@EyeOnThePrize @samspade
I've found both of your contributions to this topic interesting & insightful, as well as your discussion between each other.
In my case, I'd agree that my motivation to have kids is not completely rational. But most of our decisions in life aren't always perfectly rational, we're humans not robots and we decide to do things with a lot less logic than we'd like to admit.
I'm not concerned with any moral implications about not approaching fatherhood in a rational & utilitarian way. If I decided to ultimately have a kid, it'll be me raising my own kid. I have zero interest in adoption. Frankly I don't care if wanting to father and raise my own seed is selfish.
I enjoyed the fact that my nephew was related to me by blood. I enjoyed the aspects of teaching him and seeing him learn and grow through the years, but I don't cling and hold onto the experience. I don't see myself feeling unfulfilled if it doesn't happen with a kid of my own. My nephew is nearly 14 now, and these days, for reasons beyond my immediate influence, I haven't had much contact with him the last 6+ years – and I'm content with that. I enjoyed the experience while it lasted, and moved on when it ended. I don't necessarily feel a desire to actively recreate the experience, I have other priorities right now in my life that take centerstage.
To clarify (if it wasn't clear already), my interest in becoming a father is a
want, not a
need. It's not my purpose or endgame. I personally don't see it, in my case, filling a void neither. If I'm 90, and had the choice of reliving my life and having the experience of fathering and raising a child versus not having that experience, I'd pick having the experience.
Men who desire kids could uncover some questionable motives to have them by thoroughly examining their intentions and reasons why, and I concede it could serve their futures well to bring that to their attention. I don't deny that...
I get the importance of determining the motivation to have a kid, or figuring out the
why, I really do... And I'm also aware that most reasons for fatherhood could just be biology backwards rationalizing an underlying function to propagate genes... but in my opinion, such level of analysis is of little use in my case because I have little interest in
why I want to be a father. I guess, however, in my case I'm interested more in
how to go about in a mindful way given the female marketplace.
As I mentioned earlier in the thread, my desire to become a father doesn't mean I will do so at all costs. It should be without saying that proper vetting and careful consideration would be done before such a decision.
I guess if I had to quickly TL;DR my post and explain the superficial
why of me wanting to be a father I would say:
I am interested in biologically fathering my own child with an ideal enough women, because I think I would enjoy the experience of raising a kid, and that I would find fatherhood an intrinsically rewarding chapter of my life.
With the purpose of the thread being: How do I approach that voluntary desire given the female marketplace?