Self Improvement Is "Weird"

[Plinco]

In my experience, the more independent minded I've become, the better my life had been. The more I've taken control for my own sake, the more I've re-shaped the world around me to fit my needs. The reason is straight forward. I know what my needs are more acutely than anyone else. I also know the details of my relationship with my needs and what specific aspect within myself that ought to be worked out or brought out as developed traits. So the conclusion is simple. The more independent you are, the more successful you can potentially be.

I've held the view that people would make that connection, that people would admire me for my independent mindedness. However in many cases nothing could be further than that. Years ago I worked for a place and some manager from another company came in. This guy thought I was doing a good job and patted me on my back. I asked him politely not to do that, and he got upset, I then asked him how would he like it if I patted him on his back. He got even more angry with my question and a verbal altercation ensued that almost started a fist fight between him and I. One of my managers had to get in between us and had to separate us. I think that being in a more self-improved mindset appears as anti-social to those who are in a less developed stage.

I've seen similar things on this forum. I've decided not to name names and just use quotes from people here to illustrate my point. Keep in mind that this is a self-improvement forum.

Being a coward in the face of people shaming you is not the mark of maturity or masculinity.

The fact you think this is "being a coward" shows you are still thinking like a teen in a grown man's body.

Grow up. It's never too late.

you do not listen

A few years ago , there was a guy here under the name of " Richard the frog " . He used to ask million questions, received a million answers, and then went and did the opposite. Eventually, he was banned.

Only desperate guys are willing bang a woman that will give them five minutes of pleasure and a week of low self-esteem.

But you were fine going to some 20 years old house when her parents were there and getting 10 seconds.

SMFH.

Beyond hopeless cause.

(That's what I get for having my own preferences instead of someone else's)

When I said he's not an authority figure, I meant not for me.

so in response I get this:

I’m sorry but I have no idea what the f*ck you’re trying to say.

Plinco I wish you the best of luck. You’ve rubbed us the wrong way, and bros are the easiest people to get along with. A lot of the stuff you say has come across as weird, socially awkward, arrogant, insulting, passive aggressive, etc., the list goes on.

Women can spot these qualities a mile away. Hence, the names they called you such as “weird”, and “creep”.

This is just little bits of from two threads. There are more examples which I'm not going to dig up, but you get the point. Most of these comments got 'likes' from other people which is all the more confusing and frustrating.

What I've learned everywhere I go is that you cannot expect people to understand or appreciate your own development. In fact by expecting people to understand or appreciate your independent mindedness is setting yourself up for failure with those people. The lesson is that never try to convince anyone of anything. I love debating with people but I've noticed that others don't see it that way so a different approach is needed. When I used to work for other people I used to have all kinds of problems with them, so the solution was to work for myself. In my day to day interactions, I pick and chose the people whom I want to interact with and lead by example for those who are less independent minded.


The lessons I've learned are to keep growing but don't expect people to admire you for it; Expect at least some hostility.

 

[The Duke]

The only ones that are going to admire your independent thinking are those who are independent as well and see themself in you, OR those that aren't strong enough to be independent but wish they were.

Most of the experienced veterans on this forum are pretty independent thinkers. Being independent is a prerequisite for becoming highly experienced with women.

 

[KevinRyman22]

This kinda falls into "not everything needs a thread". Thee just sound like your shower thoughts, or todays thoughts thrown into a topic.

Stop thinking so much, go do something brother. Something tells me you feel unaccomplished and weak or have felt like this for years. GO empower yourself, lift weights, find purpose, be a man-- not this introspective whiny girl.

 

[retardedautist2020]

Years ago I worked for a place and some manager from another company came in. This guy thought I was doing a good job and patted me on my back. I asked him politely not to do that, and he got upset, I then asked him how would he like it if I patted him on his back. He got even more angry with my question and a verbal altercation ensued that almost started a fist fight between him and I.

Holy hell man a coworker gave you a pat on the back and you almost got in a fight with him? Looks like you have Anti-Social Personality Disorder as well. You don’t understand social cues. What’s next? A girl winks at you? You gonna start a fight with her too?

 

[Jaxus]

This is a matter of social grace. Not independent mindedness.

People who lack this grace and the interpersonal skills that come with them sometimes claim they’re a “lone wolf” who “people just don’t understand”. However, this is self-deceit, because the reality of such individuals is that they’re recluses who are poorly socialized.

