4 dates - nothing but making out...

[RBK]

Absolutely. If you go out for the night and you want to get sex (especially a first-date lay), you absolutely need to be on your "A" game. She has to feel that energy, have fun, and want to bang your brains out by the end of the date. If you show up pissed off from work, tired of all of the bullsh1t your clients put you through, and feeling like you are ready to have a beer then go to sleep, you are going to have a crash and burn on the sex front. Better off to just cancel and tell her something came up and regroup.

Agreed, always bring your A game or its time to cancel and recharge batteries that night.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Girl I met on OLD. 1st date was just drinks. 2nd date a small hike- at this point after failing to escalate I thought nah this is low interest. Waited a week- set up a date- bowling & drinks- instant yes keen. Date was decent- made out at the end(why did I wait till the end). Next date a movie and which I realise is a terrible date option an at this stage she we should be smashing back at mine. But no just ended in making out.

I am not used to things progressing this slow- mostly of my own doing(feel low energy at the moment with work stress a study commitments)

4 dates and F all to show for it. Feels like I'm wasting my time.

I seem to be initiating all the contact- setting up the dates(not chit chat)

Do I bother with a next one or just move on?

Your not doing it right kuz.

In 0 IOIs predicament, go full blown neanderthal. Esculate. Get slapped even but make your move. You are playing it safe and hoping something happens.

In a similar predicament she gave 0 initiation of contact or any IOIs suggesting high interest level. I just made out with her and Esculated. Its the male equivalent of pushing your chips ALL-IN! Go scorched earth. Smash or #next!

**** or get off the pot.

When 0 IOIS remember she's still there. That's a indicator of interest. Act accordingly. A girl did something. I called her out. She said "I'm anxious." As in fight or flight. I put my arm around, "Why are you anxious?" Next sec were making out. I'm going up her shirt. She's clawing off my clothes, hooting on Boe Boe, and I beat it rotten.

When in doubt ESCULATE.

 

[Stuffnu]

If your escalation hits a wall, cut the date short.
Either you weed out low interest or it will get her hamster spinning.

 

[RickTheToad]

Girl I met on OLD. 1st date was just drinks. 2nd date a small hike- at this point after failing to escalate I thought nah this is low interest. Waited a week- set up a date- bowling & drinks- instant yes keen. Date was decent- made out at the end(why did I wait till the end). Next date a movie and which I realise is a terrible date option an at this stage she we should be smashing back at mine. But no just ended in making out.

I am not used to things progressing this slow- mostly of my own doing(feel low energy at the moment with work stress a study commitments)

4 dates and F all to show for it. Feels like I'm wasting my time.

I seem to be initiating all the contact- setting up the dates(not chit chat)

Do I bother with a next one or just move on?

Skip, you missed your shot. Next time, be more aggressive. Quit the nice guy sh!t.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP hoping to groom interest because he has no pad of his own. You have to *screen* for interest, not hope it grows. Most girls you ending up getting with will be all over you from the start, before she even finds out you have roommates. These are the girls you want - they will work with you.

 

[Robert28]

I bet you she’s getting over an ex and isn’t over them, she’s using online dating and you to pass the time because she’s bored. She’s acting exactly like a couple girls I met from OLD when I was on it.

 

[Mazer]

The old saying, “The wait is never worth it”

 

[BillyPilgrim]

The old saying, “The wait is never worth it”

It's not just the waiting, it's the work and scrutiny (from them) involved too

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

If your escalation hits a wall, cut the date short.
Either you weed out low interest or it will get her hamster spinning.

+1

In a go nowhere situation chalk up the W by esculation. Go nowhere situation.

Bait her.

If it's a dud and a time suck. Esculate. Comply or bye.

 

[geralt]

Are you actually escalating during the dates? As in creating physical contact, being flirtatious, and having fun (all requirements to get it moving towards sex)? You mentioned low energy so I am guessing not. If none of this is happening and you are just going through the motions of showing up and having boring chit chat you aren't going to get sex.

And if you are in a slump and low energy, do NOT be a afraid to take a step back from dating and getting your sh1t in order and resting up. Otherwise, you are simply wasting your time.

Yeah I'm usually far more flirty an better at creating physical contact etc.
I think I'm just tired of this city- maybe need a fresh start somewhere new

 

[geralt]

cheers for the feedback everyone- even if some of it is brutal it's what I need to hear

It is true, girls that have made it easy for me had high interest from the start. Far less effort involved and flirting/escalation feels natural.

