I may be not suited to have success with cold approaches

[jhonny9546]

Hi!

Those who know me know I'm short, but attractive.

The most important factor is precisely because I'm short; this kills the cold approach.

But my attractiveness, charisma, and interests lead women to feel attracted over time, both while we're dating and after they've gotten to know me, for common reasons (like being in the same social circle, hanging out with friends, and sharing activities and hobbies).

At this point, the possibility of getting a yes is unlocked for me, and in fact, approaching women after a month or two of knowing each other has always yielded positive results.

In fact, sometimes they'll simply start to let me know, usually within two months of seeing each other in a group.

Do you think I'll ever have any hope with the cold approach, or should I just give up?

Women are attracted to me, but they don't want to show it because the first time they see you, they feel attracted to my beauty and charisma, but at the same time they feel rejected by my short height.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Cold approaching sucks, water is wet

 

[BackInTheGame78]

One of my best friends growing up was of Italian descent and was short and he was one of the biggest pimps I have ever seen. Dude had women fighting over him when we went out.

Stop making excuses. Your height might not be helping but it's your job to overcome it. If you are good looking it shouldn't be that hard.

Your inner belief system is the bigger problem. Your results will largely become what your inner beliefs are because your subconscious mind will find a way to make that reality. Whether or not you actually realize it in the moment.

 

[The Duke]

I doubt it's your height although tall guys have it easier. I'm guessing it has more to do about what you say. You get extremely deep and lots of thought in your messages you post on here. If you speak that way, its not going to produce positive results for cold approaches. Fun, light, and straight forward is how you get it done. Less theory, more action.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Approach the shorter women, Jhonny.

Or move to Mexico.

 

[Bingo-Player]

IF short guys are doing cold approaches the conversation / opener has gotta be really really tight

You need to have her laughing or smiling within the first few sentences , small talk will get you freindzoned fast

Same eventually goes for taller guys but they get more leeway because women generally prefer taller men

 

[BPH]

I doubt it's your height although tall guys have it easier. I'm guessing it has more to do about what you say. You get extremely deep and lots of thought in your messages you post on here. If you speak that way, its not going to produce positive results for cold approaches. Fun, light, and straight forward is how you get it done. Less theory, more action.

@jhonny9546 I think it's this more than anything else.

You routinely dig up extremely old posts and create overly analytical threads for no other reason than to develop theories...for a while, I was convinced you were a bot.

If I had to guess, I would wager that you do NOT come across as calm, cool, and flirty when you talk to women. I would also guess that you are not comfortable being direct with women or making a move.

Your height isn't doing you any favors, but I think you're doing yourself a disservice by believing that it is the ONLY factor affecting your approaches.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@jhonny9546

-

And that's just for starters. There's no shortage of material avaliable on ways to overcome one's physical stature

-Stop thinking of this as "cold approach", and instead practice sharpening your social acumen

- "Women are attracted to me, but they don't want to show it because the first time they see you, they feel attracted to my beauty and charisma, but at the same time they feel rejected by my short height"

As others have noted: It stands to reason that, currently, it's when you begin talking that sends women/almost everyone else running for the hills

 

[Cheeky_James]

@jhonny9546 what is your height exactly in feet and inches?

Hard truth is - tall guys get the pick of the crop. yes.
That’s a fact.

but... I’ve known a few shorter guys that did well. 2 of them. Both were notably “BadBoy” archetypes , very audacious and cheeky. Socially very smart. And both athletic with good physiques. One had flashy arm tattoos. Both handsome faced.

so you could work on those aspects, get a jacked body and become more of a badboy I guess.

@BackInTheGame78 I’d love to see a pic of your friend. Why were women fighting over him?

 

[jhonny9546]

I doubt it's your height although tall guys have it easier. I'm guessing it has more to do about what you say. You get extremely deep and lots of thought in your messages you post on here. If you speak that way, its not going to produce positive results for cold approaches. Fun, light, and straight forward is how you get it done. Less theory, more action.

