1st Date - Help

[crowolf]

Hello. Turns out I still haven't mastered the 1st date escalation process. Could you give some tips & tricks on how to progress the proximity, go for the kiss, etc.

I am in my 20s. and I wonder if it's actually mandatory to kiss on the first date. People around me say it is. But I've never been the type of touchy person, so for me it usually takes more time to get physically close to a person (or a woman). Except for my same day lay last year, lol, but that is a different story, and we actually didn't pull the trigger right away there too.

So: Help a brother out with some good tips about doing the physical escalation part right on the first date. Thanks.

I actually know some PUA stuff, routines and etc. like checking the rings, palm touching things, tattoo, tan and hair checking, etc... But I think my main issue is going for the kiss. I am a bit ashamed to admit this but who cares anyway. How did you conquer your fear about this? Is it a bad idea to say something like "you keep looking me with those hungry eyes, and something might happen". I don't remember where I got that from but perhaps it sounds corny. Or maybe delivered properly it could be okay, idk.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Okay. Start with the date itself. Where are you going? We will work through it one step at a time. The setting is what’s going to drive the process.

I told a date once we were going to make out after we were done bowling, it’s called being direct and can be a huge turn on as well as fish out intention, but let’s just start from the ground level and see what we have going on first.

 

[crowolf]

Okay. Start with the date itself. Where are you going? We will work through it one step at a time. The setting is what’s going to drive the process.

I told a date once we were going to make out after we were done bowling, it’s called being direct and can be a huge turn on as well as fish out intention, but let’s just start from the ground level and see what we have going on first.

We are meeting in a a bar or something, to get a drink. I actually told her we are drinking tea, lol. Met her online so we haven't seen each other yet. And I thought I'll start from a "safer" place, in order not to pull her too much too early. But the drink might progress to wine. Or maybe this would be on the 2nd venue. I am also thinking of playing some pool after the bar, but we'll see.

Let's say I will meet her in a cozy lounge bar with dim lights and some music (probably a little upbeat, not so much jazzy/romantic). I think my last date was there. We sat across each other. But I think this can be easily corrected this time.

Saying you will kiss her after the game - isn't it predictable and strange?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks for that. The venue is good. I personally would stand at the bar or sit at the bar, it allows you to make contact but you can also look straight a little and non-verbally it leaves you a bit harder to get, but the legs touching while seated plays against that. Think of it as salt on a piece of chocolate.

Drinks means, alcoholic drinks. Let her be an adult. You are going to not just come off as controlling but a bit off beat. Alcohol is also a social lubricant. If she wants a glass of wine or more you should embrace that. It also gives you color on what type of personality she has - can she hold her booze, is she a sloppy person, etc.

The physical closeness, and the alcohol, if used, will help lower boundaries. Please let her be the person she wants to be - you have to go with the tide not force it to go the way you want.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The escalation process starts before the date OP. In the pre-date convo, ask her if she's a good kisser to plant the seed.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The escalation process starts before the date OP. In the pre-date convo, ask her if she's a good kisser to plant the seed.

Get her to have phone sex

serious post

 

[Hamurabimbi]

A first date kiss, at minimum, shows her you view her romantically, not as just a friend.

 

[pipeman84]

I am in my 20s. and I wonder if it's actually mandatory to kiss on the first date. People around me say it is. But I've never been the type of touchy person, so for me it usually takes more time to get physically close to a person (or a woman).

It's not mandatory and actually if you don't even touch her, it increases her interest level in you (according to Doc Love), because you're acting as a challenge. This should work with clinically sane girls who have at least average intellect. If you're dealing with an airhead bimbo or a tatted up hoe, then you might as well skip over any kissing and get her to give you a BJ.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's not mandatory, but there needs to be some sexual tension for no kiss to be effective, IMO.

She needs to know that you could if you wanted to, but you are choosing not to for whatever reason, and she has to know that's it's not because you are scared to do it.

However, I use that as a disqualifier since I have never had anything of note happen with a woman that I didn't kiss on a first date.

Essentially any further dates were just a waste of time.

 

[BPH]

I can't believe some of the advice I'm reading...holy sh**...

@crowolf yes, you should at least TRY to kiss her on the first date...it's a date, you're not meeting up with her for drinks at a bar so you can be "besties".

1. Absolutely do not try to have phone sex with her. That is something I did when I was a virgin because I was so excited for something that inevitably didn't happen. That is coming across WAY too strong for somebody you haven't met when neither of you knows if you even like the other.
2. Also, do not ask if she's a good kisser over text, for the same reason you shouldn't have phone sex with her. Yeah, you can do it DURING the date if you want to have a flirty "prove it" moment, but you're trying too hard to identify interest with someone who doesn't even exist to you yet.

Go on the date, have fun, get to know her, flirt a little bit, and make a move. Break the touch barrier early by giving her a hug when she meets you at the venue (a real hug, not an air hug or shoulder hug).

@Glassguy had a pretty good post about his method. I don't remember where it is, I think his word was "My Algorithm" or something (I remember thinking it was an improper use of the word). I mostly agree with what he suggests there. See if you can find it.