I'm weighing up either messaging and saying the chemistry just ain't there or what a lot of you guys are saying to invite over for dinner to truly test her interest level an go for the bang (though it's very late in the week now- got plans saturday and a couple options friday)

or there's the simple next no contact

 

[Chocolate Muffin]

Have you ever experienced this?

When I get very addicted, and I’m meeting a lot of girls, it will get out of control and I’ll find myself in a situation where I’ve scheduled my entire week with different girls.

Then my mood will drop. I’ll suddenly be over it. I suddenly just want to be alone without any disturbances. So I just cancel on all of them, ignore messages and go into seclusion until I feel interested again. I call it the Binge and Purge cycle.

I have experienced it. Ironically, I have found that the higher the quality of girls I get to meet, the easier it is for me to have this desire to drop out of the loop. When I'm having sex with "straight to the condo girls", I love having as many of them per day to come over. But when I'm meeting educated, slim, polite women who are nice to talk to, I'm starting to get bored of the cycle quite quickly. Which makes totally sense. Why would I still bother to go on the hunt if I've already met a bunch of women that are nice to be around with?

 

[2Rocky]

cheers for the feedback everyone- even if some of it is brutal it's what I need to hear

It is true, girls that have made it easy for me had high interest from the start. Far less effort involved and flirting/escalation feels natural.

I'm weighing up either messaging and saying the chemistry just ain't there or what a lot of you guys are saying to invite over for dinner to truly test her interest level an go for the bang (though it's very late in the week now- got plans saturday and a couple options friday)

or there's the simple next no contact

You haven't really tried yet. Dinner at your place, or a late night bootie call. Go all in. If she folds, then you saved yourself some anguish. If she calls then show her your cards...

 

[BDDazza]

Girl I met on OLD. 1st date was just drinks. 2nd date a small hike- at this point after failing to escalate I thought nah this is low interest. Waited a week- set up a date- bowling & drinks- instant yes keen. Date was decent- made out at the end(why did I wait till the end). Next date a movie and which I realise is a terrible date option an at this stage she we should be smashing back at mine. But no just ended in making out.

I am not used to things progressing this slow- mostly of my own doing(feel low energy at the moment with work stress a study commitments)

4 dates and F all to show for it. Feels like I'm wasting my time.

Do I bother with a next one or just move on?

Contrary to many of the other posts, but this woman is interested, maybe not sizzling hot, but medium-high interest.

If she wasn't interested she wouldn't have gone on four dates, if there was no chemistry or prospect she would have flaked or ghosted already.

Now you've made fundamental mistakes, i.e. not being aggressive enough to close, but she hasn't held it against you. Hence why she keeps showing up for dates.

Your next date, you need to accelerate things, ask her to come around for dinner and to watch Netflix, if she agrees this is your opportunity to push the boundaries sexually.

Your post reminds me of this video..

I seem to be initiating all the contact- setting up the dates(not chit chat)

Don't worry, as long as she is making easy and turns up.

If I ain't smashing on First date, or latest the second date... Then I move the F on... I escalate to sex always on first date

Then you're leaving vagina on the table.

sometimes it's not possible to smash on the first date, due to logistics or other factors outside your control. I've had many lays on the 2nd and 3rd date. If I gave up I would have missed out!

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I bet you she’s getting over an ex and isn’t over them, she’s using online dating and you to pass the time because she’s bored. She’s acting exactly like a couple girls I met from OLD when I was on it.

Women like that also will target perceived "nice guys" on OLD and make the guy wait in order to make themselves feel less taken advantage of by their ex, and to make them feel better about dating in general (at the targeted guy's expense).

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP, do you have an update?

 

[geralt]

OP, do you have an update?

No, she caught covid so I didn't bother trying to set anything up weekend just been.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

No, she caught covid so I didn't bother trying to set anything up weekend just been.

Yeah thank you next!!

 

[Xanderson]

if you aint smashed by date 3 max .....move on !

 

[geralt]

UPDATE:

gave it 2 weeks, then invited her over for dinner, escalated early- ended up having sex before dinner

still zero initiation from her- not much of a texter- well neither am I really haha

also she didn't stay the night- had to get up early