The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[BillyPilgrim]

Seriously, can somebody bring me up to speed on how this thread reached 16 pages?

The OP lol

 

[SW15]

The OP lol

His threads tend to have a lot of responses.

I don't dispute the fact a lot of older gals don't want a significantly younger man.

They don't.

The media has played a role in this. "American Pie" (released in 1999) and the older woman, younger man porn genre that seemed to emerge in the 2000s after this started getting more young men to chase older women.

Millennials were the first generation affected by this but I think Gen Z males are doing some of this.

I can somewhat understand a younger man (18-25) having sex on a short term basis with a woman 10+ years old. It's usually indicative of some sort of game deficiency with the younger man. In theory, the 18-25 year old man should have sufficient opportunities with 18-25 females that he doesn't need to interact with women who are much older. However, there are situations that arise during the 18-25 years where the man lacks options with similarly aged women. If he goes older for a shorter period, I don't think that's a big deal.

In real life, 18-25 year old males go older with one of their mom's social connections. The other way that happens is through a tech method.

For men of any age, pursuing much older women (10+ years older) is likely to increase the rejection rate. These rejections are somewhat personal too. A 37 year old woman isn't that psyched in most instances to have short term sex with a 22 year old male. She might do it if he's good looking enough (at least 6-7 on the ratings), but she's usually not motivated to do it.

And to dispute the claim that's been made on this forum that an early 20s guy serves as a boytoy, while a 30-something man serves no purpose for an older woman: The last woman I had free sex with, a few months before I turned 30 (so even though I technically wasn't a 30-something yet, I was pretty close), was born in 1978.

See, even after outgrowing boytoy territory, I was able to get cooch from a woman born in the 70s.

You are seeking outliers and trying to create a sustainable strategy around chasing outliers. That's not a strategy. That's generally a waste of time.

A 42-43 year old woman isn't seeking sex from a 29-30 year old man. That's a highly unusual combination.

When a man seeks outliers, he increases his rejection rate.

The same thing will happen for a man who intentionally chases women taller than he is, even if they are similarly aged. That would be a waste of time for most men so most men have learned to avoid rejections from taller women.

 

[GoodMan32]

His threads tend to have a lot of responses.



They don't.

The media has played a role in this. "American Pie" (released in 1999) and the older woman, younger man porn genre that seemed to emerge in the 2000s after this started getting more young men to chase older women.

Millennials were the first generation affected by this but I think Gen Z males are doing some of this.

I can somewhat understand a younger man (18-25) having sex on a short term basis with a woman 10+ years old. It's usually indicative of some sort of game deficiency with the younger man. In theory, the 18-25 year old man should have sufficient opportunities with 18-25 females that he doesn't need to interact with women who are much older. However, there are situations that arise during the 18-25 years where the man lacks options with similarly aged women. If he goes older for a shorter period, I don't think that's a big deal.

In real life, 18-25 year old males go older with one of their mom's social connections. The other way that happens is through a tech method.

For men of any age, pursuing much older women (10+ years older) is likely to increase the rejection rate. These rejections are somewhat personal too. A 37 year old woman isn't that psyched in most instances to have short term sex with a 22 year old male. She might do it if he's good looking enough (at least 6-7 on the ratings), but she's usually not motivated to do it.



You are seeking outliers and trying to create a sustainable strategy around chasing outliers. That's not a strategy. That's generally a waste of time.

A 42-43 year old woman isn't seeking sex from a 29-30 year old man. That's a highly unusual combination.

When a man seeks outliers, he increases his rejection rate.

The same thing will happen for a man who intentionally chases women taller than he is, even if they are similarly aged. That would be a waste of time for most men so most men have learned to avoid rejections from taller women.

We must have a different definition of what constitutes a personal rejection.

Turning a guy down because of his age isn't what I'd view as a personal rejection. If a woman dislikes a dude's age, chances are she'd turn him down whether he's neurotypical or not. Because the rejection has nothing to do with his personal qualities; it's solely about his age.

On the other hand, if a woman turns me down because of all the baggage surrounding my autism, that is what I'd view as a personal rejection. That's a direct jab at who I am as a person.

 

[SW15]

Turning a guy down because of his age isn't what I'd view as a personal rejection. If a woman dislikes a dude's age, chances are she'd turn him down whether he's neurotypical or not. Because the rejection has nothing to do with his personal qualities; it's solely about his age.

On the other hand, if a woman turns me down because of all the baggage surrounding my autism, that is what I'd view as a personal rejection. That's a direct jab at who I am as a person.

Rejection is personal in most cases. Rejection happens because of who the person is and the traits they possess.

You get turned down due to your personality somewhat regularly.

