Women dating intentionally

[viking22]

Perhaps it is because I'm now dating in the 37-40 years old age range (Im 42 so hard to go much younger) or perhaps it is the influence of social media and the womanosphere or perhaps because single women this age have probably already spent 5-10 years on dating apps and are jaded or trying to flip the usual script.

But women seem to be a lot more difficult. Back in the day you'd go on a date and if there was some chemistry and a connection things would escalate you'd sleep together after a few dates and things would either develop into something more serious or fizzle out.

Now women seem hyperfocused on compatibility/vetting and are far less receptive to flirting and escalation and it doesn't feel natural or fun and I feel I am having to jump through hoops all the time. I am also seeing a lot of attitude and defensiveness and entitlement and dismissiveness which is offputting.

I understand women do not want to mess around and want a serious relationship and I am not opposed to that with the right woman.

But I am finding the transition quite difficult because I am more used to dating girls with a "let's see how it goes and go with the flow attitude" which meant chemistry and connection could carry things in the beginning and only later on did you reach a crossroads.

Any advice?

 

[Prepostereax]

Sounds like it's "working as intended"

Now women seem hyperfocused on compatibility/vetting and are far less receptive to flirting and escalation and it doesn't feel natural or fun and I feel I am having to jump through hoops all the time. I am also seeing a lot of attitude and defensiveness and entitlement and dismissiveness which is offputting.

ie such women screen themselves out.

The vast majority of women you date are going to be unsuitable for anything serious, regardless of what they think, especially if you're meeting them off the apps

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It just means they aren't into you. If they were none of those things would be a problem.

 

[Clockwerk50]

For better or worse, given your age and the age range you’re dating, you’re entering a dating market where many women are looking for what is commonly referred to as a beta-bucks male: a resourceful provider who can offer stability and security.

If you’re having difficulty adjusting, or you’re beginning to conclude that women in this age bracket are particularly problematic, there are several factors worth considering:

1. The grass-is-greener syndrome. After spending years in the dating market, some women develop the belief that there’s always someone better out there. They become increasingly picky and have difficulty settling on one person because they keep wondering whether they could find someone more attractive, wealthier, more successful, or more compatible. In other words, instead of giving someone a chance and seeing where things go, they keep looking for a better option.

2. Past relationship experiences. Women in this age bracket may have experienced multiple heartbreaks and failed relationships. As a result, they’re more cautious about committing and want to be reasonably certain that a man is worth investing in before moving forward. They also understand the emotional cost of another failed relationship. It can take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to properly heal from a breakup, meaning another failed relationship could keep them out of the dating market for a considerable amount of time. This is particularly important to them due to their age and the limited time they feel they have to find the partner they want.

3. The perceived urgency of time. Time is of the essence. Many women in this bracket may see this as their last opportunity to find the partner they want, particularly if they hope to have children or establish a family. Similarly, they recognize that the pool of available men, and the overall quality of men available to them, may decrease as they get older. Consequently, they’re trying to secure what matters most to them, whether that’s financial stability, romance, protection, companionship, or children, since they may feel this is their last real opportunity to find what they’re looking for.

With all this in mind, my advice would be to dangle the commitment carrot without actually committing prematurely. Emphasize your provider qualities, demonstrate that you can offer stability and security, and let women see the potential of a relationship with you.

However, don’t start providing those benefits before you’ve established that there’s mutual interest and that she’s someone worth investing in.

 

[BadBoy89]

Perhaps it is because I'm now dating in the 37-40 years old age range (Im 42 so hard to go much younger)

Not really. I was 42 I went out with a 28 year old, and she was hot!

or perhaps it is the influence of social media and the womanosphere or perhaps because single women this age have probably already spent 5-10 years on dating apps and are jaded or trying to flip the usual script.

Not sure if that's true.

Now women seem hyperfocused on compatibility/vetting and are far less receptive to flirting and escalation and it doesn't feel natural or fun and I feel I am having to jump through hoops all the time. I am also seeing a lot of attitude and defensiveness and entitlement and dismissiveness which is offputting.

They see a 42 year old man not married; "something is wrong with him", "he doesn't have it". They know he doesn't have abundance and their goal is to see what his game is without wanting to connect.

But I am finding the transition quite difficult because I am more used to dating girls with a "let's see how it goes and go with the flow attitude" which meant chemistry and connection could carry things in the beginning and only later on did you reach a crossroads.

Megan Markle was a divorced 36 year old woman when she married a 6'3 PRINCE whose net worth was $50,000,000.

That means a 37 year old divorced woman will be looking for a 6'1 Prince worth $42,500,000.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

For better or worse, given your age and the age range you’re dating, you’re entering a dating market where many women are looking for what is commonly referred to as a beta-bucks male: a resourceful provider who can offer stability and security.

If you’re having difficulty adjusting, or you’re beginning to conclude that women in this age bracket are particularly problematic, there are several factors worth considering:

1. The grass-is-greener syndrome. After spending years in the dating market, some women develop the belief that there’s always someone better out there. They become increasingly picky and have difficulty settling on one person because they keep wondering whether they could find someone more attractive, wealthier, more successful, or more compatible. In other words, instead of giving someone a chance and seeing where things go, they keep looking for a better option.