It's not that duke, I'm not as deep with new encounters.
I've not counted but I've had at least 300.

What I've notice is that they're attracted, but don't want to tell you that you're short.
They want to try, but they don't feel you preselected or validated.

When the music change, so that I'm in a group with another woman that validate/preselect me, I can see that behaviour disappear in their eyes and they now accept me as a possible mate.

Approach the shorter women, Jhonny.

Yes, but I also find out there are some taller that likes me more than shorter ones.
So It's more of a "How much rejection would you allow in order to find the interested ones?"
As much as I don't care about being rejected, I would still go with taller women, but yes, I would not approach a 180cm woman.
Maybe I'm till 175 which is 10cm more than me.

You need to have her laughing or smiling within the first few sentences , small talk will get you freindzoned fast

I don't care, as long as I get her number, when I'll ask her out, and be phisical with her, my inner judge will say if she see me as a friend or a mate.

If I had to guess, I would wager that you do NOT come across as calm, cool, and flirty when you talk to women. I would also guess that you are not comfortable being direct with women or making a move.

So many guesses, I hope we can met phisically some times so you could say that is not the case.
Given this, I'm way to direct.

My usual opener is
"Hey, I just saw you and I saw you're looking good"
wait her response, then
"So is that your friend or are you alone here?"
wait her response, then
"Oh cool, so I was just passing by here, they make good parties here, isn't it? Do you come often? Never say you here"
wait her response, then
"Oh that is cool, so you're from nearby? I'm from nearby too, we should hang out sometimes, maybe what about a drink this weekend?"
wait her response, then
"Ok cool samantha, have fun, bye"

 

[jhonny9546]

@jhonny9546

-

And that's just for starters. There's no shortage of material avaliable on ways to overcome one's physical stature

-Stop thinking of this as "cold approach", and instead practice sharpening your social acumen

- "Women are attracted to me, but they don't want to show it because the first time they see you, they feel attracted to my beauty and charisma, but at the same time they feel rejected by my short height"

As others have noted: It stands to reason that, currently, it's when you begin talking that sends women/almost everyone else running for the hills

Thanks for the visual tips, but I would not think those are "Permanent" fixes, also those make me look less confident.

@jhonny9546 what is your height exactly in feet and inches?
get a jacked body and become more of a badboy I guess.

5,34777 (height)

I do have a jacked body that helped so much, but I'm not getting tattos, plus my actual/natural attitude is of a mature/serious man even tho I have a very solar smile/presence

 

[BaronOfHair]

@jhonny9546

"...I would not think those are "Permanent" fixes"

When your sink leaks, do you plug the leak, or do you declare: "It may leak again some day anyway", and then allow your entire home to be submerged? The same principle applies here: The "solution" isn't a silver bullet, nonetheless it puts you further ahead than you currently are

"...also those make me look less confident"

Or they make you look like an actual MAN, who does what's required in order to get his needs and desires met, rather than a child who gripes about the things he's dissatisfied with, yet never takes much action to overcome the obstacles he encounters

 

[Gamisch]

Who cares?

In order to be good at cold approach you gotta be ;
- really handsome
- extreme outrovert
- mentally challenged

On the other hand; if you chase succes and wealth in my theory you will GAIN bonus points that WILL make up for your so-called "deficiencies ";

- if you run a successful company AND you're good looking, it won't matter whether you 5'3 or 7'3.
- if you see women for what they really are ( ain't shyte) you can take every interaction with a grain of salt. I dont day you won't catch feeling and /or might get hurt, but knowledge can and will soothe the pain .
- "mentally wealth "; if you are happy with who you are and what you're building ( even apart from monetary gains) you will OOZE confidence.

Lastly, if all the above is fixed you just might feel like having a drink at a place where women are. And you just might catch some eyes and start a convo...you might fire up the dating app to run in the background and you might get match.

Bro, you will only get ONE life! No hearts, no continue or cheat codes. One life. Are you gonna sit and whine about - fill in deficiency- or you gonna go balls to the wall and be UNAPOLOGETICALLY you while you build an even better version of you????