Men will get turned down due to height, facial aesthetics, lack of employment, personal style, personal hygiene/grooming, etc. Those are all personal rejections. The list goes on and on about what can cause a rejection. Women are rejecting more and more men in recent times due to their increased abundance.

A lot of women have boyfriends and husbands. Some will reject men based on that. However, it can be argued that the man failed to demonstrate himself as a superior alternative to the boyfriend or husband. Many existing relationships are mediocre and the woman will jump if she sees a better opportunity (hypergamy). A lot of those rejections can be called personal too.

 

[GoodMan32]

Rejection is personal in most cases. Rejection happens because of who the person is and the traits they possess.

You get turned down due to your personality somewhat regularly.

Men will get turned down due to height, facial aesthetics, lack of employment, personal style, personal hygiene/grooming, etc. Those are all personal rejections. The list goes on and on about what can cause a rejection. Women are rejecting more and more men in recent times due to their increased abundance.

A lot of women have boyfriends and husbands. Some will reject men based on that. However, it can be argued that the man failed to demonstrate himself as a superior alternative to the boyfriend or husband. Many existing relationships are mediocre and the woman will jump if she sees a better opportunity (hypergamy). A lot of those rejections can be called personal too.

In that case, seeing as my autistic self has bagged more than one married woman (as well as more than one woman with a boyfriend) for free, their husbands/boyfriends must have really been pathetic (the fact I came across as a better option)

 

[BPH]

The OP lol

Has he done anything different, or is he still using his autism as an excuse and thinking about how "because this happened before, it'll happen again" as it pertains to women?

 

[GoodMan32]

Has he done anything different, or is he still using his autism as an excuse and thinking about how "because this happened before, it'll happen again" as it pertains to women?

I'd say the amount of organized singles events I've attended in the past 7 months or so constitutes "doing something different"

I'm certainly in a much better position now than I was a year ago (in terms of exposing myself to more opportunities, even if not much comes of it)

As for autism, autism is a disability; not an excuse (just because autism isn't the same as being wheelchair-bound doesn't change the fact autism is a disability)

Seeing as you've admitted you get cranky if you go a few weeks without sex, you'd definitely kill yourself if you had to spend even a month being autistic.

The fact I've been dealing with something for nearly 34 years that you wouldn't even be able to cope with for a month shows tremendous inner strength on my part.

 

[BPH]

I'd say the amount of organized singles events I've attended in the past 7 months or so constitutes "doing something different"

I'm certainly in a much better position now than I was a year ago (in terms of exposing myself to more opportunities, even if not much comes of it)

As for autism, autism is a disability; not an excuse (just because autism isn't the same as being wheelchair-bound doesn't change the fact autism is a disability)

Seeing as you've admitted you get cranky if you go a few weeks without sex, you'd definitely kill yourself if you had to spend even a month being autistic.

The fact I've been dealing with something for nearly 34 years that you wouldn't even be able to cope with for a month shows tremendous inner strength on my part.

The reason I say "excuse" is because women don't care about problems; they only care about what's being presented to them.

You have autism. That's unfortunate. Now what?

Have you started going to the gym regularly yet?

 

[SW15]

Have you started going to the gym regularly yet?

Getting shredded and building a top tier physique can limit the effects of anything in a personality.

"Money, muscles, game" -Rollo Tomassi

 

[BaronOfHair]

I don't dispute the fact a lot of older gals don't want a significantly younger man

So STOP PURSUING THEM, and date women your own age or younger. No more excuses. In fact, if you respond to what I just said with yet another hair-brained rationalizaton for not adopting more productive beliefs and behaviors, I'm reporting you for spamming

Nonsense like this is The Manosphere equivalent of Intersectionalist chicks spending their every waking moment grousing over the fact that men desire women who are physically lithe and personally humble/decent, instead of directing their energies towards getting fit and not having mouths like that of Melissa McCarthy and Leslie Jones

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Has he done anything different, or is he still using his autism as an excuse and thinking about how "because this happened before, it'll happen again" as it pertains to women?

Wringing blood from a stone is a neverending task.

 

[BPH]

Wringing blood from a stone is a neverending task.

How'd @New_Journey get banned?

 

[Clockwerk50]

In the opinion of the woman I chat with from another office in my building, I'm an 8.

In the opinion of Wheat Waffles, I'm a 4.

In the opinion of a girl I had 2 dates with from OkCupid in college, I'm an 8 and a half.

AI raters rate me mostly in the 6 range, with some 7's and some 5's.

A live human rating site I'm on rated 2 of my images as 6.3; 1 image as 5.8

All in all, the 6-7 that I rate myself as appears to be a realistic average of various ratings I've gotten (and the fact it was a man who rated me a 4, while the opposite sex tends to rate me higher, is very telling)

But yeah, it's easier to be confident around the opposite sex without the sexual tension element. That's why female coworkers, relatives, etc often fail to see what the problem is when a guy tells her he struggles romantically.