 

[Clockwerk50]

No, you don’t need to kiss on the first date. The real reason some guys feel that pressure is because they’re not actually on a date, they’re on a pre-date, where she’s still trying to decide if you’re the kind of man she can even feel romantic toward, if you give her the tingles. It’s basically speed-dating energy. But if it is a real date, meaning she already likes you and wants to “catch” you, I don’t see why she wouldn’t be open to a kiss.

A few pointers from my point of view:

• Logistics matter. Clean your place and your car. Have a simple plan so you don’t wander around: drinks/dinner + coffee/walk/park/ice cream/your place. Don’t over-engineer it. Smooth logistics make escalation natural.

• In the beginning, mirror her values, whatever she shows you she genuinely cares about, and once there’s enough comfort and momentum, you can start escalating verbally by flattering the things that actually matter to her, lightly promising a good future between both of you (“we’d get along too well if we ever did X…”), and using your own humor to create tension.

• If she wants to “catch” you, you will know she’s open to kissing or escalation. Women make it obvious when they’re into a guy, comments like “is that all we’re doing tonight?” or just staying close, hovering, looking at your lips, etc. You’re overthinking the kiss because you’re trying to force escalation instead of simply recognizing the signals. When she’s into you, the rest is easy.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I can't believe some of the advice I'm reading...holy sh**...

@crowolf yes, you should at least TRY to kiss her on the first date...it's a date, you're not meeting up with her for drinks at a bar so you can be "besties".

1. Absolutely do not try to have phone sex with her. That is something I did when I was a virgin because I was so excited for something that inevitably didn't happen. That is coming across WAY too strong for somebody you haven't met when neither of you knows if you even like the other.
2. Also, do not ask if she's a good kisser over text, for the same reason you shouldn't have phone sex with her. Yeah, you can do it DURING the date if you want to have a flirty "prove it" moment, but you're trying too hard to identify interest with someone who doesn't even exist to you yet.

Go on the date, have fun, get to know her, flirt a little bit, and make a move. Break the touch barrier early by giving her a hug when she meets you at the venue (a real hug, not an air hug or shoulder hug).

@Glassguy had a pretty good post about his method. I don't remember where it is, I think his word was "My Algorithm" or something (I remember thinking it was an improper use of the word). I mostly agree with what he suggests there. See if you can find it.

Just because you can’t pull it off doesn’t make it untrue.

 

[BPH]

Just because you can’t pull it off doesn’t make it untrue.

Suggesting this guy try to have phone sex with a girl he likely only knows via matching on a dating app is an INSANE jump.

I'm actually surprised that's a serious suggestion from you.

If he's stressing over whether to go for a kiss, how well do you think he's gonna do with describing how he's going to f*** somebody he's never met?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Suggesting this guy try to have phone sex with a girl he likely only knows via matching on a dating app is an INSANE jump.

I'm actually surprised that's a serious suggestion from you.

If he's stressing over whether to go for a kiss, how well do you think he's gonna do with describing how he's going to f*** somebody he's never met?

I've found that leads to first date flaking more often than not...

Most women won't take you seriously even if they engage in that with you unless they think you are super hot and then they'll meet in spite of it.

IMO, attempting phone sex prior to a first date is a high risk, low reward play for the vast majority of men and will prevent you from getting laid far more than actually get you laid.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I've found that leads to first date flaking more often than not...

Most women won't take you seriously even if they engage in that with you unless they think you are super hot and then they'll meet in spite of it.

IMO, attempting phone sex prior to a first date is a high risk, low reward play for the vast majority of men and will prevent you from getting laid far more than actually get you laid.

I’m 2/2 with it, don’t know what to say

having a sexual phone call was not my idea to be sure, but I’ve been able to ramp those calls up.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I’m 2/2 with it, don’t know what to say

having a sexual phone call was not my idea to be sure, but I’ve been able to ramp those calls up.

Well sure if they are the ones to initiate it then that's different.

 

[RangerMIke]

It depends on what you want from that 'first date'.

For me, well I'm just trying to gauge her interest and testing for compatibility... if you are doing this then all the PUA stuff is useless. I usually keep my hands to myself, spend most of the time letting her talk, ask probing questions... listen and see if she is someone I want to see again. Based on how she behaves will determine how I respond.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

@crowolf fwiw, Im in favor of "same day lays" as much as the next guy. But contrary to the experiences of other posters here, my best relationship came when I took my time going in for the kiss. Just go for it whenever you feel comfortable. Hope this helps.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Well sure if they are the ones to initiate it then that's different.

No not that. Earlier Billy pilgrim suggested it and I just piggy backed. I’ve initiated both. One was very successful and ONS & one just told me no but that she was wet. We screwed within a week.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I keep any contact prior to a 1st date to a minimum. The phone sex/sexting idea being discussed here is going to fail more often than it is going to succeed. I’ve had women who have sexted before a first date and seem like they were ready to jump my bones flake on the day of. So that ultimately means very little in my mind.

For a first date, you should do something that makes kino easy. Drinks are always an easy, fairly low cost thing to do. Sit right next to her at the bar and assuming things are going well keep escalating towards the kiss. Have your legs touching, touch her with your hands, and then be bold when you want to go in for the kiss. Boldness is usually rewarded and she’ll be signaling she’s open to it. If it’s nice weather, an outside date at a park for hiking is also a good idea.

You don't need any PUA tricks. Just confidence and understanding how to be charming with women. Most of that is derived from just doing jt and getting good at it.