BackInTheGame78
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Sounds kinda silly to me. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to. At least she told you the truth. Most women would like to you about it.
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I'd be like yeah I always am, it doesn't surprise me.If she tells you without asking, "Baby I've slept when 50 guys and you're the best d!ck I've had", what would you do?
I know brother, people always see things better on the outside, but when they're inside and when feelings start to get involved its not the same.@Pedrito0906 Hey bud, it seems like you are still somewhat insecure about yourself and relationships. Assuming you aren't trolling, it's somethign you have to work on internally. The good news is that this is the perfect place to start and change that mindset. Stick around and you'll notice some drastic changes.
Don't feel like you're being called out, we're all here to help. It's hard to accept what is being said at first, like leaning the other direction to make a turn on a motorbike.
it absolutely amazes me that whenever a man is uncomfortable about some low hanging fruits words(thats what she is)Hey bud, it seems like you are still somewhat insecure about yourself and relationships.
I presume it too, but if a woman tells me without asking, it always grosses me.I obviously dont want a woman to tell me, but i presume it.
I am going to disagree with this somewhat.OP,
Regardless of any argument about how many men is too many men for a woman's notch count (which has been discussed here at SS repeatedly on in other threads), your specific situation seems more than a little insecure on your part. You say you find it repulsive when a woman tells you she has been fu*ked by other men -- but you specifically asked her the question if I am reading what you wrote correctly. That is a little out there. Think if she asked you how many women you slept with, you gave an honest answer, and she immediately nexted you. You would be here asking WTF and we would be telling you she sounded crazy.
Keep in mind that almost every woman over the age of 18 is going to have slept with other men. If you don't want to hear about it (and you shouldn't because it is pointless and looks very insecure to ask) then don't ask.
He can certainly vet a woman. Not saying he can't do that. But I think he was asking from a place of insecurity more than asking purely for informational purposes. I agree most women have not participated in 3-somes and it would be a red flag to me if she had (and I was considering her for anything more than a ONS). But asking a woman for her body count and then nexting her when she is honest is another story IMO. Unless it was some ridiculous amount -- but the way it was told it seemed like it was "a (undisclosed) number of different guys" which, whether you like it or not, is going to be pretty normal in today's society.I am going to disagree with this somewhat.
Yes, adult female virgins are rare these days, but that doesn't means that all or most women out there have notch counts in the double or triple digits. The OP does not have to accept a woman who has had threesomes or has "fvcked guys at the club". That's trashy behaviour, even by today's low standards.
Thanks for sharing, I was wondering the context of some of your recent posts. Appreciate your insights and hope the best for you brother.OP you did right. You wanted this girl for a potential LTR and that was an appropriate LTR question to ask.
You have standards. Chicks that have had 3 somes and are not ashamed by it will cause you horrible trouble down the road. I just broke up with my gf tonite over something similar.
It hurts and its sad. But there is no turning a hoe into a housewife. They are who they are. Its tempting to try though.
Sounds good, doesn't work.OP, you did the right thing. What was best and right for YOU.
It doesn't matter if a woman's high notch count doesn't bother other men or if her participating in 3-somes doesn't bother other men.
Everyone has their own standards and things they are comfortable /uncomfortable with. That's our right as human beings, to develop boundaries and standards that are right for us, as individual beings.
Your discomfort with it doesn't necessarily mean you're insecure, it simply means you have standards for yourself in this regard, and she doesn't meet them, NEXT.
I think it's wrong for others to impose their standards on you, call you insecure whatever. It's unfair. Again everyone has their own way and own style.
I disagree with the notion you shouldn't ask. I think you should ask questions, knowledge is power! And if notch count IS important to YOU, then ok to ask.
Especially in the beginning when determining if someone is the right fit for you.
If you simply want to plate or fvck NSA then OK no need to ask questions but when emotions and feelings are involved (and sorry guys but having deep feelings for a chick is NOT beta or feminine, it's human!) and your goal with her is LTR, it's good and often necessary to ask questions.
Knowledge is power and the more knowledge you have, the better you can determine if she's the right fit for you long term.
Assuming you're looking to long term her and not just NSA plate her.
All that said, I make no judgment with respect to her character or anything else. It doesn't matter.
All that matters is that YOU are uncomfortable with it, period.
There is no right or wrong here, only what YOU are comfortable with, what's best for you.
Well, thank you, my philosophy (as witnessed by other members here by searching through my older posts) regarding men's personal growth is all about taking full ownership/responsibility/(however you'd like to name it) for his actions/behaviours/mindset before moving on to judging women.@manfrombelow I actually admire that you don't judge women for this. I mean that, I think your mindset about that is refreshing.
Sorry, I do not agree with you on this.
As a man with a high count myself , I can definitely understand it's a turn off for a woman once she finds out about it.Speaking personally and as a woman, my being turned off by fvckboys and debauchery is not about being intimidated or even irritated.
It's an emotional reaction and also a logical decision as I explained.
It's simply too risky when seeking LTR and marriage, within which I seek safety and security as well as physical attraction, which I have found after many years searching.
I understand for men it's different, you don't seek safety and security like women do, many men here have admitted they seek purity, at least on some level.
I admit I cannot relate to that, it doesn't sound logical to me given most women 20+ do not possess the purity men desire, but nevertheless men still seek it.
Perhaps they view women with high notch count as a poor investment too, more likely to be unfaithful and disloyal.
I don't know but agree in theory you may be right, it shouldn't matter. People do change and grow after all, I certainly have in many ways.
But how to do you control it, master it? Is the answer as simple as saying to yourself, it's wrong to feel this way?
I don't know, I think when it comes to our emotions about such issues, it's not quite that simple or easy for either men or women.
Tbh a woman never talked to me about her notch count. That in itself imo is a HUGE sign of disrespect. She knows by saying that she's leaving the outcome( at best) up to the Gods . If you tolerate it ,its weak AF anyway.I presume it too, but if a woman tells me without asking, it always grosses me.
I was reading about it, some author said that is hardwired in our brain cause we want to make sure that our cavewoman won't leave with another caveman, and that my cavechildren are mine.
That's not to say there is no room for improvement, but going against our nature and biology its not easy.
This is why as a man you never give them a concrete answer. My standard answer is always "somewhere between 0 and 100" with a smirk and of course they always assume it's the higher number, but I laugh off any further attempts of them asking questions...Speaking personally and as a woman, my being turned off by fvckboys and debauchery is not about being intimidated or even irritated.
It's an emotional reaction and also a logical decision as I explained.
It's simply too risky when seeking LTR and marriage, within which I seek safety and security as well as physical attraction, which I have found after many years searching.
I understand for men it's different, you don't seek safety and security like women do, many men here have admitted they seek purity, at least on some level.
I admit I cannot relate to that, it doesn't sound logical to me given most women 20+ do not possess the purity men desire, but nevertheless men still seek it.
Perhaps they view women with high notch count as a poor investment too, more likely to be unfaithful and disloyal.
I don't know but agree in theory you may be right, it shouldn't matter. People do change and grow after all, I certainly have in many ways.
But how to do you control it, master it? Is the answer as simple as saying to yourself, it's wrong to feel this way?
I don't know, I think when it comes to our emotions about such issues, it's not quite that simple or easy for either men or women.