1st Date - Help

[BackInTheGame78]

No not that. Earlier Billy pilgrim suggested it and I just piggy backed. I’ve initiated both. One was very successful and ONS & one just told me no but that she was wet. We screwed within a week.

IMO, these women would have fvcked you anyway so it's not like you made something happen that wasn't already going to happen.

However, for most guys, you definitely can and will lose out on lay chances from women not willing to meet up with you after that.

My goal is to meet in person, anything that lowers my chances for that, I don't partake in.

 

[Divorced w 3]

IMO, these women would have fvcked you anyway so it's not like you made something happen that wasn't already going to happen.

However, for most guys, you definitely can and will lose out on lay chances from women not willing to meet up with you after that.

My goal is to meet in person, anything that lowers my chances for that, I don't partake in.

Good way to think about it.

 

[RangerMIke]

@crowolf fwiw, Im in favor of "same day lays" as much as the next guy. But contrary to the experiences of other posters here, my best relationship came when I took my time going in for the kiss. Just go for it whenever you feel comfortable. Hope this helps.

I agree. First date sex has more to do with timing then anything the man does. If you are on a first date with a woman that isn't already emotionally disposed to have sex on that date... nothing a man can do that will change her mind. This has happened to me on a number of occasions, but when this happened, I was responding to what the woman was open too... it wasn't anything I did... the timing was just right.

 

[CornbreadFed]

1). OP, you have been posting here since 2019 and need help on fist dates? This is further proof on how ineffective the internet has been on men. My two cents, how is your social life outside the internet? What do you like to do on your free time?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Hello. Turns out I still haven't mastered the 1st date escalation process. Could you give some tips & tricks on how to progress the proximity, go for the kiss, etc.

I am in my 20s. and I wonder if it's actually mandatory to kiss on the first date. People around me say it is. But I've never been the type of touchy person, so for me it usually takes more time to get physically close to a person (or a woman). Except for my same day lay last year, lol, but that is a different story, and we actually didn't pull the trigger right away there too.

So: Help a brother out with some good tips about doing the physical escalation part right on the first date. Thanks.

I actually know some PUA stuff, routines and etc. like checking the rings, palm touching things, tattoo, tan and hair checking, etc... But I think my main issue is going for the kiss. I am a bit ashamed to admit this but who cares anyway. How did you conquer your fear about this? Is it a bad idea to say something like "you keep looking me with those hungry eyes, and something might happen". I don't remember where I got that from but perhaps it sounds corny. Or maybe delivered properly it could be okay, idk.

That line isn't bad OP, but it's all situational.

I think the best advice I've gotten and used for the first date kiss is be open to it happening at any point during the date. Otherwise there's this weird pressure at the end, where you are parting ways. It can happen there, but if you keep the temperature at a good simmer, kissing mid-date is a great move. It's all about the eye contact, the signals, the lean in, the kino. You could use that line (with conviction) and either pull back or go for it. Heck, a girl who's feeling it might even make an obvious come-on for the kiss. You never know.

Having said that, nothing is mandatory. Your goal is to have a good time and relax. Make your move and be cool with whatever happens.

 

[Divorced w 3]

1). OP, you have been posting here since 2019 and need help on fist dates? This is further proof on how ineffective the internet has been on men. My two cents, how is your social life outside the internet? What do you like to do on your free time?

This makes no sense. It’s like saying stop reading books. Why is it that the internet is ineffective? Why can’t he just be a guy that doesn’t apply trial and error the advice he’s given? I took the advice around here and applied it, which is key. Some of it was good and helped, some of it was radioactive level toxic and caused me nearly irreparable damage. Nonetheless it’s the trial and error part, and the willingness of the poster not the internet.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This makes no sense. It’s like saying stop reading books. Why is it that the internet is ineffective? Why can’t he just be a guy that doesn’t apply trial and error the advice he’s given? I took the advice around here and applied it, which is key. Some of it was good and helped, some of it was radioactive level toxic and caused me nearly irreparable damage. Nonetheless it’s the trial and error part, and the willingness of the poster not the internet.