2. Past relationship experiences. Women in this age bracket may have experienced multiple heartbreaks and failed relationships. As a result, they’re more cautious about committing and want to be reasonably certain that a man is worth investing in before moving forward. They also understand the emotional cost of another failed relationship. It can take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to properly heal from a breakup, meaning another failed relationship could keep them out of the dating market for a considerable amount of time. This is particularly important to them due to their age and the limited time they feel they have to find the partner they want.

3. The perceived urgency of time. Time is of the essence. Many women in this bracket may see this as their last opportunity to find the partner they want, particularly if they hope to have children or establish a family. Similarly, they recognize that the pool of available men, and the overall quality of men available to them, may decrease as they get older. Consequently, they’re trying to secure what matters most to them, whether that’s financial stability, romance, protection, companionship, or children, since they may feel this is their last real opportunity to find what they’re looking for.

With all this in mind, my advice would be to dangle the commitment carrot without actually committing prematurely. Emphasize your provider qualities, demonstrate that you can offer stability and security, and let women see the potential of a relationship with you.

However, don’t start providing those benefits before you’ve established that there’s mutual interest and that she’s someone worth investing in.

Or someone that fvcks them better than they ever have before and then they become addicted to them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@viking22 "Im 42 so hard to go much younger"

Millions of men(not just celebrities either)do so all the time. In regards to the rest of your observations:

Yeah, the days in which a mid-level manager at a distribution center in Tampa could snag a beauty queen are now more archaic than eras in which an 8th grade dropout could achieve a solidly middle class life, via slaving away on the assembly line. We thus have options:

-Acquire the traits required to get further ahead than we currently are

-Lament things being the way they are, spend our every waking moment pining away for "simpler times" which are now a rapidly fading memory

 

[BillyPilgrim]

@viking22 "Im 42 so hard to go much younger"

Millions of men(not just celebrities either)do so all the time. In regards to the rest of your observations:

Yeah, the days in which a mid-level manager at a distribution center in Tampa could snag a beauty queen are now more archaic than eras in which an 8th grade dropout could achieve a solidly middle class life, via slaving away on the assembly line. We thus have options:

-Acquire the traits required to get further ahead than we currently are

-Lament things being the way they are, spend our every waking moment pining away for "simpler times" which are now a rapidly fading memory

Or, since we are using the plural ("we" and "our") instead of the singular and thus indicating a group endeavor...the third option of acting collectively for the common good of the group.

Anti-flagellistic, I know

It's like telling an East German in 1988, you have two options:

1) be a better little communist, or

2) lament for the better days before WWII

Meanwhile in reality the whiny sops lamenting the life conditions in 1988 saw the Berlin Wall fall the next year in 1989. However if they had limited themselves to the two options above, they'd still be as miserable as they were before. Shame on them for acting collectively to enact positive change.

Right?

Everyone raise their hands if they have seen female dating forums advocating dieting, working out, sharing advice on how to give better head, how to better dote on your man, how to avoid falling into the "dead bedroom" trap, etc.

Oh come on, we've all seen them, right?

LOLOLOLZ

 

[The Duke]

Or, since we are using the plural ("we" and "our") instead of the singular and thus indicating a group endeavor...the third option of acting collectively for the common good of the group.

Anti-flagellistic, I know

It's like telling an East German in 1988, you have two options:

1) be a better little communist, or

2) lament for the better days before WWII

Meanwhile in reality the whiny sops lamenting the life conditions in 1988 saw the Berlin Wall fall the next year in 1989. However if they had limited themselves to the two options above, they'd still be as miserable as they were before. Shame on them for acting collectively to enact positive change.

Right?

Everyone raise their hands if they have seen female dating forums advocating dieting, working out, sharing advice on how to give better head, how to better dote on your man, how to avoid falling into the "dead bedroom" trap, etc.

Oh come on, we've all seen them, right?

LOLOLOLZ

Captain Google says this is what women talk about on dating forums:

AI Overview


On female dating forums and dedicated communities, women discuss a wide range of practical, emotional, and strategic topics related to modern dating.

• • Red Flags and Dealbreakers: Dissecting early behavior patterns, texting habits, weird comments, or signs of emotional unavailability and misogyny to decide whether to walk away. [1, 2]
  • Screening and "Sorting": Exchanging advice on how to filter through large volumes of online dating matches, spot low-effort or spam behavior, and identify men who share genuine compatibility. [1]
  • Text Message Analysis: Sharing screenshots or recaps of a match's messages to decode mixed signals, ghosting, slow responses, or passive-aggressive phrasing.
  • Safety and Precautions: Discussing first-date safety protocols, such as public meeting spots, sharing live locations with friends, and spotting manipulation or safety hazards early on.
  • Relationship Standards and Boundaries: Debating what healthy communication, emotional intelligence, financial alignment, and shared life goals look like compared to settling for less. [1]
  • Dating App Fatigue: Venting about the exhaustion of swiping, bad first dates, superficial interactions, and the general state of the modern dating pool.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@BillyPilgrim "It's like telling an East German in 1988, you have two options:

1) be a better little communist, or

2) lament for the better days before WWII"

3rd Option: Be among those who flees to(relatively)non-communist lands. Being the sort of "whiny sop" you mention, who never progresses very far beyond identifying the subjects and circumstances he's dissatisfied with, isn't likely to effect much change

Communism is the end result of a few idealists being delusional enough to believe that they're furthering this fictions "common good" you speak of