant. I could come in with a plan of how the night was going to go and what I was going to do, but many times it went nothing like that because that wasn't what the crowd was feeling...

And I think that's something that is hard to explain but something that is real and what ultimately makes or breaks a DJ in terms of popularity and really their overall skill...their ability to connect with their audience and their ability to read the room and understand what it needs.

 

[BeExcellent]

But I think more than that, people can feel it in the music you play, how you put your sets together, and how you feed off the energy of the crowd to kind of let it guide you where they want to be taken that night. It took me a little while to figure out that what I wanted to do was really irrelevant. I could come in with a plan of how the night was going to go and what I was going to do, but many times it went nothing like that because that wasn't what the crowd was feeling...

And I think that's something that is hard to explain but something that is real and what ultimately makes or breaks a DJ in terms of popularity and really their overall skill...their ability to connect with their audience and their ability to read the room and understand what it needs.

Funny. The dude was saying the same thing. He came in with set list (plan A), and the crowd was vibing to something a bit different (plan B). We had a good laugh about that because he was like "Damn. Alot of the tracks I need I left at home. Time to improvise!"

My 1200s and Pyramid mixer board are sitting stacked in painted plywood crates serving as a bedside table in the guest bedroom. The records are in the crates serving as a base in the same room to set my guitar on....might need to bust all that out....but I have no idea where my headphones are, or an aux cord fat enough to plug into old (ancient?) analog equipment. Hmmmmmmm.

Good times!