Bro, with all due respect, you’re overall below a 5. I’ve seen your picture.

Once you come to terms with that reality, you’ll be able to start improving in the areas where you’re lacking. Trust me, everyone in the sexual marketplace knows who their opponents are, a believe me when I say, most of us in this forum would absolutely destroy you in a seduction competition.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

How'd @New_Journey get banned?

Off the top of my head, being stubborn and argumentative?

 

[BPH]

Off the top of my head, being stubborn and argumentative?

Well that's nothing new. I was wondering what the straw was that broke the camel's back.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well that's nothing new. I was wondering what the straw was that broke the camel's back.

Calling BE's husband a beta, it looks like

 

[GoodMan32]

The reason I say "excuse" is because women don't care about problems; they only care about what's being presented to them.

You have autism. That's unfortunate. Now what?

Have you started going to the gym regularly yet?

No, I haven't started going to the gym. I've already mentioned on the forum that (on account of my autism) normal daily life exhausts me too much to go to the gym.

Between my counselor, as well as simply becoming more comfortable practicing at these organized singles events, I'm becoming better in my own way. A few months ago, I even had a mini-date after an organized singles event (Despite the fact there was no sex, the mere fact I got a post-event mini-date is extremely impressive for a man who hasn't had free sex in 4 years...and a man who slammed 2 doors after the first organized singles event I attended several months ago. At my first organized singles event, I was completely and utterly clueless at how to pursue at these events)

The key is to find solutions that work for me. Going to the gym is just one example of a solution that doesn't work for me. Going to night clubs is another solution that wouldn't work for most autists (a night club is a miserable environment for autists)

Bro, with all due respect, you’re overall below a 5. I’ve seen your picture.

Once you come to terms with that reality, you’ll be able to start improving in the areas where you’re lacking. Trust me, everyone in the sexual marketplace knows who their opponents are, a believe me when I say, most of us in this forum would absolutely destroy you in a seduction competition.

You'd destroy me for reasons other than looks (Without knowing what you look like, I know looks are not my problem. All my other baggage is)

Your assessment that I'm below a 5 doesn't generally line up with what the opposite sex has said about my looks.

Here's a serious question: What's your guess of why straight dudes seem to rate me significantly lower on the looks scale than straight gals and gay guys do?

I'd genuinely like to hear (I have my own guess). It's fascinating how a demographic that isn't even looking to get with my gender calls my looks unimpressive, while 2 demographics that are trying to get with my gender typically rate my looks as above-average.

 

[SW15]

I haven't started going to the gym. I've already mentioned on the forum that (on account of my autism) normal daily life exhausts me too much to go to the gym.

A statement like that is not going to be well regarded by men on the SoSuave forum. Outside of the SoSuave forum, if you were to make that statement to men in general, men in general (often blue pill ideology men) would also perceive you negatively for making that statement.

However, the worst perception you'd get on that statement would be from women. Women would consider you unmasculine for saying something like that.

Going to night clubs is another solution that wouldn't work for most autists (a night club is a miserable environment for autists)

When you say something like this, it gives off the idea that you don't understand nightlife venues at all.

A nightclub is only one type of nightlife venue.

Nightlife venues are comprised of bars and nightclubs.

The main difference between a bar and a nightclub is the presence of a DJ spinning tunes and a dance floor. It's more challenging to have basic communication in these venues.

The noise volume is louder at nightclubs than most bars.

Bars can range from anything from a craphole dive bar to a ultra luxury lounge. Some bars have moderate noise volumes and meaningful conversations are possible.

Your assessment that I'm below a 5 doesn't generally line up with what the opposite sex has said about my looks.

Here's a serious question: What's your guess of why straight dudes seem to rate me significantly lower on the looks scale than straight gals and gay guys do?

What women say that they want and what women respond to in the sexual marketplace are often 2 different things. Old school PUA Ross Jeffries said this as far back as 1992 in what was a friendlier mating environment than the post-2000 mating environment.

If a woman says you are a 6.5 but proceeds to treat you like a 4.5, your real rating is 4.5.

Words from women matter far less than actions from women.

In the sexual marketplace, you are being treated poorly by women, which is less indicative of a 6.5 - 7 on looks and more indicative of a 4-5 on looks. However, today's marketplace is so competitive that even being a 6.5 - 7 on looks is not a strong positioning. 6.5 - 7 looks tier men are just high level normies who don't get treated well unless they are mainly getting dates from a social circle.

All my other baggage is

You have a situation where you have baggage on the personality side and your looks don't make up for it.

