Women dating intentionally

[viking22]

Perhaps it is because I'm now dating in the 37-40 years old age range (Im 42 so hard to go much younger) or perhaps it is the influence of social media and the womanosphere or perhaps because single women this age have probably already spent 5-10 years on dating apps and are jaded or trying to flip the usual script.

But women seem to be a lot more difficult. Back in the day you'd go on a date and if there was some chemistry and a connection things would escalate you'd sleep together after a few dates and things would either develop into something more serious or fizzle out.

Now women seem hyperfocused on compatibility/vetting and are far less receptive to flirting and escalation and it doesn't feel natural or fun and I feel I am having to jump through hoops all the time. I am also seeing a lot of attitude and defensiveness and entitlement and dismissiveness which is offputting.

I understand women do not want to mess around and want a serious relationship and I am not opposed to that with the right woman.

But I am finding the transition quite difficult because I am more used to dating girls with a "let's see how it goes and go with the flow attitude" which meant chemistry and connection could carry things in the beginning and only later on did you reach a crossroads.

Any advice?

 

[Prepostereax]

Sounds like it's "working as intended"

Now women seem hyperfocused on compatibility/vetting and are far less receptive to flirting and escalation and it doesn't feel natural or fun and I feel I am having to jump through hoops all the time. I am also seeing a lot of attitude and defensiveness and entitlement and dismissiveness which is offputting.

ie such women screen themselves out.

The vast majority of women you date are going to be unsuitable for anything serious, regardless of what they think, especially if you're meeting them off the apps

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It just means they aren't into you. If they were none of those things would be a problem.

 

[Clockwerk50]

For better or worse, given your age and the age range you’re dating, you’re entering a dating market where many women are looking for what is commonly referred to as a beta-bucks male: a resourceful provider who can offer stability and security.

If you’re having difficulty adjusting, or you’re beginning to conclude that women in this age bracket are particularly problematic, there are several factors worth considering:

1. The grass-is-greener syndrome. After spending years in the dating market, some women develop the belief that there’s always someone better out there. They become increasingly picky and have difficulty settling on one person because they keep wondering whether they could find someone more attractive, wealthier, more successful, or more compatible. In other words, instead of giving someone a chance and seeing where things go, they keep looking for a better option.

2. Past relationship experiences. Women in this age bracket may have experienced multiple heartbreaks and failed relationships. As a result, they’re more cautious about committing and want to be reasonably certain that a man is worth investing in before moving forward. They also understand the emotional cost of another failed relationship. It can take anywhere from 6 to 12 months to properly heal from a breakup, meaning another failed relationship could keep them out of the dating market for a considerable amount of time. This is particularly important to them due to their age and the limited time they feel they have to find the partner they want.

3. The perceived urgency of time. Time is of the essence. Many women in this bracket may see this as their last opportunity to find the partner they want, particularly if they hope to have children or establish a family. Similarly, they recognize that the pool of available men, and the overall quality of men available to them, may decrease as they get older. Consequently, they’re trying to secure what matters most to them, whether that’s financial stability, romance, protection, companionship, or children, since they may feel this is their last real opportunity to find what they’re looking for.

With all this in mind, my advice would be to dangle the commitment carrot without actually committing prematurely. Emphasize your provider qualities, demonstrate that you can offer stability and security, and let women see the potential of a relationship with you.

However, don’t start providing those benefits before you’ve established that there’s mutual interest and that she’s someone worth investing in.