Part of personal development is improving your ability with people. Humans are social beings, so socializing carries significance within human dynamics. A huge part of that is communication, which is NOT limited solely to the content of speech, but also the tonality of the person, their body language, and individual particularities (e.g. personality, character, mood, etc.)—all of which nuance the message being conveyed since they’re forms of self-expression. Women are especially sensitive to subcommunication, hence why 2 men can say and do the exact same things, yet one is deemed attractive while the other is not.

Ultimately, you don’t change people’s minds by reasoning with them using logical, factual rationale. You do so by social persuasion, eloquence, and beautifying the form of something to them rather than focusing on the substance. If you wish to improve yourself more, this will be something you need to work on.

 

[corrector]

I've held the view that people would make that connection, that people would admire me for my independent mindedness. However in many cases nothing could be further than that. Years ago I worked for a place and some manager from another company came in. This guy thought I was doing a good job and patted me on my back. I asked him politely not to do that, and he got upset, I then asked him how would he like it if I patted him on his back. He got even more angry with my question and a verbal altercation ensued that almost started a fist fight between him and I. One of my managers had to get in between us and had to separate us. I think that being in a more self-improved mindset appears as anti-social to those who are in a less developed stage.

I've seen similar things on this forum. I've decided not to name names and just use quotes from people here to illustrate my point. Keep in mind that this is a self-improvement forum.

If you politely assert yourself and the other person gets upset, then how are you suppose to assert yourself? You are just supposed to quietly take it or you are challenging someone's authority or undermining them just by merely asserting yourself? That's a totally unhealthy work place.

 

[plumber]

there is an unrelated thing that has a relevant model.

many look for the smallest house in a neighborhood to buy because they know that its an investment and thus will grow and likely grow faster than the big one. thinking mostly about the idea of money growth and being able to tell others how smart they are. while this theory may be defensible, at the same time they often "feel" poor as the appearance is that they are the least successful in the neighborhood.

when women visit the neighborhood, what house do they have interest in ?

people fit into categories.

- those trying to scam me; i mean get something. this is a wide category
- those that are afraid of me
- those that would enjoy helping me
- those that are not interested at all in me.

when you know where the person fits in this model you can make good choices how to proceed.

 

[Plinco]

Holy hell man a coworker gave you a pat on the back and you almost got in a fight with him? Looks like you have Anti-Social Personality Disorder as well. You don’t understand social cues. What’s next? A girl winks at you? You gonna start a fight with her too?

Personality

We have different ways to think about what is. When try to understand others (women... or other men) this tool has another way to think about it. Free personality test, type descriptions, relationship and career advice | 16Personalities This is a decent tool, probably better ones and worse...

www.sosuave.net

There you go buddy. Knock yourself out

 

[retardedautist2020]

Personality

We have different ways to think about what is. When try to understand others (women... or other men) this tool has another way to think about it. Free personality test, type descriptions, relationship and career advice | 16Personalities This is a decent tool, probably better ones and worse...

www.sosuave.net

There you go buddy. Knock yourself out

So your excuse as to why you are the way that you are is because of your personality type? Let’s add Histrionic Personality Disorder to my diagnosis of you as well. A while back your thread was locked, no one was engaging your thread except BPH and I, and now you make this thread because you want the attention. Who abused you as a child? Your mother or your father? Let’s hear it.

 

[Jaxus]

So your excuse as to why you are the way that you are is because of your personality type? Let’s add Histrionic Personality Disorder to my diagnosis of you as well. A while back your thread was locked, no one was engaging your thread except BPH and I, and now you make this thread because you want the attention. Who abused you as a child? Your mother or your father? Let’s hear it.

No, what he has autism.

• Doesn’t like to be touched
• Struggles in social situations
• Inability to read the room
• Hyperfixated on what he wants, labeling it “independent-mindedness”
• Sequential thought structure that’s purely logical—primarily rooted in himself—and devoid of all other types of reason.

And so on.

This isn’t meant as an insult, either, @Plinco. They are intended as insights into yourself.

And by the way, Socionics is bunk. MBTI is much more valid (though, it too has problems).

 

[zekko]

The more independent you are, the more successful you can potentially be.

This is the way it works for me. I need solitude to come up with my best ideas and process my best strategies. I think this is largely a matter of personality though, a more extroverted person might have a very different approach. And counsel, discussion, and advice can also play an important part.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Self improvement is just that..."self".

You don't do it so you can get awards from other people or go bragging about it to others do they can pat you on the back for it.

You do it because it improves you as a person and moves you forward along whatever path is leading you to your goals.

If you are doing it hoping other people recognize it or so that you can "toot your own horn", you are doing it for the wrong reasons and probably why it's not working out the way you think it should.

