"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Men and Women don't need each other except for one basic need.

jhonny9546

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For almost their entire existence, women have needed men. While men could create a life for themselves in the real world through their actions, women could not, making them totally dependent on them. Consequently, women had to find a man and make him happy. They had to spoil men, cook for them, have sex with them (even if they didn't want it), and take care of them—all so they wouldn't die. While you may never have done anything to "keep" a woman or make her dependent on you in any way, their entire bioevolutionary history is characterized by the fact that, in one way or another, they were "owned" or "held" by men.

But afterward, with men no longer needed (or so women think), they could choose the right man instead of being forced or forced to accept the wrong one. This transformed the contract between men and women from dependence and prostitution to a contract of choice or "voluntariness." And if you stop and think about it for a moment, what should have resulted from this would have been a marked improvement in conditions between the sexes.
Aaron’s view is largely based on the idea of the “old bargain”: the man provides and achieves, while the woman takes care of the home, supports him, and brings intimacy and companionship. But today, most of the practical things traditionally provided by a partner, cooking, cleaning, laundry, financial support, can be done independently or outsourced. (soon there might be robots doing that for you).

The same applies to women.
A mature man or woman should be able to take care of themselves and have their basic needs met without depending on a partner. Otherwise, the relationship is based on dependency.

Once two people are independent, what they truly need from each other is what they cannot fully provide themselves: companionship, intimacy, sex, affection, and a genuine emotional connection.

That, to me, is the real goal of a relationship/life.
You work on yourself, build a stable life, take care of your responsibilities, and eventually meet someone who has done the same.

At that point, you don't need a “trad wife” or a traditional provider role to justify the relationship.
If she enjoys cooking, cleaning, or taking care of you while you earn more, that's perfectly fine, but it's not the foundation.

The foundation should be genuine attraction, intimacy, companionship, and vulnerability.
Sex shouldn't be a chore or a form of manipulation, like in many LTR's and Marriages.

A relationship between two mature, independent people can therefore feel far deeper and more meaningful than one built on dependency or on anxious/avoidant strategies.
Even if it lasts only a few years, it can feel like a lifetime, while a relationship lasting decades can just feel empty.

As men, we're aware about how women chose, and then how they want to make that man "win".
It's like they form a team of two. Themselves vs the world.

For this reason women will be on first line for a specific kind of man, and do whatever he need in order to accomplish their goals.
So they will do sex, even when they don't want to, they will manipulate, just because these women "need" someone else to fullfil their needs, so they lean on men, when instead, they can, and should, satisfy their needs by themselves, and become responsible for their life.

Only at that point you can find a very good woman who is not manipulating you like a "desperate" non responsible woman would do,.

Curious about hearing from you.


ps: the basic need it's having a companion from the other sex understanding your position without having to manipulate or use tactics, so that both of you have your needs met, except for intimacy and true vulnerability.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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BaronOfHair

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Life in Post-Industrial civilizations hing is now less of a matter of "need", and more a matter of voluntary choice... That's in MOST areas, not just dating and mating

Such developments are ones that were unimaginable to most folks who lived prior to The 20th Century, and cause for us moderns who enjoy them to celebrate
 

zekko

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In olden days, women needed a guy to patch the roof or whatnot. Now they call a contractor.
 

plumber

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the daddy of it all is evolution. and this is working fine. humans dominate.

all the losers in evolution complain but it doesn't matter as the next gen is from the winners.

when zooming out on the issues the truth can be found by looking at the forest instead of the trees.

what our body wants and what our mind wants do not align, for both men and women.
 

jhonny9546

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when zooming out on the issues the truth can be found by looking at the forest instead of the trees.
voluntary choice
Now they call a contractor
Yes, you guys are spot on.

Women keep showing us that they want to seek out the strongest man, make him happy, have children with him, nurture him, and expect that this investment will have paid off for them. (This is Life 1.0)

This happens even though modern society is perfectly capable of enabling people to satisfy their own needs on their own.

So, what is happening is an evolution of "Life 1.0": Women still do this, but they no longer sacrifice so many years to that commitment.

They know it. They already have other men in their orbit.

After going through this process with a man, once the children are grown or independent, they start acting up to get the man to leave them, while simultaneously dropping the handkerchief for the other man.

They no longer commit "for a lifetime," though the good ones manage to do it for a while.
It’s like a cycle closing for them.

This is Life 2.0 men should just be aware of.

Women still seek out men (winners) and want that kind of life (be there to cook, support, clean and manage house, be a mother, sex, etc). But they don't do it for a lifetime anymore.
Just for a season.
 
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"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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