The first post from the thread below indicates a lot of baggage that would be personality side. Some of it touches on money and status too.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

 

[GoodMan32]

A statement like that is not going to be well regarded by men on the SoSuave forum. Outside of the SoSuave forum, if you were to make that statement to men in general, men in general (often blue pill ideology men) would also perceive you negatively for making that statement.

However, the worst perception you'd get on that statement would be from women. Women would consider you unmasculine for saying something like that.



When you say something like this, it gives off the idea that you don't understand nightlife venues at all.

A nightclub is only one type of nightlife venue.

Nightlife venues are comprised of bars and nightclubs.

The main difference between a bar and a nightclub is the presence of a DJ spinning tunes and a dance floor. It's more challenging to have basic communication in these venues.

The noise volume is louder at nightclubs than most bars.

Bars can range from anything from a craphole dive bar to a ultra luxury lounge. Some bars have moderate noise volumes and meaningful conversations are possible.



What women say that they want and what women respond to in the sexual marketplace are often 2 different things. Old school PUA Ross Jeffries said this as far back as 1992 in what was a friendlier mating environment than the post-2000 mating environment.

If a woman says you are a 6.5 but proceeds to treat you like a 4.5, your real rating is 4.5.

Words from women matter far less than actions from women.

In the sexual marketplace, you are being treated poorly by women, which is less indicative of a 6.5 - 7 on looks and more indicative of a 4-5 on looks. However, today's marketplace is so competitive that even being a 6.5 - 7 on looks is not a strong positioning. 6.5 - 7 looks tier men are just high level normies who don't get treated well unless they are mainly getting dates from a social circle.



You have a situation where you have baggage on the personality side and your looks don't make up for it.

The first post from the thread below indicates a lot of baggage that would be personality side. Some of it touches on money and status too.

my struggles with the ladies go way beyond mere social awkwardness

I was having a DM discussion with another member where I mentioned how my struggles with the ladies go beyond mere social awkwardness/ASD. Come to think of it, I suppose the topic warrants its own thread. In addition to my ASD/social awkwardness, there are many other factors working against me...

www.sosuave.net

I'm aware a woman wouldn't take well to the comment about normal daily life exhausting me too much to go to the gym. That's why I'd never say that to a woman. I was only saying it on here because I've grown tired of being repeatedly told to go to the gym.

The fixation a lot of men have on becoming muscular does more to impress other men than impress a woman. The "who's more muscular" game is a pi$$ing contest a lot of men partake in (not a whole lot different than the pi$$ing contest a lot of men play when it comes to who owns the biggest pickup truck)

An analogy would be the fixation many a woman has on having a small backside. Many a woman will impress each other by competing for who's backside is the smallest. Little do they know, a lot of men like a large backside.

Muscle alone means very little to a woman. I have a muscular coworker who's a chick magnet (many a female coworker through the years has been attracted to him). Yet he has something else in addition to his muscle: A magnetic personality. Even if he was skinny, he'd attract the ladies solely based on his magnetic personality.

There's a term called gymcel (gymcels are dudes who work out a lot, yet still struggle to get cooch). If becoming muscular was really a meal ticket to getting cooch, gymcels wouldn't be such a widespread phenomenon. In fact, there's a fitness forum with a lot of male posters complaining about bad luck sexually (I won't mention the name of the forum, as I don't want to name drop a competitor. You probably know the forum I'm talking about)

The fact I haven't had free sex in 4 years (and have only been on a few dates in the past decade) might (on the surface) suggest I have below average looks, I get that. It's not that simple though.

For one, there's no telling how much attention I've gotten without picking up on it. Being an autist, it's a fair guess that perhaps there have been many times I got attention I failed to pick up on.

Plus, any sort of poor treatment likely has more to do with my baggage than my looks.

Additionally, I've been called even higher than a 7 (on multiple occasions).

Lastly, all the luck I had (in terms of getting dates/sex) in 2012 alone would suggest I have decent looks. 2012 was such a good year for me because the dating/sex marketplace was geared so that a guy like me could thrive (by "guy like me," I mean a guy who has a hard time hunting in person). Dating sites hadn't become totally oversaturated yet. And Craigslist allowed sex ads back then.

A few years after 2012, when a married woman would repeatedly drive 45 minutes to fvck me, that's another sign my looks are decent. No woman is going to drive 45 minutes to cheat on her husband with a below-average dude.

All in all, you even admit being a 6.5-7 isn't enough to be competitive in 2025 unless the dude gets cooch through a social circle. So it's quite possible I really am a 6.5-7, yet the tight market is why I don't do well.

 

[characternote]

Well that's nothing new. I was wondering what the straw was that broke the camel's back.

is it a temp or permanent?
One thing I notice is that everyone who I think is super weird/full of $hit/etc, always gets banned at some point down the line. But usually way after it was obvious to me (rambo! amsterdam! and too many others to name lol)