This is like going in to high school and lacking the ability to do basic arithmetic. Going on a date is literally the second thing a man does after asking a girl out. As you previously stated, trial and error is good for development. However, the advice on the internet I’ve seen since the pandemic has been grifting/gimmicky risk avoidance type advice for men. The red and black pill have been brainwashing men that women are all hypergamous sloots and that taking any risk in them is a losing strategy.

 

[crowolf]

I think the story ends here.

We went out. Had a good time. Touched her hand, etc. But I didn't kiss her.

After the date we exchanged some messages and it flopped from her side. Ghosted me for 5 days, then texted me back. I returned her message 2 days later, I didn't even want to mess with this anymore but wanted to see what will happen If I play the game.

Somewhat jokingly said to her that she can take me out/buy me a drink or something (to recompense for her attitude - the exact words are not really translatable to English but you get the idea) - and she replied something along the lines of "oh, sure but It will happen after the new year's eve".

Don't you think this is some amazing bs? Now I just feel the disrespect from her raising up. Probably because I didn't kiss her. I've had similar outcomes before.

I could probably tell her "thursday or never" but at this point I don't think It's worth it to spend any more energy on this girl.

I think next time I go on a date I will have no excuses not to go for it, because otherwise I am just wasting my time and somehow making them think it's okay to bs around.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I think the story ends here.

We went out. Had a good time. Touched her hand, etc. But I didn't kiss her.

After the date we exchanged some messages and it flopped from her side. Ghosted me for 5 days, then texted me back. I returned her message 2 days later, I didn't even want to mess with this anymore but wanted to see what will happen If I play the game.

Somewhat jokingly said to her that she can take me out/buy me a drink or something (to recompense for her attitude - the exact words are not really translatable to English but you get the idea) - and she replied something along the lines of "oh, sure but It will happen after the new year's eve".

Don't you think this is some amazing bs? Now I just feel the disrespect from her raising up. Probably because I didn't kiss her. I've had similar outcomes before.

I could probably tell her "thursday or never" but at this point I don't think It's worth it to spend any more energy on this girl.

I think next time I go on a date I will have no excuses not to go for it, because otherwise I am just wasting my time and somehow making them think it's okay to bs around.

Sadly, if she held your hand, that was a clear cue to keep escalating.

A couple of things to remember though: women often take longer than men to be seduced because their senses are more refined. Also, since you were still basically acquaintances, the pre-date context matters; you were being vetted as a potential romantic partner. Keep in mind she’s likely talking to another guy, and part of this interaction is her testing whether you’re the better option.

 

[BPH]

We went out. Had a good time. Touched her hand, etc. But I didn't kiss her.

Don't you think this is some amazing bs? Now I just feel the disrespect from her raising up. Probably because I didn't kiss her. I've had similar outcomes before.

Yep, you didn't make a move, and now she either thinks you're A. not man enough to go after what you want, or B. that she's not attractive enough to inspire that action from you.

I'm glad you have the awareness to realize where you went wrong, but I wonder why you asked the question only to disregard the majority advice: which was to attempt to kiss her at the very least.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yep, you didn't make a move, and now she either thinks you're A. not man enough to go after what you want, or B. that she's not attractive enough to inspire that action from you.

I'm glad you have the awareness to realize where you went wrong, but I wonder why you asked the question only to disregard the majority advice: which was to attempt to kiss her at the very least.

Always make her reject you, never reject yourself is the lesson to be learned.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The chip shot was to escalate to a kiss given the hand hold but not doing that is not the end of the world, given that it’s how you carried yourself and the non verbal. The issue is that instead of waiting a day or two, and then calling you opted the text. The messages are where you put yourself out in the ether and don’t force a decision from her that requires very little time and thus a truer reply. Calling her and then if she didn’t answer for whatever reason leaving a quick voicemail was the confident move. You were shy going with text and thus your lack of a kiss was amplified further. I would take a day or two, sit back and throw one more attempt out there via a phone call. You have a second date lined up and do something active and fun. There’s interest. You actually were Jedi level not making out but you didn’t realize what you did because you texted not call.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I wonder why you asked the question only to disregard the majority advice: which was to attempt to kiss her at the very least.

Anxiety - Respectfully

So go beat it back with greater immersion and better techniques