 

[Divorced w 3]

If you can walk up to someone with a smile, you’re suited

 

[BPH]

So many guesses, I hope we can met phisically some times so you could say that is not the case.
Given this, I'm way to direct.

My usual opener is
"Hey, I just saw you and I saw you're looking good"
wait her response, then
"So is that your friend or are you alone here?"
wait her response, then
"Oh cool, so I was just passing by here, they make good parties here, isn't it? Do you come often? Never say you here"
wait her response, then
"Oh that is cool, so you're from nearby? I'm from nearby too, we should hang out sometimes, maybe what about a drink this weekend?"
wait her response, then
"Ok cool samantha, have fun, bye"

Here's what I'll say...

One of my clients was saying that what I told him to say as an opener during his approaches wasn't working. So I asked him to record the audio and send it to me...

He was saying the line...but he made his own adjustments to the wording. He was rushing through the conversation like he was reading a script and needed to check boxes off to make sure he hit all the relevant topics. He was talking about himself, and then would go into interview mode while disqualifying himself so that she could agree and also disqualify him.

You won't know what your problem REALLY is just by telling the forum what you THINK your problem is.

 

[Barrister]

Unless you are physically hideous you absolutely can have success with cold approach no matter what your height is. One of the most successful men I know personally was only about 5'8. Not uber short but certainly not a "tall guy" by women's standards.

Cold approach is all about confidence/charisma. Also keep in mind that the vast majority of cold approaches do not end up with you scoring. But a successful cold approach is measured by a woman's enjoyment from the interaction. The lines you use seem a bit wooden to me, but if you are delivering them the right way I think it could still work. I think you also are making it tougher on yourself if it is abundantly clear you are only approaching to get a number/date. Of course, that is why you are approaching ultimately -- but you don't want it to be so obvious.

I generally start by striking up a conversation about something completely unrelated and letting it naturally flow from there. If you are very friendly and outgoing and genuinely having an interesting conversation, women's natural defenses are instantly lowered making it easier to get a number/date. Coming right out and asking lessens the chances.

You are going to deal with failure in cold approach. Have a thick skin and let literally everything you get roll off of you and keep rolling with the punches.

 

[Sega Genesis]

My usual opener is
"Hey, I just saw you and I saw you're looking good"
wait her response, then
"So is that your friend or are you alone here?"
wait her response, then
"Oh cool, so I was just passing by here, they make good parties here, isn't it? Do you come often? Never say you here"
wait her response, then
"Oh that is cool, so you're from nearby? I'm from nearby too, we should hang out sometimes, maybe what about a drink this weekend?"
wait her response, then
"Ok cool samantha, have fun, bye"

From a woman's perspective, this^^ sounds a bit forced/contrived.

You say "wait for her response" which is cool and what works best IME.

But apparently you don't, it seems you have a prepared "line" to say regardless of what her response is!

In a spontaneous free-flowing natural conversation (which are the best and what you should be aiming for imo), you couldn't possibly know what you'd say until again you hear her response!

After which you follow with something relative to her response and to how you're vibing together naturally and organically

@Cheeky_James recently posted a video of a guy using IMO an effective style of cold approach which doesn't make it appear like a cold approach at all!

He is very direct but it's done in a very calibrated, authentic and natural way... imo.

It's basically randomly talking with a chick spontaneously and naturally, ditching the canned lines and using a go with the flow, free-flowing style that's based on how you and this particular chick are vibing and what HER responses are.

And you play off that with no pre-planned lines or strategies, just an easy natural authentic conversation between you based on her responses, your responses and how you're vibing together.

Learn to be calibrated, authentic and comfortable in your own skin. Versus following some prepared line or 'script.'

I'm sorry @jhonny9546 but your conversation quoted above sounds rehearsed and stiff.

And it has nothing to do with your height.

$.02

 

[ManFromTartarus]

Just hit on short chicks.