"Self improvement" is done in the darkness, not under bright lights.

 

[Mike32ct]

This is the way it works for me. I need solitude to come up with my best ideas and process my best strategies. I think this is largely a matter of personality though, a more extroverted person might have a very different approach. And counsel, discussion, and advice can also play an important part.

Agree.

I would also add the “Keep your goals to yourself” advice. Telling others can actually hurt motivation because it can “let the air out of the balloon” from the dopamine hit of sharing exciting future goal news rather from actual accomplishment.

Others won’t hold you accountable. They don’t care. But they might ask about the “status of xyz” just as a “dig” and make you feel bad (and discourage you) even if you are experiencing normal setbacks or the goal is taking a bit longer than expected.

 

[zekko]

"Self improvement" is done in the darkness, not under bright lights.

Extroverts get energized by other people though, so they might do better with a buddy system in the gym, for example.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Extroverts get energized by other people though, so they might do better with a buddy system in the gym, for example.

Or pushing to make sosuave their own person support group, as another example.

 

[BaronOfHair]

"The lessons I've learned are to keep growing but don't expect people to admire you for it; Expect at least some hostility"

And be prepared to often seem like "the odd ball" in many rooms. If you've been spending your waking hours of late re-reading GJ Bishop's Unf-ck Yourself, listening to everyone else attending The BBQ yap about the hottest shows on streaming will be the equivalent of a Mandarin speaker who's trying to decipher everything he hears at a Latin conference

 

[BillyPilgrim]

"The lessons I've learned are to keep growing but don't expect people to admire you for it; Expect at least some hostility"

And be prepared to often seem like "the odd ball" in many rooms. If you've been spending your waking hours of late re-reading GJ Bishop's Unf-ck Yourself, listening to everyone else attending The BBQ yap about the hottest shows on streaming will be the equivalent of a Mandarin speaker who's trying to decipher everything he hears at a Latin conference

But will their metaphors be like science experiments frothing madly out the test tube tops?

 

[zekko]

"The lessons I've learned are to keep growing but don't expect people to admire you for it; Expect at least some hostility"

And be prepared to often seem like "the odd ball" in many rooms. If you've been spending your waking hours of late re-reading GJ Bishop's Unf-ck Yourself, listening to everyone else attending The BBQ yap about the hottest shows on streaming will be the equivalent of a Mandarin speaker who's trying to decipher everything he hears at a Latin conference

If you're going to have the discipline to make some gains, chances are you're going to have to make some sacrifices.
Few things come without some kind of cost.

 

[BPH]

@Plinco it seems I can't quote a quote from another thread without digging it up, so I'm responding to the "you do not listen" and "When I said he's not an authority figure, I meant not for me" portions, since I see you dug up my quotes...

Do you remember writing this just a few days ago?

There's a few posters on here that I can't wait to hear something stupid coming from. I'm temped to tag them because I'm in the mood for a fight, but instead I'm just gonna let it go. Maybe they'll bless me and drop in anyway.

You seem to be more interested in an argument than critique...

Hell, you almost got into a fight with your own manager because he commended you? I'm sure you didn't "politely" ask not to be touched for it to escalate to that point. But that's conjecture, so anyway...

Something tells me you feel unaccomplished and weak or have felt like this for years.

This is a matter of social grace. Not independent mindedness.

People who lack this grace and the interpersonal skills that come with them sometimes claim they’re a “lone wolf” who “people just don’t understand”. However, this is self-deceit, because the reality of such individuals is that they’re recluses who are poorly socialized.

If you are doing it hoping other people recognize it or so that you can "toot your own horn", you are doing it for the wrong reasons and probably why it's not working out the way you think it should.

I believe each of these quotes summarizes your attitude.

The reason people like the replies of those you quoted above is because they agree with the points they're making, which you ignore because they conflict with your beliefs. You think that because you ignore advice and continue to do things your own way, you're somehow setting an example for "independent thinking".

"Gentlemen I've cracked the code", "Feel free to criticize my texting game", your cold approach journal, and now this thread here ALL read like you're seeking some sort of validation, or trying to convince us that you're right for being disagreeable.

It's odd...and the combination of you ignoring the advice you ask for, along with being confrontational for the sake of being difficult, is why you get the types of responses you get.

 

[BaronOfHair]

But will their metaphors be like science experiments frothing madly out the test tube tops?

Yep, and as Revelation cautions us: Their hair will be as the hair of women, and their teeth as the teeth of lions. Strange, perilous world we all inhabit